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BRITE  AND   FAIR 


\  jest  coodent  help  it  and  let  ding  2  joosey  red  tomatoes  at  him 


BRITE  AND  FAIR 


BY 

HENRY  A.  SHUTE 

Author  of  "The  Real  Diary  of  a  Real  Boy" 


ILLUSTRATED  BY 

WORTH  BREHM 


NEW  YORK 


MCMXX 


Copyright,  1920,  by 
COSMOPOLITAN  BOOK  CORPORATION 


All  Rights  Reserved,  including  that  of  translation 

into  foreign  languages,  including 

the  Scandinavian 


Printed  in  U.  S.  A. 


A.onex 

r 


THE  ILLUSTRATIONS 

i  jest  coodent  help  it  and  let  ding  2  joosey  red 

tomatoes  at  him      .      .      .  r  .      .      .     Frontispiece 


PAGE 

it  was  an  old  lunker  of  an  eal  .  82 


we  paisted  a  picture  on  a  mahoginy  buro  ~"\      .       130 

J.  Albert  Clark  we   have  broak  your  winders. 

bewair  bewair.     the  Terible  3 22« 


BRITE  AND  FAIR 


BRITE  AND  FAIR 


T  UNE  2th,  1 86-  simday  nite.  i  have  been  to  chirch 
and  Sunday  school  today,  not  to  the  unitarial.  we 
are  going  to  the  congrigasional  now  becaus  Keene 
and  Cele  are  singing  in  the  quire,  so  we  go  there. 
i  had  ruther  go  to  the  unitarial  becaus  Beany  and 
Pewt  go  there.  Beany  blows  the  organ  and  sum- 
times  he  peeks  out  behine  the  organ  and  maiks  a 
feerful  face  and  maiks  everybody  laff.  once  Beany 
he  thummed  his  nose  to  old  Chipper  Burly.  Chipper 
he  was  the  Sunday  school  supperintendent  and  was 
beeting  time  for  the  scholers  to  sing  and  Chipper 
he  timed  round  quick  and  see  Beany,  and  Chipper 
he  jest  hipered  into  the  organ  log  and  grabed  Beany 
by  the  coler  and  yanked  him  out  of  the  lof  and 
wauked  him  out  of  the  chirch.  then  he  got  Micky 
Goold  to  blow  the  organ  and  Beany  he  lost  his  gob 
for  2  Sundays,  but  Micky  went  to  sleep  2  or  3  times 
and  snoared  feerful  and  they  had  to  waik  him  up 
and  once  he  hollered  rite  out  loud,  so  Mickey  he 
lost  his  gob  and  they  got  Beany  back,  they  tride 


2  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Pewt  and  then  Game  Ey  Watson,  Beanys  brother 
but  they  was  wirse  than  Micky,  so  they  hired 
Beany,  he  is  the  best  and  only  lets  the  wind  out 
one  or  two  times  every  Sunday  and  the  organ  sounds 
like  a  goos  but  that  aint  so  bad  as  going  to  sleep 
and  hollering  goldarn  it  lemme  alone  is  it? 

we  had  a  new  minister  today,  miser  Larned  has 
gone  away  for  all  summer.  the  new  minister 
preeched  about  not  killing  flise  and  buggs  and  wirms 
and  bumbelbeas  and  yeller  jacket  hornits.  he  sed 
they  had  a  rite  to  live  jest  as  mutch  as  peeple  and 
we  hadent  augt  to  kill  them,  i  spose  it  is  all  rite 
to  let  a  muskeeter  or  flee  or  one  of  them  3  cornered 
flise  that  hangs  round  a  swimmin  hole  bite  you 
terrible  and  not  even  yip.  how  about  bedbugs. 

June  3,  1 86 —  today  is  washing  day  and  i  had 
to  lug  about  a  million  pales  of  water  for  old  mis 
Dire,  Sams  mother  whitch  comes  over  mondays. 
her  hands  is  all  sriveled  up  they  has  been  in  hot 
water  so  mutch,  mother  she  sed  that  was  the  reason 
when  i  asted  her  and  father  he  lafled  and  sed  he 
had  been  in  hot  water  all  his  life  and  he  wasent 
sriveled  a  bit.  mother  she  laffed  two.  father  aint 
sriveled  for  he  weigs  214  Ibs.  i  gess  he  dident  meen 
that  kind  of  hot  water  eether.  i  am  tired  most  to 
deth  tonite. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  3 

June  4,  1 86 —  brite  and  fair,  i  went  fishing  today 
with  Potter  Goram  in  the  morning  and  was  going 
again  in  the  afternoon  but  i  dident  get  home  in 
time  to  help  them  flap  flise  out  of  the  dining  room 
and  mother  woodent  let  me  go  to  pay  me  for  being 
lait.  darn  it.  every  day  we  have  to  flap  flise  out 
of  the  dining  room,  we  all  grab  our  flapers  and 
begin  to  flap  from  one  end  of  the  room  to  the  other 
fiaping  them  into  the  kitchen,  then  we  shet  the  doors 
and  keep  them  out.  it  is  fun  flaping  for  most  al 
ways  i  can  give  Keene  a  good  bat  in  the  ear  with 
a  flaper  when  she  aint  looking,  then  she  gives  me 
one  on  the  snoot  and  then  we  jest  go  at  it  til  mother 
stops  us.  she  maiks  us  take  tirns  now.  ferst  it  is 
me  and  Cele  and  then  it  is  Cele  and  Keene.  it  is 
never  me  and  Keen  any  more,  mother  says  we 
fite  enuf  without  fiting  when  there  is  china  and 
crockery  and  glass  round  and  things  to  eat  two. 
ennyway  it  is  tuf  on  Cele  to  have  to  do  it  all  the 
time  becaus  she  is  good  and  dont  fite. 

i  told  mother  what  old  mister  minister  sed  and 
mother  she  sed  that  if  old  mister  minister  had  to 
fite  flise  for  every  mossel  of  food  he  et  she  gessed 
he  woodent  say  mutch  about  not  killing  them.  Aunt 
Sarah  she  sed  so  two.  flise  is  wirse  this  summer. 
we  have  got  a  new  set  of  fli  serenes,  little  ones  for 


4  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

the  butter  plates,  bigger  ones  for  the  sass  plates 
and  some  grate  big  ones  for  the  meat  plates  and  the 
cake  basket,  we  had  to  get  them  becaus  the  old 
ones  was  woar  out  and  i  took  the  big  one  and  kept 
a  young  robin  in  nearly  a  week  and  mother  maid 
me  let  him  go  and  never  wood  use  the  serene  again, 
we  tride  to  have  muzlin  serenes  to  the  winders  but 
the  cat  and  the  dog  jumped  through  them  if  the 
doors  was  shet.  mother  says  she  dont  know  what 
she  will  do  if  the  flise  get  enny  wirse. 

June  5,  1 86 —  it  raned  last  nite.  brite  and  fair 
today,  it  raned  hard  and  the  sidewalks  was  filed 
with  pudles  of  water,  me  and  Beany  had  lots  of 
fun  spatering  peeple.  the  way  we  do  it  is  this, 
when  we  see  sum  peeple  waulking  on  the  sidewaulks 
we  run  by  them  fast  and  stamp  hard  in  the  pudles 
and  the  water  spaters  all  over  them,  we  dont  do 
it  to  wimmen  and  girls,  but  we  do  to  men  and 
fellers,  it  is  lots  of  fun  to  hear  them  sware.  Beany 
got  2  bats  in  the  ear  and  a  kick  and  i  got  3  bats 
in  the  ear  and  2  kicks,  so  i  beat  Beany,  one  of  the 
kicks  was  a  peeler,  enny  way  we  had  lots  of  fun. 

today  all  the  fellers  and  girls  got  a  letter  from 
old  mister  minister  and  it  had  in  it  a  peace  of 
poetry  like  this 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  5 

do  you  know  how  menny  flise  fli  about  in 

the  warm  sun 

how  menny  fishes  in  the  water 
god  has  counted  eevry  one 
every  one  he  called  by  naim 
when  into  the  wirld  it  caime. 

there  was  a  lot  moar  to  it  but  i  aint  got  no  time  to 
wright  enny  moar  of  such  stuf  as  that,  i  showed 
it  to  mother  and  she  said  when  he  got  older  peraps 
he  wood  know  moar. 

June  6,  1 86 — •  clowdy  today,  jest  the  day  to  go 
fishing  but  i  had  to  ho  in  the  garden,  if  it  had  raned 
i  coodent  ho  the  beans  becaus  if  you  ho  when  it  is 
wet  they  will  be  all  covered  with  black  specks  like 
Whacker  Chadwick  had  when  he  had  the  measles, 
i  have  et  them  like  that  and  they  taist  jest  like  those 
yeller  spots  in  creem  tarter  bisquit  when  it  gets  way 
in  a  corner  of  your  mouth  up  under  your  ear  on  the 
inside  and  you  cant  reech  it  with  a  drink  of  water, 
ennyway  it  dident  rane  and  i  had  to  ho  whitch  is 
jest  my  luck,  mother  let  me  go  at  4  oh  clock  to 
go  in  swimming  with  the  Chadwicks  and  Potter  and 
Skinny  Bruce,  we  had  sum  fun  tying  gnots  in 
Skinnys  shert  sleev.  we  bet  Skinny  coodent  swim 
across  under  water  and  while  he  was  doing  it  we 
wet  his  shert  sieves  and  tide  hard  gnots  in  them. 


6  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Skinny  coodent  unty  them  becaus  he  aint  got  enny 
front  teeth,  most  of  the  fellers  can  unty  gnots 
eesy  with  their  teeth  but  Skinny  had  to  go  home 
with  his  shert  tide  around  his  neck  and  his  jacket 
buttened  up  tite. 

the  3  cornered  flise  has  come  and  bit  Skinny 
terrible  while  he  was  trying  to  get  into  his  shert. 
i  hollered  oh  Skinny,  do  you  know  how  meny  flise 
fli  about  in  the  warm  sun  and  Skinny  he  up  and 
chased  me  as  far  as  Gilmans  barn  and  wood  have 
chased  me  further  but  he  hadent  enny  shert  on. 
i  guess  if  the  old  minister  had  heard  Skinny  sware 
he  woodent  have  sed  mutch  more  about  flise. 

June  7,  1 86 —  brite  and  fair,  not  mutch  today. 
tonite  the  band  played  in  the  band  room.  Ed  Tilton 
has  got  a  new  basehorn.  it  is  auf  ul  shiny  and  almost 
as  long  as  he  is.  Potsy  Dirgin  played  a  fife,  father 
says  peraps  i  can  have  a  fife  some  day  but  a  cornet 
costs  two  much  money,  they  played  a  new  march 
and  a  peace  that  mother  said  was  a  romanse  from 
leeclare.  mother  used  to  play  it.  i  asked  her  where 
leeclare  was  and  she  sed  it  was  a  mans  name.  Cele 
can  hear  a  band  peace  once  and  play  it  on  the  piano 
jest  as  good  as  they  can.  i  can  whistle  it  all  rite  but 
she  can  put  in  the  alto  and  the  treble  and  the  base 
jest  like  it  is  rote. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  7 

June  8,  1 86 —  brite  and  fair,  not  mutch  today 
only  swiming  and  playing  base  ball  and  a  fite  down 
town  whitch  old  Swain  and  old  Kize  the  poliseman 
atoped.  tonite  we  all  have  to  take  a  bath  in  the  tub 
in  the  kichen.  Mother  maiks  me  use  soft  sope. 
the  others  use  casteel  sope  but  mother  says  soft 
sope  is  the  only  thing  that  will  get  me  cleen.  it 
stings  terrible  when  it  gets  into  a  cut  or  a  soar  place, 
after  a  feler  has  been  stang  with  soft  sope  in  a  cut 
on  his  hand  or  on  his  leg  with  a  nail  or  a  peace  of 
glass  or  a  tin  can  he  dont  care  mutch  for  anything 
but  a  yeller  jakit  hornit.  i  had  to  lug  all  the  water 
for  the  tub  and  i  had  to  fill  it  with  fresh  water  for 
every  one  of  us.  they  aint  enny  sense  in  that,  onct 
wood  have  been  enuf.  twict  wood  ennyway. 

June  9,  1 86 —  Sunday  again  brite  and  fair  it  is 
always  brite  and  fair  Sundays  so  fellers  has  to  go 
to  chirch.  last  nite  when  Keene  was  going  to  bed 
we  heard  sum  feerful  screaches  in  her  room,  mother 
and  aunt  Sarah  just  hipered  upstairs  thinking  Keene 
had  tiped  over  the  lamp  and  was  burning  to  deth 
and  both  hollering  for  mercy  sakes  what  is  the  mat 
ter,  nothing  was  the  matter  only  a  dorbugg  had 
flew  into  her  hair  and  stuck  there  and  scart  her  most 
to  deth.  mother  said  she  had  augt  to  be  ashaimed 
of  herself,  mother  give  me  the  dorbugg  and  i  am 


8  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

going  to  put  it  down  Beanys  back,     i  bet  Beany  will 
gump. 

Beany  come  to  our  chirch  today,  they  wasnt 
eny  chirch  at  the  unitarial.  in  Sunday  school  Beany 
spoke  a  peace  about  a  fli.  it  said  god  made  the  little 
fli  but  if  you  crush  it  it  will  die  and  then  he  set 
down,  the  rest  of  us  laffed  but  the  minister  told  us 
it  was  the  best  peace  of  all  and  it  showed  that  El- 
bridge,  that  is  Beany  you  know,  was  kind  to  flise 
and  insex  of  all  kinds  and  if  we  was  all  like  El- 
bridge,  Beany  you  know,  the  wirld  woodent  have 
as  mutch  mizzery  in  it.  \ve  \vas  all  mad  with  Beany 
for  showing  off  and  we  were  going  to  lam  him  one 
after  school  let  out.  he  cougt  a  big  bumbelbea 
whitch  had  flew  in  to  the  window  and  took  sum 
wax  and  hitched  a  long  white  thread  to  the  bum 
belbea  and  let  him  go  and  he  flew  all  over  the  chirch 
with  that  long  white  thread  hanging  down  like  a 
kite  tail,  everybody  lafled  and  the  girls  screemed 
and  ducked  there  heads  down  and  the  minister  tride 
a  long  while  to  ketch  the  bumbelbea  and  finely  he 
cougt  it  by  the  thred  and  it  clim  up  the  thred  and 
stang  him  and  he  sed  drat  the  pesky  thing  and 
snaped  his  fingers  and  the  bea  flew  out  of  the  win 
dow,  then  the  minister  sed  it  was  natural  for  the 
bea  to  be  scart  only  he  sed  terrorfide  whitch  meens 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  9 

the  saim,  and  it  dident  know  who  was  be f rending  it., 
but  it  was  crool  to  tie  a  string  to  him  and  the  boy 
whitch  done  it  wood  suffer,  enny  way  he  sed  you 
woodent  do  it  wood  you  Elbridge  and  Beany  he 
sed  no  sir.  then  Beany  he  went  behine  the  organ 
and  we  sung  oh  how  happy  are  we  all  in  our  little 
sunday  school  and  Beany  let  the  wind  out  of  the 
organ  2  times,  so  we  aint  going  to  lam  Beany, 
ennyway  the  ministers  thum  is  all  swole  up. 

June  10,  1 86 —  i  put  the  dorbugg  down  Beany s 
back,  you  aught  to  heard  him  holler. 

June  n,  1 86 — rany  and  cold,  a  big  black  ant 
has  got  2  nippers  and  can  bite  like  time,  i  am  going 
to  put  one  down  Beanys  back  some  day. 

June  n,  1 86 —  the  cat  drank  sum  fli  poison  today 
and  dide.  we  are  going  to  have  some  fli  paper  after 
this,  father  says  all  you  got  to  do  is  to  get  sum  pich 
and  spred  it  on  brown  paper  and  the  flise  will  get 
their  hine  legs  all  stuck  up  on  it  and  die.  so  to 
morrow  i  am  going  down  to  the  sawmill  and  scraip 
a  lot  of  pich  off  the  ends  of  the  logs. 

June  12,  1 86 —  brite  and  fair,  today  i  scraiped 
a  lot  of  pich  off  the  logs  and  then  took  it  home  and 
tonite  father  warmed  it  until  it  was  all  runny  and 
spred  it  on  a  lot  of  sheets  of  brown  linen,  it  was 
awful  sticky,  i  bet  it  wood  hold  a  cat,  then  befoar 


io  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

we  went  to  bed  he  put  i  in  the  kichen  sink  and  2  on 
the  table  and  2  on  the  dining  room  table  and  2  in 
the  setting  room,  and  he  hung  one  up  over  the  sink 
to  kech  flise  on  the  wall,  well  in  the  middle  of  the 
nite  i  heard  awful  swareing  down  stairs  and  heard 
father  hollering  for  mother  to  come  down,  i  set  up 
and  lissened.  i  gnew  it  wasent  berglers  for  father 
cood  nock  the  stuffing  out  of  enny  bergler  and  if  it 
was  i  gnew  he  woodent  let  mother  come  down  where 
they  was  dainger.  so  i  lissened  and  oh  time  how 
father  was  swareing.  i  never  heard  enny  such 
swareing  in  my  life,  and  father  aint  a  swareing  man. 
then  i  heard  mother  begin  to  laff.  then  i  gnew  it 
was  all  right,  so  i  lissened.  then  i  heard  father  say 
for  god's  sake  get  the  sizzers  and  cut  this  damn  linen 
off  my  head,  and  mother  sed  keep  still  and  stop 
swareing,  and  father  he  sed,  i  have  got  to  keep  still 
for  i  am  all  stuck  up  and  i  had  augt  to  be  aloud  to 
sware.  then  he  laffed.  then  mother  she  sed  i  am 
afrade  i  shall  have  to  cut  off  most  of  your  hair,  and 
father  he  sed  get  hold  of  the  end  of  it  and  yank 
quick,  then  i  heard  him  say  why  dont  you  pull 
a  poor  cusses  head  off  and  she  sed  i  gess  i  have 
jugging  by  the  looks  of  this  linen,  it  is  all  covered 
with  hair,  then  i  heard  her  cutting  with  sizzers  and 
then  he  sed  it  is  lucky  i  came  down  in  my  shert  tale 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  11 

if  i  had  been  dressed  i  wood  have  had  to  go  to  bed 
tomorrow  until  you  went  down  town  to  by  me  a 
new  sute.  you  see  father  had  gone  down  for  a 
drink  of  water  in  the  dark  and  had  got  into  the  fli 
paper,  father  had  augt  to  know  better  than  to  do 
that  becaus  once  he  drunk  sum  water  out  of  a  dipper 
'in  the  pale  in  the  dark  and  the  nex  morning  he 
found  my  squirrel  drowneded  in  the  pale  and  he 
never  gnew  whether  it  was  drownded  before  he 
drank  or  after  he  drunk  and  it  made  him  sick  to 
wonder  whitch  was  whitch.  well  after  a  while  father 
and  mother  come  up  stairs  again,  i  cood  hear  Keene 
and  Cele  gigling  in  there  room  and  i  wanted  to 
holler  do  you  know  how  many  flise  fli  about  in  the 
warm  sun  but  i  dident  dass  to.  this  morning  mother 
sed  that  father  he  sed  he  forgot  all  about  the  drink 
of  water  and  dident  get  it  but  we  aint  going  to 
have  enny  more  fli  paper  round  the  house,  it  was 
wirse  than  having  a  poliseman  with  handcufs  and 
twisters. 

June  13,  1 86 —  i  am  having  awful  tuf  luck  with 
my  hens  this  year.  Miss  Dires  cat  cougt  8  of  my 
chickings  this  week,  i  went  over  to  tell  her  about 
it  and  have  her  pay  for  the  chickings  and  she  sed 
how  did  i  know  it  was  her  cat  and  i  sed  it  was  a 
old  yeller  cat  that  she  had  for  2  or  3  years  and  i 


12  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

see  it  runing  with  a  chicking  in  its  mouth,  then 
she  sed  it  vvasent  her  cat  and  i  sed  all  right  i  am 
going  to  kill  it  with  a  rock  and  she  sed  you  better 
not  kill  it  if  you  know  what  is  good  for  you  and  i 
sed  what  do  you  care  if  it  aint  your  cat  and  she 
sed  i  will  maik  it  mine  if  you  kill  it  and  you  will 
wish  you  was  ded  if  you  kill  it.  so  i  went  home. 

then  Nellie  steped  on  my  best  hen  whitch  was 
scraching  behine  her  in  the  stall  and  squashed  her 
almost  as  flat  as  a  doremat.  enny  way  i  have  got 
to  do  sumthing  about  that  cat.  i  wonder  what  old 
mister  minister  wood  do  if  a  cat  killed  his  chickings. 
i  supose  he  wood  say  it  is  rong  to  kill  a  cat  and  that 
a  cat  had  as  mutch  rite  to  live  as — as — well  as  old 
Mis  Dire. 

June  14,  1 86 —  2  chickings  gone  today,  i  let  a 
rock  ding  at  the  cat  and  jest  missed  her.  i  wish  i 
had  a  bull  dog. 

June  15,  1 86 —  went  in  swiming  today.  3  times. 
The  3  cornered  flise  are  auful  and  bit  like  time,  i 
squashed  lots  of  them  and  they  wont  fli  about  in 
the  warm  sun  enny  more.  I  dont  cair.  me  and 
Pewt  are  going  to  set  a  trap  for  the  cat.  Pewt  can 
make  bully  box  traps,  if  he  ketches  the  cat  i  am 
going  to  give  him  my  collexion  of  birds  egs.  it 
is  werth  it.  i  aint  got  menny  chickings  left. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  13 

June  1 6,  1 86-  brite  and  fair  of  course,  it  always 
is  Sunday,  i  went  to  chirch  Sunday  and  to  Sunday 
school,  i  wanted  to  go  to  the  Unitarial  but  father  he 
sed  no  i  wood  go  where  he  told  me  to  or  i  coodent 
go  at  all.  i  thought  i  had  got  him  there  and  i  sed 
all  rite  i  will  stay  to  home  and  he  sed  all  rite  you 
can  stay  to  home  and  stay  in  bed.  so  i  thougt  i  had 
better  go  to  chirch  and  i  sed  all  rite  i  will  go  to 
chirch.  i  told  him  as  long  as  we  had  got  a  phew  in 
both  chirches  someone  augt  to  set  in  it  once  in  a 
while,  the  minister  is  going  to  get  up  a  club  to 
study  insex  throug  the  telescope  and  to  lern  us  about 
their  ways,  he  said  beas  have  queans  and  droans 
and  aunts  have  a  government  and  keeps  cows,  i 
wonder  if  he  xpects  us  to  beleeve  that,  and  flees  can 
be  traned  to  ride  a  vellosipede  but  he  dident  know 
that  if  you  ketch  a  big  grashoper  and  say  grashoper 
grashoper  gray  give  me  sum  molasses  and  then  fli 
away  the  grashoper  will  give  you  sum  molasses, 
just  think  he  dident  know  that  and  he  dident  know 
that  ef  you  squashed  a  caterpiller  it  would  rane  be 
fore  nite.  we  have  all  got  to  join  the  club,  i  wish 
i  had  staid  in  bed. 

tonite  Pewt  come  over  with  a  big  box  trap  and 
we  set  it  in  the  hen  coop  and  left  the  dore  open. 


14  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

i  bet  we  will  ketch  her.  we  bated  it  with  a  peace  of 
pikerel. 

June  17,  1 86-  Gosh  what  do  you  think,  we  have 
caugt  that  cat.  this  morning  i  went  to  the  hencoop 
and  the  trap  was  sprung,  when  i  shook  it  a  little  i 
cood  hear  the  old  cat  growl  and  spitt.  so  i  nailed 
the  cover  down  so  he  coodent  get  out  and  gess  what 
we  done  with  him.  tonite  after  dark  we  carried  the 
box  to  the  deepo  and  put  him  on  the  nite  fraight 
trane  for  Haverhill.  nobody  see  us.  we  wated  till 
the  trane  started  and  then  went  home.  Pewt  wanted 
to  drownd  the  old  cat  but  i  thougt  if  we  did  i  wood 
have  to  lie  about  it  and  while  i  can  lie  good  if  i 
have  to  i  had  ruther  not.  and  it  wood  be  eesier  to 
say  i  dident  know  where  the  cat  was  peraps  it  wood 
be  in  Haverhill  and  peraps  in  Boston. 

June  1 8,  1 86-  brite  and  fair.  Gosh  what  do  you 
think,  the  first  thing  i  see  this  morning  was  that 
old  cat  setting  on  Mis  Dires  steps,  i  thougt  she  must 
have  comeway  back  from  Haverhill  but  after  breck- 
fast  old  mother  Moulton  come  over  and  asted  me 
if  i  had  seen  her  cat.  she  was  terrible  xcited  and 
asted  me  more  than  40  questions  but  i  dident  know 
ennything.  Pewt  come  down  and  sed  she  had  been 
to  his  house  and  to  Beanys  and  all  over  the  nabor- 
hood.  gosh  i  bet  we  caugt  her  cat  and  sent  it  away. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  15 

ennyway  what  rite  had  her  old  cat  in  my  hencoop. 

tonite  me  and  Pewt  set  a  new  trap  and  bated  it 
with  a  fresh  sucker,  i  have  got  to  get  the  old  yeller 
cat.  one  more  chickling  disapeared  to  day. 

June  19,  1 86-  it  raned  hard  last  nite.  i  gess  cats 
staid  to  home  and  dident  go  out.  this  morning  the 
trap  wasent  sprung,  had  to  ho  in  the  garden  after 
it  dride  up.  tonite  we  put  a  big  shiner  in  the  trap 
for  bate. 

June  20.  1 86-  we  cogt  that  old  cat  today,  i  know 
it  was  her  this  time  becaus  when  the  cover  come 
dowrn  it  pinched  her  tale  and  there  was  a  bunch  of 
yeller  hair  in  front  of  the  trap,  tonite  we  put  the 
trap  on  the  fraight  trane  and  that  is  the  last  of 
that  old  cat.  old  mother  Moulton  is  still  hunting 
for  her  cat.  i  wonder  if  the  2  cats  will  know  eech 
other  when  they  meet  in  Haverhill.  i  xpect  mis 
Dire  will  be  over  tomorrow  to  find  out  where  her 
old  cat  is.  i  dont  know  where  she  is.  i  ha  vent  hit 
her  or  killed  her  and  i  dont  know  what  has  become 
of  her. 

June  21,  1 86-  brite  and  fair,  today  i  saw  that 
old  cat  again,  i  wonder  whose  cat  we  cougt.  i  had 
to  pay  Pewt  10  cents  for  his  traps,  we  set  another 
tonite. 

June  22,   186-  awful  hot  today,     i  dident  ketch 


16  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

that  cat.  i  went  fishing  today  for  some  cat  bate, 
went  in  swimming  5  times,  got  some  good  shiners, 
i  have  found  out  whose  cat  we  sent  to  Haverhill 
the  last  time,  there  was  a  peace  in  the  Exeter 
News-Letter  whitch  sed.  lost  a  valuble  black  and 
yeller  striped  tiger  cat.  a  grate  pet.  had  on  a  red 
satin  bow.  a  suteable  reward  will  be  paid  for  in- 
firmation  as  to  whareabouts.  A.  P.  Blake,  gosh 
A.  P.  Blake  is  Mager  Blake  who  owns  the  Squam- 
scot  Hotel.  I  know  that  cat.  i  wish  me  and  Pewt 
gnew  some  peeple  in  Haverhill  peraps  we  cood  get 
the  reward,  tonite  i  paid  Pewt  another  ten  cents 
and  we  set  another  trap,  i  wonder  whose  cat  we 
will  get  nex  time. 

June  23,  1 86-  brite  and  fair,  i  never  knew  it  to 
rane  Sunday,  cougt  another,  dont  know  whose  cat 
it  is.  if  we  open  the  cover  the  cat  will  gump  out  and 
if  we  dont  sum  body  elces  cat  may  get  sent  to  Haver 
hill.  ennyway  enny  cat  whitch  is  cougt  in  my  hen 
coop  has  got  to  take  chances. 

tonite  we  sent  it  away  on  the  trane.  we  almost 
got  cougt  putting  it  on.  went  to  chirch  and  Sunday 
school.  Beany  has  got  his  gob  back  at  the  unitarial 
and  has  went  back  there,  so  there  wasent  enny  fun. 
i  heard  old  Mis  Dire  calling  her  cat  tonite  for  most 
an  hour,  i  guess  we  got  that  old  cat  at  last. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  17 

June  24,  1 86-  Mis  Dire  was  calling  her  cat  this 
morning,  she  come  and  did  the  washing  today  but 
she  dident  say  ennything  about  her  cat  but  i  think 
she  was  uneezy  and  she  looked  at  me  sort  of  hard, 
i  bet  she  thinks  i  have  killed  her  cat. 

June  25,  1 86-  today  old  Mis  Dire  come  over,  i 
was  in  the  shed  and  i  saw  her  go  waulking  stiflegged. 
after  a  minit  or  too  mother  called  me.  i  pertended 
i  dident  hear  her  and  kept  on  spliting  wood,  then 
she  come  out  and  told  me  old  Mis  Dire  sed  i  killed 
her  cat  and  wanted  to  ast  me  some  questions  and 
mother  sed  now  if  you  have  killed  her  cat  tell  the 
truth,  i  sed  i  aint  killed  it  or  hit  it  or  drowneded 
it  and  i  dont  know  where  it  is.  so  we  went  in.  old 
Mis  Dire  was  there  mad  as  time  and  she  sed  now 
Harry  Shute  i  want  to  know  what  you  have  did 
with  my  cat  and  if  you  lie  to  me,  then  mother  sed 
quick  one  moment  Misses  Dire  if  you  are  going  to 
ast  him  enny  questions  you  have  got  to  do  it  in  a 
different  way  if  you  xpect  enny  anser.  mother  she 
looked  at  old  Mis  Dire  and  old  Mis  Dire  looked  at 
mother  mad  as  time  but  mother  had  a  kind  of  funny 
look  in  her  eyes  not  a  mad  look  but  a  kind  of  look 
that  made  old  Mis  Dire  back  water  prety  quick, 
then  old  Mis  Dire  sed  you  throwed  a  rock  at  my 
cat  last  week  and  i  sed  yes  i  did  and  i  wish  i  had 


i8  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

hit  hir  and  killed  her  but  i  dident.  then  she  sed 
you  and  that  mi  sable  Watson  boy  and  that  jalebird 
of  a  Purinton  boy  have  drowned  my  cat  and  i  sed 
i  dont  know  about  them  but  i  dont  beleve  they  done 
it  becaus  they  dident  have  enny  chickings  but  hope 
to  die  and  cross  my  throte  i  havent  seen  your  cat  or 
hit  your  cat  or  drowned  your  cat  and  i  dont  know 
where  she  is  i  honest  dont.  old  Mis  Dire  asted  me 
more  than  40  questions  and  after  a  while  she  went 
home,  she  was  pretty  grumpy  and  sed  sumbody 
had  got  to  pay  for  her  cat  but  i  guess  she  desided 
i  dident  know  ennything  about  it.  she  went  over 
to  Pewts  and  to  Beany s  but  dident  find  out  enny 
thing. 

Mother  she  was  glad  i  told  the  truth  and  i  did 
dident  i?  i  dident  hit  her  old  cat,  or  killed  it  or 
drowned  it  or  see  it  and  i  dont  know  where  it  is. 
mother  told  father  about  it  when  he  come  home 
from  Boston  and  father  sed  dam  her  old  cat.  i 
wont  have  you  bothered  about  her  old  cat.  i  wood 
have  told  her  to  go  to  the  devel.  mother  laffed  and 
sed  no  you  woodent  George  you  wood  have  felt  bad 
and  pitted  her  as  i  did.  she  is  a  poar  old  woman 
and  it  is  two  bad  for  ennyone  to  kill  her  pet  cat. 
ennyway  that  is  over  and  i  aint  got  to  wurry  over 
my  chickings  enny  more,  i  wish  i  dassed  tell  father 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  19 

about  it  but  i  am  afraid  father  wood  tell  mother  for 
a  goke  and  if  mother  dident  think  it  was  rite  she 
wood  make  me  go  to  Haverhill  or  Boston  and  hunt 
for  them  3  old  cats,  father  i  know  wood  laff  his 
head  off  but  i  dassent  tell  him.  3  old  cats  sounds 
like  a  base  ball  game  dont  it.  ennyway  me  and  Pewt 
made  3  home  runs  dident  we. 

June  26,  rany.    dident  do  ennything  today. 

June  27,  1 86-  i  havent  wrote  ennything  about 
school  becaus  i  dident  like  school  and  dident  like  to 
think  about  it.  the  fellers  is  all  rite  and  we  have 
sum  fun  playing  base  ball  and  foot  ball  and  coram 
and  duck  on  a  rock  and  nigger  baby,  but  we  have 
to  study  like  time  and  they  aint  hardly  enny  fites 
becaus  if  2  fellers  has  a  fite  old  Francis  licks  time 
out  of  them  and  recess  aint  very  interestin  if  they 
aint  enny  fites.  school  closes  tomorrow  and  i  am  so 
glad  i  dont  know  what  to  do.  i  gess  old  Francis 
wanted  to  celibrait  today  for  he  licked  9  fellers. 
Skipy  Moses  for  paisting  Medo  Thirsten  in  the  eye 
with  a  spit  ball  and  Chitter  Robinson  for  not  singing 
in  tune  and  he  cant  if  he  wanted  to  so  what  is  the 
sence  of  licking  him  i  dont  see  and  Pewt  for  putting 
a  carpit  tack  in  Pheby  Taylors  seat.  Pheby  he  is  a 
feller  you  know  and  when  he  set  on  it  he  gumped 
up  lively  and  let  out  a  yell.  Pheby  dident  tell  he 


20  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

aint  that  kind  of  a  feller  but  old  Francis  seamed  to 
know  it  was  Pewt  and  snached  him  bald  headed  in 
two  minits  and  Whacker  Chadwick  for  wrighting  a 
note  to  a  girl  and  Pozzy  Chadwick  for  maiking  up  a 
face  at  him  when  he  was  licking  Whack  and  Bug 
Chadwick  for  telling  him  to  stop  when  he  was  lick 
ing  Pozzy,  the  Chadwicks  all  got  licked  the  same 
day.  it  aint  the  ferst  time  eether  by  a  long  chork 
and  Skinny  Bruce  for  drawing  sumthing  on  the 
school  house  fence  that  hadent  aught  to  be  drew  and 
Pacer  Gooch  for  calling  Gran  Miller  a  nigger  and  he 
is  a  nigger  whitch  dont  seem  rite  to  me  and  Human 
Nudd,  his  name  is  Harman  but  we  call  him  Human 
for  wrighting  with  a  squeaky  slate  pensil.  he  hadent 
enny  other,  i  gess  old  Francis  gnew  this  was  his 
last  day  for  licking  for  he  never  licks  on  Xibition 
day  but  is  as  nice  as  pye. 

June  28,  1 86-  Gosh  school  is  over,  i  cant  hardly 
beleeve  it.  lots  of  peeple  come  in  today  and  of 
course  all  the  good  boys  and  girls  spoke  peaces  and 
direlogs  and  done  xamples  on  the  blackboard.  Huh 
i  am  glad  i  am  not  a  good  scholar  and  a  faveret  of 
the  teecher.  last  of  all  we  give  old  Francis  a  silver 
pensil  on  a  chane.  the  wirst  of  it  was  i  had  to 
chip  in  ten  cents,  the  Chadwicks  give  a  dollar. 
Whack  sed  that  if  he  had  gnew  that  they  were  all 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  21 

3  going  to  be  licked  yesterday  they  wood  have  spent 
the  dollar  and  woodent  have  given  nothing,  they 
needed  that  dollar  two.  ennyway  school  is  out  till 
September  hurray. 


T  UNE  2951.  i  just  took  it  eezy  to-day,  the  ferst 
day  of  vacation  always  seams  to  me  like  when 
you  find  a  five  cent  peace  in  a  pair  of  your  last  years 
britches,  you  can  spend  it  for  ennything  you  want 
and  you  havent  got  to  save  it  or  put  it  in  your  bank 
or  by  sumthing  that  you  need,  so  yesterday  after 
school  closed  i  split  up  wood  enuf  for  today  and 
Sunday,  and  today  i  just  dident  do  nothing,  a  man 
and  2  wimen  hired  my  boat  and  wanted  me  to  row 
them  up  river  but  i  told  them  i  had  a  week  arm. 

one  of  the  wimen  said  poar  boy  what  is  the  matter 
with  it  and  i  sed  it  dident  know  but  it  trubles  me  a 
good  deal,  then  the  other  one  sed  whitch  arm  is  it 
and  i  sed  the  right  one  and  she  sed  you  must  be 
lefthanded  and  i  sed  yes  i  am  a  little,  i  lied  about 
that  but  i  dident  lie  about  my  week  arm  or  about 
my  truble  with  it.  both  my  arms  is  week,  if  they 
wasent  i  cood  lick  Pewt  and  it  trubles  me  becaus  my 
arms  is  so  skinny,  the  fellers  laff  at  my  legs  two. 

well  the  man  hired  my  boat  and  i  went  with  them 
and  the  man  rew  all  the  way  and  i  had  a  good  time 
only  i  had  to  be  cairful  to  keep  my  right  hand  in 
my  jacket  pocket  most  of  the  time  and  point  out 

22 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  23 

things  to  them  with  my  left  hand,  ennyway  i  cood 
row  with  one  hand  better  than  that  man  cood 
with  too.  he  splashed  and  cougt  crabs  and  once 
his  heels  went  up  and  he  wrent  rite  over  on  his  back 
the  wimen  laffed  and  he  laffed  two. 

June  30,  1 86-  brite  and  fair,  i  gnew  it  wood  be. 
we  had  a  new  minister  today,  old  mister  minister 
preeched  sumwhere  elce  but  he  come  back  in  the 
afternoon  to  Sunday  school  and  started  his  club, 
everybody  had  to  join,  most  of  the  ellers  dident 
want  to.  Chick  Chickering  says  he  is  glad  he  dont 
go  to  our  chirch  becaus  if  he  did  he  coodent  colect 
enny  more  butterflise  and  kill  them  with  ether  and 
stick  them  in  a  box  with  a  pin.  Chicks  father  is  a 
minister  two  and  he  goes  fishing  and  birdseging 
and  butterfliing  with  Chick,  i  am  glad  my  father 
isent  a  minster  but  if  he  was  i  wood  want  him  to  be 
like  Chick  Chickerings  father.  Gosh  i  always  laff 
when  i  think  of  father  being  a  minister. 

he  woodent  be  getting  up  clubs  to  save  the  lifes 
of  flise  and  snaiks  and  intch  wirms  and  moth  millers 
and  cockroches,  but  he  wood  gnock  enny  feller  pizzle 
end  upwards  that  raised  time  in  chirch.  today  we 
had  to  a  sine  a  book  and  pay  five  cents  and  promise 
not  to  take  the  life  of  animal  or  bird  or  reptil  or  insex. 
Pop  Clark  asked  what  a  feller  had  augt  to  do  if  a 


24  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

mad  dog  come  down  the  street  fomeing  at  the  mouth 
and  biting  and  taring  rite  and  lef,  or  if  a  poizen 
adder  or  ratlesnaik  coiled  round  your  hine  leg.  the 
minister  sed  if  it  cairn  to  be  a  question  of  the  life  of 
a  human  being  or  of  an  animal  or  a  reptil  of  coarse 
the  life  of  a  human  being  shood  be  spaired.  so  he 
has  got  sum  sence  but  not  mutch. 

June  31,  1 86-  i  ment  July  i,  brite  and  fair,  hoap 
it  wont  rane  on  the  4th.  jest  as  soon  as  vacation 
comes  i  have  a  lot  of  gobs  to  do.  spliting  wood  and 
going  errands  and  cleening  out  the  cellers  and  the 
barn  and  wirking  in  the  garden,  i  wodei  what 
peeple  think  a  vacation  is  for.  i  try  to  do  evrything 
mother  wants  becaus  in  3  days  it  will  be  the  4th. 

July  2,  1 86-  only  i  day  after  this  before  the  4th. 
i  went  up  to  Pewts  today,  he  has  borowed  Harris 
Cobbs  cannon,  it  is  an  old  lunker.  Pewt  says  if 
you  put  in  six  fingers  of  powder  and  wads  and  then 
fill  it  to  the  muzle  with  grass  and  ram  it  tite  it  will 
shaik  the  winders  all  over  town. 

July  3,  1 86-  tomorrow  is  the  4th.  i  am  going  to 
get  up  at  3  oh  clock,  father  says  that  is  the  erliest 
and  if  i  get  up  one  minit  before  that  i  wont  go  out 
at  all.  it  seams  to  me  3  oh  clock  is  prety  lait.  sum 
of  the  fellers  stay  out  all  nite. 

July  5.  brite  and  fair,  i  was  so  tired  last  nite  that 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  25 

i  coodent  wright.  i  dident  go  to  bed  until  nearly 
leven  and  i  got  up  at  3  oh  clock,  it  was  the  best  4th 
i  ever  had.  Pewt's  cannon  xploded  the  ferst  time, 
we  loded  it  to  the  muzle  and  put  the  muzle  rite 
agenst  the  stone  step  of  old  Nat  Weeks  house,  then 
we  lit  the  fusee  and  run.  i  gess  it  is  lucky  we  done 
it  for  there  was  a  feerful  bang  and  a  big  flash  jest 
like  when  litening  strikes  a  tree  rite  in  front  of  your 
house  and  a  big  hunk  of  that  cannon  went  rite 
throug  old  Bill  Greenleafs  parlor  winder  and  took 
sash  and  all  and  gnocked  a  glass  ship  in  a  gloab  that 
the  glassblewers  blowed  into  forty  million  peaces 
and  gnocked  a  big  hunk  out  of  the  marbel  top  table 
and  sent  the  things  on  the  whatnot  all  over  the  room. 
Bill  he  come  downstairs  in  his  shert  tale  and  hol 
lered  and  swore  so  you  cood  hear  him  fer  eigt  miles 
eesy.  me  and  Pewt  and  Beany  hid  behine  Pewts 
fathers  paint  shop  and  lissened.  Nat  Weeks  he 
come  out  and  old  printer  Smith  and  old  Bill  Morrill. 
Old  Ike  Shute  dident.  i  gess  he  dident  dass  to.  we 
cood  hear  them  talking  it  over  and  cood  hear  Bill 
holler  and  sware  and  Bills  wife  say  mersy  sr.kes 
aint  this  dredful.  they  thogt  it  must  have  been  did 
by  Flunk  Ham  and  Chick  Randall  or  the  Warren 
boys,  all  big  fellers  becaus  they  sed  it  must  be  big 
fellers  to  have  sntch  a  big  cannon,  so  me  and  Pewt 


26  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

and  Beany  dim  over  Fifields  back  fence  and  went 
down  town  throug  Spring  street. 

Beany  set  fire  to  a  bunch  of  fire  crackers  in  his 
poket  and  birnt  him  so  he  can  only  sit  down  on  one 
side.  Fatty  Melcher  stumped  Pewt  to  hold  a  fire 
cracker  in  his  mouth  and  let  it  go  off.  it  is  eezy 
enuf.  all  you  have  got  to  do  is  to  put  the  end  be 
tween  your  teeth  and  lite  the  other  end  and  shet 
your  eys.  it  will  go  off  and  burst  in  the  middle  and 
all  you  will  get  is  a  few  sparks  that  dont  hurt  mutch, 
but  this  one  was  a  flusher  and  it  flushed  at  the  end 
whitch  was  in  Pewts  mouth  and  a  stream  of  sparks 
went  rite  down  Pewts  gozzle.  you  would  have 
dide  to  see  Pewt  spitt  and  holler  and  drink  water. 
he  drank  most  a  gallon  and  he  wont  speak  to  me 
becaus  i  laffed. 

All  the  Chadwicks  got  birned  when  they  was  blow 
ing  up  old  Buzell's  fence  posts,  they  was  lots  of 
fites  down  town  and  a  house  on  Franklin  Street 
and  a  barn  on  Stratam  road  birned  up.  it  was  the 
best  4th  i  ever  gnew.  Father  sed  about  2  more  4ths 
and  he  wood  go  out  of  bisiness. 

i  sed  2  4ths  is  eigt  and  he  sed  dont  you  try  to  be 
funny,  if  you  do  you  will  get  a  bat  in  the  ear.  sc 
i  shet  up.  when  father  says  that  it  is  about  time 
to  shet  up. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  27 

July  6,  brite  and  fair,  saterday  again,  it  is 
funny  when  i  am  in  school  i  am  crasy  for  it  to  be 
saterday  but  when  it  is  vacation  i  hate  to  have 
saterday  come,  it  means  2  things  that  aint  very 
good,  one  is  that  another  weak  of  vacation  has 
gone  and  the  other  is  that  the  next  day  is  Sunday 
both  of  whitch  is  prety  tuf.  tonite  me  and  father 
went  in  swimming  at  the  gravil.  we  had  a  good 
swim  and  then  we  floted  down  river  it  was  warm 
and  the  treetoads  was  crokeing  and  a  peewee  was 
peeweeing  high  up  in  a  elm  tree  and  bats  was  fliing 
and  it  was  fine,  evry  now  and  then  a  fish  wood 
splash  or  a  mushrat  dive. 

when  we  got  home  all  the  folks  was  setting  on 
the  front  steps  and  we  got  talking  about  the  doodle 
bug  club,  father  he  calls  it  that,  father  sed  they 
aint  no  fool  like  a  dam  fool  and  sed  that  once  when 
he  was  in  school  his  teecher  old  Ellis  the  father  of 
Rody  Ellis  that  i  went  to  school  to  used  to  paist 
time  out  of  the  fellers  jest  for  nothing,  so  the 
fellers  they  got  prety  sick  of  it  and  one  day  Jim 
Melcher  and  of  coarse  father,  he  and  Jim  Melcher 
always  went  together  and  Charles  Taylor  two 
and  Oliver  Lane  and  2  or  3  others  went  out  and 
batted  down  about  a  pint  of  bumblebeas  with  shin 
gles,  they  got  stang  2  or  3  times  a  peace  but  no 


28  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

feller  minds  being  stang  in  a  good  caus.  so  the 
next  day  they  went  to  school  erly  and  poured  all 
them  ded  beas  in  his  old  lether  seat. 

well  old  Ellis  come  in  and  rung  the  bell  and  sed 
prair  and  paisted  time  out  of  2  or  3  fellers  for  ex 
ercise  and  toar  the  sherts  off  2  or  3  others  for  old 
acquantence  saik  so  father  sed  and  then  he  set  down 
hard  in  his  chair  and  more  than  forty  of  the  stings 
of  them  ded  bumblebeas  riggid  in  deth  so  father 
sed  ran  rite  into  him.  well  he  let  out  a  yell  you 
cood  have  heard  at  Hampton  Beach  and  gumped 
rite  over  his  desk  and  run  out  of  the  school  house 
howling  and  holding  hisself  in  both  hands  and 
sweling  up  feerful  in  grate  aggony.  and  father  he 
sed  he  was  stang  in  forty  seven  places  and  swole  up 
so  that  they  had  to  get  old  killpigger  Haley  i  mean 
pig  killer  Haley  to  get  his  briches  off  with  a  skin- 
ing  knife. 

i  wonder  if  old  mister  minister  wood  like  bumble 
beas  if  we  done  that  to  him. 

July  7,  rany  as  time,  i  thought  i  woodent  have 
to  go  to  chirch  but  what  do  you  think  it  cleered  up 
and  the  sun  come  out  a  hour  before  chirch.  how  is 
that  for  tuf  luck. 

July  8,  rany  not  hard  but  drissly.  i  wood  have 
went  fishing  today  but  there  was  a  thunder  shower 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  29 

this  morning  and  fish  wont  bite  after  thunder  but 
go  down  in  deep  holes  and  lay  still,  this  afternoon 
we  had  the  meating  of  the  club,  the  minister  talked 
lots  and  ansered  questions,  i  asted  him  if  we  had 
aught  to  tare  down  spiders  webs  becaus  they  kiled 
flise.  he  sed  yes  then  i  asted  him  if  the  spider 
woodent  starve  to  deth  if  he  coodent  ketch  flise. 
then  he  sed  spiders  was  sumtimes  poizinus  and  i 
asted  him  if  he  had  ever  been  bit  by  a  horsefli.  then 
we  had  specking  and  Beany  spoke  his  peace  about 

god  made  the  little  fli 

but  if  you  crush  it  it  will  die 

and  then  my  sister  Cele  spoke  the  peace 

do  you  know  how  menny  flise 
fli  about  in  the  warm  sun 

and  the  minister  clapt  his  hands  and  we  all  did  two. 
then  Tomtit  Thompson  sed  he  had  a  new  peace 
about  insex  and  the  minister  asted  him  to  speak  it 
and  Tomtit  dident  want  to,  but  the  minister  sed  he 
had  aught  to  be  willing  to  help  out  in  a  good  caus. 
Tomtit  he  sed  he  was  afrade  the  minister  woodent 
like  it  but  the  minister  sed  he  was  very  sure  he 
wood  like  it  and  so  Tomtit  he  stood  up  and  made  a 
bow  and  sed  his  peace  and  it  was  jest  bully. 


30  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

now  i  lay  me  down  to  sleap 
while  the  bedbugs  round  me  creap 
if  one  should  bite  before  i  waik 
i  hope  to  god  his  jaw  will  braik 

and  what  do  you  think  the  minister  he  got  mad  and 
told  Tommy  he  was  a  bran  from  the  birning  and  a 
apostate,  i  thought  they  wasent  but  12  apostates 
ever  and  wasent  enny  now  but  that  is  what  he  called 
Tommy  and  he  throwed  him  out  of  the  club  by  the 
ear,  wisht  it  had  been  me. 

Well  after  Tommy  had  went  the  minister  talked 
to  us  about  how  wicked  it  was  for  Tommy  to  use 
the  name  of  god  in  sutch  a  conexion.  I  asted  him 
why  it  was  wicked  to  use  it  in  conexion  with  a  bed- 
bugg  when  it  wasent  wicked  to  use  it  in  conexion 
with  a  fli  like  Beanys  peace  and  my  sister  Celes  and 
he  sed  one  was  used  in  the  spirrit  of  love  and  the 
other  in  the  spirrit  of  hate,  then  we  sung  a  hynm 
and  went  home,  i  wish  i  was  Tomtit  Thompson. 

July  9,  1 86-  brite  and  fair,  gosh  what  do  you 
think,  the  committy  of  the  chirch  came  to  our 
house  today  and  asted  mother  if  she  wood  have  the 
minister  to  supper  as  it  was  her  tirn.  mother  sed 
certenly  i  wood  be  very  glad  to  entertain  him.  after 
the  committee  left  i  sed  gosh  mother  you  told  a 
awful  whacker  to  them  old  wimmen  when  you  sed 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  31 

you  wood  be  glad  to  do  it  dident  you.  mother  she 
laffed  and  sed  peraps  it  woodent  be  as  deliteful  as  it 
mite  be  but  she  wood  try  hard  to  be  glad  to  do  it 
and  if  i  wood  do  my  part  and  all  the  rest  wood  we 
cood  give  him  a  good  supper  and  it  woodent  hurt 
us  to  do  it.  so  we  have  all  got  to  duff  in. 

July  10,  it  is  going  to  be  a  weak  from  Friday  nite 
that  the  minister  is  coming.  Friday  nite  is  the  nite 
they  have  prair  meeting  and  he  will  have  to  go  prety 
soon  after  supper  so  he  wont  be  there  very  long, 
aunt  Sarah  she  sed  what  if  he  invites  us  to  go  and 
mother  she  sed  she  gessed  father  wood  have  a  prety 
good  xcuse  ready,  she  never  gnew  him  to  fale. 
mother  sed  that  10  days  wood  give  her  time  to  get 
ready,  we  have  all  got  to  wirk.  then  mother  sed 
she  wood  have  to  warn  father  not  to  say  ennything 
tuf  and  warn  the  children  not  to  speak  when  the 
minister  was  saying  grace  and  not  to  notice  the  new 
napkins  and  thing  like  that  and  that  she  had  got 
to  sweep  evry  room  and  wash  all  the  winders  and 
rub  up  the  silver  and  the  caster  and  the  caik  baskit. 

when  father  come  horn  tonite  mother  she  told  him 
about  having  the  minister  to  supper  and  father  sed 
gosh  what  for.  and  mother  she  sed  George  that  is 
a  nice  way  to  speak  about  a  minister  and  father  he 
sed  why  can't  you  let  me  take  him  down  to  old  Eph 


32  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Guttlers  and  get  him  a  stake  and  sum  f  ride  potatoes 
and  about  4  fingers  of  fusil  oil  whiskey  and  it  wood 
do  him  a  pile  of  good,  mother  she  sed  i  am  ashaimed 
of  you  George  for  talking  so.  why  cant  you  take 
it  serius  and  father  he  sed  it  is  serius  ennuf  and  i 
am  trying  not  to  burst  into  teers  over  it.  honest  if 
you  wood  let  me  take  him  to  Hirveys  resterant  it 
wood  save  you  a  lot  of  truble.  but  mother  sed  no 
we  must  do  our  part  and  father  he  sed  gosh  he 
suposed  so  but  it  was  tuf.  then  father  he  sed  i 
suppose  you  wont  dast  to  bat  out  the  flise  if  he 
comes,  then  Beany  hollered  for  me  and  i  dident 
hear  eny  more. 

July  n,  brite  and  fair,  i  have  got  an  idea,  me 
and  Pewt  and  Beany  are  goin  to  talk  it  over  tonite. 
we  are  going  to  have  chicken  and  gelly  and  hot 
bisquit  and  custereds  and  cold  ham  and  cookys  and 
whips  and  lots  of  other  things  for  supper  friday 
nite.  Keene  and  Cele  are  going  to  sing  shall  we 
gather  at  the  river  and  theres  a  chirch  in  the  valley 
by  the  wild  wood,  father  wanted  them  to  sing  little 
brown  gug  how  i  love  thee  and  we'll  all  drink  stone 
blind  when  Johnny  comes  marching  home  and  Sally 
come  up  Sally  come  down  Sally  come  twist  your 
heal  around  the  old  man  has  gone  to  town  Sally 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  33 

come  up  in  the  middle  but  mother  sed  no  they  must 
sing  good  chirch  songs. 

July  12,  Keene  and  Cele  and  i  washed  the  winders 
upstairs  today,  i  had  to  lug  about  2  million  pales 
of  water,  i  asted  mother  what  was  the  use  of 
washing  the  upstairs  winders  for  him  as  he  wasent 
going  to  stay  over  nite.  father  he  sed  if  we  fed  him 
two  mutch  he  mite  have  the  collick  and  have  to  be 
put  to  bed  and  perhaps  stay  2  weaks.  he  sed  we 
must  be  cairful  and  not  feed  him  to  hy. 

July  13,  brite  and  fair,  we  washed  the  downstairs 
winders  today,  darn  the  minister  ennyway. 

July  14,  brite  and  fair  of  coarse.  Sunday  went  to 
chirch  of  coarse,  also  Sunday  school,  more  tuf 
luck.  the  minister  cant  come  Friday  but  will 
come  Thirsday  so  he  will  have  a  hoal  evening  with 
us.  gosh. 

July  15,  had  to  raik  up  the  yard,  i  aint  been 
fishing  hardly  this  summer,  darn  the  minister. 

July  1 6,  or  enny where  else  eether.  today  i  had  to 
cleen  the  barn  and  woodshed  and  pile  the  wood  up 
neet.  i  wonder  who  they  think  is  entertaneing  the 
minister  ennyway.  darn  him  to  darnation.  i  hoap 
nobody  will  ever  see  this  diry. 

July  17.  we  are  all  nerly  ded.  mother  and  aunt 
Sarah  has  been  cooking  all  day.  Keene  and  Cele 


34  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

have  been  practising  hynm  tunes  and  i  of  coarse 
have  did  most  all  the  wirk.  Pewt  and  Beany  come 
over  tonite  and  fixed  up  what  we  shall  do  to  the 
minister,  jest  you  w^ait  and  see  old  mister  minister. 
i  bet  mother  wil  be  glad  and  Aunt  Sarah  two.  To 
morrow  the  minister  comes,  i  bet  he  will  wish  he 
dident. 

July  1 8,  brite  and  fair,  we  have  had  a  grate  time. 
i  never  had  sutch  a  time  in  my  life,  i  gess  nobody 
ever  did  befoar.  everyone  is  in  bed  xausted  but 
me.  they  think  i  am  in  bed  but  i  am  wrighting  this, 
last  nite  me  and  Beany  and  Pewt  talked  over  what 
we  shood  do  to  the  minister,  i  told  them  what  father 
done  to  old  man  Ellis  and  Pewt  wanted  to  do  that 
but  i  thot  perhaps  i  mite  not  get  the  rite  chair  to  put 
the  bumblebeas  in  and  if  father  set  on  them  i  mite 
as  well  run  away  to  sea.  then  peeple  has  been  knowed 
to  tare  off  their  britches  when  they  are  stang  by 
the  hornits  and  bumblebeas  and  if  the  minister  done 
that  it  would  be  very  mortifiing  to  my  mother  and 
my  aunt  Sarah  and  my  sisters  Keene  and  Cele. 

so  we  desided  that  woodent  be  proper  althoug  we 
wanted  to  like  time,  then  Beany  wanted  to  put  a 
live  snaik  in  his  hat,  but  we  desided  the  snaik  wood 
scare  mother  and  my  aunt  Sarah  and  my  two  sisters 
to  detK  then  Pewt  he  sed  less  dig  up  some  of  those 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  35 

red  stink  wirms  behine  the  barn  and  put  a  handfull 
in  his  hat.  you  know  they  smell  so  that  you  have 
to  use  soft  soap  and  sand  and  scrub  your  hands  2 
or  3  days  before  you  can  get  it  off.  so  neether  of 
us  wanted  to  tuch  one. 

then  i  sed  mother  is  going  to  set  the  table  and 
put  on  all  the  chicken  and  gelly  and  butter  and  cake 
and  creem  and  everything  and  cover  them  with  the 
fli  screens  and  shet  the  doors  and  have  nobody  go 
in  until  super  is  ready,  super  is  to  be  at  six  and  she 
is  going  to  have  evrything  ready  at  five  and  then 
they  are  all  going  upstairs  and  dress  up  in  their 
best  and  curl  Celes  hair  and  ty  up  Keenes  hair  with 
a  red  ribon  becaus  her  hair  wont  curl  and  dress 
Georgie  and  Annie  and  Frank  and  the  baby  and  maik 
father  put  on  a  cleen  coler  and  shert  and  black  his 
boots  and  promise  to  be  cairful  not  to  say  ennything 
that  would  shok  the  minister,  so  i  sed  less  go  in  the 
kitchen  and  ketch  about  2  million  flise  and  put  them 
under  the  fli  serenes,  and  they  sed  i  was  a  buster 
to  think  it  up. 

well  at  five  oh  clock  the  table  was  all  set  and  it 
looked  fine,  i  never  see  it  look  so  good,  so  after 
the  folks  had  went  up  stairs  me  and  Pewt  and 
Beany  clim  into  the  kitchen  and  cougt  a  bushel  of 
flise  and  tiptode  into  the  dining  room  and  lifted  up 


36  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

the  serenes  and  put  them  under,  after  we  had  prety 
near  filled  the  serenes  we  tiptode  out. 

well  father  he  came  home  and  swoar  when  he 
had  to  put  on  a  cleen  shert  and  coler  and  i  blacked 
his  boots,  i  have  to  do  evrything  of  coarse,  that 
is  what  i  am  for  so  evryone  thinks,  mother  had 
on  her  black  silk  dress  with  some  lase  round  her 
neck  and  Aunt  Sarah  two  and  the  girls  was  all 
dressed  up  and  father  two  and  they  all  looked  fine, 
mother  looked  the  best,  she  always  does  and  Aunt 
Sarah  the  next.  Keene  sed  i  hadent  blacked  the 
back  part  of  my  shoes  and  that  wasent  enny  of  her 
business  and  so  i  told  her  to  shet  up  and  she  made 
a  face  and  run  out  her  tung.  then  father  he  sed 
now  if  you  two  children  begin  enny  of  that  you 
will  go  to  bed  lifely.  so  we  both  shet  up.  well  we 
wated  and  wated  and  the  minister  dident  come  and 
we  wated  sum  more  and  the  minister  dident  come 
and  i  got  scart,  becaus  if  he  dident  come  the  folks 
woodent  see  the  goke  and  i  wood  get  time  paisted 
out  of  me.  well  finally  the  bell  rung  and  Cele  \vent 
to  the  door.  Keene  was  mad  because  she  coodent 
and  she  started  to  run  out  her  tung  at  Cele  and  *:hen 
she  remembered  what  father  sed  and  she  stoped 
just  in  time. 

Sure  enuf  it  was  the  minister  and  he  sed  he  was 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  37 

deiade  because  he  had  to  reprove  thoughtless  boys 
whitch  were  ketching  small  and  innosent  fish  with 
sharp  hooks,  father  whispered  to  me  that  is  a  hell 
of  a  reeson  for  keeping  a  man  starving  to  deth  and 
i  laffed  but  nobody  paid  attension  to  me.  well  they 
all  shook  hands  with  the  minister  and  Cele  made  a 
curtsy  and  sed  tea  is  ready  and  we  all  marched  out 
into  the  dining  room  mother  and  the  minister  first, 
then  father  and  Aunt  Sarah  and  then  Keene  and 
Cele  and  then  the  little  ones  and  Georgie  and  i  come 
last  as  i  always  do  when  there  aint  enny  wirk  to  do. 
well  as  soon  as  they  got  in  i  herd  them  all  draw, 
a  long  breth  and  then  Aunt  Sarah  sed  for  mersey 
sakes  and  mother  she  sed  for  heavens  sake  and  father 
he  sed  for  goddlemity  sakes  and  the  minister  he  sed 
my  greef  what  a  disgusting  site,  well  you  cood 
hardly  see  the  things  to  eat  they  was  so  covered 
with  flise.  then  i  winked  at  mother  and  sed 

god  made  the  little  fli 

and  if  you  crush  it  it  will  die 

and  then  i  winked  again  but  mother  she  dident  laff 
back  and  father  grabed  me  by  the  neck  and  sed  did 
you  do  this  devilish  thing  and  he  shook  me  till  i 
cood  hardly  say  yes,  when  mother  made  him  put 
me  down,  then  she  sed  what  did  you  do  sutch  a 


38  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

dreafui  thing  for  and  when  i  heard  her  voice  i 
woodent  have  did  it  for  a  $1000,  and  i  sed  becaus 
the  minister  was  all  the  time  preeching  not  to  kill 
flise  and  mother  and  all  of  us  was  all  the  time  more 
you  dident  kill  them  the  more  you  had  to  flap  out 
and  it  got  so  that  you  dident  dass  to  eat  a  piece  of 
curant  cake  or  blewbery  bred  for  feer  it  wasent  what 
you  thought  it  was  and  mother  she  sed  and  then  i 
stoped  quick  for  i  dident  want  to  get  mother  in  a 
scraip  but  she  sed  go  on  and  tell  it  all. 

so  i  sed  she  sed  that  if  the  minister  had  to  fite 
with  about  leven  milion  flise  evry  day  in  summer 
for  evrything  he  et  or  drank  she  bet  he  woodent 
preech  god  made  the  little  fli  and  then  the  minister 
he  sed  but  my  dear  boy  god  did  make  the  little  fli 
dont  you  reelise  that  and  i  sed  and  god  made  swal- 
ows  and  kingbirds  and  leest  flicatchers  and  spiders, 
\vhat  have  you  got  to  say  about  that,  i  had  him 
there  but  father  sed  no  imperdence  young  man  tell 
us  all.  so  i  went  on  and  told  all  about  it,  what  Pewt 
sed  and  what  Beany  sed  and  what  i  sed  and  what 
we  done.  2  or  3  times  father  had  to  coff  awful  and 
wipe  his  eyes,  he  sed  he  got  sum  pepper  up  his 
nose  some  how  he  dident  know  how.  when  i  finished 
father  sed  you  go  to  your  room  and  i  will  see  you 
laiter.  so  i  went  up  stairs  and  wated  a  auful  long 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  39 

time  afrade  father  wood  come  up  and  lam  time  out 
of  me.  well  bimeby  Cele  come  up  and  sed  very 
solum  father  wants  to  see  you  down  stairs  in  the 
dining  room,  so  i  went  down  and  there  they  all 
set  at  the  table  with  a  new  super  ready  and  the  flise 
all  flaped  out.  all  but  the  minister,  father  he  sed 
sit  down  boy  and  have  sum  super  and  i  sed  aint 
you  going  to  lick  me  and  he  sed  not  if  i  know  myself 
and  i  sed  where  is  the  minister  and  father  he  sed 
he  has  went  home  mad.  i  tride  to  get  him  to  stay 
and  eat  super  with  us  and  i  tride  to  get  him  to  go 
to  Hirvey's  resterant  and  he  asted  me  if  i  was  going 
to  punish  you  and  i  sed  that  was  a  matter  between 
the  boys  mother  and  father  and  i  gessed  they  wood 
have  to  settle  that  themselfs  and  the  minister  was 
mad  and  woodent  stay. 

mother  she  sed  i  dont  think  %e  was  mad  George, 
i  think  he  was  hert.  father  he  laffed  and  sed  well 
if  i  had  acted  so  i  wood  have  been  mad  but  a  min 
ister  was  hurt,  ennyway  he  will  lern  something 
some  day  i  hoap.  then  he  filled  up  our  plates  and 
we  et  and  et  and  et  and  father  told  the  funiest  stories 
i  ever  heard,  we  laffed  so  we  cood  scarcely  eet. 
that  nite  after  i  had  went  to  my  room  father  he 
come  up  to  my  room  and  opened  the  door  and  sed 


40  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Harry  are  you  awaik.  i  had  heard  him  coming  and 
put  out  the  lite  and  gumped  into  bed.  i  sed  yes  sir 
and  he  sed 

god  made  the  little  fli 

and  if  you  crush  it  it  will  die 

and  then  he  shet  the  door  and  went  to  bed  . 


JTULY  18,  186-  i  bet  that  old  minister  wont  come 
to  our  house  again  verry  soon,  we  are  going 
back  to  the  unitarial  chirch.  they  have  got  a  new 
quire  there  and  Keene  and  Cele  are  going  to  sing  in 
the  unitarial  quire,  it  will  seem  kind  of  good  to  be 
there  again,  and  there  aint  enny  meeting  in  the  after 
noon  only  sunday  school,  i  dont  cair  mutch  about 
sunday  school  becaus  they  dont  lern  us  mutch  there. 

today  i  rode  horseback  with  Ed  Tole.  he  has  got 
a  little  red  pony  not  as  big  as  Nellie,  it  can  go  like 
time.  Ed  rides  it  without  a  sadle.  when  i  ride 
without  a  sadle  and  sturups  it  nearly  splits  me  in  too, 
and  hirts  my  backboan.  today  we  raced.  Nellie  can 
trot  faster  than  Eds  but  Eds  can  run  faster,  i 
woodent  swap  ennyway. 

July  19,  1 86-  hot  as  time,  today  i  met  my  uncle 
Robert,  he  aint  my  uncle  Robert  but  is  my  fathers 
uncle,  he  is  my  great  uncle  so  mother  says,  he 
aint  half  so  big  as  my  father,  he  is  my  grand 
fathers  brother,  my  grandfather  is  dead,  my  uncle 
Robert  aint  quite,  father  says  he  is  dead  but  dont 
know  it. 

well  ennyway  i  met  him  and  said  how  do  you  do 
41 


42  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

uncle  Robert  and  he  sed  whose  boy  are  you  and  i 
sed  i  am  George  Shutes  boy  and  he  sed  huh  i  hoap 
you  will  maik  a  better  man  than  your  father,  i 
wanted  to  say  sumthing  sassy  to  him  but  if  i  had 
sed  what  i  thought  father  wood  have  lammed  time 
out  of  me.  father  always  licks  me  for  mispoliteness 
and  imbehavior,  so  i  jest  looked  at  him  scornful 
and  timed  my  back  on  him.  he  had  went  along  so 
peraps  he  dident  see  me.  i  hoap  he  did.  i  bet  my 
father  is  5  times  as  good  as  uncle  Robert,  i  asted 
mother  and  she  sed  i  supose  sum  peeple  wood  say 
uncle  Robert  is  best  but  i  dont  quite  like  his  kind. 
i  told  father  what  uncle  Robert  sed  and  father  laffed 
and  sed  i  must  not  blame  uncle  Robert  becaus  after 
he  was  born  they  dident  find  it  out  for  several  weeks 
and  so  he  got  a  bad  start  and  hadent  never  cougt  up 
i  wonder  if  that  is  true  or  one  of  fathers  gokes 
i  can  always  tell. 

then  father  sed  that  Isac  was  a  grate  trile  to  uncle 
Robert  he  was  so  tuf ,  and  Aunt  Sarah  she  sed  why 
George  Shute  you  know  that  Isac  never  did  a  rong 
thing  in  his  life  and  father  sed  no  i  gess  he  dident 
but  if  he  had  been  aloud  to  go  with  me  and  Gim 
Melcher  and  Charles  Talor  and  the  rest  of  the  boys 
we  wood  have  made  a  man  of  Ike. 

July  20,  1 86-  father  has  bougt  2  sheep,     mother 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  43 

sed  what  in  the  wirld  do  you  want  2  sheep  for  and 
father  he  sed  he  got  them  cheep  becaus  they  dident 
have  enny  lamns  in  March,  father  says  they  may 
have  sum  enny  time  now  and  i  must  keep  my  eye 
pealed. 

I  have  wrote  a  poim  about  our  sheep. 

my  father  he  has  got  2  sheep 
he  got  them  most  almity  cheep 
but  if  them  sheep  dont  have  no  lamns 
he'll  fill  the  air  with  feerful  damns. 

aint  that  a  pretty  good  poim.  i  bet  Pewt  coodent 
wright  that  or  Beany  eether. 

July  21,  brite  and  fair,  i  dont  cair  this  time  for 
it  seams  good  to  go  to  the  Unitarial  once  more,  i 
bet  Beany  is  glad,  i  bet  Pewt  is  two.  i  staid  in 
the  barn  until  chirch  time  feeding  my  sheep.  Keene 
was  mad  and  sed  i  smelt  awful  barny.  Keene  feels 
prety  big  becaus  she  aint  got  to  set  in  the  same  phew 
with  me.  Beany  got  stang  by  a  hornet  in  the  organ 
lof  and  one  side  of  his  face  was  all  swole  up.  evry 
time  he  wood  look  out  evrybody  laffed.  so  after 
chirch  old  chipper  Burly  told  him  he  coodent  blow 
the  organ  ennymore  becaus  he  made  faces  and  made 
the  peeple  laff.  so  Beany  has  lost  his  gob  again, 
it  was  two  bad  becaus  Beany  coodent  help  it.  we 


44  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

are  going  to  get  up  a  partition  to  get  Beany  back. 

July  22,  186-  brite  and  fair,  it  is  feerful  dusty 
now  and  when  we  go  across  the  street  we  stamp  our 
feet  and  the  dust  comes  up  all  over  evrything.  it  is 
lots  of  fun  when  peeple  are  near  you.  went  in  swim- 
ing  4  times. 

July  23.  brite  and  fair,  i  had  tuf  luck  today, 
first  i  got  kept  in  the  yard  becaus  i  stamped  some 
dust  on  2  girls  whitch  was  going  down  town  in  white 
dresses,  mother  heard  them  jawing  me  and  come  out 
and  made  me  beg  there  pardon  and  she  give  them 
a  brush  and  dusted  them  off  and  told  me  to  stay  in 
the  yard  all  day.  then  this  afternoon  i  dident  have 
mutch  to  do  xcept  ho  the  garden,  all  the  fellers 
was  away  fishing  or  swimming  or  buterfliing,  so  i 
dident  have  much  to  do  and  when  old  John  Ouincy 
Adams  Polard  went  by  all  humped  up  over  his  cain 
i  was  picking  buggs  off  the  tomatoe  plants  and  i  jest 
coodent  help  it  and  let  ding  2  joosy  red  tomatoes 
at  him,  the  ferst  whized  by  his  head  and  he  looked 
around  jest  in  time  to  get  2th  rite  in  the  eye.  well 
it  squashed  all  over  his  face  and  he  began  to  sware 
and  to  lam  round  with  his  cane  and  claw  the  toma 
toe  out  of  his  eys.  then  he  come  rite  back  to  our 
house  and  i  squat  down  behine  the  tomatoe  plants. 
i  was  in  a  corner  and  coodent  get  out  and  he  made 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  45 

for  me  with  his  old  cain.  i  hollered  for  mother  and 
she  come  out  and  stoped  him  after  he  had  given 
me  2  bats  and  nocked  down  3  tomatoe  plants,  well 
mother  took  him  into  the  house  and  got  sum  water 
and  towels  and  washed  his  face  and  promised  to  have 
his  shert  washed,  then  i  had  to  beg  his  pardon, 
that  made  twice  in  one  day.  that  is  two  mutch  i 
think,  then  mother  sent  me  to  my  room  for  the 
rest  of  the  day.  so  i  staid  there  reading  for  a 
awful  long  time  and  then  i  was  trying  to  spit  in  the 
rane  baril  and  mother  caugt  me  and  sent  me  to  bed. 
a  feller  cant  do  nothing  without  being  snached  bald- 
headed. 

July  23,  1 86-  today  we  wrote  a  partition  to  get 
Beany  back  his  gob.  it  read  like  this, 

mister  Chipper  Burley.  Beany  wasent  making 
up  faces  last  Sunday  when  the  peeple  laffed.  he  was 
bit  by  2  yeller  jacket  hornits  behine  the  organ  and  he 
done  prety  well  not  to  holler  rite  out  loud,  most 
fellers  wood  have  done  it  but  not  Beany,  his  face 
was  all  onesided  and  looked  so  funny  that  peeple 
coodent  help  laffin.  his  face  is  funy  ennyway  but 
peeple  have  got  used  to  it  when  it  aint  swole  up. 
Beany  woodent  have  stuck  his  head  out  if  he  had 
gnew  how  he  looked,  he  was  not  to  blaim.  so  he 


46  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

wants  his  gob  back  and  we  hoap  you  wil  let  him 
come  back. 

Yours  very  respectively. 

well  we  got  a  lot  of  people  to  sine.  Earl  and  Cutts 
and  father  and  Mr.  Healy  and  Pewts  father  and  old 
man  Dow  and  evrybody  that  read  the  partition  sined 
it  and  slaped  their  leg  and  laffed.  sum  of  them 
roared  and  sed  i  gess  old  Chipper  will  take  notise 
of  that. 

well  then  we  drawed  lots  to  se  whitch  wood  read 
the  partition  to  Chipper  and  i  drawed  the  shortest 
one.  i  always  do  so  i  am  not  sirprized.  i  am  going 
up  to  Chips  tomorrow. 

July  24.  brite  and  fair,  i  went  up  to  Chips  to 
day,  he  was  in  Boston. 

July  25.  if  we  dont  have  rane  before  long  father 
says  there  wont  be  ennything  to  eat  nex  year,  went 
up  to  Chips  again  today,  he  hadent  got  home  from 
Boston. 

July  26,  i  will  never  speek  to  Chipper  Burley 
again,  he  has  got  the  wirst  temper  i  ever  see.  he 
gets  mad  for  nothing,  i  never  see  such  a  man,  i 
went  up  today,  i  met  2  or  3  men  whitch  sined  the 
partition  and  they  asted  me  if  i  had  seen  Chip  and 
i  sed  no  and  they  sed  wel  go  up  as  soon  as  you  can 
so  i  went  up.  a  servant  girl  came  to  the  door  and 


B.RITE  AND  FAIR  47 

told  me  Chip,  only  she  sed  mister  Burley  was  in  the 
greenhouse,  so  i  went  to  the  greenhouse  and  he 
was  there  with  mister  Busell  and  mister  Alfrid 
Coner  and  old  Charles  Coner  and  Joe  Hiliard.  he 
asted  me  what  i  wanted  and  i  told  him  and  he 
winked  at  the  other  men  and  sed  read  it  and  i  started 
to  read  it  and  i  had  jest  got  as  far  as  mister  Chipper 
Burley  when  he  got  mad  and  grabed  it  and  toar  it 
up  and  chased  me  almost  down  to  front  streete.  i 
wish  i  gnew  what  he  was  mad  about,  i  dident  do  a 
thing  but  jest  start  to  read  it.  i  bet  i  wont  go  there 
again. 

July  27,  1 86 —  rany  and  thunderry.  i  always 
thougt  a  girl  with  red  hair  and  frekles  wood  taist 
jest  like  dandy  lions  when  you  bite  them,  i  meen 
of  course  bite  the  dandylions.  i  meen  when  you 
kiss  the  girl,  i  dont  know.  some  day  i  am  going 
to  find  out. 

July  28,  1 86 —  i  wunder  why  i  wrote  what  i  wrote 
yesterday,  if  i  thougt  ennybody  wood  ever  read 
this  diry  i  wood  have  toar  that  out.  ennyway  that 
is  what  i  always  thougt.  i  bet  sum  of  the  fellers 
know,  but  i  dont.  Beany  has  got  his  gob  back. 
they  coodent  get  ennyone  else  to  taik  it.  his  face 
has  all  gone  down  so  it  is  not  funny  enny  moar.  at 


48  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

least  it  is  not  enny  funnier  than  usual  and  we  are 
used  to  that. 

July  29,  1 86 —  it  was  hot  as  time  today,  this 
afternoon  me  and  Cawcaw  Harding  went  up  to  the 
gravil  to  go  in  swiming  and  jest  as  we  was  jest 
ready  to  dive  in  a  cold  mist  came  up  and  we  nearly 
froze  be  f oar  we  cood  find  our  close,  i  tell  you  we 
dresed  prety  quick  and  hipered  for  home,  father 
sed  it  was  a  sea  tirn  and  sumtimes  horses  and  catel 
has  been  lost  and  froze  to  deth  by  them  and  i  had 
beter  be  cairful  about  going  in  swiming  when  it  is 
too  hot.  i  never  know  when  father  is  goking.  one 
day  i  asted  him  what  the  fellers  witch  lived  in  south 
America  and  Africa  did  for  snow-baling  and  he  sed 
that  the  snow  was  so  hot  sumtimes  that  they  had  to 
cool  their  snow  balls  be  f  oar  they  pluged  them  at 
other  felers  or  they  wood  scald  them  or  burn  them 
bad.  i  gnew  that  father  was  goking  that  time  but 
the  nex  day  in  school  i  read  in  a  school  book  that  a 
man  once  froze  water  in  a  red  hot  cup.  so  peraps 
he  wasent  goking  after  all. 

July  30  1 86 —  i  have  to  cut  grass  for  them  sheep 
evry  day  now  and  it  taiks  a  lot  of  time  when  i  cood 
be  fishing,  i  never  see  such  things  to  eat.  always 
baaing  for  sumthing  to  eat.  today  they  et  a  whole 
cabbije  i  hooked  out  of  J.  Albert  Clarks  garden,  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  49 

a  bushel  of  grass  i  cut  over  by  the  high  school  and 
sum  carots  and  sum  meal  and  hay  and  a  lot  of 
potatoe  pealings  and  2  peaces  of  lettis  and  drank  hafr" 
a  pale  of  water  and  tiped  over  3  whole  pales  full, 
one  is  tame  and  follows  me  round,  that  is  the  old 
one.  the  young  one  is  wild  and  if  i  dont  look  out 
wil  butt  me  when  i  aint  looking  and  where  i  aint 
xpecting  it.  once  she  nocked  me  over  and  i  hit  her 
with  a  stick  hard,  so  now  when  i  get  in  the  pen 
she  gets  in  the  corner,  she  knows  she  cant  fool 
with  me.  i  guess  not. 

July  31,  1 86 —  this  morning  we  heard  a  awful 
baaing  in  the  sheep  pen  and  father  called  me  erly 
and  we  went  out.  what  do  you  think  they  was  3 
lamns  there.  2  was  ded.  the  old  sheep  the  one 
that  i  liked  becaus  she  was  tame  was  the  one  whitch 
lamns  was  ded.  she  was  runing  up  and  down  and 
smelling  of  them  and  baaing,  then  she  wood  waulk 
away  from  them  and  look  round  and  see  if  they 
was  folowing  her  and  when  she  see  that  they  dident 
she  wood  come  back  and  baa  sum  more. 

father  he  sed  thunder  that  is  too  bad  we  will  have 
to  berry  them,  i  dont  want  your  mother  to  see 
them,  it  wil  maik  her  feel  terrible,  so  i  got  a 
spaid  and  father  took  up  the  2  little  lamns  and  we 
went  out  behine  the  barn  and  father  dug  a  hole  and 


50  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

then  we  rapped  them  up  in  sum  brown  paper  and 
berrid  them,  when  we  went  back  to  the  barn  the 
old  sheep  was  baaing  terrible  and  runing  from  one 
end  of  the  pen  to  the  other  end.  her  eyes  stuck  out 
of  her  haid  and  she  looked  at  us  as  if  she  was 
asking  us  where  her  lamns  was.  father  sed  thunder 
this  is  tuf  what  in  time  can  we  do.  i  sed  i  dont 
know  and  he  sed  he  dident  supose  i  did  he  never 
gnew  me  to  know  ennything  when  it  was  asted.  so 
he  patted  her  head  and  called  her  a  good  old  girl  and 
i  got  sum  grass  for  her  but  she  woodent  eat.  the 
other  lamn  was  all  right  but  the  first  thing  i  gnew 
the  mother  sheep  nocked  her  oan  lamn  over,  jest 
butted  it  over,  father  sed  hell  and  he  was  over  the 
fence  in  jest  2  secunds.  then  he  let  her  up  and  she 
backed  into  a  corner  shaiking  her  head. 

then  the  lamn  kind  of  teetered  up  to  her  wobbly  as 
time  and  tried  to  suck  and  she  butted  him  again  and 
nocked  him  down  and  father  grabed  her  by  the 
back  of  the  neck  with  one  hand  and  by  the  end  of 
her  back  with  the  other  and  sed  now  old  lady  you 
will  do  one  of  2  things  in  about  2  minits.  eether 
nurse  this  lamn  or  go  down  to  butcher  Haleys.  so 
i  poked  the  lamns  nose  under  the  sheep  and  in  a 
minit  it  was  sucking  like  a  good  one  and  wigling  its 
tale  like  a  snaik  when  you  step  on  its  head,  the 


B.RITE  AND  FAIR  51 

old  sheep  tried  to  butt  and  kick  and  get  away  but 
she  mite  jest  as  wel  have  tride  to  brake  away  from  a 
steal  trap,  i  bet  my  father  cood  hold  a  wild  bu\\ 
of  bastem  that  the  minister  talked  about  if  he  had 
him  by  the  neck  with  one  hand  and  the  tale  with 
the  other,  i  tel  you  that  lamn  had  a  good  time, 
after  he  dident  want  enny  more  father  put  him  in 
another  pen  and  let  the  old  sheep  go.  this  noon  he 
held  her  again,  it  took  us  so  long  that  it  was  too 
lait  to  go  to  chirch.  i  bet  i  dident  feel  bad.  after 
dinner  father  held  her  again,  tonite  he  held  her  a 
few  minits  and  then  he  let  me  hold  her.  she  only 
yanked  once  but  i  held  her  as  good  as  father. 

August  i,  1 86 —  this  morning  father  dident  have 
time  to  hold  the  sheep  so  he  hollered  up-stairs  for 
me  to  get  up  and  hold  her.  then  i  heard  the  door  of 
the  hack  slam  and  i  thought  as  long  as  father  had 
went  to  the  trane  i  woodent  hurry  and  the  nex  i 
gnew  mother  was  shaiking  me  and  teling  me  that  it 
was  eigt  oh  clock  and  that  my  lamn  was  bleeting 
terrible,  so  i  gumped  up  and  dresed  and  run  down 
and  put  the  lamn  in  the  pen  and  clim  after  it.  the 
old  sheep  backed  into  a  corner  when  i  went  towerds 
her  and  stamped  her  front  foot  and  be f oar  i  cood 
gump  to  one  side  she  hit  me  with  her  head  and 
nocked  me  flat,  i  gnew  beter  than  to  get  up  and  so 


52  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

i  roled  over  towerds  her  and  got  her  by  the  legs  and 
then  i  got  a  good  grip  in  her  wool,  we  had  a 
regular  rassel  and  she  draged  me  all  over  the  pen.  i 
held  on  like  a  good  feler  and  bimeby  i  got  her  in  a 
corner  head  ferst.  then  the  lamn  woodent  come  to 
suck,  i  gess  he  was  scart.  i  dident  blame  him  for 
i  was  scart  two.  if  i  hadent  been  scart  i  would  have 
let  go  so  i  hollered  for  Keene  but  nobody  cairn,  i 
cood  hear  them  ratling  dishes  and  eating  breckfast 
and  i  was  most  starved  to  death  and  i  dident  dass  to 
let  go  of  that  old  sheep,  so  i  hung  on  and  began  to 
call  the  lamn.  it  wood  baa  and  come  prety  nearly 
up  and  then  run  back.  bimeby  it  come  so  near  that 
i  cood  reech  it  but  when  i  let  go  of  the  sheep  with 
one  hand  she  began  to  kick  and  strugle  and  i  had 
another  rassel  with  it.  i  was  most  tuckered  out 
when  she  stoped  to  rest  again,  then  i  hollered  for 
sumone  to  come  but  nobody  caim.  then  i  hapened 
to  think  that  in  the  Swiss  Family  Robinson  that  the 
father  was  triing  to  ride  a  wild  ass  and  it  kicked 
and  bit  and  rared  and  plungged  and  the  only  way  to 
stop  him  was  to  bite  his  ear.  so  when  he  rared  up 
strait  he  grabed  his  ear  with  his  teeth  and  bit  it 
throug  and  the  ass  got  down  on  his  feet  once  more 
and  stoped  kicking  and  biting  and  plungging  and  he 
never  had  enny  moar  trubble  with  him. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  53 

so  i  made  up  my  mind  that  when  that  sheep  began 
to  tare  round  again  i  wood  try  it.  so  bimeby  the 
little  lamn  come  up  close  and  i  let  go  one  hand  to 
stick  the  lamns  head  in  place  when  the  old  sheep 
began  to  try  to  get  away  and  i  got  both  arms  round 
its  neck  tite  and  grabed  its  ear  with  my  teeth  and 
bit  as  hard  as  i  cood.  well  i  wish  you  cood  have 
saw  what  hapened.  i  never  gnew  wether  she  timed 
a  back  summerset  or  i  did.  i  gess  we  both  did.  she 
led  out  a  baa  and  slamed  me  down  on  the  floor  and 
trod  al  over  me  and  butted  me  over  and  tride  to 
gump  out  of  the  pen.  while  i  was  on  the  ground 
and  she  was  steping  on  me  i  caugt  her  by  the  legs 
and  down  she  went  and  most  squashed  me  flat  and 
one  of  her  feet  trod  on  my  head,  you  jest  bet  i  hol 
lered  and  then  Keene  and  Cele  and  mother  and 
Aunt  Sarah  come  out  and  told  me  to  get  out  of  the 
pen  befoar  i  was  killed,  i  had  been  triing  to  get 
out  ever  since  i  bit  her  but  she  seamed  to  be  evry- 
where  to  onct.  when  they  come  she  ran  into  a 
corner  and  i  clim  out.  i  was  all  covered  with  dirt 
and  my  nose  was  skined  and  my  close  toar.  Keene 
asted  me  if  i  had  ben  playing  ring  round  a  rosy 
and  mother  told  her  that  she  must  wash  and  mend 
my  close  for  that  before  she  went  out  of  the  yard, 
so  i  gess  Keene  wont  be  so  smart  another  time,  i 


54  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

went  back  to  my  room  and  changed  my  close  and 
washed  my  face  and  hands  and  mother  put  some 
plaster  on  my  face,  then  i  had  breckfast. 

tonite  i  am  so  tired  that  i  cant  wright  enny  more, 
tomorrow  i  will  tell  how  we  fed  the  lamn.  i  have 
got  so  i  can  handle  the  sheep  all  right.  Sam  Dire 
done  it. 

August  2  1 86 —  brite  and  fair,  yesterday  after  i 
had  by  breckfast  mother  told  me  to  ask  Sam  Dire 
what  to  do  to  fed  the  lamn.  mother  says  Sam 
Dire  is  the  lady  from  Philydelfia  like  the  story  of 
the  Peterkin  family  in  the  young  folks,  when  the 
Peterkin  family  in  the  magasine  is  stuck  and  dont 
know  w7hat  to  do  they  go  to  the  lady  from  Phily 
delfia  who  tells  them  jest  what  to  do.  so  mother 
sends  for  Sam  Dire  when  she  dont  know  what  to 
do.  so  Sam  he  came  over  and  clim  into  the  pen 
and  grabed  the  old  sheep  and  held  her  until  i  got  the 
lamn  and  it  had  enuf. 

then  Sam  he  went  over  to  the  blacksmith  shop  and 
he  made  2  rings  of  iron,  then  he  got  a  strap  with 
a  buckel  and  he  put  the  strap  with  a  ring  on  it 
round  her  neck,  then  he  fassened  a  peace  of  close- 
line  to  the  ring  and  run  it  throug  the  other  ring 
whicht  he  had  fassened  to  a  beem  in  the  corner 
and  brougt  the  end  of  the  roap  out  of  the  pen  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  55 

tide  it.  so  all  i  have  to  do  now  is  to  pull  her  up  to 
the  ring  and  ty  the  roap.  then  i  get  my  gnee  agenst 
her  and  she  cant  move,  i  done  it  at  noon  and  at 
nite.  she  holds  back  when  i  pull  but  when  i  brace 
my  feet  agenst  the  side  of  the  pen  and  pull  you  bet 
she  has  to  come,  that  was  prety  good  of  Sam. 
tonite  father  nearly  dide  when  i  told  him  about 
biting  her  ear  and  mother  told  him  how  i  looked, 
he  went  over  and  paid  Sam  25  cents  and  told  him 
he  was  a  beter  inventer  than  the  man  which  invented 
hot  water  and  i  tell  you  Sam  was  pleased  most  to 
deth. 

August  3,  1 86 — i  think  Lizzie  Tole  is  the  pretyest 
girl  i  ever  see  in  my  life,  it  looks  as  if  Beany  wood 
get  her.  still  i  am  heaping. 

August  4,  1 86 —  i  woodent  have  ennybody  read 
this  diry  for  2  million  dollars,  i  am  very  cairful 
about  it.  Beany  is  a  prety  good  feller  but  there  is 
sum  things  that  no  feller  can  stand,  i  gess  Ed  Tole 
likes  me  better  than  he  does  Beany  but  Lizzie  dont. 
I  wood  ruther  have  it  the  other  way.  still  i  am 
heaping.  Beany  may  see  sumbody  he  likes  better, 
so  may  she.  i  hoap  it  will  be  me.  i  forgot  to  say 
that  this  was  Sunday,  i  tride  to  get  father  to  let 
me  stay  at  home  to  taik  cair  of  the  sheep  but  he 
woodent.  he  staid  home  himself  to  look  after  them. 


56  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

i  dont  think  that  is  fair,  they  was  a  thunder  shower 
this  afternoon,  it  was  after  chirch  of  coarse,  it 
was  a  ripper,  it  struck  a  tree  up  on  Coart  strete 
and  split  off  a  big  lim.  i  have  to  wirk  prety  hard 
cutting  grass  for  them  sheep. 

August  5,  1 86 —  i  have  to  wirk  harder  than  enny 
feller  i  know,  all  Beany  has  to  do  is  to  split  kinlins 
and  lug  in  wood  and  get  water  from  the  well  with 
the  old  chane  and  windlas  and  that  is  always  fun 
becaus  a  feller  always  splashed  the  water  all  over 
him  and  sumtimes  the  chane  brakes  and  they  have  to 
fish  for  it  with  hooks  and  sumtimes  things  get  in  the 
well  and  you  cant  use  the  water  for  a  long  time  and 
then  Beany  has  to  come  over  to  my  house,  once  a 
cat  got  drownded  in  Beanys  well.  Beany  cood  see 
it  floating  round  but  me  and  Beany  was  mad  and 
he  sed  he  never  wood  come  over  to  my  house  again 
or  speak  to  me  as  long  as  he  lived,  so  Beany  dident 
say  nothing  to  his  family  but  kep  on  luging  in  pales 
of  water,  bimbye  the  water  began  to  smel  bad  and" 
taist  feerful  and  Beanys  father  xamined  the  well 
after  about  a  week  more  and  found  the  old  ded  cat 
and  there  was  a  dred^ul  time  and  Beany  got  a  lick 
ing  and  had  to  comr  over  to  our  house  for  water 
until  his  well  was  clened  out.  ennyway  we  had  made 
up.  guess  what  we  got  mad  about,  i  treted  Lizzie 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  57 

to  gibs  and  Beany  got  mad  and  woodent  speek  to  me 
or  to  her.  then  he  bought  a  prize  packige  of  candy 
and  got  a  ring  that  was  wirth  a  grate  deel  of  money 
and  gave  it  to  her  and  now  she  goes  with  Beany 
and  dont  speek  to  me.  i  am  never  going  with  girls 
again,  ennyway  me  and  Beany  are  all  rite  again. 

August  6  1 86 —  brite  and  fair.  Pewt  is  wirking 
for  his  father  painting  the  Academy  fence,  he  says 
he  gets  one  dollar  and  a  quarter  a  day.  gosh  i  wun- 
der  if  he  does.  Beany  says  Pewt  dont  get  fifty 
cents  a  year.  Pewt  woodent  wirk  if  he  dident  get 
paid,  he  always  has  got  money  too.  so  i  gess  he 
gets  sum  pay.  i  almost  never  have  enny  money 
xcept  when  i  let  my  boat  and  bisness  is  poar  this 
summer,  i  doant  beleve  i  have  ernt  2  dollars  this 
summer,  i  think  father  had  aught  to  pay  me  fer  all 
the  wirk  i  do.  i  am  tired  of  that  old  sheep,  i  wish 
a  dog  wood  come  in  some  day  and  kill  it.  we  all 
like  the  lamn.  it  is  geting  so  it  can  eat  grass  a 
little,  evry  day  i  ty  the  old  sheep  out  in  the  grass. 
i  wish  it  was  ded.  evry  time  it  baas  i  have  to  give  it 
sumthing.  i  wood  like  to  give  it  sum  poizon. 

August  7  186 —  hot  and  thundery.  Cele  is  read 
ing  the  bible  throug.  she  reads  a  chapter  evry 
morning,  she  is  terible  religius.  she  is  a  grate 
reader  of  dime  novels,  she  reads  all  mine,  father 


58  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

lets  me  read  them,  he  says  he  likes  to  read  them 
himself,  it  is  all  indian  fiting.  Cele  has  read  Nat 
Todd  the  Traper  and  Billy  Bolegs  and  Scalploc 
Sam  and  Mountain  Mike  and  One  Eyd  Pete  and  lots 
of  them,  she  says  she  likes  the  biole  best,  i  dont 
beleve  it.  she  has  got  as  far  as  the  2th  palsam. 
once  father  made  me  lern  a  palsam.  he  gave  me 
10  cents,  i  have  tride  to  forget  it  and  it  is  most 
forgot,  it  goes  like  this. 

day  unto  day  utterith  speach  and  nite  unto  nite 
showeth  gnowledge. 

there  is  no  speach  nor  gnowledge  where  thy  voice 
is  not  heard,  that  is  all  i  can  remember  now.  once 
i  cood  say  it  all  but  i  dident  know  what  it  ment.  i 
gnew  what  the  10  cents  was  for. 

mother  dont  believe  it  wil  do  Cele  eny  good  to 
read  dime  novels  but  father  says  it  will  help  her 
atain  a  hapy  medium. 

August  8,  1 86 —  mother  dont  like  to  have  Cele 
read  dime  novils.  father  dont  cair.  i  dont  cair 
much  so  long  as  father  dont  stop  me.  of  course 
Cele  cood  read  mine  after  i  had  got  throug  them, 
but  Cele  wont  do  that,  she  is  two  good  for  this 
wirld.  it  is  funny.  Cele  is  as  stuffy  as  a  bull  dog 
but  she  has  got  a  new  England  consciense,  so  father 
says,  and  if  mother  tells  her  not  to  read  dime  novils 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  59 

she  woodent  do  it  to  saive  her  life,  but  if  Cele 
thougt  it  was  rong  to  read  dime  novils  mother  and 
father  cood  lam  time  out  of  her  but  they  coodent 
maik  her  read  them,  she  thinks  it  is  rite  to  read 
dime  novils  but  if  mother  tells  her  not  to  she  wont 
read  them  if  you  cut  her  rite  hand  off.  that  is  Cele. 
August  9,  1 86 —  me  and  Cele  are  reading  Wild 
Mag  the  Trappers  Bride,  she  has  got  to  the  nineth 
palsam  now.  she  gets  the  novil  when  i  am  cutting 
grass  for  that  old  sheep  and  i  get  it  when  she  is 
reading  the  palsams.  i  bet  i  can  remember  the  novil 
beter  than  she  can  the  palsam.  i  bet  she  can  two. 
Keene  dont  read  eether.  she  is  reading  Weded  but 
no  Wife  in  the  New  York  Legger.  i  think  mother 
dont  like  that  eether.  tonite  mother  and  father  had 
it  out.  father  sed  he  thougt  it  wood  be  all  rite  for 
Cele  to  read  novils  but  if  mother  sed  no  it  was 
going  to  be  no  and  that  is  all  there  was  about  it. 
Keene  coodent  keep  still  and  sed  it  aint  nice  to  read 
dime  novils  and  mother  sed  it  is  wirse  to  read  Weded 
but  no  Wife  in  the  Legger  and  father  sed  that  is  jest 
dam  rite  Joey,  he  calls  mother  Joey,  and  so  Keene 
has  got  to  stop  reading  that  story.  Cele  cried  and 
Keene  was  mad.  i  dident  yip  and  nothing  was  sed 
about  me.  i  know  when  to  keep  quiet  as  well  as 
the  nex  one.  this  is  one  of  them  times,  after  we 


60  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

had  went  out  i  told  Cele  i  wood  read  it  and  tell  her 
all  about  it  but  she  sed  no  it  woodent  be  rite  and  she 
went  off  balling  and  wiping  her  eyes,  she  red  2 
palsams  today  to  make  up.  i  am  glad  i  havent  got 
a  New  England  consciense.  it  is  a  awful  thing  to 
have  when  they  is  enny  fun  going,  i  hoap  i  shal 
never  have  one. 

August  10,  1 86 —  brite  and  fair,  the  ferst  chirch 
is  going  to  have  a  picknic  a  week  from  nex  Tuesday, 
father  says  i  cant  go  becaus  i  am  a  unitarial.  i  dont 
see  why.  i  used  to  go  to  the  ferst  chirch. 

August  n,  1 86 —  Sunday  today,  it  raned  hard 
all  day.  it  is  the  ferst  time  i  ever  gnew  it  to  rane  on 
Sunday,  and  i  gess  it  is  the  ferst  time  it  ever  did  in 
this  wirld.  I  sed  i  wood  like  to  go  to  the  ferst 
chirch  and  Sunday  school  but  father  he  sed  not  mutch 
young  man,  but  so  long  as  you  are  so  anchious  to  go 
to  chirch  you  can  go  to  the  Unitarial  with  your  sis 
ter  Celia.  i  tride  to  get  out  of  it  but  he  made  me  go. 
so  me  and  Cele  went,  this  is  one  of  the  times  when 
i  dident  know  enuf  to  keep  still,  i  am  going  to  that 
picknic  sumhow.  unitarials  dont  never  have  pick- 
nics.  that  is  the  only  thing  i  have  got  agenst  them. 

August  12,  1 86 —  in  3  weks  from  today  school 
begins  again,  i  dont  like  to  think  of  it.  it  is  a 
shaim.  i  waulked  down  town  with  the  ferst  chirch 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  6l 

minister  Mister  Borows  today,  he  asted  me  why 
we  dident  go  to  his  chirch  enny  more  and  sed  that 
he  missed  my  sisters  singing  in  the  quire,  he  dident 
say  ennything  about  missing  me.  i  told  him  we  was 
all  crasy  to  get  back  to  his  chirch  and  Sunday  school, 
only  i  called  it  sabath  school  becaus  ministers  always 
call  it  that  and  evrybody  else  doesent.  he  asted  me 
if  we  become  crasy  to  get  back  about  the  time  we 
heard  of  the  picknic  and  i  sed  no  not  exackly  then, 
for  we  had  always  felt  like  that  way  but  we  was 
more  crasier  when  we  heard  of  that,  all  he  sed  was 
hum.  that  can  meen  most  ennything  you  know,  i 
am  going  to  that  picknic  sumhow.  i  wish  that  old 
sheep  was  ded.  if  i  see  a  bear  climing  the  fense  to 
kill  that  sheep  and  take  off  her  skin  and  rap  it  up 
in  a  neet  roll  the  Avay  bears  do  and  then  eat  it,  i 
mean  the  sheep  and  leeve  the  skin  and  i  had  a  gun  in 
my  hand  i  woodent  shoot  that  bear,  that  is  the  way 
i  feel  about  her.  evry  time  i  want  to  go  ennywhere 
i  have  to  taik  cair  of  that  old  sheep  ferst. 

August  13,  1 86 — •  i  havent  seen  a  show  in  Exeter 
for  a  long  time.  i  wish  i  gnew  how  i  was  going  to 
that  picknic. 

August  14,  1 86 —  i  was  going  fishing  all  day  to 
day  and  taik  my  dinner  with  me  but  of  coarse  i 


62  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

had  to  come  back  at  one  oh  clock  to  feed  that  darned 
old  sheep,  i  wish  we  lived  in  a  bear  country. 

August  15,  1 86 —  brite  and  fair,  perhaps  if  i  did 
i  woodent  dass  to  go  fishing,  ennyway  i  wish  that 
old  sheep  was  ded.  i  am  still  heaping  to  go  to  that 
picknic. 

August  1 6,  1 86 —  we  have  had  a  terrible  xciting 
time  here  today,  if  it  hadent  been  for  Cele  we  wood 
have  lost  our  sheep,  me  and  Keene  fit  hard  with 
clubs  and  broomsticks  and  kicking  in  the  ribs  and 
pulling  his  tale  but  Cele  done  it.  i  shood  never  have 
thougt  of  it.  but  Cele  did.  father  says  Cele  is  a 
heroin,  he  says  Cele  has  got  some  branes  but  that 
me  and  Keene  has  got  moar  curage  than  jugment. 
He  says  mother  has  got  some  branes  two.  i  gess 
father  was  tickled  to  deth  about  it. 

well  this  is  the  way  it  was.  old  Henry  Dow  has 
got  a  awful  cros  dog.  when  it  aint  tide  he  keeps  it 
with  him.  today  it  got  untide  or  knawed  its  roap 
and  the  ferst  i  gnew  i  heard  Keene  begin  to  screach 
and  a  growl  and  a  kind  of  choking  sort  of  baa.  i 
was  up  in  the  barn  lof,  but  when  i  herd  that  i  come 
down  prety  quick,  when  i  got  there  old  Dows  dog 
had  that  sheep  rite  by  the  gozzle  and  had  throwed  it 
down,  the  lamn  was  trembling  and  baaing  and 
Keene  was  lamming  that  dog  with  a  broom  jest  as 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  63 

hard  as  she  cood  paist  him  and  screaching  as  loud 
as  she  cood.  he  dident  mind  the  broom  stick  enny 
more  than  a  fether.  i  ran  up  and  kicked  him  in  the 
ribs  but  that  dident  maik  him  let  go.  i  got  hold  of 
his  tale  and  pulled  and  kicked  but  he  hung  on. 
they  was  maiking  a  awful  choking  growly  noise, 
mother  run  out  and  then  run  back  and  i  herd  her 
pumping  a  pale  of  water  and  i  run  for  the  ax.  jest 
as  i  got  it  and  come  out  of  the  shed  Cele  come  taring 
out  of  the  house  with  sumthing  shiny  in  her  hand 
and  throwed  it  rite  in  that  dogs  nose  and  eys,  and 
he  let  go  nad  began  to  howl  and  paw  at  his  eys  and 
nose  and  role  over  and  tare  round,  peeple  were 
running  into  the  yard  and  mother  come  out  with  a 
pale  of  water  jest  as  Sam  Dire  clim  over  the  fense 
with  a  red  hot  iron  in  his  pinchers  and  come  taring 
up.  the  dog  had  scooted  for  horn  howling  bludy 
murder  and  when  Sam  got  there  he  was  so  xcited  he 
put  the  red  hot  iron  on  the  sheep  and  set  its  wool 
afire,  we  wood  have  had  roast  lamn  for  dinner  if  it 
hadent  been  for  mother  who  throwed  her  pale  of 
water  part  of  it  on  the  sheep  and  part  of  it  on  Cele 
who  got  in  the  way.  the  funny  part  of  it  was  that 
when  \ve  xamined  the  sheep  we  found  she  wasent 
hurt  mutch,  the  bull  dog  had  got  his  teeth  partly 
in  her  thick  wool  and  partly  in  her  lether  coller.  she 


64  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

was  scart  about  to  deth  and  kep  hudling  up  against 
us  like  a  cat.  Keene  she  sed  she  saw  the  whole  of 
it.  the  old  bull  dog  started  for  the  lamn  and  that 
old  sheep  whitch  had  never  liked  the  lamn  gumped 
rite  in  front  of  it  with  her  head  down  and  the  bull 
dog  gumped  and  grabed  her  instead  of  the  lamn.  if 
he  had  grabed  the  lamn  he  wood  have  killed  it  to 
onct.  tonite  father  asted  more  than  40  questions 
about  it.  he  sed  we  al  done  splendid,  that  me  and 
Keene  showed  grate  curage  but  that  Cele  and  mother 
showed  grate  jugment.  he  nearly  dide  laffing  when 
he  heard  Sam  Dire  set  fire  to  the  sheep,  he  sed  he 
gesed  Sam  dident  want  to  lose  his  heat,  father 
asted  Cele  how  she  hapened  to  think  to  do  that  and 
that  is  the  funny  part  of  it.  they  is  always  a  funny 
part  in  evrything  if  you  hunt  for  it.  sumtimes  you 
have  to  laff  at  funerals,  well  Cele  sed  that  in  Scalp- 
loc  Sam  a  bear  had  a  deth  grip  on  his  dogs  throte 
when  Scalploc  Sam  he  grabed  his  pepper  pot  and 
throwed  a  hanful  of  pepper  in  his  eys  and  nose  and 
while  the  bear  was  ritheing  in  agony  and  filling  the 
welkin  with  horid  roars  and  snarls  and  growls  Scalp 
loc  Sam  loded  his  thrusty  riffle  and  slew  him.  slew 
means  kill. 

so  that  give  Cele  the  idea  and  she  done  it.     she 
sed  she  dident  get  enny  help  from  the  palsams.     so 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  65 

mother  is  going  to  let  Cele  read  dime  novils  if  she 
dont  read  two  many,  then  Keene  up  and  sed  that 
she  had  aught  to  be  aloud  to  read  Weded  yet  no 
wife  but  mother  she  sed  no.  so  father  give  Keene 
15  cents  and  gave  me  ten  cents,  i  told  him  he  had 
aught  to  let  me  go  to  that  picknic  but  he  sed  he 
dident  believe  in  eleven  hours  conversion  i  told  him 
i  had  been  thinking  about  that  picknic  for  eleven 
days  and  he  laffed  and  sed  i  would  have  to  get  along 
with  that  ten  cents,  i  tell  you  we  was  all  tired  to- 
nite.  i  think  father  had  aught  to  let  me  go  to  that 
picknic.  i  am  stil  hoaping. 

August  17,  1 86 —  today  that  sheep  let  the  lamn 
suck  and  seamed  to  like  it.  she  rubed  agenst  me 
and  was  as  tame  as  the  old  one  \vas.  if  she  is  going 
to  ack  that  way  i  shall  like  her.  Beanys  father  is 
going  to  let  Beany  go  to  that  picknic.  Mister  Wat 
son  Beanys  father  rings  the  town  bell  and  is  the 
ganiter  of  the  ferst  chirch.  Beany  always  has  all  the 
luck,  i  dont  have  enny.  it  is  most  time  for  that 
picknic  but  nobody  aint  sed  nothing  to  me  about  it 
yet.  i  am  still  hoaping. 

August  1 8,  1 86 —  when  i  woke  up  this  morning  it 
was  raining  hard  and  it  raned  all  day.  this  is  the 
ferst  time  i  ever  gnew  it  to  do  that  and  the  2th  time 
i  ever  gnew  it  to  rane  on  Sunday,  today  i  split  the 


66  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

wood  and  luged  it  in  and  fed  the  sheep  and  did  all 
them  things  that  i  have  to  do  and  most  felers  dont 
have  to  do  and  then  i  read  awhile  and  we  talked 
about  the  bull  dog  and  the  sheep,  then  i  rote  a  poim 
about  it. 

one  day  in  sumer  in  Au-gust 

it  was  so  hot  we  nearly  bust 

my  sheep  was  painting  with  the  heat 

when  a  dog  came  taring  down  the  street 

and  then  without  delay  or  pause 

he  gumped  on  them  with  teeth  and  claus 

P.  S.  a  dog  aint  got  no  claus  to  clau  with,  only 
nails  and  nails  woodent  rime  with  pause. 

he  seezed  that  sheep  by  her  white  throte 
and  shook  her  till  she  was  all  aflote 
he  wood  have  killed  her  ded  rite  there 
when  my  sister  Keene  who  you  coodent  scare 
let  out  a  screech  you  cood  heard  a  mile 
and  laid  on  a  broom  in  her  very  best  style 
and  while  she  was  taning  his  mizable  hide 
i  give  him  sum  feerful  kicks  in  the  side 
and  squashed  him  almost  perfectly  flat 
but  he  wodent  let  go  for  all  of  that 
till  my  sister  Cele  came  runing  out 
with  a  scornful  look  on  her  hansom  snout 

(P.  S.  a  second  time,     it  is  a  kind  of  mean  thing 
to  say  about  my  sister  Cele  but  it  is  a  good  rime 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  67 

ennyway  as  long  as  i  sed  she  was  hansome  i  dont 
beleeve  she  wood  cair.) 

and  she  throwed  in  that  dogs  face  and  eys 
peper  enuf  to  make  40  Kyann  pepper  pyes 
and  that  dog  let  go  and  began  to  yell 
and  howl  as  if  he  was  rite  in  hell 

(P.  S.  3th  we  unitarials  say  there  aint  no  hell 
but  i  aint  sure) 

and  he  made  for  home  on  the  cleen  gump 

jest  as  mother  came  out  with  a  pale  from  the  pump 

and  old  Sam  Dire  clim  over  the  fench 

with  a  red  hot  iron  and  a  munky  rench 

(P.  S.  again,  fench  is  ment  for  fence,  poits 
can  do  this  whenever  they  have  to) 

and  he  set  on  fire  that  poor  sheeps  fur 

and  that  was  the  best  he  cood  do  for  her, 

but  mother  throwed  that  pale  of  water 

half  on  the  sheep  and  3  fourths  on  her  daughter 

and  Cele  sed  Sam  you  dam  big  lout 

just  what  in  hell  are  you  about? 

(P.  S.  once  more,  my  sister  Cele  never  sed  that 
really,  she  wood  ruther  cut  her  rite  hand  off  than 
use  such  langage.  but  nobody  but  me  will  ever 
read  this) 


68  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

and  Sam  sed  looking  verry  wize 
i  apoller-oler-ollergize. 
and  then  thinking  he  better  not  stop 
he  dim  the  fence  to  his  backsmith  shop 
and  oh  how  grateful  that  sheep  must  feel 
to  me  and  mother  and  Keene  and  Cele. 
but  old  Sam  Dire  has  went  to  his  shop 
where  we  certingly  hoap  old  Sam  will  stop. 

(P.  S.  the  last  time,  we  really  dont  hoap  so 
becaus  we  all  like  Sam  very  mutch.  Sam  is  one  of 
the  best  fellers  we  ever  gnew.  But  i  had  to  finnish 
the  poim  some  way.  ennyway  Sam  wont  ever 
read  it.) 

There  i  think  they  aint  many  better  poims  than  that. 
i  bet  the  Exeter  News  leter  wood  put  it  in  their 
paper  if  i  dassed  to  let  them,  i  bet  Beany  coodnt 
have  wrote  it.  i  bet  Pewt  cooderft  have  eether. 


A  UGUST  19,  1 86 — tomorrow  is  the  last  day 
before  the  picknic  and  i  am  still  hoaping.  it 
will  be  prety  mean  if  i  cant  go  to  that  picknic.  i  am 
stil  hoaping. 

August  20,  1 86 —  hooray  i  am  going  to  that  pick 
nic.  i  had  almost  given  up  hoap.  mister  minister 
Barrows  come  and  asted  me  if  i  wood  let  my  boat 
for  the  picknic.  i  sed  i  never  let  my  boat  to  a 
picknic  unless  i  rew  it  myself  becaus  i  never  gnew 
who  wood  row  it  and  how  they  wood  treet  it  and 
once  they  dident  bring  it  back  at  all  but  after  they 
had  used  it  all  day  they  left  it  up  river  and  dident  pay 
me  and  i  had  to  go  up  after  it  and  when  i  had 
waulked  three  miles  up  river  i  found  it  on  the 
other  bank  and  it  was  too  cold  to  swim  across  and 
i  had  to  waulk  way  back  to  the  brige  and  then  go  up 
on  the  other  side  to  get  it  and  it  took  me  most  all 
day  and  the  boat  was  all  full  of  dried  mud  and  ded 
hornpout  and  i  had  to  spend  the  rest  of  the  day 
in  washing  it  out  and  dident  get  enny  pay. 

wel  he  sed  they  wood  pay  me  well  and  wood  treet 
the  boat  verry  cari  fully  but  i  sed  i  coodent  trust  eny- 
body  eether  to  pay  for  the  boat  or  to  take  cair  of  it. 
so  i  sed  i  gess  i  dident  want  to  let  the  boat  unless  i 

69 


70  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

did  the  rowing  and  was  there  to  look  after  it.  i 
sed  it  was  the  only  boat  i  had  and  that  father  was 
always  telling  me  not  to  let  evry  Tom  Dick  and 
Harry  have  it  jest  becaus  they  wanted  it. 

he  sed  he  wood  assure  me  that  everything  \vood 
be  all  rite  if  i  wood  tell  him  how  mutch  i  wanted 
for  it  but  i  told  him  he  coodent  have  the  boat  unless 
i  went  with  it  and  he  had  beter  get  a  boat  of  sum- 
body  elce.  he  sed  that  my  boat  was  large  and  safe 
and  that  nobody  elce  has  so  good  a  boat. 

i  told  him  that  wasent  my  fault  but  that  was  the 
way  i  did  business,  so  after  awhile  he  sed  well  if  i 
wood  promise  to  do  all  the  rowing  that  he  wanted 
he  wood  ingage  me  and  my  boat  and  he  is  going 
to  give  me  50  cents,  i  only  get  25  cents  most  of  the 
time  but  i  thougt  i  had  augt  to  get  50  of  him.  so 
he  sed  all  rite  and  i  am  going,  when  father  come 
home  i  told  him  the  minister  had  sed  that  if  i  wood 
come  to  the  picknic  and  help  row  the  boat  he  would 
give  me  25  cents  moret  han  i  usally  got,  and  he 
sed  i  cood  do  it  if  he  wanted  me  as  bad  as  that,  i 
dident  tell  father  all  i  sed  to  the  minister  or  all  he 
sed  to  me.  i  dont  think  the  minister  wanted  me 
very  bad.  i  think  he  wanted  the  boat  more,  enny 
way  he  had  to  do  it.  tomorrow  i  am  going  to  wash 
the  boat  out  and  i  bet  i  will  have  a  good  time. 


B.RITE  AND  FAIR  71 

Keene  says  she  woodent  want  to  go  where  she 
wasent  wanted  but  i  told  her  that  when  they  paid 
me  twice  as  mutch  as  i  usally  got  it  showed  that  they 
wanted  me  prety  bad.  so  Keene  coodent  say  mutch 
to  that. 

August  28,  1 86 —  it  is  almost  time  for  school  to 
begin  and  i  have  lost  a  hole  week  in  bed  and  my  life 
has  been  despared  of.  i  dont  beleeve  enny  feller 
ever  was  so  sick  as  i  have  been  and  still  lived  to 
tell  the  tale,  doctor  Pery  sed  he  never  gnew  a  feller 
to  go  throug  what  i  have  went  throng  and  live,  it 
was  that  darn  picknic  that  done  it.  doctor  Perry 
says  they  aint  a  doctor  in  Exeter  that  dont  lay  in  a 
lot  of  extry  caster  oil  and  rubarb  and  sody  and  a 
new  popsquert  and  get  a  lot  of  sleep  the  nite  be f oar 
a  chirch  picknic.  he  sed  that  a  collick  from  eating 
two  mutch  is  bad  enuf  but  when  a  feller  is  all  swole 
up  with  poizen  ivory  leeves  two  it  is  wirse. 

it  is  a  very  long  story  and  i  dont  beleeve  i  can 
write  it  out  all  in  one  evining  becaus  sumtimes  my 
head  goes  round  like  a  button  on  a  barn  door  so 
father  sed. 

wel  the  morning  of  the  picnic  i  got  up  erly  and 
washed  out  my  boat  and  had  it  at  the  worf  when  the 
peeple  come  down,  mother  sed  she  dident  want  me 
to  go  unless  i  took  sumthing  for  them  to  eat  so  she 


72  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

put  me  up  a  half  dozen  donuts  and  sum  sanwiches 
and  sum  apple  tirnovers  and  a  little  bottel  of  pickels. 
well  i  thougt  they  wood  have  enuf  for  all  of  the 
people  without  that  and  so  i  et  it  all  while  i  was 
washing  out  the  boat,  i  gnew  i  was  a  going  to  have 
a  hard  days  wirk  and  i  wanted  to  be  ready  and  after 
i  had  hid  the  basket  and  had  the  boat  reddy  the 
peeple  began  to  come  down  to  the  worf.  they  had 
baskets  and  pales  and  paper  boxes  and  ice  creem 
freesers  and  bottels  and  plaits  and  goblets  and  mugs 
and  cups  and  brown  paper  packages  of  coffy  that 
smeled  awful  good  and  made  me  hungry  again 
althoug  i  had  et  a  hole  basket  full. 

well  the  minister  was  there  with  a  long  taled 
coat  and  a  white  neck  ty  and  decon  William  Henry 
Johnson  and  decon  Ambrose  Peevy  and  Aunt  Han- 
nar  Peevy  and  Widow  Sally  Mackintire  and  lots  of 
them  and  evrybody  was  talking  and  laffing  and  step 
ping  on  things  they  hadent  aught  to  step  on  and 
puting  things  in  rong  places  and  loosing  things  jest 
like  old  peeple  always  do. 

the  ferst  thing  they  done  was  to  pile  on  to  the 
worf  so  many  that  the  worf  sunk  down  and  the 
water  come  over  it  and  wet  most  of  there  feet  and 
they  al  screached  and  hipered  up  the  bank  and  then 
begun  to  blame  me  for  it  as  if  i  had  done  it  when  i 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  73 

was  in  the  boat  and  dident  tuch  their  old  worf .  and 
Mrs.  Lydia  Simpkins  shorl  went  floting  down  river 
and  i  had  to  row  out  and  get  it  and  she  sed  i  had 
augt  to  know  better  than  to  get  too  many  peeple 
on  a  worf  and  wet  their  feet  and  the  thougt  i  done  it 
a  purpose,  sum  peple  wood  have  given  me  ten  cents. 
she  mite  have  thanked  me.  the  minister  was  all  rite, 
he  sed  it  wasent  my  fait,  so  they  was  more  cairful 
nex  time  and  one  at  a  time  they  tiptode  acros  the 
worf  and  got  into  the  boats,  i  had  my  boat  full 
and  al  the  women  grabed  at  the  sides  of  the  boat  and 
hollered  wen  it  rocked  the  teentyest  bit. 

but  after  they  see  i  gnew  what  i  was  about  they 
begun  to  have  a  good  time  draging  their  hands  in  the 
water  and  setting  one  sided,  it  made  it  awful  hard 
to  row  but  i  dident  say  nothing  but  rew  as  hard  as 
i  cood.  i  dident  know  until  we  got  to  the  eddy 
woods  why  it  was  so  hard,  it  was  becaus  Thomas 
Edwin  Folsoms  coat  tales  were  draging  in  the  water 
all  the  way.  if  i  had  gnew  that  i  dont  beleeve  i  wood 
have  sed  nothing,  they  sung  songs  like  lightly  row, 
lightly  row  ore  the  sparkling  waives  we  go  and 
rocked  in  the  cradle  of  the  deep  and  come  away  come 
away  theres  moonlite  on  the  lake  and  row  brother 
row  the  stream  runs  fast  the  rapids  are  near  and 


74  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

the  boat  is — sumthing  or  other  i  have  forgot,     they 
always  sing  songs  like  them. 

when  we  got  up  to  the  Eddy  they  got  out  and  the 
decons  coat  tales  were  driping  over  his  hine  legs  so 
he  took  his  coat  off  and  hung  it  on  a  lim  of  a  tree  to 
dry.  then  i  had  to  lug  all  the  baskets  and  pales  up 
the  bank,  be f oar  i  went  down  for  a  second  lode 
of  peeple  Mrs.  Dearborn  give  me  2  more  sanwiches 
and  3  donuts  and  a  drink  of  lemonade  for  rowing 
them  so  good  and  when  i  had  et  them  i  started  down 
river  again,  it  was  bully  to  se  how  eesy  that  boat 
went  after  the  people  was  out.  it  was  jest  as  eesy 
as  nothing  at  all.  i  met  all  the  boats  comeing  up. 
they  was  rowing  evry  whitch  way.  the  oars  was 
splashing  and  not  keeping  time,  there  was  one  man 
whitch  thougt  he  was  a  grate  rower,  he  set  in  the 
back  rowing  seat  and  had  2  or  3  full  groan  peeple  in 
the  front  part  of  the  boat  and  a  little  dride  up 
woman  who  dident  weig  more  than  a  empty  basket 
on  the  back  seat  and  she  was  triing  to  steer  the  boat. 
the  bow  of  the  boat  was  sunk  down  and  the  stirn 
was  up  in  the  air  so  that  the  ruder  dident  tuch  the 
water,  the  boat  would  swing  round  and  the  man 
wood  pull  sideways  till  his  face  was  all  one  sided  and 
jaw  at  his  wife  becaus  she  dident  know  enuf  to  steer 
a  boat,  and  she  wood  paw  back  that  she  gnew  as 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  75 

mutch  about  steering  as  he  did  about  rowing,  they 
were  having  a  real  good  time. 

then  i  met  Beany  with  2  fat  wimmen  in  the  stirn 
seat  and  in  the  front  seat  Beany  was  up  so  high 
that  his  oars  cood  hardly  reech  the  water  and  the 
boat  was  one  sided  becaus  one  woman  was  twice  as 
fat  as  the  other  and  the  other  peeple  were  leening 
over  the  side  of  the  boat  and  Beany  was  sweting  like 
a  horse  and  mad  enuf  to  bite  a  peace  out  of  the  bow 
of  the  boat  and  eat  it  and  he  was  going  about  one 
mile  an  hour  and  his  face  was  as  red  as  Skiny 
Bruces  hair,  i  set  up  and  rew  with  long  even  stroaks 
and  fethered  my  oars  and  dident  splash  a  bit  and  the 
boat  went  on  an  even  keel  with  little  whirlpools 
when  the  oars  came  out  and  when  i  passed  Beany  the 
peeple  in  his  boat  sed  dont  that  Shute  boy  row  well, 
i  wish  he  was  rowing  this  boat,  if  he  was  \ve  wood 
get  there  sum  time  today,  and  Beany  was  mad 
and  i  heard  him  say  huh  old  Plupy  is  only  show 
ing  off. 

well  when  i  got  back  to  the  worf  there  was  sum 
more  peeple  wating  with  sum  milk  cans  of  lemonaid, 
and  a  freeser  of  ice  creem  and  i  was  so  hot  from 
rowing  so  hard  that  i  set  down  and  brethed  hard 
and  wiped  my  face  and  held  my  head  in  my  hands, 
they  asted  me  if  i  was  sick  and  i  sed  no  only  xasted 


76  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

becaus  i  am  so  thirsty  my  throat  is  dry.  so  they 
give  me  a  glas  of  lemonaid  and  a  saucer  of  ice  cream 
and  2  peaces  of  cake  and  after  i  had  et  that  i  sed  i 
felt  better  and  was  ready  to  row  them  up.  they 
asted  me  how  long  it  would  taik  and  i  sed  if  they 
wood  set  so  the  boat  wood  run  even  i  wood  do  it 
prety  quick,  so  they  done  as  i  sed  and  i  rew  steddy 
by  the  gravil  and  the  oak  and  the  cove  and  the  fishing 
bank  to  the  willows  whitch  is  haff  way  and  they  give 
me  2  glasses  of  lemonaid  and  when  i  had  drank  it 

1  started  again  and  rew  stedy  till  i  got  to  the  last  tirn 
when  i  passed  Beany  and  the  other  boats  that  the 
old  pods  were  rowing. 

when  i  went  by  Beany  he  sed  i  bet  you  havent  been 
way  down  to  the  worf  old  Plupe  and  the  peeple  in 
my  boat  sed  he  surely  has  and  the  fat  wimmen  in 
Beanys  boat  sed  the  nex  time  we  come  up  we  will 
get  him  to  row  us  and  not  you  Elbrige.  i  sed  to 
myself  low  so  they  woodent  hear  me  i  bet  you  wont 
if  i  can  help  it. 

well  i  landed  my  peeple  at  the  bank  and  luged 
up  their  stuff  be  f oar  Beany  got  there,  when  he  got 
there  a  awful  funny  thing  hapened.  Beany  he  give 

2  or  3  long  stroaks  to  land  the  boat  and  he  done  it 
pretty  good  for  him.    while  the  boat  was  running  in 
Beany  balanced  in  the  bow  ready  to  gump  out  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  77 

hold  it.  well  when  he  done  it  and  lifted  the  bow  to 
pull  up  the  boat  the  stirn  went  down  so  far  that  the 
water  came  over  the  side  of  the  boat  and  the  fat 
wimmen  wTere  setting  in  about  six  inches  of  water. 
well  they  screeched  and  tride  to  get  up  but  they 
was  weged  in  so  tite  that  they  coodent  till  2  of  the 
men  gumped  into  the  boat  and  yanked  them  up  and 
you  augt  to  hear  them  lay  into  Beany,  the  back 
of  their  dreses  was  sopping  wet. 

wel  peeple  had  put  up  swings  and  fellers  was  push 
ing  girls  in  swings  and  runing  under  them  and  sum 
were  swinging  in  hammocks  and  sumone  had  bilt  a 
fire  and  sum  were  setting  the  tables  and  sum  were 
setting  down  on  shorls  and  cushings  and  children 
were  playing  copenhagin  and  going  to  Gerusalem 
and  it  was  a  lively  time. 

i  wanted  to  have  sum  fun  but  the  minit  i  landed 
2  wimmen  that  i  had  never  saw  be  f oar  wanted  me 
to  go  out  writh  them  to  get  sum  flowers  and  leeves 
for  their  table  and  of  coarse  i  had  to  go  but  as  i  was 
prety  well  tuckered  out  i  made  them  give  me  one 
more  glas  of  lemonaid  and  3  sandwiches,  that  was 
better  than  nothing  and  after  i  had  drank  it  and  et 
them  i  was  reddy  and  we  went  off  in  the  boat,  i  rew 
them  across  the  river  and  we  found  sum  vines  with 
shiny  leaves  and  a  lot  of  yeller  dazies  and  sum  car- 


78  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

dinel  flowers  and  the  wimmen  made  reaths  of  them 
one  for  eech  plait  on  the  table. 

while  we  was  doing  this  sum  more  people  come 
and  they  began  to  make  reaths  and  i  helped  them, 
bimeby  we  had  enuf  and  we  went  back  to  the  pick- 
nic  with  our  arms  full.  when  we  got  there  they 
was  a  big  crowd  round  sumthing  on  the  ground  and 
we  run  up  and  found  that  Beany  had  fell  out  of  a 
swing  and  had  hit  on  his  head,  he  swang  the 
higest  of  enyone  when  he  fel  out  and  if  be  hadent 
hit  on  his  head  it  wood  have  killed  him.  it  made 
him  kind  of  squint  eyd  for  a  while  and  his  head  was 
on  one  side  for  2  or  3  days  but  it  dident  hurt  him. 

miss  Lewccretia  Baley  had  spraned  her  anckle  by 
steping  in  a  hole  and  had  to  set  with  her  anckle 
rapped  up  in  a  shorl.  but  i  notised  she  et  as  mutch 
as  ennyone,  and  Tommy  Tomson  had  got  a  fishhook 
in  his  leg  and  had  to  have  it  cut  out.  evryone  was 
having  a  good  time  and  i  cood  smell  the  coffy. 

after  Beany  was  pernounced  out  of  dainger  and 
was  able  to  crawl  round  and  drink  about  3  glases 
of  lemonaid  before  dinner  was  ready,  sum  fellers 
is  pigs  ennyway,  i  had  to  row  sum  moar  peeple  up 
river  for  sum  cardinel  flowers,  before  i  done  this 
i  got  them  to  give  me  2  creem  cakes  and  a  peace  of 
blewberry  pie.  i  aint  like  Beany  always  waiting  to 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  79 

eat  without  wirking  for  it.  a  feller  has  to  eat  in 
order  to  wirk  good. 

well  when  i  had  et  them  i  rew  the  people  up  river 
and  when  they  wood  see  a  cardinel  flower  they  wood 
holler  to  me  and  i  wood  row  the  boat  up  to  the  place 
where  the  cardinel  flower  was  and  they  wood  pick  it 
and  holler  over  it  and  then  we  wood  go  on.  the 
river  was  kind  of  low  and  the  banks  were  steep  and 
slipery  where  the  cardinel  flowers  grew  and  Charlie 
Lane,  the  feller  whitch  was  in  the  boat,  had  on  sum 
white  britches  and  we  had  got  enuf  and  was  going 
back  when  one  of  the  wimmen  sed  oh  see  that  splen- 
ded  one  we  must  have  that  one.  so  i  rew  up  and 
Charlie  got  out  and  clim  up  and  got  the  flower 
whitch  was  a  big  one  2  or  3  feet  above  the  water, 
when  Charlie  got  it  he  turned  round  and  sed 

the  rose  is  red  the  vilet  blew 
the  pink  is  sweet  and — 

and  his  hels  flew  up  and  he  set  down  in  the  slipery 
mud  and  slid  rite  into  the  water,  that  is  his  hine  legs 
went  in  to  his  gnees  but  he  grabed  the  boat  and  that 
stoped  him.  his  white  britches  were  wet  and  cov 
ered  with  green  slime  to  his  gnees  and  the  seat  of 
his  britches  was  black  with  mud,  the  wimmen 
nearly  dide  laffing  and  Charlie  sed  mersy  sakes  what 


8o  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

a  mess,  most  evry  other  feller  wood  have  swore 
feerful  but  Charlie  doesnt  sware  and  is  a  good  young 
man.  that  is  why  we  call  him  Charlie. 

well  Charlie  sed  he  gessed  he  wood  woulk  home 
and  change  his  britches,  he  called  them  his  pants, 
and  so  he  got  out  of  the  boat  and  clim  up  the  bank 
and  started,  i  dident  tell  him  he  was  on  the  rong 
side  of  the  river  becaus  he  dident  ast  me  and  i 
supose  he  gnew  what  he  was  about,  the  last  i  see 
of  him  he  was  going  towerds  Kensinton.  while  i 
was  sick  i  sort  of  wurred  about  him  but  when  i  ast 
mother  she  sed  he  was  in  the  store,  he  works  for 
old  Gid  Lyford. 

when  we  got  back  to  the  picknic  old  Mrs.  Bolton 
had  had  a  spell  and  the  minister  and  Decon  Sawyer 
was  lifting  her  into  Miss  Susan  Parkinsons  caryall 
to  drive  her  home,  sum  feller  had  throwed  a  teeny 
little  bull  toad  in  her  lap.  huh  i  shood  think  that 
was  a  prety  thing  to  have  a  spell  for.  i  never  see 
ennyone  have  a  spell,  i  wish  i  had  got  there  in  time 
to  see  it.  Beany  sed  it  was  grate  fun  and  elvry- 
body  in  joyed  it. 

Mr.  E.  O.  Luvrin  had  been  stang  by  a  hornit  on 
his  underlip  and  evrybody  had  a  good  time  looking 
at  him.  i  don't  beleeve  there  was  ever  a  beter 
picknic. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  81 

the  tables  had  been  set  and  looked  fine,  our  table 
with  the  reaths  was  the  pretyest.  well  we  all  set 
down  and  evrybody  sed  hush,  hush  and  the  minister 
sed  a  long  prair.  peraps  it  seamed  longer  becaus 
i  was  most  starved  to  deth.  i  had  been  wirking 
so  hard  and  it  was  a  long  time  since  i  had  my  breck- 
fast. 

well  after  the  minister  got  though,  we  pitched  in 
and  et.  i  never  had  so  good  a  dinner  in  my  life. 
we  had  ham  sanwiches  and  cornbeef  sanwiches  and 
tung  sanwiches  and  pickles  and  milk  and  pickle 
limes  and  creem  cakes  and  blewberry  pie  and  chese 
and  rasbery  tirnovers  and  astrackan  apples  and 
balled  egs  and  blackberrys  and  tee  and  coffy  and 
sardeens  on  crackers  and  custerd  pyes  and  squash 
pyes  and  apple  pyes  and  gelly  roles  and  tarts  and 
coconut  cakes  and  all  the  ice  creem  we  cood  eat, 
pink  ice  creem  and  white  ice  creem  and  yeller  ice 
creem. 

i  et  sum  of  everything  they  had.  you  see  it  was 
a  long  time  since  i  had  my  breckfast  and  i  had  been 
wirking  hard  and  mother  had  always  told  me  to 
eat  evrything  in  my  plait  and  i  wanted  to  ennyway. 
so  i  et  until  i  coodent  eat  ennymore  and  most  evry 
body  done  so  two. 

after  dinner  i  helped  clear  away  the  things  and 


82  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

then  sum  peeple  went  wauling  in  the  wood  sum  slep 
in  the  hammucks  and  sum  set  down  in  cerkles  and 
played  gaims  and  told  storys.  they  was  one  big 
cerkle  whitch  had  the  minister  and  most  of  the 
decons  and  their  wifes  and  all  the  old  wimmen  and 
they  was  playing  childrens  gaims  and  hollering  and 
laifing  jest  like  children,  old  E.  O.  Luverin  the  fel 
ler  whitch  had  been  stang  by  a  hornit  on  the  under- 
lip  had  told  me  to  bate  a  hook  and  set  my  pole  for 
a  big  hornpout  or  an  eal.  so  i  done  that  before  din 
ner,  i  put  a  big  steal  hook  on  the  line  and  bated  it 
with  the  bigest  grashoper  i  cood  find,  an  old  lunker, 
one  of  them  kind  that  maiks  a  noise  lika  a  nutmeg 
graiter  and  when  it  flise  ratles  its  wings,  then  i 
unwound  al  my  line  and  threw  the  bate  out  as 
fur  as  i  cood  and  set  the  pole  with  a  croched  stick 
rite  down  in  the  sand  by  the  boats,  i  was  lissening 
to  the  peeple  playing  gaims  when  sum  feller  hollered 
Plupy  you  got  a  bite  and  i  looked  and  saw  that  my 
line  was  tite  and  my  pole  bending,  so  i  hipered 
down  the  bank  and  grabed  the  pole  and  pulled  in. 
i  had  a  big  one  on  the  hook  and  he  pulled  terrible, 
but  i  yanked  him  out  and  i  pulled  so  hard  that  he 
went  way  over  my  head  and  rite  in  the  middle  of  the 
cerkle  of  peeple. 

it  was  an  old  lunker  of  an  eal  and  when  it  lit  on 


B.RITE  AND  FAIR  83 

the  ground  it  twisted  and  squirmed  and  thrashed 
round  like  a  snaik  and  of  all  the  screaching  and  tim 
ing  of  back  summersets  by  the  wimmen  whitch  were 
fat  and  coodent  get  up  quick,  and  of  all  the  holding 
up  of  skerts  and  hipering  for  the  woods  by  the  thin 
wimmen  you  never  saw  in  all  your  life. 

and  the  men  hollored  and  got  out  of  the  way  of 
that  eal  as  quick  as  the  wimmen  and  one  decon  hol 
lered  what  in  hel  and  damnation  are  you  trying  to 
do  you  cussid  fool,  and  sum  of  the  others  sed  things 
i  gess  they  wished  they  hadent.  me  and  Beany  was 
triing  to  get  that  eal  off  the  hook,  i  got  my  foot  on 
his  neck  and  he  squermed  round  my  leg  and  got  my 
britches  leg  all  covered  with  slime,  bimeby  i  got 
him  off  and  into  my  boat,  and  when  i  went  back  old 
Mrs.  Sofire  Peezley  was  having  a  spell,  i  never  seen 
ennyone  have  a  spell  before  and  it  was  very  inter 
esting,  she  screached  and  cried  and  then  threw  her 
head  back  and  laffed  and  claped  her  hands  together 
and  roled  her  eys  and  gulped  and  swallered,  and  the 
wimmen  were  patting  her  on  the  back  and  making 
her  smell  of  amonia  botles  and  calling  her  dear  and 
blesid  lamn,  and  poar  darling  and  talking  to  her  as  if 
she  was  a  baby,  and  wimmen  were  coming  back 
from  the  woods  and  saying  it  was  a  burning  shaim 
and  looking  at  me  mad  and  saying  i  had  aught  to  be 


84  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

in  jale.  and  old  E.  O.  Luvrin  jawed  me  but  it 
dident  do  no  good  becaus  his  lip  was  so  swole  that 
nobody  cood  understand  what  he  sed.  but  i  sed  i 
aint  done  nothing  what  are  you  pichin  into  me  for  ? 

Then  a  woman  sed  you  are  the  wirst  boy  in  town 
and  you  are  jest  like  your  father  was,  and  i  sed  i 
gess  if  you  gnew  what  my  father  sed  about  you  you 
woodent  say  much  more  and  she  timed  red  and  sed 
if  that  boy  stays  here  i  wont,  it  is  a  shaim  to  have 
sutch  a  boy  at  a  desent  picnic  or  with  desent  peeple. 

then  they  all  got  round  me  and  jawed  me  and  the 
minister  sed  i  must  go  home  and  i  sed  all  rite  if 
i  have  got  to  go  i  wil  taik  my  boat,  and  he  sed  verry 
well  take  your  boat  and  go.  i  am  verry  mutch  dis- 
apointed  in  you.  then  i  sed  ennyway  i  want  my 
fifty  cents  and  they  all  sed  dont  you  give  him  a  cent 
he  has  been  a  newsense.  then  i  sed  it  may  be  all 
rite  to  call  a  feller  a  newsence  after  he  has  rew  about 
a  hundred  peeple  more  than  fifty  miles  and  luged 
barils  stuff  up  the  bank  and  made  reaths  and  picked 
flowers  and  rescued  peeple  from  drownding  whitch 
dident  know  enuf  to  sit  in  a  boat,  but  i  aint  going 
till  i  get  my  fifty  cents  then  they  sed  if  i  dident 
go  rite  off  they  wood  lick  me  and  i  woodent  get  my 
fifty  cents. 

so  i  got  into  my  boat  and  rew  up  river,     then  i 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  85 

rew  back  and  kept  in  the  middle  of  the  river  and 
began  to  holer  things  to  Beany,  i  gnew  they 
coodent  drive  me  off  the  river  so  i  hollered  to  Beany 
did  you  see  old  Misses  Peezley  have  that  fit  ?  gosh  i 
bet  she  maiks  old  man  Peezley  stand  round,  peraps 
that  is  why  he  is  baldheaded.  Beany  dident  dass  to 
say  nothing. 

then  i  hollered  Beany  did  you  hear  old  decon 
Aspinwall  sware  at  me?  he  wanted  to  know  what 
in  he!  and  damation  i  was  triing  to  do.  that  is  prety 
talk  for  a  decon  aint  it? 

i  shood  think  he  wood  feel  ashaimed  the  nex  time 
he  specks  in  prair  meeting. 

i  cood  see  the  decon  talking  to  the  minister  xcited, 
and  Misses  Peezley  was  talking  xcited  two.  but 
Beany  dident  dass  to  say  nothing,  so  i  hollered 
again  to  Beany  did  you  see  old  Rhody  Shatuck  hold 
up  her  skirts  and  hiper  for  the  woods?  did  you 
ever  see  sutch  skinny  legs?  then  old  man  Shatuck 
run  down  the  bank  and  hunted  round  for  a  rock  but 
i  gnew  he  coodent  find  one  becaus  there  aint  enny 
rocks  there  and  he  tride  to  break  a  lim  off  a  tree 
to  plug  at  me  and  he  hollered  and  sed  he  would  brake 
my  back,  but  i  gnew  he  coodent  get  me  and  i  hollered 
again  to  Beany  o  Beany  aint  it  lucky  the  minister  is 
married  becaus  all  the  wimmen  is  hanging  round 


86  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

him  and  Beany  dident  dass  to  say  nothing,  but  they 
all  got  together  and  talked  and  then  the  minister 
come  down  the  bank  and  called  me  to  come  in  and 
he  wood  give  me  my  fifty  cents  if  i  wood  go  strait 
home  but  i  sed  not  mutch  i  dont  come  where  you  can 
get  a  holt  on  me  and  lam  time  out  of  me. 

well  he  sed  i  will  not  hurt  you  but  i  sed  you  sed 
you  wood  pay  me  and  you  dident  and  i  cant  trust 
you.  he  turned  red  as  a  beat  and  sed  i  am  verry 
sorry  that  you  acuse  me  of  being  untroothful  but 
here  is  your  money  if  you  will  come  near  enuf  so 
i  can  toss  it  into  the  boat,  so  i  backed  the  boat  in 
holding  my  oars  ready  to  row  out  if  he  tride  to 
grab  the  boat  or  to  gump  in  but  he  dident  do  eether 
but  throwed  the  fifty  cent  peace  into  the  boat  and  i 
started  for  home. 

i  gess  it  was  about  time  for  i  began  to  feel  prety 
quear.  my  head  aked  and  there  was  black  specks 
before  my  eys  and  my  face  and  hands  burned  like 
fire  and  smarted  and  my  boans  aked. 

i  gess  i  shall  have  to  stop  here  for  i  hear  mother 
coming  up  with  my  chicken  broth  and  tost  and  am 
most  starved  to  deth.  father  says  i  weig  2  pounds 
less  than  nothing  and  my  arms  and  legs  is  jest  like 
pipe  stems  or  spider  legs. 

Continnude  from  the  last. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  87 

August  29  1 86 —  when  i  got  home  i  hiched  the 
boat  and  my  head  went  round  so  i  had  to  set  down, 
then  i  got  up  and  went  home,  mother  saw  me  and 
sed  what  is  the  matter  with  your  face  it  is  as  red 
as  fire.  i  sed  i  gess  the  muskeeters  done  it.  she 
asted  me  if  i  wanted  enny  supper  but  i  sed  i  dident 
ever  want  to  eat  again  but  i  wanted  a  drink  of  water, 
so  i  drunk  sum  water  and  went  up  stairs,  then  i 
begun  to  feel  bad  and  caled  mother  and  she  come 
up  jest  in  time,  i  was  awful  sick,  father  come  up 
and  Aunt  Sarah  and  they  held  my  head  and  run  in 
and  out  of  the  room  with  wash  boles  and  towels,  o 
i  was  awful  sick  and  mother  sed  for  mersy  sakes 
what  have  you  been  eating  and  father  sed  for  god- 
dlemity  sake  what  havent  you  been  eating? 

bimeby  i  felt  a  little  better  only  my  face  and  hands 
burned  and  itched,  mother  sed  she  dident  like  the 
looks  of  it  and  she  never  gnew  a  feller  to  be  sick  at 
his  stomack  with  a  red  face  and  hands,  so  she  wet  a 
towel  in  cold  water  and  put  it  on  my  face  and  hands 
and  bimeby  i  gess  i  went  to  sleep. 

sumtime  in  the  nite  i  began  to  feel  sick  again  and 
had  awful  panes  in  my  stomack  and  i  called  mother 
again,  this  time  i  was  awful  sick  again  and  father 
and  mother  and  Aunt  Sarah  were  verry  busy  for  a 
long  time,  bimeby  i  wasent  so  sick  to  my  stomack 


88  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

but  my  panes  were  wirse  and  father  went  for  docter 
Perry,  he  was  gone  a  long  time  before  he  come 
back  with  him.  doctor  Perry  he  took  a  look  at  me 
and  sed  poison  ivory,  so  he  got  it  did  he.  then  he 
felt  of  my  stomack  and  looked  at  by  tung  and  felt 
my  pulce  and  heard  me  grone  and  gave  me  a  dose 
of  castor  oil  and  then  he  took  out  a  little  popsquirt 
the  litlest  i  ever  see  and  he  sed  i  gess  i  shall  have  to 
give  you  a  subteranian  interjection,  i  thougt  a  in 
terjection  was  a  part  of  speach  like  alas  and  o  and 
ah.  ennyway  that  is  what  the  grammar  says. 

but  this  wasent  that  kind  for  the  docter  run  the 
sharp  point  of  that  little  popsquert  whitch  was  jest 
as  sharp  as  a  needle  rite  into  my  arm.  it  hurt  like 
time  and  i  hollered  but  after  he  had  pulled  it  out  i 
began  to  feel  kind  of  lite  and  floty  and  the  ferst  i 
gnew  the  pane  was  gone  and  i  dident  know  nothing 
more. 

well  the  next  morning  i  felt  a  little  beter  but  not 
enuf  to  get  up  and  not  enuf  to  eat  but  after  a  while 
i  felt  wirse  again  and  mother  sent  for  docter  Perry 
again  and  he  come  and  give  me  some  more  medecine 
and  another  subteranian  interjection  whitch  put  me 
to  sleep  again,  the  next  time  i  woke  up  again  i 
coodent  open  one  ey  and  only  see  a  teeny  bit  out  of 
the  other,  but  i  felt  better,  only  i  iched  feerful  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  89 

smarted,  docter  Perry  laffed  when  he  come  in  and 
sed  i  looked  funny  but  not  so  funny  as  old  E.  O. 
Luvrin.  he  sed  all  the  peeple  whitch  set  at  one  table 
had  it  and  had  it  wirse  than  i  did,  but  i  was  sicker 
the  other  way. 

he  sed  that  all  the  docters  had  been  up  day 
and  nite  and  always  were  buzy  when  there  was  a 
chirch  picknic.  he  sed  that  if  he  had  his  way  chirch 
picknics  wood  not  be  aloud  enny  more  than  prize 
fites  and  cock  fites.  he  sed  that  the  peple  were  prety 
mad  with  me  and  thougt  i  done  it  purpose,  but  he 
told  them  if  i  had  done  it  a  perpose  i  woodent  have 
been  fool  enuf  to  tuch  the  ivory  myself,  whitch  was 
prety  good  for  the  docter.  ennyway  i  give  him 
plenty  of  biziness.  i  suppose  i  hadent  augt  to  have 
sed  what  i  did  about  Missis  Shatucks  legs  and  old 
Misses  Peezleys  fit,  but  i  aint  sorry  for  what  i  sed 
about  the  old  decon  swaring.  i  hadent  done  nothing, 
jest  cougt  a  eal.  i  must  have  left  him  in  the  boat, 
gosh  when  i  get  well  enuf  to  go  down  to  the  boat  he 
will  be  in  auful  smelly  condition,  i  am  sory  i  for 
got  him. 

Well  i  had  to  stay  in  bed  4  days,  most  of  the  time 
i  had  wet  cloths  on  my  head  and  coodent  see  nothing. 
Cele  come  up  and  read  Wild  Mag  the  Trapers  Bride 
and  a  new  novil  Dair  Devvil  Dave  the  Dead  Shot. 


90  BR1TE  AND  FAIR 

she  of  erred  to  read  the  92th  palsam  to  me  but  i  told 
her  i  dident  feal  strong  enuf  yet  so  she  read  2  more 
chapters  of  Dair  Devvil  Dave  insted. 

Beany  come  over  with  a  tame  rat  tide  with  a 
string,  he  wasent  very  tame  and  bit  Beany  2 
times.  Potter  Goram  brogt  his  collexion  of  butter- 
flise  and  a  live  green  snaik.  mother  woodent  come 
in  until  he  put  the  snaik  in  his  poket.  the  2  Chad- 
wicks  Puz  and  Bug  came  in  twise  and  fit  for  me,  in 
the  ferst  fite  Puzzy  got  a  black  ey  and  in  the  2th 
fite  Bug  got  a  bludy  nose,  they  was  good  fites  and 
jest  about  even,  i  tell  you  they  is  always  reddy  to 
help  a  frend. 

Ed  Tole  brougt  up  his  rooster  and  had  arainged 
a  fite  with  Gimmy  Fitzgeralds  rooster  but  jest  as 
they  was  going  to  set  them  a  going  the  old  minister 
called  to  see  if  i  was  ded  and  when  he  found  i  wasent 
he  made  a  long  call  and  praid  fer  me  and  told  me  i 
had  sinned  deaply  but  wood  be  forgiven  if  i  had 
faith,  all  the  time  i  cood  see  Ed  and  Gimmy  peek 
ing  round  the  corner  of  the  barn  and  wateing  till  the 
old  minister  had  went  so  they  cood  have  their  rooster 
fite.  i  was  afrade  they  wood  have  it  behine  the 
barn  where  i  coodent  see  it  and  i  thout  that  old  min 
ister  never  wood  go.  while  he  was  there  he  saw 
the  bible  open  to  the  92th  palsam  and  he  sed  it  is 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  91 

very  grattifiing  to  me  to  see  that  you  are  reading  the 
bible  and  i  sed  i  wasent  reading  it  becaus  i  coodent 
read  enny thing  yet,  but  my  sister  Cele  conies  up  and 
reads  to  me  and  he  sed  she  is  a  very  good  girl  indeed 
and  i  have  heard  she  is  very  diffeernt  from  the  rest 
of  the  Shute  family,  i  sed  yet  sir.  then  he  looked 
round  some  moar  and  found  Wild  Mag  the  Trapers 
Bride  whitch  was  rite  on  the  table,  i  wood  have  hid 
it  only  i  coodent  get  it  unless  i  piled  out  of  bed  and 
i  dident  think  it  was  proper  to  get  up  in  my  shert 
tale  befoar  the  minister,  so  i  hoaped  he  woodent 
see  the  novil  but  he  did  and  he  picked  it  up  and 
looked  at  it  and  read  the  naim  and  held  it  jest  as  if  it 
was  a  bull  toad  or  a  snaik  and  then  he  sed  are  you 
reading  this  vile  trash  and  i  sed  yes  sir,  and  he  sed 
how  cood  you  read  it  with  your  eyes  swole  up,  and  i 
sed  i  cood  see  sum.  he  sed  you  jest  told  me  you 
coodent  see  to  read,  i  dident  know  what  to  say  so 
i  sed  yes  sir.  then  he  sed  awful  stern  do  you  meen 
to  tel  me  that  your  sister  Celia — and  jest  then 
mother  she  come  in  and  sed  i  am  afrade  mister  Bar 
rows  that  we  hadent  aught  to  disturb  our  pashent 
too  long,  he  isent  verry  strong  yet. 

and  he  said  that  is  true  Misess  Shute  but  he  has 
made  sum  staitments  about  this  improper  book  that 
i  think  it  is  my  duty  to  look  into  and  he  held  up 


92  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Wild  Mag  the  Trapers  Bride  and  mother  she  sed  it 
seems  as  if  Mr.  Shute  and  i  are  compitent  to  deside 
what  our  children  are  to  read. 

and  he  sed  but  my  dear  Misses  Shute  this  is  a 
verry  improper  book  indeed  and  mother  she  sed  have 
you  read  it  and  he  sed  god  forbid  i  wood  not  dis- 
graice  my  inteligents  by  reading  sutch  a  book,  and 
my  mother  she  sed  how  do  you  know  then  it  is  a 
impropper  book  without  reading  it?  and  he  sed 
how  can  a  bok  of  the  naim  of  Wild  Mag  the  Trapers 
Bride  be  a  good  book  and  mother  she  sed  she  had 
read  it  and  there  was  nothing  impropper  at  all  in  it. 

i  dident  know  she  had  read  it  so  when  the  minister 
had  went  off  kind  of  stif legged  i  asted  her  if  she 
dident  thing  it  was  a  riping  story  and  she  sed  no  she 
dident  see  how  i  cood  read  it  but  she  had  read  it  to 
see  if  there  was  enny thing  impropper  in  it  and  they 
wasent.  she  sed  she  only  read  it  to  see  if  there  was 
ennything  really  rong  in  it.  she  dont  care  for  sutch 
stories  i  am  afrade.  then  she  asted  if  i  wanted 
ennything  and  i  sed  no  and  she  went  down  stairs. 
then  when  she  had  went  i  clim  out  of  bed  and  waived 
my  hand  to  Ed  and  Gimmy  and  they  come  out  with 
their  rosters  under  their  arms  and  set  them  a  going 
and  they  hadent  made  more  than  a  dozen  gumps  at 
eech  other  when  in  come  old  mother  Moulton  with 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  93 

sum  gelly  and  custerd  for  me  and  she  stoped  the  fite 
and  jawed  the  boys  and  asted  them  if  they  dident 
know  enny  beter  than  to  have  a  rooster  fite  in  the 
yard  of  a  poar  boy  whitch  had  nearly  dide  only  a 
few  days  ago  and  Ed  and  Gimmy  sed  no  mam  we 
dident  know  he  had  been  so  sick  and  we  woodent 
have  did  it  and  they  picked  up  their  roosters  and 
went  home  and  i  skiped  into  bed  prety  lively  for  a 
boy  whitch  had  nearly  dide  a  few  days  ago.  so 
when  she  come  up  i  was  in  bed  and  i  et  the  custerd 
and  part  of  the  gelly  and  it  was  bully,  i  wood  have 
et  all  the  gelly  but  she  woodent  let  me.  i  wish  she 
hadent  come  so  soon,  that  wood  have  been  a  good 
rooster  fite. 

i  set  up  most  haff  of  the  time  today,  tomorrow 
i  am  going  downstairs.  Fatty  Gilman  come  down 
today  and  brought  me  2  oranges  and  a  red  bananner. 
mother  let  me  eat  the  oranges  but  woodent  let  me 
eat  the  bananner.  i  dont  know  what  she  done  with 
it.  i  supose  sumone  et  it.  enyway  i  dident. 

Aug.  30  1 86 —  today  i  went  out  in  the  yard,  it 
was  brite  and  fair  all  day.  lots  of  the  felers  come 
up  and  had  a  tirnament.  first  they  had  a  match 
throwing  green  apples  on  a  stick.  Puzzy  Chadwick 
throwed  the  furtherest.  he  threw  one  from  my 
yard  across  the  high  school  yard  and  it  went  throug 


94  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

a  window  in  old  Heads  cariage  shop,  it  was  so  far 
that  when  the  men  in  that  room  piled  out  swaring 
they  dident  supose  it  was  one  of  us  and  they  swore 
at  John  Toomy  and  2  other  fellers  in  the  school 
yard. 

Pewt  was  the  next  best,  perhaps  it  wood  have 
went  as  far  as  Puzzys  but  sumthing  stoped  it.  what 
stoped  it  was  a  mans  head,  i  dont  know  who  the 
man  was  but  when  that  apple  hit  him  rite  on  the 
back  of  his  head  he  throwed  down  sum  boards  he 
was  luging  into  the  shop  and  clim  the  fense  and 
chased  John  Toomey  and  the  2  other  felers  way 
down  south  street,  i  gess  he  dident  catch  them  be- 
caus  he  swore  so  when  he  come  back  and  if  he  had 
cougt  them  and  licked  them  he  wood  have  felt  better, 
men  always  do. 

so  we  dident  throw  enny  more  apples,  so  then 
we  had  sum  rassels  and  the  twin  Browns  and  Potter 
Goram  had  a  mach  wigling  their  scalps  and  ears. 
Harry  Brown  beat  on  a  scalp  wigling  and  Potter  on 
ear  wigling.  the  2  Chadwicks  Puzzy  and  Bug  fit 
again  and  neether  licked. 

then  we  had  a  spitting  match.  Ed  Tole  beat,  he 
always  does,  then  mother  come  out  and  sed  i  had 
been  out  long  enuf.  so  i  went  in.  i  had  a  pretty 
good  day. 


C  EPTEMBER  i.  brite  and  fair,  it  seams  bully  to 
be  well  again  and  to  see  the  fellers  and  to  go  in 
swimming  and  fishing,  i  havent  went  in  swimming 
or  fishing  since  i  have  ben  sick  but  i  am  going  in  in 
a  clay  or  too.  i  can  eat  things  now  whitch  is  better 
than  enything.  a  feller  cant  do  mutch  unless  he  has 
a  good  apetite.  father  says  there  is  one  thing  whitch 
has  kept  me  back  all  these  years,  he  sed  that  if  i  had 
had  a  beter  apetite  when  i  went  to  that  picknic  i  cood 
have  et  nine  pecks  of  stuff  insted  of  only  five,  he 
sed  he  wood  have  to  get  the  doctor  to  give  me  a 
tonick  the  nex  picknic  time  so  that  i  can  do  a  gob 
that  will  be  a  credit  to  the  family,  he  sed  enny 
healthy  boy  witch  can  go  to  a  chirch  picknic  and 
only  eat  5  meesly  pecks  of  food  aint  doing  jestice  to 
himself  or  his  f rends  and  he  hoaps  i  will  do  beter 
nex  time,  he  says  he  dont  want  me  to  make  a  hog 
of  myself  but  he  does  want  me  to  make  a  record 
that  he  can  be  proud  of.  he  says  i  can  be  champeen 
if  i  only  try  hard. 

i  never  know  whether  father  is  goking  or  not, 
but  i  think  this  time  he  must  be  goking.  ennyway 
it  wasent  becaus  i  et  two  mutch  that  made  me  sick, 

95 


96  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

it  was  becaus  i  got  poizoned  by  poizen  ivory  leeves 
and  that  stuffed  up  my  stomack.  if  it  hadent  been 
for  that  i  bet  i  woodent  have  been  sick,  then  going 
so  long  without  ennything  to  eat  and  wirking  hard 
dident  do  me  enny  good,  they  are  still  mad  \vith 
me.  i  am  sorry  now  i  sed  what  i  did.  when  a 
feller  has  lade  between  life  and  deth  for  3  days  he 
looks  at  things  diferent  from  what  they  wood  if 
he  was  well  and  wras  going  round  with  fellers  like 
Pewt  and  Beany  and  Whach  and  Fatty  and  Pop  and 
Medo  and  Tady  and  Skinny  and  fellers  like  them. 
So  i  have  been  thinking  over  what  i  have  did  and 
sed  and  i  am  very  mutch  ashaimed  of  myself,  if 
enny  other  feller  had  went  and  sed  things  about 
my  mother  and  sister  or  about  aunt  Sarah  and  my 
father  that  i  sed  about  old  Rody  Shatuck  and  Misses 
Peezley  and  Decon  Aspinwall  i  wood  have  felt  like 
giving  him  a  bang  in  the  snoot,  i  wood  have  did  it 
if  he  wasent  two  big,  and  if  he  was  i  wood  have 
triped  him  up  sum  nite  with  a  roap  or  plunged  him 
with  ripe  tomatose  or  rotten  egs  when  he  had  got 
on  his  best  close. 

but  i  needent  be  afraid  that  enny  one  wood  say  enny 
thing  against  my  folks  becaus  they  dont  have  fits 
and  dont  run  round  after  ministers  and  dont  hold 
up  their  skerts  xcept  when  there  is  a  mouse  round 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  97 

and  that  is  always  at  home  where  peeple  cant  see 
them,  so  i  shant  have  to  bat  ennyone  for  that  but 
that  dont  make  enny  difference  becaus  i  have  did 
rong. 

so  i  have  thougt  it  over  and  last  nite  when  the 
band  was  playing  departed  days  and  the  romance 
from  Leclare  in  the  band  room  i  desided  i  wood 
wright  a  letter  to  all  the  peeple  i  had  sassed  and 
beg  their  pardon,  it  is  prety  tuff  to  do  it  but  it 
aint  haff  as  tuff  as  being  snaiked  rite  up  befoar 
them  by  your  father  and  made  to  beg  their  pardon, 
i  have  had  to  do  this  quite  a  number  of  times,  so 
this  morning  when  i  woke  up  and  had  brekfast  i  re 
membered  what  i  desided  and  i  went  up  to  my  room 
and  rote  a  lot  of  letters  to  peeple.  i  gess  when 
father  finds  it  out  he  will  think  i  am  prety  good 
feller  after  all. 

it  took  me  a  long  time  to  do  it  and  i  hated  to 
waist  the  time  becaus  it  is  prety  near  the  last  weak 
of  vacation  but  i  gnew  i  wood  feel  beter  when  i 
had  done  it  and  i  done  it.  this  is  what  i  rote  to 
decon  Aspinwall. 

decon  Aspinwall 

Congregasional  Chirch 

Exeter  New  Hampshire 
dear  sir  i  have  been  thinking  over  what  i  sed  to 


98  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

you  when  i  hollered  to  Beany  about  your  swaring 
at  me  at  the  picknic  last  weak  and  i  done  verry 
rong  and  please  to  forgive  me.  of  coarse  it  wasent 
so  mutch  becaus  you  swore  so  but  becaus  you  are 
a  decon  of  the  chirch  and  speek  in  prair  meating 
and  so  you  hadent  augt  to  have  did  it.  but  that  is 
no  xcuse  for  me  to  sass  you.  father  sed  i  wasen£ 
verry  mutch  to  blaim.  he  says  he  dont  object  to 
swaring  but  when  a  man  tries  to  be  a  decon  and 
plug  ugly  at  the  saim  time  it  is  the  dam  hippockrasy 
of  it  that  maiks  a  man  mad.  i  only  tell  you  this 
to  show  you  i  was  not  verry  mutch  to  blaim.  but 
i  am  verry  sorry  i  done  it.  you  needent  tell  father 
what  i  sed,  but  i  hoap  you  will  try  hard  not  to  sware 
so  another  time  when  there  is  wimmen  and  girls  and 
a  minister  present  jest  becaus  a  boy  done  what  they 
told  him  to  do  and  cougt  a  eal. 

yours  very  respectively 

Harry  Shute 

i  bet  that  decon  will  be  glad  when  he  gets  that 
leter.  i  bet  there  aint  many  fellers  whitch  can  write 
a  better  leter  than  that,  i  bet  Beany  coodent.  i  bet 
Pewt  coodent  eether.  this  is  the  letter  i  rote  to  old 
Misses  Peezly. 

Mrs.  Soflre  Peezly 

Exeter  New  Hampshire 

dear  Misses  Peezly.  i  am  verry  sorry  for  holler 
ing  to  Beany  them  things  about  you.  when  you 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  99 

had  that  fit  i  suposed  it  was  becaus  you  was  mad 
and  i  was  kind  of  mad  two  becaus  i  had  been 
cheeted  out  of  my  fifty  cents  by  the  minister,  becaus 
i  cougt  a  eal  after  they  had  told  me  to  do  it.  then 
i  remembered  that  my  father  had  sed  once  that  you 
had  them  fits  when  you  wanted  sumthing  and  kept 
having  them  until  you  got  what  you  wanted  and 
that  he  pitted  mister  Peezly. 

so  i  dident  think  when  i  hollered  to  Beany  and  i 
wish  you  wood  pleese  forgive  me. 

it  is  a  awful  thing  to  have  fits  when  you  cant  help 
it.  mother  says  that  peeple  whitch  have  fits  have  to 
be  verry  careful  not  to  get  xcited.  so  when  you  go 
to  a  picknic  again  and  enny  feller  throws  a  bull  toad 
or  a  snaik  into  your  lap  you  must  reflek  that  a  bull 
toad  and  a  green  snaik  never  bite  or  scrach  and  aint 
poizen.  if  you  had  gnew  that  at  the  picknic  you  wood 
not  have  had  that  fit.  mother  says  that  if  peeple 
keep  having  fits  they  get  wirse  and  sumtimes  go 
crasy.  so  i  hoap  you  will  forgive  me  and  will  be 
very  cairful  not  to  get  xcited.  it  is  dredful  to  have 
fits  and  i  am  verry  sorry  for  you. 

yours  -rerrv  respectively 

Harry  Shute 

there  i  think  she  will  be  verry  mutch  pleesed  when 
she  gets  that  leter.  she  wont  think  i  am  the  wirst 
boy  in  town. 

this  is  the  letter  i  rote  to  Rhody  Shatuck. 


ioo  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Missis  Rody  Shatuck 

Exeter  New  Hampshire 

dear  Missis  Shatuck.  I  am  verry  sorry  for  holler 
ing  to  Beany  at  the  picknic  last  weak  about  your 
skinny  legs,  i  woodent  have  did  it  if  i  had  been 
well,  but  i  had  been  poizened  by  poizen  ivory  leeves 
and  the  minister  had  cheeted  me  out  of  my  fifty 
cents  and  everybody  had  jawed  me  becaus  i  cougt 
a  eal  and  so  i  done  it.  if  you  had  a  hair  lip  or  a 
squint  ey  or  a  wenn  on  your  neck  like  old  Nat 
Mason  it  woodent  be  so  bad  but  it  is  a  dredful 
thing  to  have  such  skinny  legs  as  you  have  got  and 
i  am  verry  sorry  for  you  becaus  i  have  got  skinny 
legs  myself  and  the  fellers  have  made  fun  of  me 
ever  since  i  can  remember  and  it  is  awful  to  be  made 
fun  of  all  the  time,  if  i  was  a  girl  i  cood  cover  them 
up  with  my  skert  and  nobody  wood  know  they  was 
skinny  unless  i  fell  down  or  the  wind  blew  two 
hard  or  i  pulled  up  my  skert  like  you  done  at  the 
picknic. 

so  if  i  was  you  i  wood  be  very  cairful  not  to  pick 
up  your  skert  like  you  done  at  the  picknic  and  no 
body  will  know  how  skinny  your  legs  is.  sum- 
times  i  wish  fellers  wore  skerts  but  i  gess  i  would 
ruther  have  skinny  legs,  so  pleese  to  forgive  me 
for  what  i  done. 

yours  very  respectively 

Harry  Shute. 

this  is  the  leter  i  rote  to  the  minister. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  101 

the  referent  minister  of 

the  ferst  Congrigasionel  Chirch 

dear  sir.  i  thotigt  i  wood  wright  you  and  tell  you 
how  sorry  i  am  that  i  sed  the  sassy  things  to  you 
whitch  i  sed  at  the  picknic  last  weak,  i  am  also 
verry  sorry  indeed  that  i  douted  your  word  when 
you  sed  you  wood  give  me  the  fifty  cents,  if  you 
had  been  ennything  but  a  minister  i  wood  not  have 
thougt  you  wood  cheet  me  but  i  have  heard  my 
father  say  that  ministers  has  so  many  things  give 
to  them  and  has  so  many  old  mades  and  fulish 
wimmen  after  them  that  they  aint  mutch  to  blaim 
if  they  forgets  sumthings  whitch  they  hadent  augt 
to  forget,  you  see  i  dident  know  you  verry  well 
and  i  thought  you  mite  be  one  of  them  kind  of 
ministers  but  i  found  out  that  you  wasent  when  you 
paid  me  the  fifty  cents  and  done  as  you  agreed  when 
you  promised  not  to  grab  me  and  lam  time  out  of 
me.  i  was  reddy  for  you  and  if  you  had  grabed  that 
boat  i  wood  probly  have  rew  so  hard  that  you  wood 
have  been  puled  into  the  water  all  over,  i  am  glad 
you  done  as  you  agreed  and  paid  me.  you  were 
prety  lait  in  doing  it  and  i  was  not  to  blaim  for 
thinking  you  wood  not  keep  your  agreement,  espe- 
sially  as  the  wimmen  all  told  you  not  to  pay  me 
a  cent. 

so  i  am  verry  sorry  for  what  i  sed  and  i  think 
you  done  prety  well  for  a  congirigasional  minister 
and  i  hoap  you  will  forgive  me  even  if  i  am  a  uni- 


102  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

tarial  and  done  beleeve  in  hel  as  you  do 
yours  very  respectively 

Harry  Shute. 

i  bet  when  old  mister  minister  gets  that  leter  he  will 
wish  i  had  staid  in  his  chirch.  but  it  is  two  lait 
now.  i  bet  they  will  all  be  sorry  i  left  the  chirch. 
it  aint  many  fellers  whitch  are  willing  to  oan  up 
that  they  are  rong  as  i  have  done  in  these  leters. 
my  granmother  usted  to  say  that  a  soft  answer 
tirnith  away  rath,  so  i  bet  i  have  made  sum  frends 
by  them  leters. 

when  i  got  throug  wrighting  the  leters  it  was  al 
most  time  for  dinner  but  i  had  a  little  moar  time 
and  i  rote  one  mor  to  miss  Tabithy  Wilkins.  she 
is  a  old  made  and  she  was  xcited  when  i  holered 
to  Beany  about  the  wimmen  chasing  after  the  min 
ister  and  i  dident  mean  her  and  so  i  thougt  i  had 
augt  to  tell  her  so  she  woodent  wurry.  so  i  rote 
her  a  leter  two.  this  is  what  i  rote  her. 

Miss  Tabithy  Wilkins 

Exeter  New  Hampshire 

dear  miss  Wilkins.  when  i  hollered  to  Beany  at 
the  picknic  last  weak  about  the  wimmen  running 
after  the  minister  you  thought  i  ment  you  and  you 
got  xcited.  i  thougt  i  wood  wright  and  tell  you  who 
i  ment.  i  dident  meen  you  at  all.  i  ment  your  2 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  103 

sisters  Mary  Ann  and  Unice  and  i  ment  missis 
Angilina  Annis  and  Feeby  Derborn  and  2  or  3 
others. 

i  hoap  you  have  not  wurred  about  this,  i  rote 
jest  as  soon  as  i  cood  for  i  have  been  awful  sick 
and  lade  between  life  and  deth  for  a  long  time  and 
coodent  see  ennything  becaus  my  eys  were  all  swole 
up  by  poizen  ivory,  i  gnew  you  wood  be  glad  to 
know  i  dident  meen  you,  but  i  wood  speek  to  your 
2  sisters  if  i  was  you. 

yours  very  respectively 

Harry  Shute. 

after  i  had  rote  that  i  got  sum  stamps  of  mother, 
she  wanted  to  know  wrhat  i  wanted  them  for  and 
when  i  told  her  what  i  had  did  she  sed  it  was  verry 
brave  of  me  to  admit  i  was  rong  and  i  must  feel 
verry  happy  over  it  and  i  sed  i  did  and  i  et  my 
dinner  and  put  the  leters  in  the  post  ofice  and  all  i 
have  got  to  do  now  is  to  have  a  good  time  for  the 
nex  2  weaks. 

September  3th,  186 —  brite  and  fair  and  hot  as 
time,  i  dident  have  enny  chanse  to  wright  ennything 
yesterday,  i  dident  feel  mutch  like  it  neether.  i  dont 
believe  enny  feller  had  so  mutch  truble  in  2  weaks 
as  i  had  last  nite.  to  hear  father  talk  you  wood 
think  i  was  a  bank  burglar  or  a  cannybile  whitch 
kills  and  eats  children,  i  have  been  jawed  and  licked 


104  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

and  kep  in  my  room  and  sent  to  bed  without  super, 
only  Cele  brougt  it  up  after  father  had  went  down 
town  ,  and  had  evry  thing  did  to  me  jest  becaus  i 
rote  them  leters  and  i  dont  see  what  there  was  in 
them  leters  to  make  ennyone  mad.  i  coodent  wright 
enny  beter  leters  than  them  if  i  tride  a  hole  weak, 
and  the  peeple  whitch  got  them  is  feerful  mad  with 
me  and  father  says  that  posiably  they  may  persecute 
me  at  law  and  i  may  have  to  go  to  jale  for  what  i 
rote  and  father  says  i  have  got  him  into  a  feerful 
scraip  becaus  i  told  them  peeple  what  he  sed  about 
them,  but  then  he  sed  it  so  i  dont  see  why  he  shood 
be  mad,  and  what  he  sed  is  true  and  he  says  that 
evrybody  knows  it  is  true  so  i  done  see  why  he 
shood  be  mad. 

the  wirst  of  it  is  mother  is  mad  with  me  two,  that 
is  to  say  mother  aint  mad  xactly  for  she  dont  get 
mad  but  she  is  verry  mutch  displeesed  with  me  and 
sed  i  done  rong  in  wrighting  to  them  as  i  did.  i 
dont  see  why.  ferst  she  says  i  done  rong  by  holler 
ing  to  Beany  about  them  and  she  was  glad  i  begged 
their  pardon  and  now  she  says  i  done  rong  becaus 
i  dident  stop  when  i  begged  their  pardon  and  not 
say  enny  more,  of  course  i  had  to  xplain  things  to 
them,  ennyway  i  dont  understand  it  now  and  i 
dont  beleeve  i  shall  if  i  have  to  go  to  jale  for  forty- 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  105 

five  years,  i  wonder  if  peeple  ever  do  stay  in  jale 
forty-five  years,  peraps  i  shall  find  out  sum  day. 
i  dont  care,  ennything  is  better  than  having  evry- 
body  mad  with  you.  a  feller  mite  as  well  be  ded. 
i  wish  i  was  ded.  if  i  was  ded  peraps  sum  of  them 
wood  be  sorry. 

well  day  before  yesterday  was  a  bully  day.  i 
went  fishing  in  the  morning  with  Pewt  and  Fatty 
Melcher  and  cougt  2  hogbaks,  old  lunkers  and  3 
pickeril  and  a  big  roach  almost  as  big  as  the  one  i 
left  in  my  jaket  poket  the  time  the  folks  thougt 
there  was  a  ded  rat  in  the  wrall  of  the  house  and 
got  old  man  Staples  to  pull  down  the  plastering. 

then  in  the  afternoon  i  went  butterfling  with  Pot 
ter  Goram  and  got  sum  splendid  red  and  black  ones 
on  the  nettle  flowers  by  the  side  of  the  road,  father 
he  came  home  from  Boston  good-natured  and  was 
glad  to  see  i  was  so  mutch  better  and  we  had  the 
roach  and  pickeril  for  supper  and  they  was  fine, 
after  supper  father  went  down  town  for  sumthing 
and  we  was  setting  round  the  table.  Cele  had  read 
the  95nd  palsam  and  was  reading  Dare  Dewil  Dave 
the  Ded  Shot  and  i  was  wateing  for  father  who 
sed  he  wood  bring  me  a  new  novil  from  Fogg  and 
Fellers  store.  Keene  was  reading  the  Fireside  Com 
panion,  mother  lets  her  read  that  insted  of  the  New 


io6  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

York  Legger.  Georgia  was  putting  a  picture  puzel 
together  and  Annie  and  Franky  and  the  baby  had 
been  put  to  bed  when  i  heard  father  comin  up  the 
steps,  as  soon  as  he  opened  the  door  i  sed  have 
you  got  my  novil  and  he  sed  the  thing  you  will  get 
is  a  thundering  good  licking  insted  of  a  novil  and  i 
see  in  a  minit  that  he  was  mad.  so  i  sed  what  have 
i  done  and  he  sed  what  in  thunder  did  you  wright 
that  devilish  leter  to  that  infernal  idiut  Aspinwall 
for?  and  i  sed  i  done  it  to  beg  his  pardon  and 
mother  she  sed  i  done  rite,  then  father  he  sed  that 
is  a  prety  way  to  beg  a  mans  pardon  by  telling  him 
i  sed  he  was  a  dam  hippokrit.  then  i  sed  i  dident 
say  you  sed  he  was  a  dam  hippokrit  i  only  sed  you 
sed  when  a  man  tries  to  be  a  decon  and  a  plug  ugly 
one  at  the  same  time  it  was  the  dam  hippockerasy 
of  the  thing  that  made  you  mad.  i  dident  say  you 
sed  he  was  a  dam  hippokrit. 

father  he  sed  for  goddlemitys  sakes  what  is  the 
difference  ?  what  rite  had  you  to  tell  him  that  enny- 
way  and  i  sed  well  you  did  say  it  dident  you?  and 
he  sed  of  coarse  i  sed  it  and  it  is  true  but  if  you 
dont  know  enny  more  than  to  tattle  evrything  i  say 
at  home  i  will  give  you  a  good  sound  thrashing  rite 
now  and  i  thougt  i  was  going  to  get  it  \vhen  mother 
sed  wait  George  to  father  and  then  she  sed  to  me 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  107 

what  did  you  wright  to  decon  Aspinwall  and  i  cood 
remember  all  of  it  and  i  told  her  jest  what  i  had 
rote  and  she  leened  back  in  her  chair  and  begun  to 
laff  and  laffed  and  laffed  until  i  thought  she  wood 
fall  out  of  her  chair  and  Aunt  Sarah  she  laffed  al 
most  as  hard  as  mother  and  father  he  begun  to  laff 
and  then  we  all  laffed.  i  laffed  becaus  i  see  father 
laffin  and  i  sed  to  my  self  it  is  all  rite  he  wont  lick 
me  now.  so  i  laffed.  after  we  had  stoped  laffing 
mother  sed  how  did  you  find  out  about  the  letter 
George  and  father  he  sed  i  went  into  Fogg  and 
Fellers  store  to  get  your  novil  and  while  i  was  talk 
ing  to  Jack  Fogg  up  come  decon  Aspinwall  as  red 
as  a  beat  and  sed  what  do  you  mean  George  Shute 
by  calling  me  a  dam  hippokrit?  and  i  sed  i  havent 
called  you  a  dam  hippokrit  or  enny  sort  of  a  hippo 
krit  and  he  sed  yes  you  have  and  i  have  it  hear  in 
black  and  white  and  he  shook  a  leter  rite  in  my  face, 
so  i  sed  i  dont  know  what  you  meen.  i  havent  rote 
any  leter  about  you  and  he  sed  i  know  it  but  your 
misable  son  has  ritten  this  atrosius  epissle  and  you 
shall  pay  for  it  sir,  you  shall  pay  for  it.  well  all 
the  peeple  in  the  store  were  lissening  and  i  was  a 
geting  mad  and  so  i  sed  well  decon  i  know  you  aint 
drunk  for  you  are  to  cussed  meen  to  pay  for  a  drink 
and  so  i  gess  you  must  be  crasy  but  to  keep  you 


io8  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

from  going  cleer  out  of  your  mind  i  will  read  the 
leter  and  i  was  sirprized.  but  i  tride  to  smooth  it 
over  and  sed  now  decon  do  you  supose  for  one  minit 
that  i  ever  thougt  that  of  you,  mutch  less  sed  it? 
and  he  sed  yes  sir  that  is  jest  what  a  man  like  you 
wood  say  and  think  two.  well  i  kep  my  tempef 
and  tride  to  smooth  him  down  but  the  more  i  tride 
the  mader  he  got  and  finally  he  told  me  i  was  a 
defaimer  of  innosent  persens  and  that  he  wood  maik 
me  proove  it  in  coart.  then  i  got  mad  and  sed  look 
hear  you  longnosed  old  vagrant,  sue  and  be  damned, 
but  i  have  heard  enuf  of  your  chin  musick  and  if 
you  say  2  words  moar  i  will  smash  that  sankit  mo- 
nious  old  snout  of  yours  so  flat  that  they  \vont  be 
able  to  see  your  ears,  then  i  told  him  to  go  to  hell 
and  i  come  home,  but  it  was  the  bigest  fool  per 
formance  to  wright  a  leter  like  that  i  ever  heard  of 
and  if  you  ever  do  ennything  again  like  that  i  will 
tan  the  hide  off  of  you. 

i  sed  i  woodent  and  i  hoaped  nobody  wood  say 
enny  more  but  jest  then  mother  sed  i  hoap  you 
were  moar  cairful  about  the  other  leters  and  father 
he  sed  what  have  you  sent  enny  others  and  i  sed  yes 
sir  and  he  sed  who  elce  did  you  wright  to  and  i  told 
him  and  he  sed  what  did  you  wright  to  Missis  Peezly 
and  i  sed  i  told  her  i  was  verry  sorry  for  what  i 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  109 

hollered  to  Beany  and  asted  her  to  forgive  me,  and 
he  sed  are  you  sure  and  i  sed  yes  sir  hoap  to  die 
and  cross  my  throte.  and  he  sed  what  did  you  wrigt 
to  Rody  Shatuck  and  i  sed  i  rote  her  jest  about 
the  saim  as  i  had  rote  to  Missis  Peezly  and  he  asted 
if  i  was  sure  and  i  sed  hoap  to  die  and  cross  my 
throte.  and  he  asted  me  what  i  rote  to  the  minister 
and  i  sed  i  asked  him  to  forgive  me  becaus  i  douted 
his  word  and  for  sassing  him  and  he  sed  are  you 
sure  and  i  sed  hoap  to  die  and  cross  my  throte. 

then  he  asted  if  i  rote  the  same  to  the  other  peeple 
and  i  sed  yes  ser  and  he  sed  well  thank  the  good 
lord  you  had  more  sence  than  you  did  when  you 
rote  the  leter  to  old  Aspinwall.  and  i  sed  yes  sir 
I  am  glad  i  had  so  i  thougt  i  wras  all  rite  when  the 
door  bell  rang  kind  of  mad.  i  can  always  tell  how 
a  person  feals  when  he  rings  our  doorbell  and  when 
he  neerly  pulls  it  out  i  know  he  is  mad.  i  felt  as 
if  sumthing  was  going  to  hapen  jest  then. 

well  Cele  went  to  the  door  and  i  heard  a  woman 
asing  if  father  was  in  and  i  reconised  Misses  Peezlys 
voice  and  i  gnew  she  was  mad  and  i  wondered  what 
she  was  mad  for.  so  father  he  went  in  and  i  cood 
her  her  yapping  away  at  him  and  cood  hear  father 
talking  but  coodent  hear  what  they  was  saying, 
mother  sed  i  hope  you  told  your  father  the  truth  and 


no  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

i  sed  yes  mam.  bimeby  father  come  in  and  called 
mother  and  she  went  in  and  i  cood  hear  her  talking, 
jest  then  the  door  bell  rang  and  Cele  let  in  old  Rody 
Shatuck  and  a  minit  afterwerds  in  come  Angelina 
Annis  and  Unice  and  Mary  Ann  Wilkins  and  Feeby 
Derborn  all  of  them  jest  mad  enuf  to  fite.  i  cood  tell 
they  was  mad  by  the  way  they  asted  for  father,  i 
tell  you  i  got  fealing  prety  sick  but  i  coodent  see 
what  they  was  mad  about,  when  they  went  into 
the  parlor  you  wood  have  thougt  it  was  a  chirch 
meating  when  they  was  voating  for  the  carpet  in  the 
vestry,  evry  woman  talked  to  onct  jest  as  loud  as 
they  cood.  i  never  head  such  a  noise  in  my  life 
before,  bimeby  father  come  in  and  told  me  to  come 
in  and  told  me  not  to  say  a  word  unless  to  answer 
questions  that  he  asked,  i  hated  awful  to  go  in  but 
i  had  to.  when  i  got  in  they  was  all  there  with  there 
faces  as  red  as  beats  and  mad  enuf  to  bite  spikes. 
Rody  Shatuck  called  me  a  misable  brat  and  old 
Missis  Peezly  called  me  a  low  minded  retch  and 
made  a  mosshun  as  if  she  was  going  to  paist  me  one 
with  her  old  umbrela,  but  father  told  me  to  set  down 
in  a  chair  by  mother  then  Angelina  sed  to  mother 
that  she  augt  to  be  ashaimed  of  herself  for  incur- 
ageing  me  in  my  criminallity.  that  is  what  she  sed 
but  i  dident  know  what  she  ment.  but  father  who 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  in 

had  not  yipped  a  single  yip  sence  i  went  in  sed  loud 
now  look  hear  Misses  Shatuck  i  want  you  to  under 
stand  that  you  must  keep  Missis  Shute  out  of  this 
discussion,  you  can  say  what  you  like  to  me  or 
about  me  and  when  you  are  all  through  i  may  have 
sumthing  to  say  but  if  ennyone  of  you  say  a  word 
disrespectful  to  her  why  then  we  will  stop  this  thing 
to  onct.  Now  if  you  understan  that  go  ahead,  well 
i  gess  they  understood  it  for  of  all  the  talk  you  ever 
heard,  you  wood  have  thought  to  thousand  hens 
was  cakling.  they  jest  give  it  to  me  and  father, 
father  looked  stern  and  serius  but  i  thougt  i  cood 
see  sumthing  in  his  eys  that  looked  like  he  wanted  to 
laff,  but  mother  dident  look  a  bit  like  laffing.  bimeby 
when  they  had  talked  about  a  hour  it  seamed  to  me 
they  stoped.  then  father  sed  now  young  ladies  i 
am  a  grate  deel  older  then  you  are  and  have  tride 
to  look  at  the  matter  on  both  sides,  why  father  aint 
within  a  most  a  hundred  years  so  old  as  eny  of 
them  but  he  gnew  how  to  pleese  them,  mother 
looked  mad  but  father  went  on.  as  for  you  Missis 
Peezly  nobody  here  ever  heard  of  you  having  fits 
or  ennything  else,  i  goke  a  good  deel  to  home  here 
and  i  never  goke  about  peeple  i  dont  like,  it  is 
always  about  peeple  for  which  i  have  the  greatest 
respec  and  liking,  i  may  have  sed  sumthing  like 


ii2  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

what  he  sed  and  if  i  did  i  hadent  augt  to  have  did 
it,  and  woodent  have  did  it  if  i  had  suposed  that 
this  boy  woodent  have  gnew  better  than  to  have 
took  it  serius.  i  beg  your  pardon  verry  sincerely 
and  this  boy  must  do  it  two.  so  father  he  done  it 
and  i  had  to  do  it  a  2th  time,  well  she  told  father 
she  was  sorry  she  lost  her  temper  with  him  for 
evrybody  sed  he  was  a  perfick  gentleman,  but  she 
still  thougt  the  boy  had  augt  to  be  punished  verry 
sevearly  for  mottifiing  her  so.  father  he  sed  she 
mite  be  very  sure  he  wood  attend  to  that  and  he 
glore  at  me  when  he  sed  it  as  if  he  wood  cut  me  into 
40  peaces  and  she  sed  good  nite  to  father  and  good 
nite  to  mother  and  mother  looked  at  her  as  if  she 
wasent  there  and  old  Missis  Peezly  timed  red  and 
snifed  and  went  out  stifleged. 

then  father  he  sed  to  Rody  Shatuck  now  Missis 
Shatuck  the  last  thing  in  the  wirld  that  a  yung  lady 
shood  be  ashamed  of  is  to  be  slite  and  graiceful. 
that  is  one  of  the  menny  things  you  had  augt  to  be 
proud  of.  there  isnt  a  fat  woman  in  this  town 
whitch  dusent  envy  you  for  your  graice  and  ac 
tivity,  of  coarse  the  boy  was  very  infortunate  in 
his  choice  of  words  but  i  asure  you  that  the  only 
thing  he  did  was  to  call  two  publick  atension  to  your 
verry  atractive  figure,  i  am  real  sorry  i  was  not 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  113 

there  to  taik  advantage  of  a  most  unusual  opor- 
tunity.  and  then  old  Rody  gigled  and  sed  she  had 
been  told  she  had  a  fine  figure  but  she  dident  like 
to  be  told  like  i  told  it  and  father  glore  at  me  again 
and  sed  it  woodent  happen  again  and  she  sed  good- 
nite  to  father  and  to  mother  and  mother  looked  at 
her  as  if  she  wasent  there  at  all  and  she  timed  red 
and  anifed  and  went  off  stifleged  like  old  Missis 
Peezly. 

then  father  sed  to  Mary  Ann  and  Unice  >  ,"11'ins 
and  Feeby  Derborn.  young  ladies  there  probly  aint 
enny  peeple  that  do  as  mutch  for  the  moral  uplif 
of  the  chirch  as  those  devoted  young  wimmen  whitch 
do  so  mutch  to  help  the  minister  in  his  menny  duties 
in  the  chirch  and  parrish  and  when  the  history  of 
the  chirch  is  rote  you  young  ladies  will  occupy  a 
very  high  place  on  the  role  of  onner.  they  always 
is  and  always  will  be  peeple  whitch  is  consoomed 
with  gelousy  and  probly  sum  one  has  sed  things  and 
my  son  has  heard  them,  but  i  am  sure  young  ladies 
whitch  is  so  kind  harted  as  you  have  shew  yourselfs 
to  be  will  not  be  two  sevear  on  a  boy  whitch  at  the 
time  was  sufering  from  poizen  ivory  and  over  eat 
ing  and  as  for  his  part  he  wood  punish  him  sevearly 
for  saying  what  he  did. 

so  they  sed  if  he  wood  do  that  it  wood  be  all  rite 


ii4  BRiTE  AND  FAIR 

and  they  sed  it  was  a  pleasure  to  talk  with  a  man 
who  was  so  willing  to  do  rite  and  to  maik  others 
do  rite  and  father  sed  it  was  a  pleasure  to  meat  and 
talk  to  ladies  of  their  standing  in  chirch  and  in 
society  and  he  shook  hands  with  them  and  they  sed 
good  nite  to  father  and  to  mother  and  mother  looked 
at  them  jest  as  if  they  wasent  there,  and  they  all 
timed  red  and  snifed  and  went  off  mad  as  time  and 
jest  as  stifleged  as  the  others. 

well  after  they  had  went  father  looked  at  mother 
kind  of  funny  and  scrached  his  hed  and  sed  well 
Joey,  he  calls  mother  Joey,  you  have  got  about  as 
mutch  tack  as  a  fire  alarm  on  resurexion  day  and 
mother  sed  George  Shute  do  you  realy  mean  to  say 
that  you  are  going  to  whip  him  for  lying  to  you  after 
what  you  have  sed  to  them  wimmen?  and  father 
laffed  and  sed  he  had  to  do  sumthing  to  teech  me  a 
lesson  and  that  one  moar  nite  like  this  wood  send 
him  to  a  mad  house,  and  mother  told  him  he  lide  to 
them  wimmen  wirse  than  i  had  lide  to  him  and  he 
sed  it  wasent  lies  it  was  dipplomercy  and  if  she  had 
enny  tack  he  wood  have  had  them  gnitting  sox  and 
mittens  for  him,  and  mother  snifed  two. 

so  then  he  took  me  up  stairs  and  licked  me.  not 
verry  hard  but  moar  than  i  desirved.  but  the  wirst 
was  that  i  cant  go  out  of  the  yard  for  3  days  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  115 

nex  weak  is  the  last  weak  of  vacation,  i  think  it  is 
prety  meen  to  treat  a  boy  so  whitch  has  lade  be 
tween  life  and  deth  for  3  days,  i  always  get  the 
wirst  of  it  when  i  try  to  be  good. 

i  never  will  try  to  be  good  again  if  i  live  a  milion 
years. 


C  EPTEMBER  4,  186-  brite  and  fair,  it  mite  jest 
as  well  rane  as  not.  i  cant  go  out  of  the  yard 
today  and  none  of  the  fellers  have  been  up.  i  saw 
Beany  ride  by  on  Jo  Palmers  back,  i  hollered  at  him 
but  he  dident  look,  then  Pewt  went  down  throug  the 
high  school  yard  with  2  oars  over  his  shoulder,  me 
and  Pewt  aint  so  frendly  now  becaus  old  man  Pur- 
inton  has  bougt  2  boats,  new  ones  and  is  leting  them 
to  peeple  for  less  than  i  get  for  mine,  he  has 
painted  them  all  white  with  a  red  rim  and  a  picture 
on  the  stirn  and  they  dont  enny  peeple  want  my 
boat,  i  wasent  mad  with  Pewt  but  he  feals  so  big 
over  his  old  boats  that  it  maiks  me  sick. 

ennyway  he  mite  have  come  over  to  see  me  when 
i  was  sick  and  laid  between  life  and  deth  3  days, 
sum  other  peeple  mite  have  come.  Lizzie  Tole  was 
one  of  them,  if  it  had  been  Beany  she  wood  have 
went  to  see  him. 

i  read  in  a  book  onct  how  a  feller  had  a  girl 
whitch  took  up  with  another  feller  whitch  had  a 
fine  horse  and  buggy  and  a  silver  mounted  harnis. 
so  this  feller  told  her  he  had  lost  all  faith  in  wimmens 
consistency  and  had  put  them  out  of  his  life  for 

116 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  117 

ever,  so  the  girl  laffed  and  told  him  all  rite  she 
dident  cair.  so  he  went  away  with  his  hart  curroded 
with  bitterniss  and  went  to  wirk  in  a  hotel,  he 
wirked  so  hard  that  in  3  years  he  oaned  the  hotel 
and  had  money  in  the  bank,  then  the  girl  rote  him 
that  she  had  always  luved  him  and  never  had  luved 
the  other  feller  but  he  rote  her  that  the  dye  was 
cast,  he  shood  never  marry,  and  he  never  did,  so 
his  children  never  gnew  a  mothers  cair. 

so  i  shall  never  marry  like  that  feller  who  dident 
and  all  on  account  of  Beany,  sumhow  i  cant  get 
mad  with  Beany,  i  had  augt  to  menny  times  and 
keep  mad  two  but  i  cant  do  it. 

September  5,  186 —  i  got  up  erly  this  morning 
befoar  father  went  to  Boston  and  took  cair  of  Nellie 
and  swept  out  the  stable  and  luged  in  the  water  and 
split  a  lot  of  wood  and  blacked  fathers  boots  and 
set  up  and  had  breckfast  with  him.  i  was  hoaping 
he  wood  let  me  go  out  of  the  yard,  but  he  dident 
say  nothing  about  that  but  did  say  i  had  got  to  get 
up  evry  morning  befoar  he  goes  away  and  do  my 
chores  i  clone  them  so  well  this  morning,  i  thougt 
that  a  prety  mean  thing  for  him  to  do.  i  wished 
i  hadent  got  up.  well  tonite  father  he  caime  home 
mad  and  sed  i  was  the  bigest  fool  he  ever  see.  he 
sed  i  had  blacked  his  boots  with  stove  polish  and 


n8  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

evrybody  laffed  at  him.  so  i  wont  have  to  get  up. 
i  had  to  black  his  boots  over  2  times  with  Day  and 
Martins  blacking  be  f oar  i  cood  get  them  to  shine, 
it  was  a  awful  long  day  in  the  yard.  Beany  brougt 
his  black  and  tan  terrier  over  and  we  got  Frank 
Haines  dog  over  and  had  a  fite  but  jest  as  they 
were  going  good  mother  come  out  and  poared  a 
pale  of  water  on  them  and  they  run  off  prety  quick, 
neether  licked,  that  is  always  the  way.  sumbody 
always  stops  the  good  fites. 

it  was  Saterday  nite  and  after  i  had  luged  in 
about  a  milion  pales  of  water  and  filled  all  the  tubs 
for  the  folks  to  taik  there  baths  in  father  he  sed 
to  mother,  Joey,  he  calls  her  Joey,  becaus  her  name 
is  Joanna,  sumtimes  when  father  wants  to  plage 
her  he  calls  her  Johanna  with  a  h  and  says  she  is 
irish.  she  dont  like  that  becaus  she  is  inglish. 
mother  came  to  America  when  she  was  3  years  of 
aig  and  so  she  doesent  remember  verry  much  about 
ingland.  father  says  mother  dont  understand  gokes 
becaus  she  is  inglish  and  mother  says  she  is  glad 
of  it  becaus  a  good  menny  of  fathers  gokes  hadent 
augt  to  be  understood  by  ennybody.  when  she  says 
that  father  always  laffs  and  says  she  is  a  goker 
herself  sumtimes. 

well  i  forgot  what  i  was  a  going  to  say  becaus 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  119 

when  i  wright  about  my  father  and  mother  i  dont 
think  about  ennything  else  they  are  so  bully.  My 
father  was  the  best  fiter  in  Exeter  or  ennywhere 
elce.  Ed  Thursten  told  me  that  once  he  and  father 
went  down  to  newmarket  and  a  feller  in  the  hotel 
tride  to  lick  father  and  father  hit  him  a  old  he  one 
in  the  snout  and  gnocked  him  up  2  flites  of  stairs 
and  round  3  corners  be f oar  he  stoped.  i  bet  they 
aint  many  fellers  whiten  cood  do  that,  ennyway 
Ed  was  there  and  seen  him  do  it  and  he  says  he 
can  show  me  the  hotel  and  the  stairs  and  the  corners 
he  went  round  and  the  big  dent  in  the  wall  where 
he  stoped.  so  i  gess  it  must  be  so.  i  bet  Beanys 
father  coodent  do  it.  i  bet  Pewts  coodent  eether. 

evrybody  likes  father  and  calls  him  George  and 
he  gokes  with  them  and  gets  them  to  say  funny 
things  and  then  he  laffs  and  evrybody  laffs.  so  he 
dont  never  have  to  fite  now.  i  am  glad  of  it  for  i 
shoodent  like  to  see  father  fite  even  if  he  can  lick 
evrybody. 

gosh  it  is  funny  i  forgot  what  i  was  going  to  say. 
you  see  i  think  father  and  mother  is  about  the  best 
peeple  in  the  wirld.  i  dont  know  whitch  is  best, 
father  says  mother  is  wirth  500  of  him  and  he  augt 
to  know  becaus  he  has  gnew  her  longer  than  i  have. 

well  father  sed  well  Joey,  he  calls  her  Joey,  how 


120  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

has  the  boy  behaived  himself  today  and  mother  sed 
he  has  done  verry  well  indeed,  so  father  he  sed 
to  me  what  do  you  say  if  we  go  in  swimming  at 
the  gravil  and  i  sed  all  rite  i  wood  like  to.  so  we 
went  down  to  the  boat  and  i  rew  him  up  to  the 
gravil  and  we  went  in  and  had  a  grate  swim,  father 
dont  like  to  have  me  swim  under  water,  he  says 
i  stay  under  so  long  that  he  gets  scart  for  fear  that 
i  wont  never  come  up.  after  \ve  got  back  home  he 
let  me  go  down  town  with  him  and  after  he  had 
been  to  old  Tom  Conners  store  and  old  Nat  Weeks 
and  old  Josh  Getchels  and  Gid  Ly fords  we  went 
into  Fogg  and  Fellows  store  and  father  bougt  a 
new  novil  for  me.  the  naim  of  it  is  Grissly  Ike 
the  Scalp  Lifter,  i  bet  it  is  a  riper,  i  havent  read 
it  yet  becaus  father  sed  as  long  as  he  let  me  go  out 
befoar  my  tirm  of  imprisenment  was  over  i  had 
got  to  let  Cele  read  it  first,  so  she  read  it  most  all 
the  evining.  she  only  read  one  palsam  tonite.  she 
aint  so  religus  as  i  thougt  she  was  when  they  is  a 
new  novil  round. 

September  6,  186 —  brite  and  fair  to-day  and 
cool,  it  feals  like  autum.  i  tell  you  i  dont  like  to 
have  the  summer  go.  one  weak  from  nex  munday 
school  begins,  i  hait  to  think  of  it.  we  will  have 
to  do  the  old  xamples  about  A.  and  B.  and  how 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  121 

many  squaire  feet  there  is  in  4  ackers  2  roods  and 
28  rods  and  New  Hamshire  is  bounded  on  the 
north  by  Maine  on  the  east  by  long  ileand  Sound 
on  the  south  by  Rode  Hand  and  Conetticut  and  on 
the  west  by  New  York,  and  the  capital  of  Tennysee 
is  Tallyhassy  and  the  capital  of  New  York  is  Os- 
wego  and  things  we  lerned  last  year,  sumtimes 
i  feal  like  saying  to  old  Francis,  who  sed  it  aint, 
but  i  know  if  i  did  he  wood  lam  time  out  of  me. 
well  i  have  got  one  moar  weak,  i  hoap  i  wont  be 
kep  in  enny  more,  i  cant  spair  a  single  minit. 

went  to  chirch  today,  the  quire  coodent  sing  be- 
caus  sumthing  was  rong  with  the  organ,  only  the 
squeel  keys  wood  go  and  they  went  as  loud  as  a 
steam  whistle,  the  base  keys  woodent  maik  a  single 
yip.  old  Chipper  Berley  dim  into  the  organ  after 
chirch  was  over  and  found  that  sumbody  had  stufed 
a  old  pair  of  overhals  and  a  old  hat  all  spatered 
with  paint  into  the  big  pipe.  Chipper  told  Beany 
he  done  it  and  Beany  he  sed  he  dident  hoap  to  die 
an  cross  his  throte  and  then  Chipper  he  held  up  the 
overhals  and  the  hat  and  they  both  had  I.  M.  Wat 
son  rote  on  them  and  so  Beany  has  lost  his  gob 
this  time  forever  so  Chipper  sed  and  he  waulked 
Beany  out  by  the  ear.  Beany  told  me  honest  he 
dident  do  it.  he  sed  he  pumped  jest  as  hard  as  he 


122  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

cood  becaus  he  dident  want  to  let  the  wind  go  out. 
Chipper  sed  the  reeson  he  pumped  so  hard  was 
becaus  he  gnew  that  all  the  wind  wood  go  into  the 
squeel  keys  and  sound  awful.  Beany  feals  prety 
bad  over  it  becaus  he  needed  the  money,  he  has 
bougt  sumthing  at  old  Bill  Morrils  gewelry  store. 
I  knew  what  it  is  two  and  who  it  is  for  but  Beany 
dont  know  i  know.  Beany  will  feal  prety  cheap  if 
he  has  to  give  it  back  to  old  Bill,  praps  she  wont 
give  it  back  to  Beany,  then  Beany  will  be  in  a 
scraip.  ennyway  if  she  wont  give  it  back  Beany 
wont  never  forgive  her.  i  hoap  she  wont,  it  will 
be  tuf  on  Beany. 

September  7,  186 — Beany  is  fealing  prety  bad. 
he  asted  me  if  i  cood  lend  him  a  dollar,  honest  i 
coodent  becaus  i  aint  got  it.  he  says  he  has  got  to 
get  a  dollar  ennyway.  i  lent  him  40  cents  so  he 
aint  got  to  get  but  60  cents  moar.  he  tride  to  get 
a  gob  today  poasting  bills  but  Cris  Staples  got  it. 
then  Beany  he  went  up  to  Chipper  Berleys  to  get 
his  pay  and  Chipper  told,  him  he  was  lucky  not  to 
get  arested  for  distirbing  a  religus  meating.  so 
Beany  dont  know  what  to  do.  he  aint  got  enny- 
thing  to  sell  and  i  aint  eether.  he  tride  to  borrow 
it  of  Pewt  but  Pewt  sed  he  dident  have  it. 

September  8,    186 — they  is   a  circus  coming  to 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  123 

town  next  Friday,  it  was  going  to  be  in  Ports 
mouth  but  there  was  another  circus  got  the  the 
circus  grounds  ferst  and  so  they  are  coming  to 
Exeter,  me  and  Pewt  and  Beany  are  going  to  get 
a  gob  poasting  bills,  the  bill  poaster  was  in  town 
today  with  a  red  and  blue  and  gold  cart  with  2 
calico  horses  and  put  up  the  big  bills,  he  only  had 
2  big  ones  and  dident  have  enny  others  and  cant  get 
them  until  Wensday  nite  and  he  wants  me  and  Pewt 
and  Beany  to  put  them  up  in  the  nite  so  that  when 
the  peeple  get  up  in  the  morning  they  can  see  them 
the  ferst  thing,  the  way  he  hapened  to  get  us  is 
becaus  Beanys  father  and  Pewts  father  is  painters 
and  paper  hangers  and  so  they  went  to  them  and 
they  wodent  stay  up  all  nite  to  do  it  and  then  he 
asted  if  they  was  enny  boys  to  do  it  for  a  dollar  a 
peace  and  a  ticket  and  so  we  got  the  gob.  we  cant 
tell  ennyone  jest  what  we  have  got  to  do  but  it  is 
bully,  he  told  us  that  we  was  to  put  the  pictures 
up  in  the  rite  places  to  make  a  show  and  atract  the 
attension  of  the  peeple.  where  they  cood  see  them 
the  best,  so  we  are  going  to  do  it.  he  says  the 
secrit  of  poasting  bills  is  to  get  them  in  the  rite 
places,  he  give  us  a  list  of  the  pictures,  these  are 
them,  the  hippotymus  the  behemuth  of  hoaly  rit. 
the  boar  constricter  whitch  can  crush  and  swalow  a 


124  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

hole  dear  or  oxx  at  one  meal,  the  hieener  that  by 
stelth  repairs  to  the  graive  yards  at  nite  and  digs 
up  the  bodys  of  the  ded  and  devours  them.  Jo  Jo 
the  dog  face  man  the  ofspring  of  a  babboon  and  a 
aborrygine,  the  most  repullsive  haff  human  being 
in  the  wirld.  the  stork  which  brings  blessings  to 
the  householes  in  the  shape  of  babies,  the  cheater 
or  hunting  lepard.  the  spider  munkey,  and  the 
tapir  and  the  geraft.  Pewt  has  got  the  list  so  per- 
aps  i  havent  rote  them  all  rite,  we  are  going  to 
meat  .and  deside  where  to  poast  them  up  as  soon 
as  Pewt  gets  them,  peraps  tomorrow. 

Sept.  9,  1 86 — rany  today  and  cold  as  time,  i  tell 
you  it  ranes  and  blows.  Aunt  Sarah  says  may  be 
it  is  the  equinoxious  storm,  that  usually  comes  on 
the  22th.  i  hoap  it  wont  rane  Wensday  nite.  we 
cant  poast  up  bills  in  a  rane  storm  and  if  we  dont 
poast  up  them  bills  we  dont  get  no  dollar  and  no 
ticket  and  what  will  Beany  do  then?  Beany  is  in 
a  tite  place,  if  he  cant  get  that  dollar  he  has  got 
to  get  that  present  back  from  Lizzie  Tole.  if  she 
wont  give  it  back  then  Beany  may  have  to  go  to 
jale  and  he  wont  never  forgive  her.  if  she  has  to 
give  it  back  she  will  be  mad  with  Beany  forever 
and  ever,  i  almost  hoap  it  will  rane.  no  i  dont 
eether.  it  will  be  two  tuf  on  Beany,  what  ever 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  125 

Beany  has  did  to  me  i  like  him  and  i  hoap  it  wont 
rane  and  that  Beany  will  get  his  dollar,  i  cant  be 
mutch  fairer  than  that  can  i  ? 

this  afternoon  we  went  up  in  the  barn  on  the 
hay,  me  and  Pewt  and  Beany  and  talked  over  where 
we  are  going  to  poat  up  the  bills  nex  Wensday  nite 
tomorrow,  it  raned  so  that  Pewt  dident  dass  to 
bring  over  the  bills,  they  are  in  his  shop  all  roled 
up  in  a  role  as  big  as  my  leg  and  tide  tite.  so  we 
looked  at  our  list  and  we  are  going  to  put  the  picture 
of  the  cheeter  on  decon  Aspinwalls  house,  he  is  the 
bigest  cheeter  we  know  and  evrybody  says  so. 

the  stork  we  are  going  to  put  on  Mrs.  Clarisser 
Dorsons  front  door.  Pewt  says  he  heard  his  mother 
say  that  the  dorsons  xpect  a  baby  pretty  soon,  so 
we  all  agreed  that  wood  be  the  place  to  put  it. 

we  all  got  jawing  about  where  we  shood  put  the 
picture  of  the  elefant.  Beany  thougt  it  had  augt  to 
go  on  Horris  Cobbs  front  door.  Pewt  thougt  it 
had  augt  to  go  on  old  mister  Gechels  store  and  i 
thougt  it  had  augt  to  go  on  Fatty  Frogs  house. 
Horris  Cobb  is  the  fattest  man  in  town  but  he  aint 
tall,  odd  mister  Gechel  is  feerful  tall,  almost  ten 
feet  i  gess  but  he  aint  verry  big  as  Fatty  Fogg  is  lots 
taller  than  Horris  and  3  times  as  big  round  as  old 
mister  Gechel.  so  we  decided  to  put  the  elefant  on 


126  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Fatty  Foggs  house  and  the  Giraft  on  Gechels  house. 

the  hieener  we  are  going  to  put  on  the  berrying 
ground  gait  rite  under  where  it  says  we  are  all  pass 
ing  away,  you  know  the  hieener  digs  up  people  and 
devours  them  and  Beany  says  that  will  go  well  with 
the  sine,  that  was  a  good  one  for  Beany,  i  bet 
that  circus  man  will  say  we  are  prety  smart  felers. 

the  howling  munkey  we  are  going  to  put  on  the 
Methydist  parsonage,  the  reverent  Josiar  Higgins 
has  got  white  whiskers  on  his  throte  jest  like  the 
howling  munkeys  and  i  bet  he  can  howl  as  loud 
Sundays,  so  that  is  the  rite  place  for  that  picture. 
i  never  gnew  be f oar  how  mutch  beter  it  is  to  have 
things  did  rite. 

we  are  going  to  put  the  picture  of  the  tapir  on 
my  uncle  Oilman's  house.  Pewt  thougt  it  had  augt 
to  be  put  on  Ikey  Blums  house  only  Ikey  aint  got 
any  house  and  his  shop  is  not  on  enny  street.  Ikey 
has  a  old  plug  horse  and  colects  bones  and  rags  and 
iron,  he  has  the  longest  nose  i  ever  see.  it  goes 
way  down  over  his  mouth,  i  dont  see  how  he  can 
eat.  my  uncle  Gilman  has  got  the  next  longest  nose, 
his  nose  is  a  good  deal  biger  than  Ikeys  but  it  aint 
so  long,  but  uncle  Gilman  is  lucky  becaus  he  has 
got  a  house  to  put  the  picture  on.  he  can  blow  his 
nose  so  it  sounds  jest  like  a  cornet,  not  so  good  as 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  127 

Bruce  Briggam  can  play  the  cornet  but  prety  good. 

i  bet  he  will  be  pleesed  that  he  beat  Ikey  and  Ikey 
will  be  mad,  but  nobody  can  have  evrything  in  this 
vvirld. 

the  picture  of  the  boar  constricter  we  are  going 
to  put  on  the  front  gait  of  old  decon  Eberneaser 
Petigrew.  he  goes  to  all  the  chirch  supers  and  eats 
moar  than  enny  man  there,  one  time  Charlie  Fol- 
som  the  resterant  man  whitch  makes  clam  chowder 
wanted  to  see  how  mutch  old  Eben  cood  eat  and  he 
invited  him  in  and  made  a  hoal  wash  boiler  full  of 
chowder.  Charlie  sed  he  put  in  a  peck  of  clams  and 
2  galons  of  milk  and  a  lot  of  potatoes  and  onyiuns 
and  he  invited  old  decon  Petigrew  in  and  he  et 
and  et  and  et  and  et.  Charlie  begun  to  get  scat  for 
feer  he  wood  bust,  bimeby  he  stoped  eating  becaus 
he  coodent  hold  enny  moar.  he  had  et  all  but  about 
4  quats.  Charlie  dident  sleep  enny  that  nite  he 
wurrid  so  about  decon.  he  thougt  sure  he  wood  die 
befoar  morning,  so  he  got  up  erly  the  nex  morning 
and  come  down  town,  when  he  went  by  Ebens 
house  he  looked  up  to  see  if  there  was  enny  craip 
or  a  reath  on  the  door,  there  wasent  so  he  gnew 
he  hadent  dide  but  he  gessed  he  was  prety  sick,  well 
what  do  you  think  when  he  got  to  his  resterant  there 
stood  old  Eben  all  rite  wateing  for  him  and  he  told 


128  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Charlie  that  if  he  dident  want  the  rest  of  that  chow 
der  he  wood  take  it.  so  Charlie  he  give  it  to  him 
and  he  says  he  must  be  jest  like  a  boar  constricter. 

father  has  always  told  me  to  do  evry  thing  rite 
that  i  atempt  to  do.  he  tells  me  that  all  the  time,  i 
gess  he  will  find  that  i  can  do  things  rite  as  well  as 
the  nex  one.  tonite  when  we  come  out  of  the  barn 
it  had  stoped  raning  and  the  sun  come  out  i  hoap 
it  will  be  good  wether  tomorrow  and  nex  day  two. 
Pewt  is  going  to  make  2  buckets  of  paist.  me  and 
Beany  are  to  get  the  flour  for  it  and  Pewt  makes 
it.  he  knows  how  better  than  we  do.  he  and  Beany 
fernish  the  brushes  to  put  on  the  paist.  i  fernish  a 
lantirn  if  it  is  two  dark. 

September  10,  186 — brite  and  fair  and  jest  bully 
wether,  i  got  up  late  today  and  i  am  glad  of  it 
becaus  i  have  a  hard  days  wirk  tonite,  father  told 
me  this  morning  that  i  must  distinkly  understand 
that  there  aint  going  to  be  no  fooling  tonite  but 
jest  wirk.  i  prommised  we  woodent  do  nothing  but 
wirk  and  put  the  bills  in  the  best  places  so  as  to 
pleese  evrybody.  that  is  what  the  circus  man  told 
us  not  to  do  enny  damige  and  not  to  get  ennyone 
mad  but  to  put  the  bills  where  they  will  attrack  the 
most  atension.  and  that  is  why  he  is  to  pay  us  so 
mutch  money  and  give  us  a  ticket  apeace  to  the  show. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  129 

after  breckfast  i  split  up  enuf  wood  for  today 
and  luged  in  2  pales  of  water  and  went  over  to 
Pewts.  Beany  was  there  and  we  opened  the  role 
of  pictures  and  they  were  old  lunkers.  gosh  the 
howling  munkeys  looked  jest  like  the  reverent  Josier 
Higgins  and  the  cheeter  looked  kind  of  slanty  eyd 
and  meen  like  Decon  Aspinwall.  the  boar  constric- 
ter  was  swalowing  a  live  cow  hoal.  i  bet  peeple  will 
lafT.  and  the  tapir  honest  he  looked  kind  of  like 
my  uncle  Gilman. 

well  we  are  going  to  go  ferst  over  the  river  to 
uncle  Gilmans  and  then  to  old  mister  Gechel  and 
then  to  Pettigrews  and  then  to  Clarisser  Dorsons 
and  then  to  Decon  Aspinwalls  and  then  to  the  rev 
erent  Josier  Higgins  and  so  on.  Pewt  thinks  it  will 
taik  2  hours  to  do  it  good  so  they  cant  be  toar  down 
if  we  done  it  with  tacs  ennybody  whitch  dident  like 
it  cood  yank  it  off  eesy  but  if  we  paist  it  on  with  a 
little  gum  arab  in  it,  it  will  have  to  be  scrope  off 
with  a  gnife.  so  Pewt  says  and  i  gess  he  knows, 
we  carried  up  2  paper  bags  of  flour  and  Pewt  made 
2  buckits  of  paist.  we  paisted  a  picture  of  Flora 
Temple  the  fastest  trotting  horse  in  the  wirld  on  a 
mahoginy  buro  that  Pewts  father  is  polishing  for 
Doctor  Goram  Potters  grandfather  and  i  bet  it  will 
taik  a  weak  to  get  it  off.  so  i  gess  Pewts  paist  is 


130  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

good  paist.  we  are  going  to  meat  at  Beanys  at 
haff  past  12  oh  clock,  father  is  going  to  wake  me 
at  12  oh  clock,  i  hoap  he  wont  forget  to  wake  up. 
ennyway  it  wont  make  enny  difference  for  i  shant 
go  to  sleep,  i  bet  we  will  have  a  good  time. 

Beany  says  it  is  all  up  with  him  if  he  dont  get 
that  dollar,  he  says  he  will  be  the  ferst  of  his 
family  to  go  to  jale.  that  is  what  a  feller  gets  for 
being  in  debt.  Beany  had  augt  to  have  wated.  but 
i  supose  wrhen  a  feller  gets  going  with  a  girl  he 
dont  think.  Beany  is  not  bad  but  thinkless.  i  hoap 
it  will  be  a  lessen  to  him.  he  is  feerfully  wurrid 
but  he  needent  be  for  if  the  wirst  comes  to  wirst  i 
shall  sell  one  of  my  hens,  i  havent  told  him  this 
becaus  if  he  gnew  it  perhaps  he  wood  spend  the 
dollar  for  sumthing  else  for  her.  but  while  i  have 
a  hen  to  my  naim  Beany  shall  not  go  to  jale.  i  wood 
not  go  to  bed  at  all  tonite  if  father  woodent  know  it 
but  if  my  lite  aint  out  by  10  oh  clock  he  hollers  for 
me  to  go  to  bed  lively,  so  i  am  going  to  read 
Grissly  Ike  the  Scalp  Lifter  until  10  oh  clock  and 
then  go  to  bed  an  lissen  for  the  clock  to  strike  12. 

September  13,  186 — this  is  saterday.  i  almost 
wrish  i  wras  ded.  i  havent  been  out  of  my  room 
sence  Thirsday  xcept  to  split  wood  and  lug  water 
and  feed  the  sheep  and  horse  and  hens,  father  says 


we  paisted  a  picture  on  a  mahoginy  buro 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  131 

one  moar  sumer  like  this  one  will  make  a  gibbering 
manioc  of  him.  he  says  there  must  be  sumthing 
rong  with  me.  he  dont  know  wether  he  had  augt 
to  lick  it  out  of  me  or  send  me  to  the  reform  school 
or  to  a  place  where  they  keep  idjuts.  that  is  the 
way  he  talks  to  me  but  when  old  Decon  Aspinwall 
and  the  reverent  Josier  Higgins  and  Clarisser  Dor- 
sens  husband  and  old  man  Pettigrew  sed  i  had  augt 
to  be  sent  to  the  reform  school  he  told  them  to  go 
strait  to  hell  and  try  it  if  they  thougt  they  cood. 
Beanys  father  has  kep  Beany  in  his  room  and  Pewts 
father  has  kep  Pewt  in.  the  only  time  i  can  speak 
to  Beany  is  after  father  has  went  to  Boston  and 
Beanys  father  has  went  down  town  we  holler  across 
from  our  chamber  winders,  we  havent  seen  Pewt 
for  his  chamber  is  on  the  back  of  his  house,  i  asted 
Beany  what  he  was  going  to  do  about  the  dollar  and 
he  says  he  xpected  the  poliseman  to  come  for  him 
enny  time,  i  told  him  if  the  poliseman  come  to  tell 
him  to  come  over  and  take  the  best  hen  i  had. 
Beany  felt  better  and  sed  i  was  a  trew  frend.  he 
says  it  is  a  pity  things  is  as  they  is  but  he  cant  help 
it.  a  feller  cant  help  they  way  he  feals  sumtimes. 
peraps  i  am  lucky  that  Beany  has  cut  me  out  for  if 
i  had  cut  him  out  i  mite  be  xpecting  to  go  to  jale. 
if  i  hadent  heard  father  tell  them  men  to  go  to  hell 


132  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

i  wood  be  afrade  of  going  to  jale  or  the  reform 
school,  i  dont  beleeve  reform  school  or  jale  is  enny 
wirse  then  staying  in  your  room  when  a  circus 
paraid  is  going  by  on  the  nex  strete. 

i  think  i  will  wright  about  what  has  hapened  to 
morrow  whitch  is  Sunday,  i  want  to  finish  reading 
Grissly  Ike  the  Scalp  Lifter.  Cele  tiptode  up  to  my 
room  and  threw  it  in.  Cele  always  stands  up  for  a 
feller  when  he  is  in  truble.  probly  after  the  hoal 
thing  has  bloan  over  if  it  ever  does  Cele  will 
tell  mother  she  done  rong  in  giving  me  the  novil 
and  will  ask  to  be  punished  that  is  jest  like  Cele. 

September  14,  186 — brite  and  fair,  i  am  in  my 
room  wrighting.  most  everybody  has  went  to  chirch 
xcept  mother  who  never  gets  time  to  go  and  father 
who  is  eether  over  to  Pewts  fathers  shop  or  over 
to  Beanys  fathers  barn  talking.  Beany  has  got  his 
gob  back  becaus  they  found  out  that  Pewt  put  the 
overhals  and  old  hat  into  the  organ,  he  done  it  to 
play  a  trick  on  Beany  but  he  dident  meen  to  lose 
him  his  gob.  so  it  is  all  rite,  i  see  Beany  going  to 
chirch.  i  cant  go.  it  is  tuf  to  have  to  stay  in  your 
room  and  not  be  aloud  to  go  to  chirch.  that  is  a 
prety  way  to  bring  up  a  boy  i  shood  say.  it  will  be 
lucky  for  them  if  i  dont  grow  up  a  drunkard  and  a 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  133 

robber  or  a  berglar.  some  day  father  will  be  sorry 
for  what  he  has  did  to  me. 

well  it  is  a  long  story,  last  Thursday  nite  i  fell 
asleep  and  father  waked  me  up  at  12  oh  clock,  i 
went  to  Beanys  and  found  him  and  we  went  to  Pewts 
and  got  the  paist  and  the  pictures,  i  luged  one 
pale  and  Beany  the  other.  Pewt  luged  the  paper. 
we  had  to  change  hands  lots  of  times  and  set  the 
pales  down,  i  tell  you  they  was  heavy,  it  was 
clowdy  but  as  it  was  moon  time  it  was  prety  lite, 
we  dident  see  nobody  and  it  seamed  kind  of  dreery. 

we  got  to  uncle  Gilmans  and  paisted  the  picture 
of  the  tapir  up  rite  on  the  front  side  of  his  house, 
then  we  went  to  Gechels  house  and  paisted  up  the 
giraft.  we  had  a  long  handeled  brush  and  i  had  to 
stand  on  Beanys  shoulder  to  reech  the  girafs  head, 
the  picture  reeched  nearly  to  the  roof,  once  we 
thougt  we  was  cougt  but  it  was  only  a  horse  kick 
ing  in  the  barn,  we  dident  make  enny  noise  and 
when  we  talked  we  jest  wispered.  it  was  almost  as 
mutch  fun  as  hooking  water  mellons.  then  we  went 
to  old  Pettigrews  and  paisted  up  the  boar  constricter. 
then  we  went  to  Fatty  Foggs  and  his  dog  woodent 
let  us  come  near  the  house,  we  thougt  he  wood 
knaw  us  and  Pewt  hit  him  with  a  rock  and  he  yelped 
so  loud  that  old  Fatty  come  down  in  his  shirt  tale 


134  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

and  a  little  tin  lamp  but  we  was  hid  behine  sum 
boards. 

then  we  went  to  Clarisser  Dorsens  but  it  was  all 
lit  up  and  doctor  Perrys  horse  and  chase  was  there 
hiched  to  a  poast.  we  wated  and  bimeby  old  man 
Dorson  come  out  on  the  run  and  went  down  town, 
bimeby  he  came  back  with  a  old  woman  and  they 
went  into  the  house  so  we  coodent  put  the  stork 
picture  on  her  house  without  being  cougt  and  we 
put  it  on  Billy  Hansoms  house.  Billy  and  his  wife 
have  jest  been  married  and  last  weak  the  fellers 
give  them  a  serinaid.  so  we  thougt  they  wood  be 
pleased  to  be  notised.  by  that  time  the  town  clock 
struck  2.  so  we  had  to  hurry  and  them  pales  was 
heavy,  so  we  come  over  the  bridge  and  throug 
Clifford  strete  to  Coart  strete.  Pewt  he  had  to  go 
into  his  house  and  while  he  was  gone  Beany  sed  it 
wood  be  a  good  goke  on  Pewt  to  put  Jo  Jo  the  Dog- 
faced  man  picture  on  Pewts  house  because  Pewts 
father  has  got  long  wiskers.  so  we  done  it  and  when 
Pewt  come  out  we  told  him  we  had  put  it  on  old 
Hen  Dows  house  and  Pewt  thougt  that  was  bully. 

Then  Beany  wanted  to  go  in  his  house  to  get 
sum  donuts  and  while  he  was  in  Pewt  sed  it  wood 
be  a  good  thing  to  put  the  Spider  Monkey  picture 
on  Beanys  house.  Beanys  father  is  kind  of  thin 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  135 

and  wear  awful  tite  britches  and  a  blew  coat  and 
dresses  elegant  and  so  we  done  it  and  when  Beany 
come  out  with  his  donuts  we  set  down  and  et  them 
and  he  dident  notise  ennything. 

well  after  we  had  et  the  donuts  we  paisted  up  the 
Cheeter  picture  on  Decon  Aspinwalls  house  and  the 
elefant  on  Horris  Cobbs  house  and  the  Hineer  one 
on  the  berrying  yard,  we  tried  verry  hard  to  do  a 
good  gob  there  and  we  gnew  it  wood  maik  a  fine 
apearance  rite  under  the  sine  we  are  all  passing 
away,  then  we  come  home,  father  let  me  in  and 
asted  me  if  i  done  enny  damige  and  i  sed  no.  he 
asted  me  where  we  paisted  up  the  bills  and  i  told  him 
he  cood  see  in  the  morning  when  he  went  to  the 
trane.  so  i  went  to  bed. 

the  nex  morning  mother  come  up  and  waked  me 
and  told  me  to  dress  and  come  down  stairs  jest  as 
quick  as  i  cood.  she  looked  xcited.  i  asted  her  if 
ennybody  was  sick  and  she  sed  wirse  than  that,  i 
cood  hear  peeple  talking  loud  down  stairs  and  i  run 
down  as  quick  as  i  cood  get  my  close  on  and  without 
washing  my  face  or  comeing  my  hair,  when  i  got 
down  there  in  the  setting  room  i  saw  Billy  and  Mrs. 
Billy  Hanson  and  old  Pettigrew  and  Beanys  father 
and  Pewts  father  and  the  reverent  Josier  Higgins 
and  old  man  Wiggins  the  trusty  of  the  berrying 


136  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

ground  and  Decon  Aspinwall  and  Pewt  and  Beany 
and  father  and  mother  and  Aunt  Sarah,  and  they 
were  all  piching  in  xcept  father  and  mother  and 
Aunt  Sarah  who  dident  say  ennything.  Mrs.  Billy 
Hanson  sed  she  had  never  been  so  insulted  in  her 
life,  she  sed  she  had  lived  a  good  cristian  life  and  to 
have  sech  a  insult  paisted  on  her  house  was  more 
than  flesh  and  blud  cood  stand  and  she  boohood 
like  a  big  baby,  and  Decon  Aspinwall  sed  he  had 
stood  all  he  was  going  to  and  this  time  the  coarts 
wood  take  it  up  and  settle  it  onct  for  all  if  peeple 
was  to  be  insulted  and  def aimed  and  there  rites 
trampled  on  and  the  reverent  Josier  sed  he  thougt 
the  sacrid  eddifise  of  whitch  he  was  a  unwerthy 
paster  had  augt  to  be  safe  from  infaimus  attacks 
and  that  he  shood  ast  the  coarts  to  rite  him  in  the 
publick  ey. 

and  old  man  Wiggins  he  sed  that  the  ded  wood 
tirn  in  there  graives  if  they  see  what  was  on  the 
berrying  ground  gait,  and  Beanys  father  sed  he 
wasent  going  to  be  called  a  spider  munkey  for  noth 
ing  and  Pewts  father  sed  he  was  going  to  find  out 
who  poasted  up  that  Jo  Jo  bill  befoar  he  left,  if 
it  took  the  rest  of  his  lifetime,  then  they  all  talked 
together  and  made  a  feerful  noise,  bimeby  father 
sed  now  you  have  all  had  your  chance,  less  find  out 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  137 

sumthing  about  it.  so  he  told  them  what  he  gnew 
about  the  circus  man  asking  us  to  poast  the  bills 
and  Pewts  father  and  Beanys  father  sed  that  was  so. 
then  father  asted  me  why  i  done  it  and  i  told  him 
we  were  told  to  poast  the  bills  in  aproprate  places. 
to  atrack  attension  and  we  done  it.  i  sed  we  was 
going  to  put  the  stork  up  on  Missis  Dorsens  house 
but  the  doctor  was  there  and  we  coodent  and  so  we 
put  it  on  Misses  Hansons,  and  then  Missis  Hanson 
saled  into  me  like  time  again  then  Pewts  father  sed 
Pewt  sed  he  dident  know  ennything  about  puting  the 
]  o  Jo  bill  on  his  house  and  i  sed  he  was  in  the  house 
then  and  Beanys  father  sed  Beany  sed  he  dident 
know  about  the  spider  munkey  bill  and  i  sed  Beany 
was  in  the  house  then  and  i  done  it. 

then  they  all  sed  i  was  the  ring  leeder  and  had  led 
Pewt  and  Beany  into  temptasion  and  old  Decon  As- 
pi  n  wall  sed  it  was  mity  queer  that  we  dident  put  up 
ennything  on  fathers  house  and  the  boy  was  the 
father  of  the  man  and  that  he  wood  see  that  i  was 
sent  to  the  reform  school  and  that  father  paid 
heavy  damiges. 

that  was  the  time  father  got  mad  and  told  him 
to  go  to  hell  and  old  Decon  went  off  to  see  his 
lawyer,  then  father  told  the  others  that  he  wood 
do  all  he  cood  to  make  it  rite  and  he  took  me  round 


138  B.RITE  AND  FAIR 

to  all  of  them  to  their  houses  and  made  me  beg  their 
pardon,  peeple  were  scraping  the  pictures  off  and 
washing  them  with  hot  water  and  evrybody  was 
laffing. 

Uncle  Oilman  and  Mister  Gechel  and  Horris  Cobb 
all  laffed  and  sed  it  was  a  good  goke  but  the  others 
were  all  feerful  mad  with  me  and  father  and  not 
very  mad  with  Pewt  and  Beany,  that  is  all  rite  but 
the  idea  of  me  leading  Pewt  and  Beany  into  temta- 
sion  makes  me  sick. 

well  Pewt  got  a  licking  and  Beany  got  a  licking 
and  i  got  a  licking  and  we  have  all  got  to  stay  In 
the  house  until  school  begins,  but  Beany  had  to  go 
to  chirch  to  keep  his  gob. 

it  is  prety  tuf  to  stay  in  a  fellers  room  and  to  hear 
a  circus  band  playing  and  not  go  jest  becaus  we 
tride  to  do  the  best  we  cood.  ennyway  i  am  glad  i 
aint  going  to  the  reform  school,  father  jest  come 
in  with  a  paper,  he  sed  he  had  been  arested  and 
had  to  get  bale,  he  sed  old  Decon  Aspinwall  had 
sewed  him  for  10  thousand  dollars  for  def aiming 
his  caracter.  father  sed  old  Decon  had  to  go  to 
Portsmouth  for  a  lawyer,  and  that  Amos  Tuck  and 
General  Marstin  and  Judg  Stickney  and  Alvy  Wood 
all  come  up  and  sed  they  wood  see  him  throug  with 
out  paying  a  dam  cent,  father  feals  prety  good  to- 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  139 

nite.     Aunt  Sarah  says  he  always  does  when  there 
is  a  chane  for  a  fite. 

this  is  the  ferst  time  in  my  life  i  ever  hoaped 
school  wood  begin,  ennything  is  beter  than  staying 
in  your  room. 


C  EPTEMBER  15,  186—  school  begun  today  and 
i  went,  i  dident  supose  i  ever  wood  ruther  go  to 
school  than  stay  in  my  room  espeshully  a  school 
whitch  is  taugt  by  old  Francis,  but  they  is  always 
sumthing  lively  taiking  place  in  old  Francis  school, 
sumtimes  Micky  Guold  is  setting  down  on  tacts  or 
the  points  of  pens  whitch  has  been  stuck  in  his  seet 
so  they  wont  fall  over  like  a  bent  pin  whitch  aint 
mutch  good  enyway  most  of  the  time  and  hollering 
bludy  merder  and  geting  snached  baldheaded  for  it 
by  old  Francis,  or  Beany  or  Bug  Chadwick  is  being 
ferriled  with  a  hard  wood  ruler  with  2  hairs  in  the 
pam  of  there  hand  to  splitt  the  old  ruler  into  fragg- 
ments  whitch  i  have  never  seen  did  yet  in  this  life 
or  licked  sumwhere  else  whare  nuthing  will  do  enny 
good  xcept  a  peace  of  paistboard  or  the  Exeter 
Newsleter  in  the  set  of  their  britches,  or  Pop  Clark 
is  maid  to  eat  a  apple  before  the  hoal  school  as  fast 
as  he  can  with  rot  and  wirm  holes  and  wirms  and 
the  stem  and  seeds  and  the  coar  or  Skinny  Bruce 
is  being  snaiked  over  2  seets  and  put  in  the  woodbox 
with  the  cuvver  down  because  Gim  Erly  whitch  sits 
behine  Skinny  put  a  pin  in  the  toe  of  his  shue  and 

140 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  141 

reeched  over  and  kicked  Tady  Finton  whitch  sits  in 
front  of  Skinny  and  old  Francis  wont  believe 
Skinny  but  licks  him  onct  for  doing  it  and  twict 
for  liing  about  it  whitch  he  says  is  twict  as  wirse 
as  doing  it,  or  Fatty  Oilman  is  down  on  all  f  oars  and 
howling  while  old  Francis  lams  him  with  the  haff  of 
the  broom  stick  he  stirs  the  fire  with  while  Fatty 
is  triing  hard  to  crawl  throug  a  chair  whitch  he  cant 
do  enny  moar  than  the  cammel  cood  crawl  throug 
the  ey  of  the  needle  in  the  bible. 

All  of  them  things  is  taiking  place  in  old  Francis 
school  every  day  whitch  makes  it  a  very  intersting 
place  when  you  are  not  the  feller  whitch  is  doing 
them  things  but  is  setting  down  and  waching  them 
out  of  the  coner  of  your  ey  and  pertending  to  studdy 
hard  whitch  nobudy  can  do  when  sumbuddy  is  how 
ling  terruble  and  banging  agenst  sects  and  you  never 
know  when  your  tern  wil  come  nex. 

but  it  is  lots  beter  than  staying  in  your  room 
and  not  seing  the  fellers  and  coppying  there  xamples 
and  getting  so  far  behine  in  your  studdies  that  you 
are  shoar  to  get  licked  evry  day  for  a  week  or  2. 
there  is  sum  fun  in  geting  licked  onct  in  a  while  if 
you  have  a  chance  to  escaip  and  it  is  a  grate  deel 
moar  fun  if  sumbuddy  else  gets  licked  for  sumthing 
you  have  did.  sumtimes  a  feller  will  tel  on  sum- 


142  BRITE  AXD  FAIR 

buddy  else  and  then  evry  feler  whitch  can  lick  him 
licks  him  the  ferst  time  they  gets  the  chance,  but 
most  of  the  fellers  will  take  another  fellers  lickings 
without  a  yip.  Old  Francis  lickings  is  wirse  than  2 
or  3  of  another  fellers  lickings  but  aint  so  bad  as  30 
or  40  lickings  whitch  a  feller  is  shoar  to  get  if  he 
tells  on  anuther  feller  to  say  nuthing  about  the  girls 
running  their  tungs  out  at  you  and  calling  you  tattle 
tail  and  stiking  their  nose  up  in  the  air  when  they 
goes  by  you  whitch  maiks  a  feller  feal  prety  cheep 
which  is  sumtimes  wirse  than  a  licking  . 

So  on  the  hoal  i  had  ruther  go  to  school  than  stay 
in  my  room  whitch  dont  make  enny  diference  becaus 
i  have  got  to  go  ennyway  wether  i  want  to  or  not. 

tonite  i  had  to  studdy  Colburn  arithmatic.  it  is 
the  wirst  book  i  ever  studded,  i  bet  there  aint  a  boy 
in  this  wrirld  whitch  doesnt  want  to  paist  time  out  of 
old  Colburn.  i  had  ruther  be  a  merderer  if  no- 
muddy  gnew  it  than  be  a  feler  whitch  rote  a  arith 
matic.  Ennyway  old  Colburn  had  a  key  whitch  tells 
jest  how  to  do  the  xamples  and  has  them  all  fig- 
gered  out.  teechers  is  aloud  to  have  the  key  but  the 
scholers  cant  have  it.  Enny  time  old  Francis  dont 
know  how  to  do  a  xample  he  looks  in  his  key  and 
lerns  how  and  then  a  feller  whitch  dont  have  a  key 
is  snached  baldheaded  becaus  he  dont  know  how  to 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  143 

do  it.  i  dont  think  that  is  fair,  i  had  10  xamples 
to  do  and  i  have  got  them  all  did.  Cele  done  4  and 
Keene  3  and  father  3.  so  i  am  all  rite  tomorrow, 
father  give  me  2  bats  in  the  ear  befoar  i  undestood 
one  xample.  mother  says  father  hasent  mutch 
pasience.  Keene  gets  mad  but  she  dont  dass  to  bat 
me.  Cele  is  the  best. 

September  16,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  i  havent  let 
my  boat  for  a  long  time.  Pewts'  father  has  got  the 
best  boats  now.  it  was  prety  quite  in  school  today 
only  9  fellers  got  licked,  five  of  them  hollered  to 
make  old  Francis  stop.  Scotty  Briggim  never  hol 
lers  and  Stubby  Gooch  and  Tady  Tilton  and  Jack 
Mevlin  dont  ever  holler.  Nigger  Bell  never  got 
but  one  licking  and  he  hollered  louder  than  enny 
feller  i  ever  herd  Old  Francis  dont  lick  him  becaus 
he  hollers  so  loud. 

September  17,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  i  havent  had 
a  cent  for  moar  than  a  weak,  it  is  tuf  to  be  so 
poar.  i  have  got  to  rase  sum  chink  sumhow.  Beany 
aint  paid  me  my  40  cents  yet. 

September  18,  186 —  i  got  licked  today  in  school, 
jest  for  nothing,  sum  one  put  sum  gum  in  Medo 
Thirstems  sect  and  he  coodent  get  up  to  resite  and 
old  Francis  yanked  him  up  and  found  the  gum  and 
licked  me  becaus  i  set  jest  behine  his  sect,  he  sed 


144  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

he  had  been  keeping  his  ey  on  me  for  a  long  time, 
it  cant  be  very  long  becaus  school  has  only  been  ^ 
days,  today  was  wensday  and  there  wasent  enny 
school  in  the  afternoon,  me  and  Putter  went  up 
river  fishing  and  caught  8  pickeril.  prety  good 
for  us. 

September  19,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  nex  weak 
is  the  county  fair  and  cattle  show,  i  am  going,  the 
band  is  pracktising  evry  nite  and  that  is  the  reeson 
i  cant  get  my  lessons.  no  feller  can  studdy  when  a 
band  is  playing  king  John  quickstep  and  red  stocking 
quickstep  and  romanse  from  Leeclare  and  departed 
days  and  things  like  them  rite  across  the  strete.  so 
i  miss  in  my  lessons  and  get  licked  most  every  day. 
sum  day  i  am  going  to  play  in  a  band,  i  shall  play 
a  e  flat  cornet  like  old  Robinson  and  Bruce  Briggim 
and  Rashe  Belnap.  they  played  a  new  peace  tonite. 
i  shoodent  think  men  \vhitch  cood  play  in  a  band 
wood  ever  do  ennything  else,  i  never  wood. 

September  20,  186 —  rany  as  time,  i  hoap  it 
wont  rane  next  weak  when  they  are  having  the  fare, 
tonite  it  raned  so  hard  that  the  band  dident  prack- 
tise  so  i  had  time  to  studdy.  i  coodent  do  enny 
thing  this  aftenoon  but  set  in  Ed  Toles  Darn  and 
see  the  horses  rubed  down. 

September  21,  186 —  brite  and  fair  today,    i  went 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  145 

to  chirch  today.  After  chirch  me  and  father  went 
up  to  the  fair  grounds,  they  have  got  a  lot  of  sheds 
bilt  and  most  of  the  fence  is  up  and  the  ralings 
round  the  track,  i  bet  it  will  be  a  good  fair. 

Peekily  Tiltons  father  plays  in  the  band  and  3 
uncles,  his  father  plays  a  b  flat  tenner  horn  and  his 
uncle  Ed  plays  a  e  flat  base  horn  and  his  uncle 
George  plays  an  e  flat  alto  horn  and  his  uncle  War- 
rin  plays  a  b  flat  cornet.  Peeliky  says  he  is  going  to 
play  some  day.  he  doesent  know  what  he  will  play 
but  he  wil  play  sumthing.  i  asted  father  why  he 
dident  play  in  the  band  and  he  sed  they  was  dam 
fools  enuf  in  the  wirld  without  he  being  one.  i  was 
going  to  ast  him  to  by  me  a  cornet  but  i  desided 
i  woodent  jest  yet.  i  gnew  jest  what  he  wood  say 
if  i  asted  him. 

father  says  he  dont  like  band  playing  but  i  notise 
he  stays  to  home  the  nites  the  band  plays  and  sets 
on  the  steps  an  lisens  and  beets  time  with  his  foot 
and  sumtimes  puts  in  as  good  base  as  Ed  Tilton, 
Peeliky  Tiltons  uncle  can  with  his  base  horn  and 
when  sumbuddy  in  the  band  plays  out  of  tune  he 
gumps  up  and  waulks  up  and  down  the  piaza  and 
says  why  dont  they  hit  that  feller  with  a  ax.  so 
i  know  he  likes  band  playing  as  wel  as  i  do.  i  wish 
he  played  in  the  band  fer  then  i  wood  go  into  the 


146  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

bandroom  and  hear  them,  me  and  Beany  tride 
to  go  in  one  nite  and  we  was  jest  going  up  stairs 
when  sumbuddy  throwed  a  hoal  pale  of  water  on  us 
and  we  skined  out  prety  lifely.  i  woodent  care  if 
they  only  wood  let  us  in  after  they  had  throwed 
the  water  but  they  hollered  get  out  of  here  you  little 
devils  or  we  will  drownd  you.  i  bet  them  band 
fellers  can  lick  enny  other  band  fellers  and  beat 
them  playing  two.  i  bet  our  band  is  as  good  as  enny 
band  in  this  wirld. 

September  22,  186 —  i  am  terible  xcited.  we  are 
going  to  have  three  days  vacasion  this  week  while 
they  have  the  fair  and  cattle  show  and  i  have  got  a 
seeson  ticket  becaus  Charles  Talor  is  going  to  have 
Nellie  to  drive  the  hoal  time,  he  gets  the  hay  and 
grane  and  straw  for  the  annimals  and  has  got  to  be 
going  in  and  out  of  the  fair  grounds  al  the  time  and 
father  has  let  him  have  Nellie  and  he  give  me  and 
father  a  seeson  tickit.  so  i  kin  go  all  the  time  so 
long  as  i  split  my  kinlins  and  get  in  my  wood  and 
all  the  pales  of  water  mother  wants.  Beanys  father 
is  going  to  ride  in  percession  as  marchal  with  a  yel- 
ler  sash  on  and  long  yeller  gloves  on  and  a  stick  with 
red  and  white  and  blew  ribbons  on  it  and  so  Beany 
has  got  a  seeson  tickit  two  and  Pewts  father  is  going 
to  put  sum  golden  pollish  hens  and  sum  rocky  moun- 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  147 

tain  hens  in  the  hen  show  and  so  Pewt  has  got  a 
seeson  ticket.  Beany  has  pade  me  back  my  forty 
cents,  i  tell  you  there  aint  many  fellers  whitch  has 
as  good  luck  as  i  have  got.  3  days  vacasion  and  a 
season  tickit  to  a  fair  and  cattle  show  and  plenty  of 
money,  i  dont  se  what  else  a  feller  cood  want,  to- 
nite  i  studded  as  hard  as  i  cood  with  a  band  playing 
2  or  3  new  peaces.  Cele  helped  me  with  my  exam 
ples,  it  wont  do  for  me  to  miss  in  my  lessons  to 
morrow  or  nex  day.  i  gess  with  Celes  help  i  can 
hang  on  for  2  days  more  after  that  i  dont  care  so 
mutch. 

September  23,  186 —  it  looks  like  rane.  i  hoap 
it  wil  rane  today  if  it  ranes  this  weak,  today  i  saw 
a  man  drive  throug  town  in  a  high  wheal  gig  hiched 
to  a  auful  long  legged  horse,  the  man  had  on  a 
cap  with  a  long  viser  and  had  pullers  on  his  ranes 
and  had  2  pales  hung  under  his  gig  and  set  on  a  lot 
of  blankits  and  the  horse  had  on  a  white  blanket 
with  red  letters  on  it  whitch  sed  Flying  Tiger  2.57 
enterd  for  the  free  for  all.  he  asted  Tommy  Tom- 
son  the  way  to  the  fair  grounds  and  Tommy  sed  he 
cood  show  him  and  he  clim  into  the  gig  and  drove 
off.  well  Tommy  he  staid  to  the  fair  grounds  all  the 
forenoon  and  in  the  afternon  old  Francis  licked  him 
and  made  him  holler  two  but  Tommy  sed  it  was 


148  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

worth  it  to  stay  to  the  fair  grounds  haff  a  day  and 
get  out  of  school  for  one  licking,  he  sed  it  dident 
hurt  mutch  and  he  only  hollered  to  make  him  stop. 
Tommy  says  they  have  bilt  a  bandstand  and  a  stand 
for  the  juges  and  pens  for  the  pigs  and  hens  and 
cattle  and  resterants  and  pop  corn  places  and  evry- 
thing  else,  i  wood  like  to  go  up  tonite  but  father 
says  i  cant  go  up  until  the  ferst  day  of  the  fair. 

Tommy  says  there  is  going  to  be  a  snaik  charmer 
and  a  bull  whitch  gives  milk  and  a  girl  whitch  has 
got  2  heads  and  4  legs  and  4  arms  and  a  sheep  with 
6  legs,  mother  says  i  cant  go  in  to  see  the  girl  with 
4  legs  becaus  its  impropper  to  look  at  a  girls  legs, 
i  asted  father  and  he  sed  it  is  twict  as  impropper 
to  look  at  a  4  leged  girls  legs  as  a  2  leged  one  so  i 
cant  go  in  to  see  that. 

Tommy  sed  they  was  going  to  be  a  troting  race 
for  bulls.  Charley  Treadwill  has  got  a  big  white 
and  black  bull  named  Nickerbocker  whitch  he  drives 
in  a  wagon  with  a  bit  in  his  mouth  and  he  is  go 
ing  to  have  a  race  with  a  bull  from  Portsmouth, 
i  bet  on  Charleys  bull,  i  wish  it  was  a  bull  fite.  i 
wood  bet  on  Charleys  bull. 

old  Wakeup  Robinson  is  going  to  trot  his  horse 
Prince  John,  they  is  going  to  have  2  bands  the 
Exeter  band  and  the  Newmarket  band,  i  bet  the 


B.RITE  AND  FAIR  149 

Exeter  band  is  the  best,  i  cant  hardly  wate  for  to- 
morow. 

i  dident  miss  in  school  today  and  tonite  we  set  out 
on  the  steps  to  hear  the  band,  old  wisler  Weeks  is 
going  to  play  a  fife  in  the  band  and  old  Potsy  Dirgin 
is  going  to  play  a  fife  two. 

September  24,  186 —  brite  and  fair  and  county 
fair  two.  that  is  a  goke  and  a  good  one  two  but 
nobuddy  will  ever  see  it  but  me.  gosh  i  am  tired 
tonite  i  never  had  so  much  fun  in  my  life,  we  had 
the  best  percession  i  ever  see.  first  come  the  mar- 
chals  George  Perkins  and  John  Gardner  and  Beanys 
father  and  old  Francis  and  John  Gibson  all  on  white 
horses  xcept  George  Perkins  and  John  Gardner  and 
old  Francis  whitch  was  on  red  horses  and  John  Gib 
son  whitch  was  on  a  spoted  horse  and  they  all  looked 
fine,  then  come  the  Exeter  band  and  then  a  lot  of 
ox  teems  full  of  wimen  in  white  with  their  hides 
all  brushed  up  with  curry  combs  and  their  horns  all 
cuvered  with  ribbons  and  evergreens  in  their  slats, 
i  tell  you  when  old  Giddings  and  old  Wiliam  Conner 
and  old  Nat  Gilman  jabbed  them  with  the  ox  godes 
they  walked  along  prety  lifely.  then  come  the  New 
market  band  and  then  the  fire  ingine  and  a  lot  of 
men  with  cains  and  stove  pipe  hats  and  then  a  steam 
wagon  and  then  Charles  Tredwill  driving  his  bull 


150  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

and  old  wakeup  Robinson  with  his  troter  and  a  sope 
pedler  with  a  humpback  horse,  it  was  the  best  per- 
cession  i  ever  see.  the  Exeter  band  played  4  times 
as  loud  as  the  Newmarket  band,  i  wish  you  cood 
have  heard  Peeliky  Tiltons  uncles  play  you  wood 
have  thougt  they  wood  bust  their  cheeks  but  they 
dident.  Fatty  Walker  broak  2  heads  on  his  base 
drum  the  ferst  day  and  Len  Heirvey  broak  one  in 
the  snair  drum.  I  gnew  they  wood  beat  the  New 
market  band,  tonite  father  and  mother  and  Cele 
and  Keene  and  Georgie  have  went  to  the  haughti- 
culture  show  in  the  town  hall,  they  have  all  sorts 
of  frutes  and  beens  and  pees  and  beets  and  flowers 
and  gars  of  frute  and  perserves  and  bread  and  cake 
and  pyes  to  see  whitch  has  maid  the  best  and  gnit- 
ting  and  sowing  things  and  drawings  and  paintings 
and  bea  hives  and  stufed  birds  and  a  stufed  wilcat 
showing  her  teeth,  it  is  ded  so  it  cant  hirt  enny- 
buddy  and  composisons  of  school  girls  and  hand 
writing  and  lots  of  things,  i  wanted  to  go  but 
father  sed  i  codent  go  to  evrything.  i  gess  i  will 
go  to  bed.  i  have  got  a  verry  bizy  day  tomorow. 
Beany  is  going  to  try  and  get  a  gob  tomorow. 

September  25,  186 —  brite  and  fair  again,  i  am 
prety  tired  again  tonite  and  am  staying  to  home, 
father  and  arnt  Sahar  and  Keene  and  Cele  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  151 

Georgie  have  went  to  the  haughticulchure  show  this 
time  and  me  and  mother  are  staying  to  home, 
mother  is  rocking  the  baby  and  i  am  in  my  room 
wrighting.  today  there  was  a  percession  this  morn 
ing  and  i  was  in  it  but  only  a  litle  while,  i  held 
one  end  of  the  base  drum  but  evry  time  Fatty  Wal 
ker  wood  hit  it  a  good  belt  he  wood  send  me  flying 
round  side\vays  and  at  the  end  of  the  ferst  peace  i 
felt  jest  as  if  old  Francis  had  shook  my  liwer  out. 
so  i  give  it  up.  so  they  got  Curley  Conner  a  big 
feller.  Fatty  cood  bang  the  drum  as  hard  as  he 
cood  lam  it  but  he  coodent  nock  Curley  round. 

today  the  Exeter  band  beat  the  Newmarket  band 
again,  it  scart  4  horses  and  made  them  run  awa 
and  smashed  3  wagons  and  throwed  out  14  people 
and  the  Newmarket  band  only  scart  one  horse  and 
diclent  throw  out  enny  peeple.  i  tell  you  Exeter 
can  beat  Newmarket  evry  time. 

Me  and  Pewt  and  Beany  all  got  a  chance  to  take  a 
gob.  the  man  that  hollers  for  Julia  the  snaik 
charmer  offerd  us  i  doller  apeace  if  we  wood  stand 
up  on  the  platform  and  let  a  boar  constricter  coil 
around  us  and  then  Julia  the  snaik  charmer  wood 
come  out  and  charm  the  snaiks  and  save  our  lifes. 
you  bet  we  dident  take  that  gob. 

Beany  got  a  gob  hollering  for  a  peap  show  of  war 


152  B.RITE  AND  FAIR 

pictures  but  his  father  come  riding  up  and  snaiked 
him  out.  i  give  5  cents  of  my  40  cents  that  Beany 
pade  me  to  get  a  shock  in  a  lectric  machine  and 
when  i  got  hold  of  the  handels  i  coodent  let  go. 
i  felt  like  a  crasy  boan  all  over  and  i  danced  and 
hollered  till  Jerry  Carter  come  up  and  told  the  man 
if  he  dident  stop  the  machine  he  wood  smash  it  and 
smash  him  two  so  the  man  he  stopped  it  and  i  let 
go  and  run.  Everybuddy  laffed  but  me  and  Jerry 
Carter. 

then  we  went  to  the  track  to  see  the  bull  race, 
there  was  a  big  black  bull  hiched  into  a  gig  troting 
up  and  down  the  track  and  they  were  \vating  for 
Charly  Tredwill  and  Nickerbocker.  bimeby  he 
come  troting  down  the  track  and  when  the  red  bull 
see  the  other  he  stopd  and  pawed  the  ground  and 
bellered  and  Nickerboker  he  done  the  sam  and  both 
men  begun  to  lick  them  but  the  bulls  dident  notise 
it  enny  more  than  if  a  fli  stang  them  and  they  put 
their  heds  down  and  began  to  push  and  butt  and 
hook  and  roar  and  they  tiped  over  the  gig  and  the 
wagon  and  throwed  Charly  and  the  other  man  out 
and  stepped  on  Charly  Tredwill's  head  and  nocked 
down  the  rales  and  went  bang  agenst  the  Juges 
stand  and  everybuddy  hollered  for  Charlys  bull 
xcept  about  haff  of  them  whitch  hollered  for  the 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  153 

other  bull  but  nobuddy  dassed  •  to  go  near  them, 
bimeby  the  Captain  of  the  Ingine  company  whiten, 
was  going  to  have  a  xibition  squirt  hollered  to  the 
fellers  to  start  the  breaks  and  they  done  it  and  begun 
to  squert  rite  on  the  bulls  heads  and  they  coodent 
stand  it  and  they  stoped  fiting.  they  were  all  tuck 
ered  out  and  there  harnasses  and  wagons  was  all 
smashed  to  kinlin  wood,  it  was  beter  than  enny  dog 
fite  i  ever  see.  every  buddy  sed  it  was  the  best 
thing  in  the  show,  i  wish  they  had  let  them  fite  it 
out.  i  bet  Charlys  bull  wood  lick,  father  sed 
twict  that  Charly  wasent  hirt  becaus  his  head  was 
solid  way  through,  that  enny  feller  whitch  wrood 
fool  away  his  time  to  trane  a  bull  to  trot  in  a  race 
coodent  be  hirt  by  ennything  stepping  on  his  head. 
Beany  has  got  a  gob  as  waiter  in  a  resterrent.  he 
got  50  cents  yesterday.  Pewt  got  50  cents  in  work 
ing  for  a  feler  whitch  has  a  lot  of  poasts  and  a  lot 
of  rings,  the  poasts  is  all  numbered  and  they  is  a 
preasent  for  every  poast.  the  names  of  the  preas- 
ents  is  rote  up  on  a  board.  You  give  10  cents  to 
toss  a  ring,  if  you  toss  it  good  and  it  goes  over  a 
poast  you  get  a  gold  wach  or  a  12  blaided  gnife 
or  a  gold  headed  cain  or  a  sigar  or  a  whip  or  a  doll 
or  a  glass  pitcher,  i  tossed  it  over  a  poast  and  got 
a  sigar  and  i  give  the  sigar  to  old  Barny  Casidy  and 


154  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

tie  lit  it  and  took  2  puffs  and  spit  it  out  and  sed  it 
was  made  of  a  old  horse  blanket,  tomorrow  is  the 
last  day  of  the  fair  and  if  i  am  going  to  ern  enny 
money  i  have  got  to  get  a  gob  prety  quick,  father 
is  going  to  stay  at  home  tomorow  to  go  to  the  fair. 
i  have  had  a  auful  good  time  today  and  seen  some 
good  races  but  i  havent  had  a  gob.  Pewt  and  Beany 
always  have  the  luck. 

September  28,  186 —  this  is  a  rany  Sunday,  i 
cant  go  to  chirch  becaus  my  paint  has  not  come  off 
yet.  i  shood  not  dass  to  go  to  chirch  becaus  peeple 
wood  laff  rite  out  loud,  father  says  he  dont  believe 
it  will  ever  come  off.  but  mother  says  it  will  with 
plenty  of  greece  and  soft  sope.  i  am  most  raw 
now.  i  wish  father  had  kiled  that  man.  i  never 
got  into  so  bad  a  scraip  before,  father  says  that  he 
has  desided  that  the  reform  school  or  the  idjut 
assilem  is  the  only  place  for  me  but  mother  says  i 
needent  wurry  about  that  for  that  is  only  his  talk 
but  i  must  be  more  cairful  in  the  future,  i  told 
her  i  dident  meen  ennything  rong  but  only  wanted 
to  earn  a  little  money  and  she  sed  she  gnew  that  but 
there  is  sum  ways  of  erning  money  whitch  is  open  to 
objecsion  and  i  gess  she  is  rite  and  this  is  one  of 
them  ways.  After  a  feller  has  had  his  skin  scrubed 
with  soft  sope  and  bristol  brick  for  two  days  jest 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  155 

like  pollishing  a  brass  door  gnocker  he  wishes  he 
was  ded. 

Well  you  see  i  maid  up  my  mind  to  get  a  gob 
becaus  Beany  had  and  Pewt  had  and  i  had  spent 
all  my  money,  so  the  first  thing  i  done  when  i  had 
did  my  choars  was  to  put  for  the  fair  grounds  erly. 
when  i  got  there  i  went  to  the  resterrent  and  asted 
them  if  they  wanted  a  waiter,  they  sed  no  but  they 
was  a  feller  whitch  had  a  tent  nex  to  Julia  the  snaik 
charmer  whitch  has  ben  triing  to  get  2  boys,  so  i 
\vent  over  there  and  there  was  a  new  tent  and  a  big 
picture  painted  on  a  sheet  of  the  wild  men  of  Bornio 
whitch  was  captured  after  a  dredful  fite  in  whitch  6 
bludhounds  was  kiled  and  4  men  fataly  injered  for 
life,  they  was  a  picture  of  soldiers  and  hunters  with 
guns  and  bludhounds  chasing  the  2  wild  men  and 
earring  off  the  wounded  men  and  the  ded  dogs. 

when  i  got  there  i  saw  a  big  man  with  a  big 
mustash  talking  with  Hiram  Mingo  a  nigger  boy. 
i  asted  him  if  he  had  a  gob  for  me  and  he  looked 
at  me  and  sed  i  was  prety  skinny  but  perhaps  he 
cood  fix  me.  he  asted  us  into  the  tent,  i  woodent 
go  for  i  was  afrade  of  the  wild  men  of  Bornio  but 
he  sed  the  tent  was  emty.  so  we  went  in  and  he  sed 
he  had  bad  luck.  That  both  his  wild  men  was  sick 
and  he  had  a  wife  and  nine  small  children,  and 


156  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

he  had  got  to  earn  there  bread  and  the  only  way  to 
do  it  was  to  get  sum  kind  hearted  feller  like  us  to  be 
wild  men.  he  sed  if  we  wood  do  that  for  him  he 
wood  pay  us  2  dollars  apeace  and  his  nine  children 
and  his  sick  wife  and  blind  mother  wood  pray  for 
us  on  her  gnees.  i  was  auful  sorry  for  him  he 
looked  so  sad.  he  sed  he  had  looked  up  a  lot  of 
feller  and  talked  with  a  lot  and  we  was  the  only 
fellers  that  was  smart  enuf  to  do  it.  he  sed  he  never 
was  gnew  to  maik  a  mistake  in  a  feller,  he  gnew  he 
cood  trust  us  enny  time,  so  i  asted  him  what  we 
wood  have  to  do  and  he  sed  he  wood  paint  us  up 
like  wild  men  and  put  on  sum  firs  and  leperd  skins 
and  sum  brass  rings  on  our  hine  legs  and  a  neck 
lace  of  tiger  claws  and  all  we  wood  have  to  do 
was  to  snarl  and  say  yowk  and  let  out  howls,  and  try 
to  get  at  peeple.  i  dident  want  to  black  up  but 
Hiram  dident  care  becaus  he  is  a  nigger,  so  is  asted 
him  if  the  black  wood  ware  off  and  he  sed  yes  and 
so  after  a  while  i  sed  i  wood,  well  he  made  me 
take  off  all  my  close  and  he  painted  me  all  over 
black  and  he  put  sum  black  stuf  on  my  hair  and 
twisted  out  all  the  points  whitch  stuck  up,  then  he 
wound  a  leperd  skin  round  me  and  round  Hiram 
and  i  had  a  neck  lace  of  tiger  claws  and  2  brass 
rings  round  my  hine  legs,  then  he  took  sum  red 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  157 

paint  and  he  painted  sum  big  scars  on  us  where 
tigers  had  toar  us.  when  he  showed  me  in  the 
looking  glass  how  it  looked  it  scart  me.  i  never 
would  have  gnew  it  was  me.  i  was  wirse  looking 
than  a  babboon. 

then  he  learned  us  how  to  snarl  and  yowl  and 
make  faces,  he  sed  it  was  easier  for  me  to  make 
faces  than  enny  feller  he  had  ever  gnew  and  he  sed 
it  must  come  natural  to  me.  He  sed  i  wood  scare 
a  gorilla  white,  then  he  lerned  us  how  to  fite  and 
sed  we  must  snarl  and  fite  when  he  was  out  on 
the  platform  telling  the  peeple  about  us  and  then  we 
wood  rush  in  and  crack  a  whip  and  fire  a  pistol  in 
our  faces  and  stop  us. 

Well  after  we  had  lerned  how  he  put  a  ox  chane 
on  to  us  and  then  he  went  out  and  begun  to  holler. 
he  sed  ladies  and  gentlemen  for  one  short  day  only 
you  are  privileged  to  see  the  wild  men  of  Bornio, 
imported  at  vast  expense  by  arrangements  with  the 
king  of  Bornio  and  captured  after  a  terific  fite  after 
6  dogs  was  killed  and  4  men  fataly  ingered  for 
life,  they  are  of  small  size  but  like  the  man  munky 
they  have  the  strength  of  7  strong  men  in  their 
sinews  and  boans  and  in  there  native  lair  they  track 
and  kill  the  maneeting  tiger  and  the  lion  with  there 
naked  hands,  then  he  pounded  his  stick  twict  on 


158  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

the  platform  and  it  was  a  signal  to  us  and  we  begun 
to  yowl  and  snarl  and  stamp  and  he  sed  there 
they  are  taring  each  other  to  bits  and  he  rushed  in 
and  hollered  and  cracked  his  whip  and  fired  his  pistal 
and  we  yowled  and  snarld  and  peeple  begun  to 
rush  up  and  pay  10  cents  to  come  in.  when  they 
saw  us  one  woman  sed  my  what  dredful  looking 
things  and  one  man  sed  i  have  got  a  15  years  old 
boy  that  can  lick  boath  of  them  munkys.  so  when 
he  and  his  boy  come  near  the  platform  i  gumped 
at  him  and  made  a  auful  face  and  let  out  a  auful 
howl  and  i  wish  you  cood  have  seen  that  15  years 
old  boy  hiper  acrost  that  tent  and  holler,  he  was 
scart  most  to  deth  and  the  man  two  and  a  woman 
screached  and  they  had  to  carry  her  out.  then 
the  man  cracked  his  whip  and  drove  me  back  snar 
ling  and  making  auful  faces  and  Hiram  he  let  out 
sum  auful  yowls  and  bit  his  chane  and  fomed  at 
the  mouth  with  sope  and  the  man  told  how  only 
last  weak  he  had  to  put  on  us  a  red  hot  iron  to  drive 
us  off  a  hieener  whitch  had  got  out  of  its  cage  and 
had  atacted  us  but  he  was  two  lait  and  before  he 
cood  drive  us  from  our  pray  we  toar  him  to  bits. 

A  man  asted  what  we  et  and  he  sed  live  rabits  and 
chickings  and  sometimes  frogs,  well  peeple  kep 
coming  in  droves  and  bimeby  i  see  Beany  and  Pewt 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  159 

come.  Beanys  eyes  were  jest  like  sorcers.  i  laid 
down  and  snarled  a  litle  and  i  pertended  to  be 
asleep  and  snarled  in  my  sleep  like  a  dog  does,  i 
wanted  Beany  to  come  near  me  and  so  i  kep  quite 
and  bimeby  Beany  and  Pewt  come  close  to  the  plat 
form  and  i  make  a  gump  at  them  and  let  out  the 
loudest  yowl  and  maid  the  feerfullst  face  i  cood. 

wel  Beany  went  heels  over  head  and  hollered  bludy 
merder  and  Pewt  he  div  rite  out  under  the  bottom 
of  the  tent  and  that  is  the  last  i  see  of  them,  a  lot 
of  people  come  in  whitch  i  gnew  and  i  scart  a  lot  of 
them  most  to  deth  and  old  mister  Emerson  lost  his 
false  teeth  and  dident  das  to  come  back  after  them, 
i  never  had  so  mutch  fun  in  my  life,  bimeby  i  see 
father  and  Charles  Talor  come  in.  when  they  see 
us  Talor  begun  to  laff  and  sed  thunder  George  the 
skinny  munky  faced  one  is  skinny  enuf  to  be  your 
boy  and  father  laffed  and  sed  did  you  ever  see  sutch 
a  looking  thing  in  your  life,  i  wated  till  they  come 
up  and  then  i  gumped  to  the  end  of  my  chane  and 
yowled  feerful  and  toar  my  hair  and  stamped  my 
feet  and  made  faces  and  snarled  auful  and  Hiram 
done  the  same,  they  kep  back  out  of  reech  and 
father  sed  well  if  them  is  the  kind  of  things  fellers 
see  whitch  has  the  delirim  tremens  i  never  shall  taik 
another  drink  what  do  you  say  Talor  and  they  laffed 


160  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

and  went  out.  well  we  scart  peeple  all  that  day  and 
had  a  grate  time,  at  dinner  he  closed  the  tent  and 
give  us  sumthing  to  eat  and  drink  and  then  in  the 
afternoon  we  done  the  same  thing,  we  got  prety 
tired  of  it  but  we  kep  on.  bimeby  father  come  in 
again  and  looked  round  and  asted  sum  men  if  they 
had  seen  his  boy.  they  sed  no  and  he  went  away, 
bimeby  he  come  in  agen  and  stood  and  looked  at  us 
a  long  time,  i  was  tired  and  dident  yowl  so  mutch, 
after  awhile  he  come  up  near  and  i  made  a  gump 
at  him  and  knashed  my  teeth,  he  kep  back  so  i 
coodent  tare  him  whitch  was  a  good  thing  for  him 
for  he  wood  have  broak  my  back  and  he  sed  that  is 
the  ferst  time  i  ever  see  blew  eyd  nigger  and  he 
kept  looking,  well  a  lot  of  peeple  come  in  and  the 
man  begun  to  talk  about  us  and  pounded  the  plat 
form  and  we  had  augt  to  have  fit,  but  we  was  boath 
prety  sick  of  it  and  he  cracked  his  whip  clost  to 
Hiram  and  snached  a  peace  of  skin  off  his  back 
and  it  hirt  Hiram  so  bad  that  he  forgot  he  was  a 
wild  man  of  Bornio  and  had  been  toar  by  a  tiger  and 
he  begun  to  ball  and  in  a  minit  evrybuddy  was  hol 
lering  cheet  cheet  and  father  jumped  over  the  raling 
and  grabed  me  and  yanked  me  off  that  platform  and 
men  were  hollering  kill  the  cheet  and  evrybuddy 
was  trying  to  get  at  him  and  codent  find  him  for  he 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  161 

had  got  out  sumway.  wel  father  sed  you  infernal 
id  jut  where  is  your  close  and  i  sed  in  that  trunk 
and  he  opened  the  trunk  and  got  out  my  close  and 
made  me  put  them  on  and  Hiram  he  put  his  on  and 
peeple  were  hollering  for  there  money  back  for  it 
was  a  cheet  and  i  sed  where  is  my  2  dollars  and 
father  sed  what  you  ned  is  2.  lickings  and  that  is 
what  you  will  get  when  i  get  you  home  if  i  can  ever 
get  your  hide  clean  enuf  to  lick  and  he  got  Charles 
Talor  to  drive  up  with  Nellie  and  took  me  home. 
When  we  come  out  of  the  tent  they  was  a  big  crowd 
whitch  hollered  and  laffed  at  us  and  all  the  fellers 
hollered  Plupy  the  niger  munky  and  Plupy  the  wild 
man  of  Bornio.  it  was  tuf  on  me  for  all  Hiram 
Mingo  had  to  do  was  to  put  on  his  close  and  hat  and 
he  was  all  rite,  well  when  we  got  home  and  went 
into  the  house  mother  was  so  surprised  that  she  nerly 
dropped  the  baby,  i  gess  she  wood  have  but  he 
begun  to  howl  and  grab  her  round  the  neck  and 
hold  his  breth  and  grow  black  in  the  face  and  Franky 
and  Annie  howled  and  held  on  to  her  skerts  and  to 
aunt  Sarahs  two  and  they  had  to  be  took  out  of  the 
room  and  when  mother  and  aunt  Sarah  come  back 
they  sed  what  have  you  got  there  George  and  father 
sed  it  is  your  smart  son,  and  mother  sed  what  has 
he  been  doing  now,  and  father  sed  he  has  been  a 


162  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

wild  man  of  Bornio  at  10  cents  a  whack  and  mother 
and  arnt  Sarah  sed  well  of  all  things  in  this  wirld 
and  then  they  begun  to  laff  until  the  teers  roled  down 
there  cheaks  and  father  he  sed  it  aint  no  laffing 
matter  and  mother  sed  i  know  it  aint  and  then  she 
laffed  so  it  hirt  her  side,  bimeby  father  sed  what 
are  we  going  to  do.  i  draw  the  line  at  bringing 
up  a  babboon  or  a  man  munky  in  this  famly. 

So  mother  and  aunt  Sarah  and  father  and  me 
wyent  down  to  the  kitchen  and  got  a  tub  and  filled 
it  with  warm  water  and  they  put  me  in  and  then 
they  scrubed  me  with  soft  sope  and  then  they  took 
me  out  and  most  of  the  black  was  on.  the  water 
was  sum  black  but  they  sed  they  coodent  see  it  was 
enny  blacker  than  when  i  took  my  reglar  Saterday 
bath,  then  they  filled  the  tub  again  and  scrubed  me 
with  soft  sope  and  bristol  brick,  it  about  skined  me 
and  maid  me  holler,  that  took  off  sum  of  the  black, 
then  they  tride  seesand  and  that  hirt  so  they  had  to 
stop  so  they  greesed  me  with  lard  and  wiped  it  off 
and  father  sed  i  was  improving,  he  sed  i  looked 
like  a  half  nigger  and  he  guessed  nex  week  they  cood 
get  me  to  look  like  a  quadrune  and  praps  weak  after 
nex  like  a  octerune. 

i  have  got  to  stay  in  until  i  get  white  again, 
mother  says  i  am  the  wirst  looking  thing  she  ever 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  163 

see  in  her  life,  father  is  talking  about  reform  school 
again  but  i  ges  i  needent  wurry.  today  i  was  two 
soar  to  be  scrubed  so  i  was  greased  and  wiped  off. 
Tomorrow  if  i  am  not  two  soar  they  are  going 
to  try  bristol  brick  and  soft  soap  again,  i  had  my 
head  shaived.  father  done  it  with  the  horse  clip 
pers,  tomorrow  if  i  am  not  two  soar  they  are  going 
to  try  bristol  brick  and  soft  sope  again  i  asted  tather 
if  they  cougt  that  man  and  he  sed  no  they  never 
wood,  it  is  tuf  to  end  a  weak  this  way.  it  is  a  auful 
xperience  for  a  feller  whitch  has  always  tride  to  do 
rite. 


OEPTEMBER  29,  186—  today  they  almost 
skined  me  alive,  i  feel  like  a  haol  pimpel  all  red 
and  swole  up.  after  they  get  throug  skining  me  with 
soft  sope  and  bristol  brick  and  seesand  they  greece 
me  all  over,  they  are  using  mutten  taller  now  becaus 
lard  is  too  xpensive  so  mother  says,  and  father  says 
it  suits  me  for  i  am  the  champeen  mutten  hed.  i  ges  i 
am  a  quadrune  now.  it  taiks  me  a  hoal  day  to  get 
over  being  skun  so  they  can  skin  me  again,  i  asted 
father  why  he  coodent  put  me  in  a  timing  laith  and 
tirn  me  down  jest  like  they  maik  wheal  hubs  down  to 
old  Gus  Browns  hub  shop,  father  he  sed  it  looked 
as  if  he  wood  have  to  and  he  wood  see  Gus  about  it 
[today,  ennyway  i  dont  beleeve  it  wood  hirt  as  mutch 
as  seesand. 

September  30,  186 —  Beany  come  in  to  see  me  to 
day,  he  laffed  so  that  i  told  him  if  he  dident  stop 
i  wood  give  him  a  bang  in  the  snoot  so  he  stoped. 
we  plade  checkers  and  dominose.  he  can  beet  me 
evry  time.  Beany  says  i  cant  go  in  swiming  enny 
more  for  4  years  becaus  if  i  get  wet  the  black  comes 
back,  gosh  i  wunder  if  that  is  so.  i  have  been 
reeding  Uncle  Toms  Cabbin  and  i  dont  like  it  enny 

164 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  165 

moar.  i  asted  mother  if  what  Beany  sed  was  trew 
and  she  laffed  and  sed  of  coarse  not  it  aint  in  your 
blud  and  i  sed  it  wood  get  in  if  they  wasent  prety 
cairful  not  to  scrub  me  two  hard. 

i  asted  father  about  it  when  he  come  home  and 
he  sed  he  wasent  sure,  he  sed  it  depended  sum  on 
how  i  behaved,  that  sumtimes  a  feller  wood  tirn 
back  with  raige,  and  if  he  had  been  blacked  up  it  mite 
come  back,  i  told  him  i  wood  do  the  best  i  cood  if 
i  ever  got  white  again,  i  asted  how  he  suposed  i 
ever  was  fool  enuf  to  do  what  i  had  did  and  he  sed 
it  seamed  to  be  eesier  for  me  to  be  a  fool  than  for 
most  folks,  then  he  sed  i  was  too  anchious  for 
money,  he  sed  it  reminded  him  of  a  line  in  a  poim 
whitch  was  rote  by  a  lattin  gentleman  naimed  Pub- 
lius  virgin,  i  asted  him  if  he  was  enny  relasion  of 
old  John  Virgin  whitch  oaned  the  trotting  horses 
and  he  sed  no  he  dident  think  he  cood  be.  if  he 
was  it  must  be  straned  prety  fine,  the  line  went  like 
this 

a  cused  thirst  for  gold  to  what  dust 

thou  compel  the  human  mind 

i  rote  it  down  jest  as  father  sed  it.  i  dont  know 
what  it  means  but  i  dident  dass  to  tel  him  that  and 
so  i  sed  yes  sir  i  woodent  be  surprised  if  it  done  jest 
that. 


166  ERITE  AND  FAIR 

I  wish  i  cood  go  to  school  again,  i  wood  be  will 
ing  to  have  old  Francis  lam  me. 

i  suppose  the  fellers  will  all  laff  and  call  me 
munkey  face  and  wild  man  of  Bornio  but  i  woodent 
cair  for  that,  tomorrow  i  shall  be  well  enuf  to  be 
scrubed  again,  tonite  i  am  greeced  and  almost  too 
slipery  to  lay  in  bed.  i  am  glad  i  am  not  a  eal  or 
a  hornpout.  i  feel  jest  like  them  only  i  aint  got 
enny  horns. 

September  31.  brite  and  fair,  i  have  been 
scrubed  again,  i  bet  they  was  sum  fishhooks  in  that 
seesand.  it  felt  so.  enyway  i  am  a  octerune  now 
and  most  white,  mother  says  one  moar  greecing 
will  be  enuf. 

September  32,  186 —  the  last  time  i  was  greeced 
i  had  the  itch,  it  wasent  as  bad  as  this  but  i  remem 
ber  it  well. 

September  33  186 —  today  i  went  down  town,  i 
have  been  away  a  long  time  but  the  town  looks  about 
the  saim.  Kelley  and  Gardners  have  sole  2  gnifes 
and  Fogg  and  Fellows  have  sole  sum  pipes  and  a 
cuppy  Olliver  Optics  magazene  and  old  Luke  Langly 
has  sole  a  gointed  comb  and  a  tin  horn  and  wagon 
but  in  other  respecks  things  look  about  the  saim.  i 
am  glad  i  wasent  away  long  enuf  for  the  place  to 
chainge.  that  wood  be  dreadful,  i  herd  of  a  man 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  167 

onct  whitch  was  sent  to  jale  for  his  hoal  life, 
bimby  they  was  a  new  king  in  the  land  and  he  let  out 
the  men  whitch  was  in  jale  this  poar  man  was  so 
glad  to  get  out  that  he  run  9  miles  all  the  way 
home  but  when  he  got  home  evrything  had  chainged. 
where  his  house  was  stood  a  methydist  chapel  and 
where  his  frends  house  was  they  had  bilt  a  pest 
house  for  small  pocks  pashients  and  where  the  grean 
house  stood  they  had  bilt  a  glue  factory  and  where 
the  libary  stood  they  was  a  slauter  house,  but  in 
spite  of  all  these  improovments  he  did  not  feal  to 
home  and  he  was  verry  loansum.  so  he  went  back 
to  the  king  and  gnelt  down  on  his  gnees  and  sed 
nobble  and  venial  monnark  send  me  back  to  jale  for 
my  friends  are  scatered  and  my  house  is  gone,  so 
the  king  whitch  was  a  verry  kind  harted  monnark 
sent  him  back  to  jale  where  he  lived  hapily  many 
years  on  bread  and  water  and  sumtimes  only  water. 

so  i  know  jest  how  he  felt  when  i  come  down 
town  the  ferst  time  to  see  if  things  had  chainged. 
but  they  havent  mutch. 

September  34,  186 —  well  of  all  the  big  fools  i 
ever  see  in  my  life  they  aint  no  September  31  or  32 
or  34  and  i  rote  them  down,  this  is  October  4. 
there  was  a  frost  last  nite.  i  wanted  to  go  to  school 
this  morning  but  mother  sed  i  had  beter  wait  until 


i68  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Monday  and  begin  fresh,  so  i  done  errants  and 
split  wood  and  luged  pales  of  water  and  raiked  leeves 
this  afternoon  and  me  and  Potter  rew  up  the  river 
to  the  rapids,  the  lily  pads  was  all  ded  and  the 
leeves  of  the  trees  was  red  and  yellow,  the  blew- 
gays  was  calling  and  it  semed  kind  of  loansume.  it 
seamed  good  to  row  again  in  a  boat,  tomorrow  i 
shall  go  to  chirch.  i  have  missed  chirch  a  good  deel. 
i  never  thougt  i  cood.  i  never  thotigt  i  cood  miss^ 
school  but  i  have. 

October  5,  186 —  i  \vent  to  chirch  today,  the 
minister  preeched  about  our  duty  to  our  father  and 
mother,  i  have  been  thinking  a  grate  deel  laitly  about 
how  litle  i  have  amounted  to  and  what  a  lot  of 
truble  i  have  gave  my  parents  and  my  frens.  when 
a  feller  is  kep  in  his  room  prety  near  all  summer 
suffering  from  a  awful  soar  skin  diseeze  caused 
by  being  painted  black  by  a  man  whitch  had  augt 
to  have  gnew  better  and  scrubed  with  soft  sope  and 
bristol  brick  and  seesand  to  get  off  the  black  and  not 
knowing  from  day  to  day  and  from  weak  to  weak 
wether  he  will  be  a  nigger  or  a  white  man  all  the 
rest  of  his  life  i  tell  you  he  begins  to  think  over  the 
mean  things  he  has  did  and  resolv  to  do  better 
if  he  ever  gets  well  and  has  the  chanct.  and  when 
a  feller  gets  well  and  gets  a  chanct  as  i  have  did 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  169 

he  aint  mutch  of  a  feler  if  he  brakes  his  resolvs  and 
hadent  augt  to  get  well. 

father  has  always  gave  me  a  good  edjucasien  and 
i  have  lerned  to  read  well  and  to  spel  acuraitly  and 
the  multiplacsion  table  is  rite  at  the  end  of  my  tung 
and  i  can  wright  down  enny  table  without  looking  in 
the  book,  the  hardest  is  9  but  it  is  jest  as  easy  to 
me  as  i. 

9  times   i   is-9 

9  times  2  is   18 

9  times  3  is  26 

9  times  4  is  32 

9  times  5  is  40 

9  times  6  is  49 

9  times  7  is  56 

9  times  8  is  68 

9  times  9  is  79 

9  times   10  is  90 

there,  if  eny  feller  can  do  enny  better  than  that  i 
shood  like  to  see  him.  then  i  can  bound  New  Hamp 
shire  and  i  know  all  the  counties  in  the  state  whitch 
will  be  of  the  gratest  asistence  to  me  when  i  go  out 
into  the  wirld  to  maik  my  fortune,  i  only  wish 
father  had  a  morgige  on  his  home  but  he  hasent. 
if  he  had  i  wood  come  back  sum  time  to  pay  it.  i 
asted  father  one  day  why  he  dident  have  a  morgige 


170  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

and  he  sed  he  dident  have  enny  home  to  morgige 
but  had  to  hire  a  house  of  J.  Albert  Clark,  father 
sed  that  enny  feller  with  40  leven  children  to  suport 
whitch  cood  by  him  a  house  or  a  farm  was  smarter 
than  he  was. 

so  i  have  desided  first  to  give  up  Beany  and  Pewt. 
it  will  be  tuf  to  give  them  up.  peeple  sumtimes  have 
to  strugle  hard  to  give  up  smoaking  and  drinking 
but  sumtimes  they  doesent.  Pwets  father  and 
Beanys  father  will  be  glad  becaus  they  boath  says 
that  neither  Pewt  or  Beany  ever  done  a  rong  thing 
befoar  they  were  so  frendly  with  me.  so  i  am  glad 
there  will  be  sumone  whitch  will  be  glad  of  it.  enny- 
way  i  gess  they  dont  know  Pewt  and  Beany  so  well 
as  i  do.  i  cood  tell  sum  things  about  them  if  i  was 
meen  enuf.  i  talked  it  over  with  Cele  and  she 
thinks  if  i  wood  reed  the  palsams  evry  day  it  wood 
help  but  i  am  afrade  i  coodent  do  boath.  i  wunder 
if  pewt  and  Beany  can  get  along  without  me.  i 
hoap  they  will  be  able  to  stand  it  but  i  woodent  be 
surprised  if  they  coodent  without  sum  suffering. 

ennyway  they  have  got  to  stand  it  becaus  from  this 
time  we  aint  going  together  enny  moar.  of  coarse 
i  shall  speek  to  them  when  i  meat  them  and  say  hi 
Beany  and  hi  Pewt  but  they  wont  be  enny  moar 
ringing  door  bells  nites  and  plugging  tomatose  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  171 

grean  apples,  that  will  be  hard  two  because  it  is 
jest  the  time  for  them  things  and  the  cucumbers  is 
brite  yeller  and  full  of  guice  and  seeds,  if  a  feller 
waring  a  stove  pipe  hat  shood  come  along  the  strete 
when  i  was  near  a  tomatoe  vine  or  a  cucumber  bush 
i  am  afraide  i  shood  have  to  let  ding  at  him.  i 
dont  beleeve  the  palsams  wood  do  enny  good,  there 
is  sum  things  that  no  feller  can  stand,  but  i  am 
going  to  do  the  best  i  can  even  if  i  am  like  a  solitary 
sandpiper  or  hork  whitch  always  goes  aloan.  i  am 
not  going  to  tell  the  folks  jest  what  i  am  going  to  do. 
they  will  find  out  later  by  my  acks.  sum  fellers 
talks  two  mutch,  i  am  not  goin  to  be  i  of  that 
kind,  i  am  going  to  keep  my  mouth  shet  and  do  rite 
and  no  feller  can  do  rite  if  he  goes  round  with  Pewt 
and  Beany  and  fellers  like  them,  i  like  them  boath 
better  than  i  like  the  best  scolars  in  school  and  the 
fellers  whitch  dont  never  miss  in  there  lessons  but  a 
feller  has  got  to  do  his  duty  sum  times  in  his  life,  i 
am  going  to  bed  and  try  to  sleap  but  i  dont  beleeve 
i  shall  sleap  a  winck. 

October  6,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  i  went  to  school 
today  for  the  ferst  time,  the  fellers  was  glad  to  see 
me.  they  augt  to  have  been  becaus  they  maid  lots 
of  fun  of  me.  they  call  me  the  wild  man  of  Bornio 
and  munkey  face  and  scrached  themselves  and  per- 


BRITE  AND  FAIR 

tended  to  be  awful  soar,  but  i  dident  cair  i  was  so 
glad  to  get  back  to  school  and  to  see  the  fellers  that 
they  cood  hav  called  me  ennything.  ennyway  a 
feller  whitch  has  been  called  polelegs  and  skinny  and 
daddy  long  legs  and  yeller  legs  dont  mind  a  few 
moar  nicnaims.  i  dident  get  licked  today  but  came 
prety  near  getting,  it  seamed  like  old  times  to  set 
at  my  desk  and  see  old.  Francis  shake  the  fellers  up. 
old  Francis  aint  changed  a  bit. 

tonite  i  was  raiking  up  leeves  when  Beany  come 
over,  i  sed  hi  Beany  and  he  ses  hi  Plupy.  what 
are  you  doing  raiking  leeves  and  i  sed  yes.  he  sed 
have  you  got  anuther  raik  and  i  sed  no.  then  he 
sed  when  you  get  tired  i  will  raik  and  i  sed  aint  go 
ing  to  get  tired,  then  he  sed  if  you  aint  it  will  be 
the  ferst  time,  then  i  sed  peraps  and  i  kep  on 
raiking.  then  he  sed  i  have  got  a  raik  to  home  and 
i  will  go  over  and  get  it  and  come  back  and  help 
you  i  sed  you  needent  truble  yourself,  and  he  sed 
it  is  more  fun  wirking  then  setting  round  doing 
nuthing  and  i  sed  that  is  why  i  am  wirking.  then  he 
sed  well  i  will  get  my  raik  and  i  sed  if  you  have  got 
enny  raiking  to  do  you  can  do  it  in  your  oan  yard 
and  Beany  he  stopd  and  looked  at  me  sirprised  and 
sed  what  is  eeting  of  you  Plupy  and  i  sed  nuthing  is 
eeting  of  me,  and  he  sed  what  have  i  did  and  i  sed 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  173 

nuthing  and  Beany  he  sed  what  maiks  you  ack  so 
queer  and  i  sed  i  aint  acking  queer  and  he  sed  you 
are  two  and  i  sed  i  aint  neether  and  he  sed  sum- 
thing  is  certainly  eeting  of  you  and  i  sed  no  there 
aint  nothing  eeting  of  me  only  this  is  my  gob  and  i 
am  going  to  do  it  without  enny  help,  then  Beany 
he  sed  all  rite  Plupy  if  that  is  the  way  you  are  going 
to  ack  i  bet  it  is  the  last  time  i  ever  offer  to  help 
you  and  i  sed  i  hoap  so  and  Beany  he  went  off  wis- 
ling  loud  without  maiking  enny  tune. 

i  set  out  to  call  him  back  and  maik  up  with  him 
but  i  dident.  i  kep  on  raiking  and  looked  at  Beany 
out  of  the  corner  of  my  ey  but  he  dident  look  back 
and  he  was  waulking  stif  leged  and  when  Beany 
waulks  that  way  you  mite  jest  as  well  give  up.  he 
is  as  obstinite  as  a  mule. 

after  supper  i  finished  raiking  and  then  split  up 
my  kinlins.  after  i  had  split  them  i  forgot  and 
started  for  Beanys  but  jest  as  i  was  going  out  of  my 
yard  i  remembered  that  me  and  Beany  was  throug. 
so  i  went  back  and  set  on  the  steps.  Beany  Pewt 
and  Medo  Thirston  and  Nipper  and  sum  of  the  other 
fellers  was  playing  club  the  gool  and  the  gool  was  in 
Beanys  yard  so  i  coodent  go  out  and  play  becaus 
me  and  Beany  was  throug.  i  was  crasy  to  play  but 
i  coodent.  after  dark  i  studded  hard  but  i  coodent 


174  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

lern  ennything  becaus  i  cood  hear  Beany  and  the 
other  fellers  hollering  and  laffing.  i  bet  Beany  done 
it  a  perpose.  enyway  Beany  you  jest  wate  till  to 
morrow  and  and  see  whr.t  you  will  get  when  old 
Francis  finds  out  you  havent  studded  your  leson,  and 
you  two  Pewt. 

October  7,  186 —  went  to  school  today.  Beany 
dident  speek  to  me.  so  i  wated  till  he  got  his  lick 
ing  for  not  having  his  lesson,  well  you  never  see 
sutch  luck  as  Beany  has.  they  was  jest  I  xample 
i  hadent  done.  Cele  coodent  do  it  or  Keene  and 
father  had  went  down  town,  so  i  thougt  i  woodent 
be  called  up  on  that  sum.  wel  i  got  called  up  on 
that  sum  and  coodent  do  it  and  got  licked  and  Beany 
got  called  up  after  i  had  missed  and  i  thougt  it  wood 
be  sum  fun  to  see  Beany  licked,  well  what  do  you 
think  Beany  he  up  and  done  the  example  rite,  i  never 
was  so  sirprised  in  my  life,  then  old  Francis  told 
me  i  had  augt  to  be  ashaimed  of  myself,  that  if  i 
had  did  as  Elbrige,  Elbrige  is  Beany  you  know, 
done  and  staid  in  and  studded  insted  of  romeing  the 
stretes  i  woodent  have  missed,  i  sed  yes  sir.  i 
wood  like  to  know  how  Beany  done  that  xample. 
i  saw  Pewt  today  and  spoke  to  him.  he  acted  queer. 
i  wonder  if  Beany  told  him. 

tonite   the   fellers   plaid  again   in   Beanys   yard. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  175 

they  plaid  coram.  most  always  they  play  coram  in 
the  school  yard  where  there  is  moar  room  but  tonite 
they  plaid  it  in  Beanys  yard,  so  i  coodent  do  enny- 
thing  but  set  on  the  steps  after  i  had  done  my  choars. 
they  aint  much  fun  in  that,  i  miss  Beany  a  good 
deel.  it  is  going  to  be  hard  to  keep  away  from  him 
but  it  is  the  rite  thing  to  do.  it  is  2  days  that  i 
havent  got  in  enny  scraip.  if  i  had  been  going  with 
Beany  and  Pewt  i  wood  have  got  in  some  scraip 
befoar  this,  it  is  2  days  sence  i  have  had  enny 
fun.  but  it  shall  get  used  to  it  after  a  while,  i  stud 
ded  hard  tonite  with  Cele  and  Keene  and  got  all  my 
xamples.  Keene  says  i  dont  try.  it  aint  enny  of 
her  bisiness.  she  only  done  two  of  them  and  Cele 
the  other  8. 

but  i  notise  that  the  ones  whitch  does  the  leest  has 
the  most  to  say.  if  Keene  says  mutch  more  about 
me  i  wont  let  her  do  enny  moar  of  my  xamples.  so 
she  had  better  be  cairful  what  she  says,  i  am  going 
to  bed  erly  for  they  aint  enny  of  the  fellers  to  talk  to. 

October  8,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  i  went  to  school 
today,  dident  miss  in  my  lessons  mutch  not  enuf  to 
get  licked.  Beany  had  sum  good  luck  and  sum 
how  he  did  his  xample  rite.  Pewt  missed  but 
xplained  the  reeson  so  well  that  he  dident  even  get 
shook.  Pewt  is  grate  fer  that,  he  can  ast  ques- 


176  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

tions  so  as  to  maik  old  Francis  think  he  knows  sum- 
thing  about  it  when  he  dont  know  ennything.  i 
wish  i  cood  do  that,  if  i  dont  know  the  xample  i 
cant  ack  as  if  i  did,  i  am  wateing  for  Beany  to  get 
a  good  licking  to  pay  him  for  being  meen  to  me 
nites  and  having  all  the  fellers  play  in  his  yard,  i 
bet  i  woodent  have  did  that  to  him. 

this  afternoon  there  wasent  enny  school  and  i 
thougt  i  wood  have  sum  fun.  i  went  down  to  Ed 
Toles  but  he  had  went  to  drive  a  man  to  North  Kam- 
ton.  Frank  Hanes  had  went  sumwhere  when  i 
went  up  to  his  house,  then  i  went  up  to  the  Chad- 
wicks  but  they  and  Parson  Otis  and  Fatty  Gilman 
had  went  sumwhere  but  nobody  gnew  where,  then 
i  went  home  and  found  that  Potter  Goram  and  Chick 
Chickering  had  come  down  with  there  butterfli  nets 
to  get  me  to  go  and  get  sum  lait  buterflise.  i  tell 
you  i  hipered  down  to  Moultons  field  and  they 
wasent  there  and  then  up  to  the  grove  and  they 
wasent  there,  then  i  went  home  feeling  prety 
loansum. 

well  there  wasent  ennything  to  do  for  fun  so  i 
split  sum  wood  and  then  mother  asted  me  if  i  wood 
screw  sum  things  up  in  the  kitchen  to  hang  close  on. 
so  i  got  the  screw  driver  and  went  to  wirk.  while  i 
was  wirking  Pewt  came  over,  i  was  awful  glad  to 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  177 

see  Pewt  but  i  thougt  he  had  acked  kind  of  meen  to 
me  in  not  coming  over  to  see  me  befoar  and  so  i 
thougt  i  would  punish  him  a  litle  befoar  i  maid  up. 
so  i  said  hi  Pewt  and  went  on  with  my  wirk.  Pewt 
sed  what  are  you  doing  Plupy  and  i  sed  saying  my 
prairs  before  going  to  bed.  then  Pewt  sed  huh  and 
kept  quiet  and  i  went  on  wirking  and  wisling  as  if 
i  was  aloan.  bimbye  Pewt  sed  if  you  take  a  ham 
mer  and  drive  the  screw  in  a  little  way  it  will  taik 
hold  and  i  sed  sort  of  scornful  is  that  so  and  he  sed 
yes  that  is  so  and  if  you  want  to  get  that  screw  in 
this  weak  you  had  better  do  as  i  say.  i  dident  say 
ennything  only  grunted  and  kep  wirking  until  it 
broak  the  head  of  the  screw  off  then  Pewt  begun 
to  laff  and  said  there  what  did  i  tell  you.  let  me 
show  you  how  to  do  it  Plupy.  i  sed  supose  you 
think  you  can  bild  a  barn.  Pewt  sed  peraps  i  can 
and  i  sed  sumone  is  getting  prety  smart  round  here 
and  Pewt  said  i  know  a  feller  whitch  aint  very  smart 
and  i  sed  well  if  you  dont  like  what  you  see  round 
here  you  know  where  you  can  go  and  Pewt  he  sed 
i  bet  i  know  where  i  can  go  and  i  am  going  there 
two  old  Plupe  and  the  next  tim  i  come  round  here 
again  you  will  know  it  and  i  sed  no  sirre  i  shant 
know  it  for  when  you  come  over  here  again  i  shall 
be  sumwhere  elce. 


178  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

then  Pewt  went  off  hollering 

Plupys  mad  and  i  am  glad 
and  i  know  what  will  pleeze  him 
taik  a  nail  and  scrach  his  tale 
and  hang  him  up  and  greece  him. 

jest  as  loud  as  he  cood  holer  and  then  he  hollered  you 
are  a  old  seesand  munky  and  a  bristol  brick  wild 
man  of  Bornio,  and  i  hollered  silver  is  better  than 
pewter  and  who  hooked  Perry  Moultons  apples  and 
Pewt  hollered  back  who  et  them  and  i  shet  up  becaus 
i  was  afrade  mother  mite  hear  him. 

Well  after  Pewt  had  went  i  felt  wirse  than  ever 
becaus  i  realy  was  glad  to  see  him  and  wanted  him 
to  stay  and  have  sum  fun  but  sumhow  i  coodent  help 
being  meen  to  him.  it  is  funny  how  a  feller  wrill  do 
jest  what  he  dont  want  to  do  and  the  more  he  dont 
want  to  the  more  he  will  do  it. 

well  after  Pewt  went  off  mad  and  i  took  a  hammer 
and  done  jest  what  he  told  me  and  them  screws  did 
jest  as  he  sed  they  wood  and  i  dident  have  enny 
truble.  i  guess  i  was  a  darn  fool  for  sassing  Pewt 
when  he  was  doing  me  a  good  tirn  but  he  needent 
have  called  me  them  names  at  leest  he  needent  have 
called  me  them  mad.  you  can  call  a  feller  naimes 
good  natured  and  he  jest  laffs  but  if  you  call  a  feller 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  179 

the  saim  naims  mad  then  they  is  a  row  and  the 
fellers  dont  speek  enny  more. 

well  tonite  Pewt  and  Beany  had  all  the  fellers  over 
to  Beanys  house  having  a  grate  time  and  mister 
Watson  Beanys  father  come  out  and  plaid  with  them 
jest  lika  a  boy  and  they  had  a  lot  of  fun  and  then 
mister  Watson  Beanys  father  went  in  and  dressed 
up  in  an  old  stovepipe  hat  and  pertended  he  was  a 
drunk  man  and  he  wood  stager  agenst  the  f  ense  and 
they  wood  plug  him  with  roten  tomatose  and  cucum 
bers  and  nock  his  old  stovepipe  hat  off  and  squash  on 
his  close  and  he  wood  chase  them  and  tumble  down 
and  you  never  see  sutch  fun  in  your  life,  i  tell  you 
i  was  jest  about  crasy  to  go  over  there  but  i  coodent 
becaus  me  and  Beany  was  mad  and  Pewt  two  so  i 
had  to  stay  on  my  steps  and  watch  them,  you  never 
see  sutch  fun  in  your  life,  mister  Watson  Beanys 
father  is  the  funuiest  man  i  ever  see  he  dont  never 
drink  or  get  drunk  but  he  can  ack  like  a  drunk  man 
jest  so  you  wood  think  he  was  drunk  and  maik  you 
kill  yourself  laffing. 

well  after  it  grew  dark  i  went  in  to  study  but  i 
felt  so  loansum  that  i  went  up  stairs  and  went  to 
bed.  mother  came  up  and  asted  me  if  i  was  sick  and 
i  sed  no  only  i  dident  feal  verry  well  and  she  wanted 
to  give  me  sum  caster  oil  but  i  sed  i  was  all  rite,  so 


i8o  RRITE  AND  FAIR 

she  went  down  after  she  had  felt  of  my  head  and  it 
was  cold  so  she  sed  i  was  all  rite  only  a  little  tired. 

Cele  sed  she  wood  do  my  xamples  for  me  and  i  cood 
copy  them  in  the  morning,  it  is  awful  hard  to  give 
up  your  f  rends  becaus  they  have  a  bad  effect  on  you. 
i  bet  it  is  harder  than  to  give  up  licker  after  a  man 
has  been  a  drunkerd  all  his  life,  it  dont  seam  to  be 
hard  for  Pewt  and  Beany  to  give  me  up.  they  seam 
to  have  more  fun  than  ever  befoar.  enny  way  i 
have  got  to  get  used  to  it.  father  says  you  can  get 
used  to  eny thing  if  you  taik  time  enuf. 

October  9,  186 —  rany  today  and  windy,  about 
a  milion  leeves  blowed  down  today,  tonite  we  had 
a  fire  in  the  air  tite  stove  and  it  seamed  moar  cheer 
ful.  Beany  and  Pewt  coodent  have  the  fellers  in 
Beanys  yard,  i  am  still  wundering  how  Beany 
lerned  how  to  do  them  xamples.  it  aint  like  him 
to  know  how.  i  still  feal  prety  blew. 

October  10,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  there  was  a 
frost  last  nite.  i  dident  miss  today,  neether  Pewt 
or  Beany  spoke  to  me.  tonite  i  done  my  choars  and 
went  and  set  on  the  steps  and  wached  the  fellers 
playing  in  Beanys  yard,  i  felt  prety  bad.  father 
sed  what  is  the  matter  with  you.  i  sed  nothing 
and  he  sed  you  have  been  acking  like  a  sick  cat  for 
a  weak  why  dont  you  go  over  and  play  with  the  boys 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  181 

and  i  sed  i  dont  want  to.  he  sed  you  havent  had  a 
fite  with  Elbridge,  Elbridge  is  Beany  you  know,  and 
i  sed  no.  then  he  asted  me  if  i  had  a  fite  with 
Clarence,  Clarence  is  Pewt  you  know,  and  i  sed  no,  i 
havent  had  enny  fie  with  Pewt,  then  he  went  in  and 
set  by  the  'table  and  red  the  Exeter  Newsletter 
whitch  always  comes  out  on  Fridays,  i  went  in  and 
went  up  stairs  because  we  dont  have  xamples  on  Sat 
urday  only  specking  and  geogrify. 

after  i  went  up  stairs  i  went  into  the  front  room. 
it  was  warm  and  the  windows  was  open,  father 
had  went  out  on  the  front  steps  and  i  was  setting  in 
the  window  lissening  to  the  fellers  and  wishing  i  was 
out  there  with  them,  bimeby  i  heard  father  say  to 
mother  Joey  what  is  the  matter  with  Harry  laitly. 
he  has  been  acking  nummer  than  a  deef  mewt  and 
mother  sed  i  dont  know  what  it  is.  he  has  done  his 
choars  better  than  i  ever  gnew  him  to  do  them  xcept 
jest  be f oar  crismas  and  4th  of  July  and  he  eets  well 
but  he  dont  play  enny  moar  and  he  dont  seam  like 
himself  enny  moar.  then  father  he  sed  i  dont  like  it. 
i  hoap  he  isnt  going  to  be  a  lollypop  or  a  goody  good 
boy.  if  there  is  ennything  i  hait  in  this  wirld  it  is  a 
miss  Nancy  sort  of  boy. 

Aunt  Sarah  she  up  and  sed  i  gess  you  needent 
wurry  about  any  boy  of  yours  being  a  miss  Nancy, 


182  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

George  Shute,  and  father  laffed  and  sed  well  it  dont 
seam  as  if  i  ever  cood  have  a  boy  like  that  but  you 
cant  be  sure,  as  far  as  i  know  there  aint  enny  min 
isters  in  my  family  sence  the  pilgrim  fathers  landed 
on  the  wild  New  Ingland  shoar.  then  Aunt  Sarah 
she  sed  peraps  it  would  have  been  better  if  they  had 
been  a  few  and  father  he  sed  that  may  be  so  but  i 
dout  it.  then  father  he  sed  it  aint  natural  for  a  boy 
to  set  round  like  a  sick  hen.  etther  he  is  thinking 
up  sum  deviltry  or  he  is  getting  to  be  a  lollipop  and 
of  the  2  things  i  ruther  it  wood  be  the  ferst. 

then  mother  sed  i  dont  quite  agree  with  you 
George,  i  dont  like  a  miss  Nancy  enny  moar  than 
you  do  but  i  dont  beleeve  it  is  nessary  for  a  boy  to  be 
thinking  up  deviltry  to  be  a  real  boy.  then  father 
he  sed  i  gess  you  was  never  a  boy  Joey  or  you  wood- 
ent  say  that.  A  boy  is  going  to  raise  tune  or  he  aint 
a  boy  and  you  mite  as  well  put  him  into  skerts  to 
onct.  i  never  gnew  a  puppy  to  grow  up  into  a  good 
dog  unless  he  chewed  up  slippers  and  spoilt  moar 
things  than  he  was  wirth.  then  mother  sed  that 
depends  on  what  you  call  a  good  dog.  if  you  meen 
a  dog  whitch  is  all  the  time  fiting  that  is  one  thing 
but  if  you  meen  a  real  good  dog  that  is  another 
thing,  then  father  he  sed  i  woodent  give  a  cent  for 
a  dog  that  cant  fite.  a  god  dog  that  is  groan  up 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  183 

dont  care  to  fite  but  will  if  he  has  to.  and  a  good 
man  dont  cair  to  but  will  if  he  has  to.  they  'is  a 
difference  between  a  good  boy  and  a  goody  good 
boy.  i  wood  ruther  my  boy  wood  git  into  scraips 
than  not.  if  he  dont  i  know  sumthing  is  rong  with 
him. 

then  mother  she  sed  if  you  like  to  have  him  get 
into  scraips  why  do  you  get  so  mad  with  him  and 
lick  him,  only  mother  she  sed  punnish  him,  when  he 
gets  into  scraips  and  father  sed  dont  you  see  i  cant 
aprove  of  his  scraips  for  if  i  did  he  wood  be  in 
scraips  all  the  time  and  he  wood  be  if  he  gnew  what  i 
was  saying,  then  father  began  to  laff  and  to  tell 
what  he  and  Gim  Melcher  and  Bill  Yung  and  Beanys 
father  and  Pewts  father  done  when  they  was  boys 
and  he  asted  if  all  of  them  fellers  wasent  pretty 
good  men  and  Aunt  Sarah  sed  none,  of  them  is  mutch 
to  brag  of  and  father  laffed  and  sed  that  shows  you 
aint  a  good  judge  of  caracter. 

i  tell  you  when  i  herd  what  father  sed  i  maid  up 
my  mind  that  i  wood  maik  up  with  Beany  and  Pewt 
and  we  wood  show  father  and  Pewts  father  and 
Beanys  father  that  we  was  jest  as  lifely  as  they  was 
when  they  was  boys,  then  i  tell  you  i  felt  beter  than 
i  had  felt  for  a  long  while  and  i  am  going  to  bed, 
to-morrow  i  will  maik  np  with  Pewt  and 


1 84  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

October  n,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  today  i  maid 
up  with  Pewt  and  Beany,  it  wasent  near  so  hard  as 
i  thought  it  wood  be.  i  gess  boath  of  them  missed 
me  two  but  not  as  mutch  as  i  missed  them  becaus 
they  had  the  other  fellers,  this  afternoon  we  got  up 
a  club  whitch  we  call  the  Terrible  3.  i  am  the  presi 
dent  becaus  i  got  it  up.  Pewt  is  the  secritery  becaus 
he  can  wright  so  good  and  Beany  is  the  tresurer  be 
caus  it  dont  cost  ennything  to  get  in  and  he  aint  got 
enny  money  to  taik  cair  of.  the  objeck  of  the  club 
is  to  do  tuf  things  and  not  get  found  out.  i  aint  got 
time  to  wright  enny  moar  about  it  tonite  becaus  we 
aint  had  a  reglar  meating  of  the  club  yet.  we  arc 
going  to  have  one  tomorrow  after  chirch  and  wright 
out  a  consecration  and  bi  laws,  after  we  have  did 
this  things  is  going  to  be  lifely  round  here. 

October  12,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  it  is  jest  ran- 
ing  leeves  today,  i  went  to  chirch  and  to  Sunday 
school.  Beany  sed  he  was  going  to  raise  time  in 
chirch  so  as  to  lose  his  gob.  he  sed  a  feller  whitch 
was  going  to  be  tresurer  of  the  Terible  3  hadent 
augt  to  have  a  chirch  gob,  but  me  and  Pewt  told 
him  he  must  kep  his  gob  becaus  if  we  wrasent  going 
to  get  caugt  when  we  done  tuf  things  we  must  be 
respecktable  be f oar  folks,  we  told  Beany  that  if  he 
rased  time  two  mutch  and  a  feller  hapened  to  get 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  185 

his  windows  broak  he  wood  say  we  fellers  done  it 
and  then  peraps  we  cood  lie  out  of  it  and  peraps 
we  coodent.  so  Beany  he  desided  to  behaive  and  to 
keep  his  gob,  and  he  done  well  and  only  let  the  wind 
out  of  the  organ  i  time  and  that  was  when  he  was 
looking  at  a  rooster  fite  in  old  man  Elliots  yard 
throug  the  window,  and  of  coarse  when  there  is  a 
rooster  fite  or  a  dog  fite  or  enny  kind  of  a  fite  a  fel 
ler  has  jest  got  to  look  at  it.  the  only  thing  that 
maid  it  funier  than  time  was  becaus  they  had  got  a 
woman  from  out  of  town  to  sing  in  the  quire  and 
she  was  singing 

the  voice  of  one  criing  in  the  wilderniss 

and  jest  then  the  organ  went  eooowaugh  and  sound 
ed  like  when  you  step  on  40  cats  tales  to  onct  and 
stoped  and  then  begun  again  and  we  cood  hear 
Beany  pumping  as  fast  as  he  cood  and  the  old  bel- 
lose  maid  a  noise  jest  like  the  braiks  on  a  fire  ingine, 
like  this,  chunka,  chunka,  chunka,  and  everybody 
laffed  and  the  woman  set  down  mad  and  woodent 
sing  eny  moar. 

Chipper  and  old  Hen  Dow  jawed  Beany  like  time 
after  chirch.  Beany  he  told  them  why  he  done  it 
but  they  dident  seam  to  think  that  was  enny  xcuse 
and  kep  on  jawing  him.  Chipper  he  sed  he  has 


186  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

stood  moar  from  Beany  than  he  had  from  enny 
feller  and  that  a  house  of  worship  wasent  a  place  for 
munky  shines  and  this  was  the  last  chanct  Beany 
shood  have,  so  Beany  kep  his  gob  but  he  has  a 
narow  escaip  and  will  have  to  be  moar  cairful  nex 
time. 

well  after  Sunday  school  we  met  in  Beany s  barn 
and  rote  out  the  consecration  and  bi  laws,  it  is  a 
old  peeler,  i  had  borrowed  sum  bi  laws  of  a  club 
father  usted  to  be  in  and  i  had  rote  down  a  lot  of 
things  to  put  in  and  Pewt  coppied  them  after  we 
had  talked  them  over  becaus  Pewt  can  wright  so 
good,  this  is  what  he  rote. 

Consecration  and  bi  laws  of  the 
Terible  3. 

we  Pewt  and  Beany  and  Plupy  do  hearbi  asosiate 
ourselfs  together  under  the  corperat  naim  of  the 
Terible  3. 

artickle  i.  the  object  of  this  asosiasion  is  to  brake 
windows,  to  plug  green  apples  and  ripe  tomatose 
and  roten  cucumbers  at  peeple  we  dont  like  or  whitch 
wares  there  best  close  on  a  weak  day,  or  whitch  feels 
two  big  for  his  britches,  to  get  even  with  fellers 
and  with  peeple  whitch  has  done  rong  to  us  in  the 
past  or  in  the  future,  wether  we  have  to  do  it 
with  slingshots  or  roten  egs. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  187 

resolvd  that  the  use  of  slingshots  and  rot  en  egs  is 
only  to  be  used  when  enny  unusuel  or  crool  rong 
has  been  did  us.  and  when  the  punishment  must 
be  sevear. 

artickle  2.  the  main  objeck  of  the  members  is  not 
to  get  cougt  and  evry  feller  whitch  is  a  member  must 
agree  never  to  betray  enny  other  feller  if  he  gets 
cougt  himself  and  is  licked  to  maik  him  tell,  and 
enny  feller  whitch  does  tell  on  another  member  will 
be  maid  to  eet  a  live  toad  and  4  angel  wirms.  it 
is  no  xcuse  if  he  does  it  under  terible  tortures  sutch 
as  shaking  hands  with  a  pensil  between  your  fingers 
or  putting  musterd  on  your  tung  or  licking  you  with 
a  bed  slot  in  whitch  tacts  has  been  put. 
artickle  3.  the  offisers  of  the  asosiation  shall  be  a 
president  a  secritary  and  a  tresurer.  the  duty  of 
the  president  shall  be  to  call  the  meatings  of  the 
asosiation.  the  duty  of  the  secritary  shall  be  to 
wright  down  what  is  did  at  the  meatings.  the  duty 
of  the  treasurer  is  to  take  cair  of  the  money  of  the 
association. 

artickle  4.  it  dont  cost  ennything  to  get  into  the 
asosiation.  the  Terible  3  is  good  frends  and  will 
srand  by  eech  other  as  long  as  live  remanes  and  no 
money  makes  anny  diference.  nobody  elce  can  get 
in  but  the  Terible  3  at  enny  prise  what  ever. 


i88  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

artickle  5.  steeling  is  absolootly  forbidden,  this 
aplise  to  money,  gewils,  hens,  roosters  and  chickings, 
dogs,  horses  and  cattle  and  ennything  whitch  peeple 
has  in  there  houses  and  barns,  but  does  not  apli  to 
apples,  pares  straberries  and  frutes  in  their  seeson 
befoar  they  has  been  pictd  and  put  in  the  house  or 
barn  and  nothing  in  this  consecration  shall  be  con 
sidered  as  hendering  enny  one  of  the  Terible  3  from 
pluging  ennything  at  cats  dogs  or  other  animals, 
artickle  6.  at  the  end  of  the  asosiasion  whitch  will 
come  when  enny  of  the  members  is  ded  or  in  jale  the 
propity  of  the  asosiasion  shall  be  divided  equil  be 
tween  sutch  of  the  members  as  aint  ded  or  in  jale 
and  the  records  of  the  asosiation  if  there  is  enny 
shall  be  birnt  and  distroid. 
bi  laws 

I.  evry  member  shall  be  reddy  to  fite  for  another 
member  at  a  moments  notise. 

II.  evry  member  shall  be  reddy  to  lie  for  another 
member  when  ever  he  can  help  him  by  liing.     if  he 
can  help  him  by  teling  the  trooth  he  will  be  xpected 
to  do  so  if  he  can. 

III.  if  a  feller  gets  cougt  he  is  xpected  to  lay  it  on 
to  sum   feller  whitch  is  likely  to  do  them  things 
whitch  he  is  cougt  for  doing. 

IV.  the   fellers  whitch  is  most  likely  to   do  the 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  189 

things  whitch  a  feller  is  most  likely  to  get  cougt  for 
doing  is  Fatty  Oilman,  Skinny  Bruce,  Tady  Fenton, 
Jack  Melvin,  Whack,  Pozzy  and  Bug  Chadwick, 
Fatty  Melcher,  Pop  Clark,  Hiram  Mingo,  Ben  Rund- 
lett,  Ed  Tole  and  several  others. 

V.  evry  member  has  got  to  commit  them  naims 
to  memory  and  keep  them  at  his  tungs  end  becaus 
he  mite  need  them  at  enny  time. 

VI.  as  far  as  posiable  members  must  keep  out 
of  enny  trubble  with  wimmen.     the  Terible  3  does 
not  waige  war  against  wimmen.    of  coarse  when  a 
woman  has  got  a  husband  whitch  the  Terible  3  has 
ennything  agenst  she  must  taik  her  chanct  but  she 
wont  be  hirt  if  she  keeps  her  fingers  out  of  the  pye. 
i  have  never  knew  a  woman  to  do  that  in  our  lifes. 
it  aint  our  fait  that  she  is  his  wife,     she  done  it 
herself. 

VII.  as  far  as  posiable  the  Terible  3  will  try  to 
keep  out  of  trubble  in  school,     it  aint  that  we  are 
scart  of  old  Francis  but  it  seams  sumtimes  as  if  he 
had  got  eys  in  the  back  of  his  hed  and  gnew  evry- 
thing  a  feller  thinks  befoar  he  thinks  it. 

then  we  all  sined.  we  was  going  to  have  3  or  4 
more  bi  laws  but  we  dident  know  enny  moar  roman 
numbers  and  you  have  got  to  have  figger  numbers 
for  the  artickles  and  roman  numbers  for  the  bi  laws. 


190  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

after  we  had  sined  it  i  thougt  we  cood  have  got  them 
from  the  clock,  we  dident  think  of  that. 

after  we  had  sined  it  Pewt  gave  it  to  me  to  keep 
as  i  am  the  president,  he  sed  he  had  augt  to  keep 
them  becaus  he  is  secritary  but  i  told  him  that  ar- 
tickle  3  of  the  consecration  sed  the  duty  of  the  sec 
retary  was  to  wright  what  was  did  at  the  meatings 
and  dident  say  he  was  to  keep  the  paper,  so  Pewt 
give  in. 

Oct.  13,  186-  brite  and  fair,  the  secritary  of  the 
Terible  3  got  licked  in  school  today  becaus  he  sed 
geogrify  is  the  sience  of  numbers  and  the  art  of 
compewting  by  them,  he  told  old  Francis  he  wasent 
thinking  and  old  Francis  he  give  him  a  licking  to 
maik  him  think,  tonite  the  Terible  3  comited  our 
ferst  crime,  this  is  the  way  we  done  it.  we  agread 
to  be  studding  our  lessons  at  8  oh  clock,  when  it 
struck  8  we  wood  go  out  for  a  drink  or  sumthing 
and  meat  on  Elm  strete  jest  behine  Pewts  and 
Beanys  house.  Pewt  and  Beany  had  got  a  pile  of 
ripe  tomatose.  then  we  would  ding  old  William 
Hobbs  door  bell  and  when  he  come  to  the  door  we 
wood  paist  him.  He  always  drives  us  out  of  his 
yard  so  we  done  it.  when  it  struck  8  oh  clock  i  sed 
i  forgot  to  shet  up  my  hens  and  a  skunk  may  come 
round.  Keene  sed  i  will  help  you.  i  sed  no  i  will 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  191 

do  it.  what  would  you  do  if  we  met  a  skunk,  so  i 
went  down  and  hipered  over  to  Elm  Strete.  Pewt 
and  Beany  was  there  with  their  hands  full  of  to- 
matose.  Pewt  tiptode  up  and  rung  the  bell,  in  a 
minit  old  Hobbs  come  to  the  door  with  a  candle 
shaded  with  his  hand,  as  soon  as.  he  come  out  we 
let  ding  as  hard  as  we  cood  eech  one  3  or  4  toma- 
tose.  one  nocked  the  candle  out  of  his  hand  and 
put  it  out.  one  hit  him  square  in  the  mouth  and 
squashed.  2  or  3  hit  him  in  other  places  and  the 
rest  squashed  on  the  house,  i  wish  you  cood  herd 
him  spitt  and  sware  and  holler,  jest  as  soon  as  we 
pluged  him  we  started  running  towards  front  strete 
and  then  went  behine  the  Unitarial  chirch  throug  a 
hole  in  Fifields  fense  into  Beanys  yard,  i  wasent 
away  from  the  house  more  than  3  minits.  when  i 
came  in  mother  sed  did  you  shet  the  door  to  the  hen 
coop  and  i  sed  yes.  i  did  shet  it  becaus  i  thought 
she  mite  ast  me. 

in  about  half  an  hour  old  man  Hobbs  rung  our 
door  bell  and  asted  mother  where  i  was.  she  sed 
do  you  want  to  see  him  and  he  sed  where  has  he 
been  tonite  and  she  sed  he  has  been  in  studdying 
all  the  evening  ever  sence  supper  and  he  sed  are  you 
sure  and  she  sed  why  yes  i  have  been  here  myself, 
then  he  sed  well  sum  boys  came  to  my  house  and 


192  BR1TE  AND  FAIR 

rung  my  door  bell  and  when  i  come  to  the  door  they 
threw  roten  vegitables  at  me  and  asaulted  me  and  if 
i  can  find  out  ther  edentitty  i  am  going  to  persecute 
them  to  the  xtent  of  the  law  and  send  them  to  jale. 

mother  she  sed  it  is  a  shaim  and  i  certainly  hoap 
you  will  find  out  who  they  are  and  i  am  very  glad 
to  say  that  my  son  had  nothing  to  do  with  it  and 
i  am  sure  he  wood  not  do  ennything  of  the  kind, 
so  old  Hobbs  he  went  away  and  mother  came  in  and 
told  us.  she  sed  he  hadent  quite  got  all  of  the  to- 
matose  out  of  his  wiskers  but  she  hoped  he  wood 
ketch  them,  i  hoap  so  two  over  the  left,  it  may 
lern  old  Hobbs  a  lesson  if  he  isent  two  old  to  learn, 
i  am  afrade  he  is. 

October  14,  186-  i  have  got  2  horks.  Potter 
Goram  give  them  to  me.  they  is  full  groan  and 
verry  hansum.  one  is  a  hen  hork  and  the  other  a  red 
taled  hork.  gess  what  i  naimed  them,  one  is  Hork 
and  the  other  Spitt.  mother  sed  those  were  dredful 
naims  but  i  think  they  are  prety  good  ones,  i  feed 
them  on  meat  and  fishes  and  rats  and  mice,  if  you 
poak  them  with  a  stick  they  grab  it  with  his  claus 
and  hiss  like  a  snaik.  there  eys  is  yellow,  i  dont 
let  folks  poak  them. 

tonite  i  called  a  meating  of  the  Terible  3.  i  had 
rote  the  record  of  what  we  had  did  and  Pewt  had 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  193 

coppied  it.  i  thougt  i  had  better  wright  it  becaus 
i  can  spel  so  mutch  beter  than  Pewt. 

well  Pewt  read  the  record  and  Beany  reported 
that  there  wasent  enny  money  in  the  tresury.  then 
i  asted  if  ennybody  had  enny  thing  to  say  and  Beany 
sed  that  we  had  better  paist  old  decon  Aspinwall 
next  for  he  was  so  meen.  i  was  afrade  he  wood 
lay  it  onto  me  becaus  i  had  trubble  with  him  2  times, 
then  Pewt  sed  we  cood  nale  up  a  sine  in  front  of 
his  house  sassing  him,  but  i  had  done  that  onct  for 
a  circus,  so  we  desided  to  lay  for  him  sum  time  but 
not  yet.  ennyway  we  have  got  him  marked. 

so  after  supper  we  took  a  few  grean  apples  and 
our  sticks  and  went  into  Pewts  back  yard  behind 
the  trees  and  plugged  sum  apples  as  hard  as  we 
cood  without  ameing.  we  fired  them  in  the  direxion 
of  J.  Albert  Clarks  house  becaus  he  had  ordered  me 
and  Beany  out  of  his  yard  one  day  jest  for  nothing. 

we  wood  all  plug  together  jest  as  hard  as  we  cood 
plug  and  then  lissen  hard,  we  cood  tell  by  the  sound 
when  they  wrood  hit  on  the  roofs  or  not.  bimeby 
we  herd  the  gingle  of  glass  2  times,  then  we  begun 
to  play  coram  and  kep  hollering  and  lafrin.  then 
we  herd  J.  Ward  Levitt  holler  who  in  hell  is  firing 
rocks  through  my  winders,  then  he  hollered  to 
father  and  sed  George  look  here  and  see  what  your 


194  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

dam  boy  has  been  up  to  and  we  herd  father  say 
what  is  it  Ward  and  Ward  sed  he  has  broak  2  win 
ders  in  my  shop  and  you  have  got  to  pay  for  them, 
then  father  sed  all  rite,  if  he  done  it  i  will  pay  but 
if  he  hasent  done  it  i  wont,  so  ferst  father  hollered 
for  me  and  i  dident  hear  him.  then  they  went  over 
to  Beanys  and  i  wasent  there  and  Beanys  mother 
sed  i  hadent  been  there,  then  they  come  through 
old  Mrs.  Seeveys  yard  and  then  into  Pewts  and  we 
were  playing  coram.  then  J  Ward  sed  here  are  the 
devils  and  father  sed  dident  you  hear  me  holler  and 
i  sed  did  you  holler  and  looked  at  him  sirprized  and 
father  sed  i  hollered  louder  than  a  steem  wissel  and 
i  sed  we  were  playing  coram  and  making  so  mutch 
noise  that  i  gess  it  drownded  your  holler  out.  then 
he  sed  how  long  have  you  been  here  and  i  sed  ever 
sence  suppr. 

then  father  sed  Ward  says  you  broak  2  winders  in 
his  shop,  and  i  sed  how  cood  i  when  i  have  been 
here  evry  minit.  and  father  sed  are  you  sure  you 
havent  been  out  of  this  yard  sence  you  come  here, 
now  dont  you  lie  to  me  and  i  sed  hoap  to  die  and 
cross  my  throte  have  i  Pewt  have  i  Beanny  and  Pewt 
and  Beanny  both  hoaped  to  die  and  crossed  there 
throtes. 

then  father  sed  there  Ward  you  see  they  coodent 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  195 

have  did  it  for  it  is  twict  as  far  as  enn  one  of  them 
can  throw  and  Ward  he  sed  i  dont  know  about  that, 
then  father  sed  try  boys  and  see  how  far  you  can 
throw  and  try  as  hard  as  you  can.  so  i  pict  up  a 
rock  and  let  ding  and  nearly  throwed  my  arm  out 
of  goint  and  it  went  clear  across  Mrs.  Seeveys  yard 
into  Beanys  and  then  Pewt  he  throwed  clear  over 
Beanys  house  into  old  Heads  yard  and  beat  me  and 
Beany  throwed  into  his  yard  but  not  so  far  as  i  did. 
then  old  Ward  he  sed  we  dident  try  and  father  sed 
if  you  can  throw  across  Mrs.  Seeveys  yard  and  into 
Watsons  yard,  Watson  is  Beanys  father  you  know, 
i  will  pay  for  them  winders  even  if  Harry  dident 
brake  them. 

then  old  J  Ward  he  sed  all  rite  George  i  will  show 
these  boys  what  i  can  do  and  he  took  off  his  long 
taled  coat  and  roled  up  his  sleaves  and  hunted  round 
for  a  rock  and  then  he  let  ding  and  the  rock  went 
sideways  rite  towards  Mrs.  Seeveys  house  and  went 
rite  throug  one  of  her  kichen  winders  and  the  minit 
it  went  in  she  come  out  yapping  who  has  broak  my 
winder  and  old  J.  Ward  stood  with  his  mouth  open 
and  one  hind  leg  in  the  air  where  he  had  drawed  it 
up  when  he  saw  the  rock  going  towerds  the  winder, 
so  when  she  hollered  who  broak  my  winder  he  put 
his  hind  leg  down  and  stutered  and  sed  i  gess  i  done 


196  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

it  marm  and  she  sed  what  did  you  do  it  for?  aint 
you  got  enny  better  business  than  to  go  round 
throwing  rocks  throug  peeples  winders  and  he  sed 
i  was  jest  showing  these  boys  how  to  throw  a  stone 
and  she  sed  well  if  they  cant  throw  enny  better  than 
you  can  i  gess  you  havent  showed  them  mutch,  now 
if  you  will  show  me  about  25  cents  for  that  winder 
and  i  will  say  no  moar  about  it.  so  old  J.  Ward 
pade  her  25  cents  and  she  went  in.  then  father  sed 
are  you  sure  you  dident  brake  them  winders  your 
self  Ward  you  seam  to  be  a  good  shot,  old  J.  Ward 
laffed  and  sed  well  George  i  gess  these  boys  dident 
do  it,  but  i  am  going  to  find  out  who  done  it  if  it 
takes  me  a  weak,  i  bet  that  lout  of  a  John  Bowley 
done  it.  John  Bowley  is  Squawboo  Bowrley  you 
know,  or  posiably  that  Peenut  Perkins  or  Johnny 
Kelly,  so  old  J.  Ward  is  going  to  pich  into  them. 

enny  way  we  dident  meen  to  brake  his  winders 
and  the  Terible  3  hasent  got  ennything  agenst  old  J. 
Ward  for  he  is  a  good  feller  and  dont  never  drive 
us  out  of  his  Carrige  shop,  but  if  we  had  sed  we 
done  it  it  mite  let  the  hoal  thing  out.  so  i  gess  we 
done  rite  but  we  will  even  up  with  old  J.  Albert 
sum  time,  his  time  will  come  unless  he  changes  his 
ways. 

October  15,  186-  brite  and  fair,    wenesday  and  so 


B.RITE  AND  FAIR  197 

no  school  this  afternoon,  as  it  is  warm  the  fish  bit 
prety  well  and  i  went  down  to  my  boat  and  cougt 
ten  shiners  and  a  lot  of  minnis.  it  is  prety  lait  for 
them,  then  i  fed  Hork  and  Spitt  and  you  had  augt 
to  have  see  them  eat.  i  dont  know  what  i  shall 
do  when  the  fish  stop  biting,  rats  is  scarce  and  i 
cant  aford  chickings. 

this  afternoon  after  i  had  come  back  from  fishing 
we  had  a  meating  of  the  Terible  3.  we  met  at 
Pewts  shop.  Pewt  read  the  report  whitch  i  had 
rote  for  him  and  he  had  coppied.  then  we  talked 
about  wether  we  had  augt  to  use  sling  shots  xcept  in 
xtream  cases,  we  desided  never  to  use  sling  shots 
in  a  croud  and  never  to  ame  hier  than  a  fellers  hind 
leg  xcept  when  he  is  timed  back  to  for  fear  of  put- 
ing  out  his  ey.  and  we  desided  never  to  fire  a  sling 
shot  without  ameing  nor  rocks  neether.  but  grean 
apples  and  all  other  vegtibles  including  both  stail 
and  roten  egs  espeshionally  goos  egs  whitch  is  hard 
to  get  and  ded  fish  whitch  you  swing  round  your 
tale  by  the  head,  no  i  meant  whitch  you  swing  round 
your  head  by  the  tale  and  let  ding  is  all  rite  to  plug 
without  amein  becaus  they  wont  do  enny  harm  and 
cant  put  out  a  fellers  ey. 

i  am  going  to  have  that  rote  into  the  record. 

October  16,  186-  brite  and  fair.     Spitt  cougt  a 


198  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

almost  full  groan  chicking  today,  the  chicking  stack 
his  head  between  the  slats  and  Spitt  grabed  him 
with  his  claus  and  pulled  him  the  rest  of  the  way  in 
and  toar  him  in  peaces  and  et  most  of  him.  i  give 
what  was  left  to  Hork  who  et  the  rest  of  him.  it  is 
verry  xpensive  to  keep  two  mutch  stock  but  i  hait 
to  let  eether  of  them  go.  Hork  is  all  rite  and  Spitt 
is  all  rite  but  Hork  and  Spitt  together  is  moar  than 
i  feller  can  feed  unless  he  is  a  butcher  or  a  fishcart 
man  or  a  rat  ketcher. 

tonite  the  Terible  3  dident  comit  enny  crime  be- 
caus  Billy  Morris  Nigger  ministrils  give  a  show  in 
the  town  hall  and  we  all  went,  at  i  oh  clock  there 
was  a  parade  and  there  band  plaid,  it  is  a  ripper 
and  can  play  almost  as  loud  as  the  Exeter  Band, 
tonite  we  all  went,  it  was  the  funiest  show  i  ever 
went  to.  it  beat  Comical  Brown  all  to  peaces  and 
the  orchistry  was  splendid.  They  sung  shoo  fli  dont 
bodder  me  and  little  Maggy  May,  Way  down  upon 
the  Swany  river  and  Massa  is  in  the  cold  cold 
ground  and  they  dansed  clog  danses  and  had  funny 
direlogs.  i  tell  you  it  was  fine,  so  the  Terible  3 
dident  do  nothing,  somehow  when  a  feller  is  laf- 
fm  he  doesent  feel  like  comitting  crimes  unless  it  is 
funny  ones. 

October  17,  186-    missed  in  grammer  today  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  199 

got  licked,  not  very  bad  only  he  shook  me  round 
until  he  toar  my  coller  and  neckti  off.  mother  sed 
she  gessed  she  cood  sew  it  on  again,  i  jest  wish 
the  Terible  3  wood  plug  old  Francis  sum  time  with 
bricks. 

old  J.  Ward  Levitt  has  found  out  who  broak  his 
winders  and  has  got  his  pay  for  them,  he  come  over 
tonite  and  told  me  and  father  about  it.  he  sed  he 
went  down  to  Squawboo  Bowleys  and  asted  him 
about  it  and  Squawboo  proofed  that  he  was  down  to 
Charles  Grants  store  on  Hemloc  square  with  Peenut 
Perkins  all  that  evening,  then  he  went  down  to  old 
Heads  house  and  asted  two  stewcats  about  it  and 
they  sed  they  never  done  it  then  J.  Ward  he  told 
them  they  wood  pay  him  for  them  winders  or  he 
wood  go  to  doctor  Soule  of  the  academy  about  it 
and  them  fellers  sed  they  never  done  it  but  had 
ruther  pay  for  2  winders  than  to  have  doctor  Soule 
asting  them  questions,  and  so  J.  Ward  sed  they 
pade  him  50  cents  for  the  2  winders  and  50  cents 
for  the  trubble  he  had  in  detecking  them  and  maik- 
ing  them  confess,  he  sed  they  sed  that  they  dident 
confess  and  never  done  it  but  he  sed  if  they  was 
onnest  fellers  they  woodent  pay  for  brakeing  win 
ders  whitch  they  hadent  never  broak  and  he  sed 
aint  that  rite  George  ?  to  father  and  father  he  laffed 


200  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

and  sed  well  i  aint  so  sure  about  that,  i  was  in  the 
academy  under  docter  Soule  and  gess  there  wasent 
enny  time  i  was  there  after  the  ferst  weak  that  i 
woodent  rather  pay  for  2  windows  than  to  have 
docter  Soule  ast  me  questions  about  what  i  had  did. 
but  i  gess  these  fellers  must  have  did  it  or  they 
woodent  have  pade  for  it. 

Aunt  Sarah  sed  father  was  xpelled  from  the 
academy  twict.  i  asted  him  what  he  was  xpelled 
for.  he  sed  the  ferst  time  was  a  case  of  religious 
persecution,  i  asted  why  they  was  persecuting  him 
and  he  sed  he  and  another  feller  thougt  the  students 
was  having  to  pay  too  mutch  atension  to  morning 
prairs  in  the  chapil  and  so  he  and  the  other  feller 
screwed  up  the  doors  of  the  chapil  one  nite  and  the 
nex  morning  they  coodent  get  into  the  chapil  for  2 
days  and  they  found  out  that  he  and  the  other  feller 
had  bougt  sum  screws,  so  they  persecuted  him  for 
that  and  xpelled  him. 

then  i  asted  him  why  he  got  xpelled  the  2nd  time 
and  he  sed  it  was  edjucasional  persecution  of  the 
wirst  kind,  i  asted  him  what  they  done  to  persecute 
him  that  way  and  he  sed  that  docter  Soule  marked 
all  the  fellers  down  awful  low  and  it  dident  make 
enny  difference  how  hard  he  studded  none  of  the 
fellers  cood  get  a  good  mark,  father  sed  it  was 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  201 

dredful  the  amount  of  whale  oil  he  birnt  in  lamps 
nites  studding  his  greke  and  latin,  he  thinks  he 
must  have  birnt  about  2  hoal  whales  full  but  it  dident 
do  enny  good,  he  never  cood  get  a  good  mark,  well 
docter  Soule  kep  his  marking  sheets  in  his  desk  and 
eech  day  he  marked  the  felers  down  feerful  low  and 
locked  his  sheets  in  the  desk  and  at  the  end  of  the 
day  he  wood  give  the  shets  to  anothr  teecher  to  add 
them  up  and  give  out  a  list  of  the  best  scolars. 

well  father  and  another  feller  got  a  kee  that  wood 
fit  the  lock  of  that  desk  and  evry  day  they  wood  get 
the  sheet  and  mark  evry  feller  100  percent  and  doc 
ter  Soule  never  looked  at  it  and  give  them  to  the 
other  teecher  to  add  up  and  evrybody  got  perfict 
marks  and  evrybody  sed  it  was  the  best  class  in  the 
school. 

well  bimeby  one  day  father  and  the  other  feller 
marked  themselfs  125  percent  and  when  the  other 
teecher  added  the  marks  up  he  found  sumthing  was 
rong.  so  he  spent  a  weak  adding  and  substrackting 
and  multipliing  and  dividing  and  reduceing  to  the 
leest  common  denominator  and  invirtin  the  diviser 
and  perceeding  as  in  multiplication  and  finding  the 
leest  common  multipel  of  and  xtracking  the  squair 
root  of  and  at  last  he  maid  up  his  mind  that  there 
was  a  niger  in  the  woodpile. 


202  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

so  he  took  his  figgers  to  old  docter  Soule  and  they 
set  a  trap  and  cougt  father  and  the  other  feller  and 
they  xpelled  them  and  that  was  the  last  of  father 
in  the  academy,  but  while  he  was  there  he  was 
verry  poplar  becaus  they  wasent  ennything  he  wood- 
ent  do  for  his  classmaits. 

so  i  gess  he  was  rite  when  he  told  old  J.  Ward 
what  he  did  about  old  docter  Soule.  father  sed  he 
tride  to  get  back  onct  moar  and  he  thougt  they  had 
augt  to  have  gave  him  one  moar  ehanct.  if  he  cood 
have  been  xpelled  onct  moar  he  cood  beet  enny  feller 
whitch  ever  went  to  the  academy  he  was  verry 
mutch  disapointed  when  they  woodent  give  him  an 
other  try  so  he  cood  be  xpelled  onct  moar. 

so  when  we  had  the  nex  meating  of  th  Teribl  3 
i  wanted  them  to  mark  old  docter  Soule  to  paist  sum 
nite  but  they  woodent  do  it  becaus  they  sed  we  was 
all  townies  and  we  woodent  notise  the  academy. 
Pewt  and  Beany  was  gelous  becaus  Pewts  father 
and  Beanys  father  hadent  never  been  xpelled  from 
nowhere,  they  thougt  i  was  showing  off  but  i 
wasent. 

October  17,  186-  brite  and  fair  and  hot  as  sum 
mer,  it  has  been  hot  for  almost  a  weak.  Rob 
Bruce,  Skinnys  brother  and  Dan  Casidy  went  in 
swiming  yesterday,  they  sed  it  was  bully  but  i  bet  it 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  203 

was  cold,  tonite  after  school  Pewt  maid  sum  sines 
whitch  we  put  up  after  dark,  one  we  put  up  in 
front  of  old  Ike  Shutes  door,  it  sed  bewair  Ike  the 
Terible  3  is  on  your  trale.  that  will  be  enuf  to  keep 
Ike  in  nites.  Ike  drives  us  out  of  his  yard  when 
he  sees  us. 

another  one  we  put  on  Bill  Eldriges  door,  it  sed 
the  vengence  of  the  Terible  3  will  folow  You  Bill 
until  you  are  ded  or  in  jale.  the  last  one  we  put  on 
Peeliky  Tiltons  gran  fathers  door  becaus  he  put  tin 
cans  and  broaken  glass  bottels  and  old  hoopskerts 
and  wire  into  the  swiming  hole  at  sandy  bottom  and 
we  cant  swim  there  enny  moar.  i  dont  know  jest 
what  we  will  do  to  him.  it  seams  as  if  slingshots 
or  roten  egs  aint  bad  enuf.  we  will  try  to  scair  him 
to  deth  ferst  and  then  we  will  do  sumthings  to  him 
that  he  will  never  forget  in  his  life  even  if  he  lives 
to  be  200  years  old.  the  sine  sed  this  old  man  Tilton 
say  your  prairs  for  the  Terible  3  has  got  you  on 
their  list,  when  litening  strikes  it  leaves  no  traices 
of  its  victims,  bewair  bewair. 

Pewt  rote  them  with  sum  stencil  plaits  his  father 
has  got  so  nobody  will  know  his  hand  wrighting. 

October  18,  186-  this  morning  we  had  speaking 
in  school,  i  spoke  Horatias  at  the  brige.  it  made 
me  think  of  the  Terible  3  when  it  sed 


204  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

the  three  stood  carm  and  staitly 
and  looked  upon  there  foes 
and  a  grat  shout  of  laffter 
from  all  the  vangard  rose 

but  all  the  saim  they  nocked  the  stuffing  out  of 
Aunus  from  grean  Tifernum  and  Seius  and  the 
other  fellers  and  it  wasent  enny  laffin  matter  for 
them  and  it  wont  be  enny  laffin  matter  with  the 
Terible  3.  old  man  Tilton  dident  laff  this  morning 
when  he  see  that  sine  on  his  door,  he  has  laid  it 
onto  old  Marco  Bazzaris  Wadley  and  Jack  Flinn 
and  Gimmy  Fitsgerald  and  Moog  Carter  all  ready, 
and  Luke  Manix  two  and  old  Ike  Shute  has  had  old 
Kize  and  old  Swane  the  Poliseman  up  to  see  about 
his  sine  and  old  Bill  Eldrige  has  been  to  see  2  law 
yers  Alvy  Wood  and  Jug  Stickney.  evrybody  but 
them  is  laffin  and  wundering  who  the  Terible  3  is. 
sum  of  them  may  find  out  sum  day. 

well  this  afternoon  me  and  Pewt  and  Beany  went 
up  river  fishing,  we  dident  xpect  to  get  ennything 
it  was  so  lait  in  the  fall  but  Hork  and  Spitt  hadent 
been  fed  for  2  days,  we  got  a  lot  of  shiners  and 
perch  and  jest  be f oar  we  come  back  we  got  the 
bigest  snaping  tirtle  i  ever  see  in  my  life,  it  was  a 
ripper  and  the  madest  one  i  ever  see.  it  snaped  rite 
and  left  and  \vood  throw  his  head  rite  back  on  his 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  .        205 

shell  trying  to  grab  us.  we  had  hard  wirk  to  get 
a  peace  of  closeline  round  his  hind  leg.  the  only 
way  we  cood  do  it  was  to  let  it  bite  a  stick  and 
hold  on. 

we  had  desided  to  use  a  slingshot  on  old  man 
Tilton  sum  day  when  he  was  bending  over  a  saw- 
horse  and  his  britches  were  tite  but  Pewt  sed  it 
wood  be  a  good  thing  to  scair  him  to  deth  with  the 
snaping  tirtle  ferst.  so  we  are  going  to  tie  him  to 
old  man  Tiltons  doornob  sum  nite  and  ring  the 
doorbell,  we  coodent  do  it  tonite  becaus  evrybody 
goes  down  town  Saturday  nite  to  the  stores  and  sets 
up  lait  having  baths  and  things,  but  look  out  for 
yourself  mister  old  man  Tilton  for  the  Terible  3 
in  on  your  trale. 

we  xpect  a  bizzy  weak  nex  weak. 

Oct.  19,  1 86-  Sunday,  rainy  and  windy,  had  to 
go  to  chirch.  the  only  fun  i  had  was  to  see  peeples 
umbrellas  blow  rongside  out  and  to  hear  them 
sware.  sum  of  them  was  chirch  members  two.  they 
did  not  belong  to  the  Unitarial  chirch. 

Oct.  20,  1 86-  rany  as  time,  i  never  gnew  it  to 
rane  harder,  evryone  had  on  rubber  boots  and  um- 
brelas.  the  wind  blew  terible  and  all  the  leeves  is 
gone  and  sum  branches  of  trees  is  blew  down.  Buldy 
Tasker  pushed  me  into  the  gutter  in  front  of  old 


206  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Gim  Ellersons  lacksmith  shop  and  i  went  in  over 
my  rubber  boots,  when  i  got  to  school  i  puled  off 
my  boots  and  poared  out  the  water  and  there  was 
about  4  quats  in  eech  boot,  it  taiks  a  long  time  to 
dry  rubber  boots,  they  say  the  best  way  is  to  fill 
them  full  of  otes  and  after  the  otes  has  been  in 
about  a  day  or  2  poar  out  the  otes  and  the  boots 
is  dry  and  the  otes  is  wet.  so  when  i  got  home  i 
was  going  to  do  it  but  there  wasent  moar  than  a 
pec  of  otes  in  the  baril  and  Nellie  had  to  be  fed  so 
i  had  to  put  the  boots  upside  down  behine  the  stove 
in  the  kichen.  the  Terible  3  had  a  meating  and 
went  down  to  see  our  snaping  tirtle.  he  was  there 
all  rite  hiched  by  his  old  hine  leg  to  a  tree  and  he 
was  out  of  site  in  a  pudle  of  water  that  the  rane 
had  made,  we  pulled  him  out  by  the  hine  leg  and 
he  was  awful  mad  and  claued  and  scrached  and 
snaped.  so  we  let  him  go  back  in  his  pudle  after 
we  had  saw  that  the  closeline  was  all  rite,  i  bet  we 
will  maik  old  man  Tilton  gump  out  of  his  britches 
when  he  sees  that  old  tirtle  hanging  to  his  door- 
gnob.  i  hope  he  will  for  enny  man  whitch  will  fill 
up  a  swimming  hole  with  old  tin  cans  and  glass  had 
augt  to  be  bit  by  a  ratlesnaik. 

October  21,  186-    it  has  stoped  raning  today,  for 
a  wunder  neether  me  or  Beany  or  Pewt  missed  in 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  207 

our  lesons.  it  dont  verry  often  hapen  that  way. 
i  think  old  Francis  thougt  we  was  playing  sum  sort 
of  a  trick  on  him  for  he  acked  sort  of  quear  and 
looked  at  us  sort  of  hard,  tonite  we  aranged  to 
meat  at  Pewts  at  8  oh  clock,  after  school  we  got 
a  meel  bag  and  went  down  for  our  snaping  tirtle. 
it  took  nearly  a  hour  to  get  him  into  the  bag.  ferst 
we  had  to  ty  up  his  mouth  becaus  we  only  want  to 
scair  old  man  Tilton  and  not  to  kill  him.  it  took  a 
haff  hour  to  do  that,  we  never  cood  have  did  it 
if  it  hadent  ben  for  Pewt  who  can  ty  gnots  like  a 
sailer,  ferst  we  got  the  old  tirtle  mad  and  then 
we  give  him  a  stick  to  bite  and  then  i  pulled  at  it 
and  Beany  pulled  at  the  roap  on  his  hine  leg.  of 
coarse  the  snaper  woodent  let  go  of  the  stick  and 
when  his  head  was  out  strait  Pewt  put  a  noos  round 
his  mouth  and  wound  it  round  and  round  like  gang 
ing  a  fishhook  on  a  line  and  he  tide  that  old  tirtles 
mouth  up  titer  than  a  drumhead. 

then  we  tride  to  get  him  in  the  bag  but  it  was 
all  we  cood  do  he  claud  so.  bimby  we  got  him  in. 
then  we  tide  the  bag  under  a  bush  down  behine  old 
Perry  Moultons  yard,  then  we  went  home,  i  split 
up  my  kinlins  and  done  my  choars  and  studded  till 
8  oh  clock  and  then  mother  sed  i  cood  go  down  town 
with  Beany,  so  i  went  over  to  Beanys  and  it  was 


208  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

dark,  so  we  got  Pewt  and  went  down  and  got  the 
bag  and  carried  it  up  Court  strete  and  throug  old 
Nat  Gordons  woods  until  we  got  to  the  feeld  oposite 
old  man  Tiltons  house. 

it  was  a  awful  lug  and  i  bet  we  put  it  down  to  rest 
50  times  but  bimeby  we  got  it  there,  then  we  tride 
to  shaik  the  old  snaper  out  of  the  bag  and  it  seamed 
as  if  we  never  cood  get  him  out.  bimeby  we  got 
him  out  and  lit  sum  maches  to  see  his  mouth  wras 
tide  up  tite  and  it  was  and  the  stick  was  still  there 
he  coodent  spitt  it  out.  gosh  but  he  was  mad  and 
tride  to  snap,  there  was  a  lite  in  old  man  Tiltons 
house  and  we  cood  see  him  setting  by  a  table  with 
a  red  cloth  and  a  lamp  with  a  red  wick  reading, 
sum  where  in  the  back  of  the  house  was  another  lite 
and  we  could  hear  Peeliky  Tiltons  uncles  practising 
band  tunes  on  their  horns,  they  was  making  a  feer- 
ful  noise  so  nobody  heard  us  when  we  3  tide  the 
snapper  to  the  dorgnob.  it  was  all  we  cood  do  he 
claued  so.  then  when  we  had  him  hanging  head 
downwerds  we  rung  the  bell  as  hard  as  we  cood  and 
hipered  acrost  the  strete  and  hid  in  the  bushes  be- 
hine  the  fense. 

we  cood  see  old  man  Tilton  put  down  his  paper 
and  holler  sumthing.  i  gess  he  told  Peeliky  Tiltons 
uncles  to  stop  their  noise,  ennyway  it  stoped  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  209 

he  lit  a  little  tin  lamp  and  come  to  the  door  and 
opened  it.  we  cood  hear  the  old  tirtle  scraching  at 
the  door  and  banging  his  head  agenst  it  as  he  tried 
to  snap  and  the  old  man  heard  it  and  when  he 
opened  the  door  he  looked  round  throug  his  old 
specks  and  dident  see  ennything  and  then  he  steped 
out  on  the  porch  and  stuck  his  hed  round  the  door 
and  i  gess  it  was  lucky  he  dident  take  the  big  lamp 
for  when  he  see  that  old  snaper  swinging  this  way 
and  that  way  clauing  and  snaping  he  let  out  a  yell 
you  cood  heard  for  3  miles  and  droped  the  lamp  and 
almost  timed  a  back  sumerset  he  tride  so  hard  to 
get  back  into  the  house  and  slamed  the  door,  then 
we  heard  him  hollering  for  Peeliky  Tiltons  uncles 
and  we  cood  see  them  come  piling  into  the  room  and 
evryone  talked,  then  they  come  out  of  the  side 
door.  Peeliky  Tiltons  uncle  had  a  lantirn  and  a  ax 
and  his  uncle  George  had  a  shot  gun  and  a  tin  lamp 
and  his  uncle  Warren  had  a  pichfork  and  a  torchlite 
percession  torch  and  old  man  Tilton  was  looking 
out  of  the  window.  Ed  went  first  with  the  lantern 
and  when  he  saw  what  it  was  he  sed  it  is  a  snaping 
tirtle  as  big  as  a  wash  boiler,  sum  darn  fool  has 
tide  it  to  the  gnob.  so  George  sed  sumone  cut  the 
roap  and  we  will  get  him  and  Warrin  he  sed  look 
out  them  snapers  will  taik  a  mans  hine  leg  off  at 


210  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

i  snap  and  Ed  sed  hell  i  aint  afrade  and  he  cut  the 
roap  with  his  ax  and  the  old  snaper  fell  on  the  steps 
and  begun  to  craul  off  and  Ed  grabed  the  roap  and 
yanked  him  onto  the  sidewaulk  and  he  sed  hold  the 
lite  Warrin  and  let  the  snaper  bite  a  stick  and  i 
will  cut  his  hed  off.  so  Warrin  he  held  a  lite  and 
George  got  a  stick  and  poaked  him  and  the  old 
snaper  snaped  but  dident  ketch  hold  and  Ed  he  sed 
that  is  a  hell  of  a  snaper.  so  George  poaked  him 
again  and  he  kep  snaping  and  bimeby  Ed  sed  sum 
feller  has  tide  ^p  his  mouth  with  a  stick  in  it.  so 
then  nobody  was  afrade  and  they  all  gethered  round 
and  Peeliky  and  his  father  come  out  of  their  house 
and  old  man  Tilton  come  out  and  sed  things  have 
come  to  a  prety  pass  if  a  man  cant  go  to  his  door 
without  being  et  alive  by  a  snaping  tirtle  or  knawed 
by  a  rampaiging  wilcat  or  pizened  by  a  hoopskert. 
he  meant  a  hoop  snaik  but  he  was  xcited,  and  if  the 
polise  dident  do  there  duty  he  wood  put  it  in  the 
hands  of  the  county  solissiter  and  see  is  respectible 
citisens  cood  be  et  and  lose  their  lifes  without  no 
body  doing  ennything  to  stop  it.  and  he  sed  do  we 
live  in  Rooshy  or  Prooshy  and  dont  a  man  have 
enny  petection  of  the  law?  and  he  waulked  up  and 
down  the  porch  and  banged  his  cain  and  hollered 
and  while  he  was  hollering  Ed  and  George  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  211 

Warrin  and  Peeliky  and  Peelikys  father  was  talking 
the  old  snaper  into  the  back  yard  and  they  cut  his 
head  off  and  Ed  told  Peeliky  that  the  head  woodent 
die  for  /  days,  then  they  come  back  and  told  the 
old  man  to  shet  up  and  Ed  sed  they  was  going  to 
have  tirtle  soop  and  fride  chicking,  and  rost  beef 
and  boiled  ham  and  sossige  and  quale  on  tost  and 
clamb  chowder  and  pigs  feet  and  pork  scraps  and 
hogs  head  cheze  all  out  of  that  tirtle.  but  the  old 
man  kep  a  hollering  and  asking  if  he  lived  in  Roo- 
shy  and  Ed  sed  the  old  man  will  feal  better  tomor 
row  when  he  has  drunk  about  a  quat  of  soop  and 
et  4  or  5  pounds  of  diferent  kinds  of  meet  from 
that  old  snaper. 

well  bimeby  they  went  in  and  the  old  man  went  in 
and  set  down  and  they  begun  to  play  on  their  horns 
and  we  clim  over  the  fense  and  went  home,  i  gess 
we  scart  the  old  man  most  to  deth.  if  you  had  saw 
him  let  out  the  yell  and  heard  him  tirn  the  back 
somerset  you  wood  have  thougt  so.  we  aint  throug 
with  him  yet.  a  man  whitch  will  stop  up  a  swiming 
hoi  with  tin  cans  and  broaken  glass  aint  going  to 
get  off  with  lesson,  and  wire  two  whitch  is  sum- 
times  wirse.  and  hoopskerts. 

then  we  all  went  down  town  and  come  up  throug 
Coart  Strete  laffing  and  talking  about  what  we  see 


212  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

in  the  store  winders  so  our  folks  wood  know  we  had 
been  down  town,  mother  sed  i  was  prety  lait  and 
sed  that  father  sed  i  hadent  augt  to  be  out  so  lait 
but  she  told  him  i  asted  if  i  cood  go  and  she  sed  yes. 
she  told  me  i  must  come  home  erlier  nex  time,  fa 
ther  had  went  to  bed  so  i  dident  see  him  and  he 
dident  yip. 

it  was  the  most  sucesful  meating  the  Terible  3  has 
had.  i  have  got  to  wright  out  the  report  for  Pewt 
becaus  i  can  spel  so  mutch  beter  than  Pewt  can.  so 
i  cant  wright  moar  tonite  in  this  diry. 

October  28,  186-  today  the  ferst  thing  i  see  was 
old  man  Tilton  coming  down  town  with  his  old 
cain.  he  glore  at  me  when  i  met  him  and  i  sed  how 
do  you  do  mister  Tilton  and  he  sed  how  do  how  do 
and  waulked  on.  so  i  know  he  doesent  suspeck  us. 
i  bet  he  woodent  say  how  do  to  Gimmy  Fitzgerald 
or  Moog  Carter  or  Luke  Mannix  or  Ticky  Moses. 
i  wached  him  and  he  went  into  the  polise  stasion. 
then  he  come  out  and  talked  with  old  Swane  and 
old  Mizzery  Durgin  the  polise  oficers.  his  naim 
is  Ezry  but  we  call  him  Mizzery.  he  is  the  feller 
that  thro  wed  me  out  of  the  town  hall  the  nite  fa 
ther  was  going  to  maik  a  speach  and  dident  dass 
to.  old  man  Tilton  pounded  his  cain  on  the  ground 
and  hollered,  i  coodent  hear  what  he  sed  except 


BR1TE  AND  FAIR  213 

Rooshy  and  Prooshy  so  i  gess  he  was  triing  to  find 
out  where  he  lived  becaus  he  wanted  to  know  last 
nite  and  nobody  told  him.  i  gess  he  hasent  et  enny 
of  that  soop  yet.  i  wish  we  cood  have  kep  that 
tirtle.  it  wood  have  fed  Hork  and  Spitt  for  2 
weaks.  i  cougt  a  rat  today,  an  old  linger  and  they 
toar  him  up  and  et  him.  Spitt  had  the  ferst  whack 
at  him  and  i  thougt  he  wasent  going  to  leeve  no 
coar  so  i  poaked  a  part  of  it  out  with  a  stick  and 
gave  it  to  Hork.  if  i  kep  Hork  and  Spitt  together 
they  wood  eet  eech  other  up.  i  wunder  if  they  wood 
be  enny  thing  left  when  they  got  throng. 

ennyway  a  bullfrog  can  eet  another  bullfrog  as 
big  as  he  is.  the  one  that  gets  the  first  snap  gets 
the  other  and  swalows  him  down  his  gozzle  with  his 
feet  sticking  out  of  the  corner  of  his  mouth.  A 
bullfrog  swalows  the  other  bullfrog  hoal.  he  chews 
him  up  inside  like  a  hen  or  a  boar  constricter  only 
he  dont  squash  him  ferst.  i  am  glad  i  am  not  a 
bullfrog  and  havent  enny  teeth  in  my  stomack.  how 
cood  a  dentist  pull  a  tooth  in  a  fellers  stomack  if  it 
aiked.  how  cood  a  feller  tell  wether  it  was  a  tooth 
aik  or  a  stomack  aik.  wood  a  feller  die  if  he  maid  a 
mistaik  and  had  a  dentist  pull  a  tooth  whitch  was  in 
his  stomack  when  it  dident  aik  but  his  stomack  did. 
if  i  was  a  bullfrog  i  shood  like  to  know  them  things. 


214  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

but  i  aint  a  bullfrog  and  i  shant  have  enny  teeth  in 
my  stomack  unless  when  i  am  old  and  have  false 
teeth  i  swalow  them  when  i  am  aslep  as  old  man 
Collins  did  onct 

tonite  we  had  company.  Aunt  Mary  and  Charles 
and  Helen  and  Cad  Smith  and  Steve  and  Ann  Maria 
Piper  and  Annie  Piper,  and  so  i  coodent  go  out 
after  supper  but  had  to  stay  in  and  hear  Keene  and 
Cele  sing,  i  can  hear  them  enny  day  and  i  had 
agreed  to  go  out  with  Pewt  and  Beany  and  try  to 
brake  sum  of  J.  Albert  Clarks  windows  to  pay  for 
telling  father  when  i  let  out  his  rooster  to  fite  mine 
and  mine  licked  his.  if  his  had  licked  mine  old  J. 
Albert  woodent  have  yipped.  i  dont  blaim  him  for 
being  mad  becaus  i  let  them  fite  when  he  wasent 
there  to  see  and  becaus  mine  licked  but  no  feller  that 
is  a  real  feller  will  go  tattle  taleing  to  a  fellers  fa 
ther  and  get  him  kep  in  the  yard  a  hoal  day.  if  he 
had  given  me  a  bat  in  the  ear  or  had  hit  me  a  paist 
with  his  cain  i  woodent  have  caired  but  a  feller  that 
tells  on  another  has  got  sumthing  to  learn  and  that 
is  what  the  Terible  3  is  for.  to  lern  fellers  to  be 
have. 

so  i  coodent  go  out  and  Pewt  and  Beany  sed  they 
wood  try  to  do  it  without  me.  they  sed  they  wood 
go  up  to  Pewts  yard  again  and  wood  try  sum  grean 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  215 

apples  on  a  stick  and  aim  more  to  the  rite  than  they 
did  when  they  broak  old  J.  Ward  Levitts  windows 
whitch  the  stewdcats  paid  for  brakeing.  so  i  kep 
my  ey  pealed  becaus  J.  Albert  lives  in  the  other  side 
of  our  house  and  i  gnew  if  ennyone  broak  his  win 
ders  old  J.  Albert  wood  come  piling  in  to  tell  father 
it  was  me  and  father  cood  tell  him  he  was  a  dam 
lier  becaus  i  wood  be  there  with  father  all  the  time 
and  father  wood  know  i  hadent  went  out  for  a 
minit. 

so  i  set  in  the  parlor  and  father  told  the  story 
about  the  feller  whitch  got  the  long  hair  in  his 
mouth  and  lots  of  stories  that  maid  us  nearly  kill 
ourselfs  laffing.  then  Cele  and  Keene  sung  flow 
gently  sweet  Afton  and  pass  under  the  road  and 
we  shall  meat  but  we  shall  miss  him  and  my  mother 
bids  me  bang  my  hair  and  then  father  maid  me  sing 
alone,  i  hait  to  sing  alone,  i  cood  have  sung  with 
Keene  but  he  maid  me  sing  alone,  i  sed  what  shall 
i  sing  and  he  sed  sing  ennything.  so  i  sung  a  new 
virse  of  if  ever  i  ceese  to  love,  it  goes  this  way 

if  ever  i  ceese  to  love 
if  ever  i  ceese  to  love 
may  Horris  Greelys  cat 
have  kittens  in  his  hat 
if  ever  i  ceese  to  love 


216  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

well  father  and  Steve  and  Ann  Maria  and  Aunt 
Sarah  and  Aunt  Mary  and  Charles  and  mother  all 
laffed  but  Cele  and  Keene  and  Annie  Piper  sed  i 
was  very  disgusting,  ennyway  father  sed  i  cood 
sing  ennything. 

well  after  i  had  sung  Cele  and  Keene  were  playing 
a  peace  about  Napolion  crossing  the  Alps  when 
there  was  a  big  gingle  of  glass  and  a  hard  apple 
came  wizzing  throug  the  window  and  came  within 
a  inch  of  taiking  Steve  on  the  snoot.  Keene  gave 
a  screech  and  evryone  gumped  up  jest  as  another 
hit  the  side  of  the  house  bang,  father  was  out  of 
the  house  and  down  the  steps  in  2  minits  and  i  after 
him.  the  stewdcats  in  old  mister  Heads  house  were 
setting  by  their  table  studding  in  there  shert  sleaves 
and  we  heard  sum  one  down  the  strete  and  father 
hipered  down  strete  and  i  after  him.  we  met  Nip 
per  Brown  and  his  father  and  father  he  sed  have 
you  met  enny  fellers  Gus  and  Nippers  father  he  sed 
yes  2  fellers  ran  down  Clifford  Strete  and  me  and 
father  went  down  Clifford  strete  and  coodent  see 
enny  fellers,  so  we  went  back  and  i  picked  up  a 
rock  and  put  it  in  my  pocket,  when  i  ran  out  after 
father  i  picked  up  the  apple  and  nobody  had  seen  it. 
i  gnew  if  father  see  that  apple  with  a  hole  in  it  he 
wood  know  it  was  throwed  with  a  stick  and  he 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  217 

wood  know   in  a  minit  who   broak  old  J.    Ward 
Levitts  winders. 

so  when  we  come  back  to  the  parlor  they  sed  that 
2  more  rocks  had  struck  the  house  while  we  was 
gone  and  i  pertended  to  pick  up  the  rock  i  had 
brougt  in  under  the  otterman.  father  sed  if  that 
rock  had  hit  you  Steven  it  wood  have  cooked  your 
goos.  and  Ann  Maria  sed  it  is  a  mersy  it  dident 
and  Aunt  May  sed  this  is  a  serius  matter  George 
and  father  sed  it  is  more  than  that  Mary  it  is  a 
dam  outrage  and  he  and  Charles  went  out  again  and 
i  folowed  them,  ferst  they  went  over  to  Beanys  and 
asted  his  father  if  he  had  saw  ennyone.  he  sed  he 
hadent.  then  father  asted  where  Elbrige  was.  El- 
brige  is  Beany  you  know  and  he  sed  he  was  up  to 
Pewts  painting  sumthing  in  the  shop,  so  father 
come  back,  he  was  prety  mad  and  sed  he  wood 
give  100  dollers  to  find  out  who  thro  wed  them 
rocks,  and  he  wood  like  to  know  what  the  polise- 
men  was  for  enyway.  so  he  and  Charles  and  Steve 
talked  about  how  bad  the  town  was  run  and  what  a 
tuf  set  of  rowdies  there  was  now  a  days  and  how 
mutch  better  it  was  in  the  old  days,  then  father  he 
sed  a  few  days  ago  sum  one  put  a  notise  up  on 
cousin  Isaks  house  sined  by  the  Terible  3  and  Ike 
hadent  been  down  town  sence  and  hadent  been  out 


218  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

day  times  without  having  old  mother  Moulton  come 
in  and  set  with  his  wife  while  he  was  gone,  he  sed 
Ike  had  got  a  pistol  and  was  going  to  lode  it  only 
he  dident  know  whitch  end  of  it  loded  and  his  wife 
was  moar  scart  of  the  pistol  than  she  was  of  the 
Terible  3  whoever  the  misable  cusses  was.  father 
sed  that  old  mother  Moulton  was  moar  pertection 
than  5  pistols  and  2  bull  dogs  and  he  wood  pity  enny 
Terrible  3  or  Terible  300  whitch  wood  dass  to  in- 
terfear  with  her. 

then  old  Steve  he  sed  he  had  heard  of  sum  things 
the  desperrit  villanes  had  did.  they  had  tide  a  snap- 
ing  tirtle  to  the  doorgnob  of  old  mister  Tilton  and 
he  had  been  prety  badly  bit  by  him  and  that  docter 
Perry  and  docter  Swet  and  docter  Perrum  had  all 
been  called  and  it  was  moar  than  a  hour  be  f oar 
they  stoped  the  flow  of  blood,  i  told  them  i  guess 
that  wasent  so  for  i  see  him  down  town  the  next 
day  all  rite,  i  sed  the  fellers  was  talking  it  over  at 
school  and  Luke  mannix  sed  that  the  fellers  that 
tide  the  snaper  to  the  doorgnob  had  tide  up  his 
mouth,  he  sed  he  see  the  snapers  head  after  Ed 
Tilton  Peeliky  Tiltons  uncle  had  cut  it  off  and  its 
mouth  was  tide  up  with  cord. 

Steve  sed  a  feller  mite  jest  as  well  be  bit  as 
scart  to  deth  and  Charles  Smith  sed  that  may  be 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  219 

so  cussin  Stefen  but  if  i  had  to  be  boath  i  wood 
ruther  be  one  and  i  wood  ruther  be  scared  to  deth 
becaus  you  cood  get  over  being  scart  to  deth  but 
you  mite  not  get  over  being  bit  if  you  had  a  hine 
leg  or  arm  bit  off.  ennyway  he  sed  it  was  time 
that  the  orthoritys  of  the  town  got  together  and 
offered  a  reward  for  ennybody  whitch  wood  ketch 
those  fellers. 

father  sed  onct  he  and  Gim  Melcher  and  Bill 
Young  usted  to  get  a  pocket  full  of  gravil  and  when 
the  old  fellers  was  setting  round  the  stove  in  the 
stores  smoaking  and  spitting  and  talking  the  fellers 
wood  open  the  stoar  door  and  plug  a  handful  of 
gravil  in  and  slam  the  door  and  run.  they  done  that 
for  quite  a  while  and  bimeby  old  Boss  Langly 
whitch  kep  a  store  down  by  great  brige  offered  a 
reward  of  10  dollers  to  ennyone  whitch  wood  ketch 
them,  so  he  hid  2  nites  oposite  his  store  and  neerly 
froze  to  deth  for  it  was  in  november  and  a  cold  nite. 
bimeby  father  and  Bill  and  Gim  come  along  and 
they  all  got  ready,  father  sed  he  peeked  into  the 
store  and  see  all  the  old  pods  setting  there  and  he 
opened  the  door  and  they  all  pluged  the  gravil  and 
started  to  run  and  run  rite  into  Boss  arms  and  Boss 
grabed  father  by  one  neck  and  Gim  by  the  other 
and  he  waulked  them  down  to  fathers  fathers 


220  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

house  and  sent  for  old  Dan  Melcher  and  he  came 
hipering  up  from  his  house  with  his  coat  tales  float 
ing  in  the  breaz.  well  after  they  had  talked  about 
an  hour  fathers  father  and  old  Dan  Melcher  paid 
10  dollers  to  old  Boss  Langly  and  agreed  to  tan  the 
hide  off  of  father  and  Gim  if  old  Boss  woodent 
persecute  and  woodent  tell  the  other  store  keepers 
who  pluged  the  gravil.  and  fathers  father  tanned 
the  hide  off  of  father  and  Gims  father  tanned  the 
hide  off  of  Gim  and  Bill  got  off  becaus  old  Boss 
dident  have  but  2  hands  to  grab  with  an  had  put  his 
fake  teeth  in  a  glass  of  water  behine  the  stove  and 
he  coodent  hold  Bill  without  teeth  or  he  wood  have 
got  Bill  two,  and  father  and  Gim  wasent  tattletales. 
father  had  sed  he  thought  old  Boss  got  prety  good 
interest  for  nothing,  he  got  10  dollers  and  dident 
have  to  pay  enny  reward  and  had  the  fun  of  ketch- 
ing  them  and  the  way  they  put  it  on  showed  that 
they  liked  to  do  it.  so  evrybody  was  satisfide  xcept 
father  and  Gim.  then  Aunt  Mary  she  sed  well  i 
guess  you  desirved  it  George  and  father  laffed  and 
sed  i  gess  i  desirved  a  good  deal  moar  than  i  ever 
got  Aunt  Mary,  father  had  augt  to  have  licked 
me  10  times  as  often  as  he  did.  and  then  Hellen 
Smith  sed  evrybody  tells  me  George  that  you  was 
the  meanest  boy  in  the  town  and  father  sed  no 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  221 

Hellen  i  dont  think  i  was  meen.  i  was  bad  enuf 
god  knows  but  i  always  had  lots  of  frends  and  kep 
them  and  a  meen  feller  never  has  frends.  and 
Hellen  she  sed  well  if  you  wasent  a  meen  boy  i 
shood  like  to  know  what  a  meen  boy  was  and  father 
he  sed  a  meen  boy  or  man  or  girl  or  woman  is  one 
whitch  does  meen  things  to  another  or  says  meen 
things  about  them,  i  dont  know  whitch  is  the  wirst" 
but  i  gess  the  one  whitch  says  meen  things  about 
peeple.  so  Hellen  she  shet  up  and  nobody  sed  enny- 
"Uiing  for  2  minits.  then  Keene  got  up  and  went 
to  the  piano  and  set  down  and  sung 

i'm  the  girl  that's  gay  and  happy 
where  so  ear  i  chanct  to  be 
and  there's  sumthing  i  will  tell  you 
if  you  will  but  list  to  me 

i  tell  you  Keene  is  rite  on  hand  wfien  there  is  enny- 
thing  going  on.  bimeby  they  went  home  and  i  went 
upstairs,  i  wonder  what  Pewt  and  Beany  will  say 
when  they  find  out  that  they  broak  fathers  winders 
insted  of  old  J.  Alberts,  it  seams  funny  to  have 
to  pay  Pewts  father  for  putting  in  new  panes  of 
glass  in  plaice  of  them  whitch  Pewt  broak.  if  Pewt 
can  do  this  evry  nite  he  can  keep  the  old  man  bizzy 
all  the  time  and  make  a  pile  of  money. 


222  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

October  24,  186 —  brite  and  fair  and  frost  last 
nite.  father  waked  me  up  hollering  up  the  stairs, 
he  sed  come  down  here  quick  so  i  piled  out  of  bed 
and  put  on  my  close  as  lifely  as  i  cood  and  went 
down  3  steps  at  a  time,  when  i  got  there  father 
told  me  to  come  out  in  front  of  the  house  and  to 
look  and  i  done  it  and  there  on  old  J.  Alberts  side 
of  the  house  was  a  sine  whitch  sed 

J.  Albert  Clark  we  have  broak  your  win 
ders,  this  is  jest  a  beginning,  moar  anon, 
bewair.  bewair  the  Terible  3. 

i  looked  as  sirprised  as  i  cood  and  sed  gosh  father 
then  it  was  the  Terible  3  and  they  was  trying  to  get 
even  with  J.  Albert  insted  of  you.  i  wunder  what 
he  has  did  to  them,  but  father  sed  i  dont  cair  what 
he  has  did  to  them  it  cant  go  on  this  way  verry 
long  be f oar  sumone  will  be  in  jale.  when  he  sed 
that  i  felt  as  if  i  dident  have  enny  stomack.  then  he 
hollered  for  J.  Albert  and  old  J.  Albert  come  down 
and  when  he  saw  the  sine  and  father  had  told  him 
about  the  broaken  wmder  he  sed  he  shood  go  down 
town  to  the  polise  stasion  and  make  a  complaint  and 
see  if  innosent  peeple  aint  going  to  have  enny  per- 
tection  under  the  law. 

then  father  sed  have  you  did  ennything  rong  to 
ennyone  Albert  whitch  mite  want  to  get  even  with 


J.  Albert  Clark  we  have  broak  your  winders,  bewair,  bewair.  the  Terrible  3 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  223 

you  and  old  J.  Albert  he  sed  he  hadent  done  rong 
to  a  living  sole  as  far  as  he  gnew  and  he  sed  i 
gess  George  they  must  have  got  in  the  rong  side 
of  the  house  and  they  ment  it  for  you  insted  of  me 
and  father  sed  that  may  be  so  Albert  but  it  is  almity 
quear  that  they  shood  call  me  J.  Albert  Clark  and 
hang  the  sine  on  your  side  of  the  house  and  J. 
Albert  dident  know  what  to  say  to  this  and  so  he 
sed  i  gess  that  is  quear  but  peeple  do  quear  things 
sumtimes.  then  father  sed  have  you  heard  how 
they  hung  a  snaping  tirtle  on  old  man  Tiltons  door- 
gnob  and  rung  his  bell  and  he  went  to  the  door  and 
got  so  badly  bit  that  it  took  3  docters  to  sow  him 
up.  and  old  J.  Albert  sed  no  i  dident  hear  of  it 
George,  is  it  trew?  and  father  sed  i  was  told 
so  last  nite  and  i  understand  other  peeple  has  been 
warned  and  assaulted,  and  in  evry  case  it  has  been 
a  prety  meen  man.  and  J.  Albert  sed  well  i  dont 
know  what  ennyone  has  got  agenst  me  and  if  nec- 
esery  i  shall  have  a  poliseman  stay  here  nites  and 
father  sed  it  looks  to  as  if  it  was  only  the  beginning 
of  sum  prety  desperit  work  but  if  ennything  hap 
pens  jest  gnock  on  the  wall  and  i  will  come  in  on 
the  gump. 

and  old  J.  Albert  sed  thank  you  George  i  know 
i  can  alwys  relie  on  you  and  father  sed  you  can 


224  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Albert  you  can  but  i  am  afrade  you  are  in  for  sum- 
thing  verry  serius  but  we  must  hoap  for  the  best, 
so  then  we  went  in  to  breckfast  and  when  we  got  in 
father  began  to  laff  and  sed  there  i  have  give  miss 
Nancy  sumthing  to  wurry  about  to  pay  him  for 
rasing  my  rent  last  month,  he  wont  dass  to  go 
down  town  nites  enny  moar  than  old  Ike  Shute. 

i  sed  to  father  dont  you  think  the  Terible  3  will 
do  sumthing  feerful  to  him  and  father  sed  no  they 
may  roten  eg  him  or  sumthing  like  that  but  they 
wont  hirt  him.  i  sed  do  you  supose  it  is  big  fellers 
or  little  fellers  and  father  sed  it  must  be  big  fellers 
becaus  little  fellers  coodent  ty  up  a  snaping  tittles 
mouth  and  coodent  ty  him  to  a  doorgnob.  i  figger 
it  is  sum  big  rowdys  that  want  to  be  smart,  it 
must  be  sum  fellers  that  aint  been  to  school  mutch 
for  that  sine  is  spelt  rong  in  2  or  3  plaices,  so  i 
dident  say  enny  moar  and  the  hack  come  for  father 
and  he  got  in  and  went  to  the  trane  and  i  felt  better. 

After  breckfast  i  went  up  to  Pewts  and  he  and 
Beany  sed  to  me  gosh  Plupy  we  broak  a  lot  of 
winders  in  old  J.  Albert  Clarks  house  and  put  up 
a  sine  and  when  i  told  them  what  they  had  did  they 
were  suprised  as  time  and  they  sed  well  all  rite  for 
you  old  J.  Albert  your  tirn  will  come,  so  i  asted 
Pewts  father  to  come  down  and  put  in  a  new  pane 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  225 

of  glass,  and  he  came  down  before  i  went  to  school, 
he  sed  that  peeple  were  talking  about  the  rane  of 
lawlissness  and  that  sumthing  was  going  to  be  did 
about  it.  he  sed  it  probly  was  being  did  by  sumone 
we  hadent  the  leestest  idea  of,  most  always  when 
sum  verry  unusuel  crime  is  comitted  the  pirpitraiter 
is  found  to  be  one  of  the  most  respective  citisens 
of  the  town.  Pewts  father  sed  he  callated  it  wood 
be  so  in  this  case,  he  sed  he  was  satisfide  it  wasent 
boys  or  rowdys  but  the  last  pirson  we  wood  suspeck. 

the  Exeter  Newsleter  had  a  peace  in  it  today. 
Beany  read  it  to  me  and  i  coppied  it  down  for  the 
record,  this  was  what  the  peace  in  the  Newsleter 
sed. 

crime  rammpent 

The  waive  of  crime  that  has  broaken  out  in  our 
comunety  is  one  that  deserves  the  repribation  of 
evry  wirthy  citisen  haveing  the  welfair  of  our  town 
at  hart,  the  unpreceedented  boldness  of  the  miss 
creants  is  sutch  as  reminds  one  verry  forceably  of 
the  why  ohs  of  New  York  that  infaimus  band  of 
ruffans  that  plunged  the  city  of  New  York  into  a 
riot  of  criminality  that  bid  fair  to  rival  the  orgies 
of  Roam  under  the  rane  of  Nero. 

we  have  jest  been  regoiceing  in  the  convicksion 
of  the  ring  leeders  of  the  band  of  garrotters  that 


226  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

has  terror  fide  the  naboring  city  of  Boston  when 
we  are  confrtmted  with  a  serious  of  crimes  in  our 
own  town  that  bid  fair  to  rival  the  wirst  of  the 
above  mensioned  atrosities. 

the  cowerdly  assault  upon  our  wirthy  sittizen  mis 
ter  William  Hobbs  a  man  whose  menni foaled  and 
sterling  trates  of  carackter  intitle  him  to  a  very 
high  rank  as  a  cittisen.  the  dasterdly  attact  up  on 
mister  Biley  J.  Tilton  whose  open  handed  jennoros- 
ity  has  done  so  mutch  to  maik  his  naim  ornnered 
in  this  community,  the  repperhensibel  nature  of 
their  warning  to  mister  Isak  Shute  a  man  whose 
jenerous  wirth  and  moddist  life  has  indeered  him 
to  evryone,  the  coarse  thret  to  mister  J.  Albert 
Clark  whose  kinliness  and  good  deads  are  as  well 
knone  as  his  finanshal  ability  and  probbity,  are  sutch 
as  maik  the  blud  of  evry  onnest  man  boil  in  their 
vanes. 

it  is  indeed  time  that  the  ofisers  of  the  law  take 
the  most  astringint  measures  to  deteck  and  stamp 
out  the  hoal  infernal  brood. 

when  father  come  hoam  tonite  he  redd  it  and 
laffed  and  sed  i  wunder  what  dam  fool  rote  that, 
ennyone  with  branes  enuf  to  fill  a  thimbel  had  augt 
to  know  that  nobudy  is  going  to  be  hirt.  the  fellers 
that  tide  up  that  mud  tirtles  mouth  aint  going  to 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  227 

hirt  ennyone.  the  moar  the  fools  talk  about  it  the 
moar  the  fellers  that  are  doing  it  are  going  to  do 
it  sum  moar. 

i  bet  old  Hobbs  and  Ike  and  old  Biley  Tilton  and 
J.  Albert  bougt  100  Exeter  Newsleters  apeace  to 
send  round  to  their  friends  if  they  have  got  enny. 

October  25,  186 —  clowdy  and  cold,  i  dident 
get  licked  today  in  school  whitch  was  a  releef.  last 
nite  i  woak  up  and  got  thinking  about  the  Terible  3 
and  what  wood  hapen  if  we  got  cougt  and  i  coodent 
go  to  sleep  for  moar  than  2  hours,  i  gess  the 
peace  in  the  Newsleters  wurrid  me.  i  wundered 
if  i  had  augt  to  have  got  up  the  Terible  3.  i  had 
sevveral  narow  escaips  from  the  reform  school  so 
father  had  sed  and  this  was  wirse  if  i  got  cougt. 
so  i  desided  me  and  Pewt  and  Beany  must  be  verry 
cairful  and  not  leeve  enny  trase  of  our  dedly  wirk. 
bimeby  i  got  to  sleap  and  dident  get  up  this  morn 
ing  untill  mother  come  up  and  shook  me.  i  hardly 
had  time  to  get  in  my  wood  and  water  and  eet  my 
breckfast  and  hiper  to  school,  i  got  there  jest  in 
time  whitch  was  probably  one  reeson  why  i  dident 
get  licked,  i  tell  you  when  a  feller  knows  his  teecher 
is  watching  for  a  chanct  to  snach  him  balheaded 
he  has  to  wauk  pretty  strate. 

this  afternoon  Pewt  had  to  help  his  father  paint 


228  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

a  fense  and  Beany  went  down  to  Ed  Toles  and 
when  Beany  is  down  there  i  dont  go  becaus  it  is  ap 
to  leed  to  trubble  between  me  and  Beany  on  acount 
of  Lizzie  Tole  Eds  sister,  so  when  father  come 
home  early  on  the  2  oh  clock  trane  he  had  a  lait  din 
ner  and  we  went  down  to  see  about  getting  my  boat 
up  for  the  winter,  so  we  rew  up  river  to  the  Eddy 
and  then  rew  back,  we  had  to  row  hard  to  keep 
warm,  well  when  we  got  back  to  the  worf  father 
sed  less  pull  the  old  boat  out  and  we  got  hold  and 
pulled  her  naff  way  out  on  the  worf  and  then  father 
swang  her  round  to  get  the  stirn  out  and  gnocked 
me  rite  into  the  river  with  my  close  on. 

gosh  it  was  as  cold  as  a  ice  and  i  swum  to  the 
worf  and  father  the  pulled  me  out  and  jawed  me 
for  being  a  fool  to  get  in  the  way  when  he  hadent 
told  me  what  he  was  going  to  do.  aint  that  jest 
like  him.  well  he  made  me  run  all  the  way  home 
and  then  took  off  my  close  and  he  rubed  me  with 
a  ruf  towel  that  neerly  took  my  hide  off.  it  was 
almost  as  tuf  as  when  they  rubed  the  black  off  of 
me  with  bristol  brick  and  seesand  when  i  thought 
i  was  always  going  to  be  a  niger. 

then  he  give  me  a  glass  of  hot  lemonaid  and  maid 
me  go  to  bed.  the  lemonaid  was  all  rite  but  i 
haited  to  go  to  bed.  we  was  going  to  have  a  meat- 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  229 

ing  of  the  Terible  3  and  then  we  was  going  down 
on  the  square  to  hear  a  peddler  sell  stuff  from  a 
wagon  and  a  big  torchlite.  but  father  woodent  let 
me  go.  but  he  brougt  me  up  a  new  novil.  it  was 
a  ripper,  the  naim  of  it  is  Rattlesnaik  Redhead  the 
Red  Handed,  we  will  have  to  have  the  meating 
of  the  Terible  3  tomorrow  after  chirch. 

October  26,  186 —  Sunday  again  and  raning  hard, 
it  has  raned  hard  all  day.  it  always  ranes  Sunday 
when  a  feller  wants  to  do  sumthing. 

none  of  the  folks  went  to  chirch  xcept  Cele  who 
is  verry  religus.  she  is  throug  with  the  palsams 
and  is  reading  the  provirbs.  father  asted  me  if  i 
gnew  what  a  provirb  was  and  i  sed  yes  it  was  a 
part  of  speach  that  modifide  virbs  ajectives  and 
other  advirbs.  then  he  begun  to  laff  and  they  all 
laffed.  ennyway  i  bet  evrybody  but  father  and 
mother  and  Aunt  Sarah  and  Cele  dident  know,  he 
sed  the  provirbs  was  the  wize  sayings  of  old  king 
Sollerman  whitch  was  suposed  to  be  the  wizest  man 
in  the  wirld. 

father  sed  he  coodent  quite  beleeve  that  for  he 
sed  enny  man  whitch  had  as  many  wifes  as  Soller 
man  coodent  have  had  horse  sence  or  been  a  re 
spective  cittisen.  eenyway  he  sed  he  was  wizer 
than  old  man  Purington  Pewts  grandfather  who 


230  RRITE  AND  FAIR 

rew  out  to  sea  10  miles  in  a  storm  one  day  and 
when  he  got  to  the  shoals  where  the  litehouse  and 
the  big  hotels  was  he  landed  and  dim  up  the  rocks 
and  when  they  asted  him  where  he  come  from  he 
sed  he  come  from  America. 

last  nite  father  went  to  hear  the  peddler  on  the 
square,     father  got  a  gold  stem  winder  wach  for 

2  dollers.     when  he  got  home  he  tride  to  wind  it 
up  and  he   cood   wind   it   for    15  minutes   and   it 
woodent  be  enny  nearer  wound  up.   so  father  looked 
into  it  and  there  wasent  ennything  in  it  but  the 
winder,    so  father  was  mad  and  sed  if  the  Terible  3 
wood  roten  eg  that  pedler  he  gessed  evrybody  wood 
be  glad  of  it. 

gosh  i  dident  say  nothing  but  you  bet  the  Terible 

3  will  have  a  meating  tomorrow  erly  and  they  is 
going  to  be  sum  fun  tomorrow  nite. 


/^VCTOBER  27,  186 —  this  has  been  a  grate  day 
for  te  Terible  3.  this  time  we  have  did  sum- 
thing  that  evrybody  is  glad  of.  xcept  jest  a  few 
fellers  and  sum  wimen  whitch  aint  willing  to  maik 
enny  sackrifise  for  the  good  of  the  town,  bimeby 
peeple  will  see  that  the  Terible  3  is  able  to  do  sum 
things  that  the  poliseman  cant  do. 

father  sed  tonite  after  he  got  home  that  it  sirved 
old  Swane  the  poliseman  and  old  Mizzery  Dirgin 
the  poliseman  that  throwed  me  out  of  the  hall  that 
time  that  father  was  going  to  make  a  speech  but 
dident  dass  to  jest  rite,  that  it  was  the  law  that 
a  pedler  coodent  pedle  things  without  a  license  and 
old  Swane  and  old  Mizzery  Dirgin  knowed  it  and 
hadent  augt  to  have  aloud  him  to  do  it  and  if  they 
had  did  their  duty  father  woodnt  have  lost  2  dol- 
lers  in  bying  a  tin  wach  without  enny  wirks  in  it. 
father  sed  he  woodent  have  missed  it  for  10  dollers 
and  he  wood  like  to  know  who  done  it.  i  sed 
peraps  it  was  the  Terible  3  and  he  sed  if  it  is  peeple 
had  augt  to  forgive  them  for  what  they  had  did  to 
old  Biley  and  old  Bill  and  old  Ike  and  old  Ward 
and  old  J.  Albert,  i  wanted  to  tell  him  but  of 

231 


232  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

coarse  my  othe  woodent  alow  me  to  tell,  i  bet 
father  wood  make  a  awful  good  member,  if  he 
was  a  member  we  wood  have  to  call  it  the  Terible 
4  and  then  peraps  Beany  and  Pewt  wood  have  to 
have  there  fathers  in  it  and  we  wood  have  to  call  it 
the  Terible  6. 

So  i  gess  it  is  all  rite  to  leeve  it  as  it  is,  but  if 
we  ever  get  up  another  one  father  will  have  to  join. 
jest  imagine  ennyone  ketching  us  and  triing  to  lick 
us  when  father  was  round. 

i  havent  stoped  laffing  yet  over  it.  if  enny  of 
the  peeple  whiten  got  pluged  ever  find  out  who  done 
it  they  will  kill  us  dead,  but  they  wont  never  find 
it  out. 

well  this  morning  i  got  up  and  et  my  breckfast 
and  done  my  choars  and  went  over  to  Beanys  and 
got  him  and  we  went  up  to  Pewts  and  had  a  meat- 
ing  of  the  Terible  3  and  i  told  them  what  father 
sed  and  what  the  pedler  done  to  him  and  that  the 
pedler  was  going  to  pedle  there  tonite  and  that  it 
was  our  chanct  to  do  good  wirk  and  to  maik  a  naim 
for  ourselfs.  so  Pewt  took  us  out  to  where  his 
father  had  set  a  lot  of  hens  and  there  was  lots  of 
hens  and  there  was  lots  of  egs  that  dident  hach. 
sum  of  them  was  so  lite  that  you  coodent  plug  them 
verry  far  and  sum  of  them  whitch  were  heavy  had 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  233 

ded  chickings  in  them,  we  broke  I  of  eech  kind 
to  see  whitch  smelt  the  wirst  and  we  coodent  tell, 
both  smelt  so  bad  that  we  had  to  go  out  of  the  coop 
and  wait  till  it  aird  out.  then  we  pluged  I  of  eech 
kind  agenst  the  fense.  the  lits  one  popped  the  loud 
est  and  the  chicking  one  spatered  the  most,  they 
was  36  left. 

Well  Beany  sed  his  father  was  papering  sum 
rooms  in  Masonick  block  in  the  2th  story  for  Gen 
eral  Maston  and  that  he  was  going  to  Portsmuth 
tonite  to  a  masonick  meating.  so  Beany  sed  he 
wood  get  the  kee  of  the  office  and  we  wood  go  up 
there  and  lock  the  door  and  open  the  windows  easy 
and  not  have  enny  lite  birning  and  we  cood  see 
evrybody  in  the  square  and  nobody  cood  see  us 
and  he  gessed  mister  pedler  wood  think  sumbody 
had  throwed  a  skunk  at  him. 

well  i  have  forgoten  wether  i  got  licked  in  school 
today  or  not.  i  dont  think  i  did  but  i  aint  sure,  i 
dident  think  of  ennything  but  what  we  was  to  do 
to  the  pedler.  o  yes  i  remember  now.  i  got  laffing 
about  the  pedler  and  old  Francis  grabed  me  and 
shook  me  up  and  give  me  2  or  3  bats  and  stood 
me  on  the  platform  for  a  hour,  so  i  dident  get 
licked  after  all.  i  thought  i  wood  remember  it  if 
i  \vas  licked. 


234  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

well  after  supper  i  studded  until  haff  past  seven 
and  Cele  done  all  of  my  xamples  if  i  wood  let  her 
read  Ratlesnaik  Red  Head  the  red  Handed  after 
she  had  read  2  provirbs.  so  i  let  her  have  it  and 
after  i  had  coppied  the  xamples  i  hipered  over  tC 
Beanys.  he  and  Pewt  were  ready,  we  devided  the 
egs  and  filled  our  pockets  with  them  and  then  we 
went  down  town. 

when  we  got  there  the  pedler  was  standing  in  hir 
wagon  in  the  square,  and  he  had  a  big  torchlite  ano 
he  was  hollering  and  holding  up  things  to  sell.  the> 
was  a  crowd  of  peeple  round  him  men  and  wimmer 
and  boys  and  girls,  we  went  down  to  masonick 
block  and  went  up  stairs,  we  dident  meat  ennybod} 
and  the  stairs  were  pich  dark,  we  unlocked  the  dooi 
of  the  office  and  went  in  and  opened  the  winder: 
eesy.  it  was  lucky  we  did  becaus  Beany  run  into 
a  table  in  the  dark  and  broak  2  egs  in  his  pocket, 
murder  how  they  smelt,  we  had  to  stick  our  heads 
out  of  the  window  to  breeth.  Beany  sed  what  am 
i  to  say  to  father  and  mother  when  they  smell  me 
and  find  i  have  got  roten  eg  on  my  close  and  Pewt 
sed  we  fill  say  we  were  in  the  crowd  and  got  hit  and 
nobody  will  think  we  pluged  ourselfs.  i  tell  you 
Pewt  is  awful  smart  to  think  up  things,  that  is 
why  he  gits  so  few  lickings  in  school  and  me  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  235 

Beany  get  so  menny.  so  after  we  had  got  all  the 
egs  out  of  our  pockets  and  in  litle  piles  ready  and 
cood  breeth  inside  we  all  got  ready,  the  old  pedler 
had  a  bottle  in  his  hand  and  sed  now  ladies  and 
gentlemen  i  have  here  a  bottel  of  my  sellibrated 
panyseer  compounded  by  the  most  destinkwished 
chemists  in  Europe  and  of  the  purist  and  most 
xpensive  drugs  and  warranted  to  cure  headake,  ear- 
ake,  backake,  bellyake,  hartake,  rumatism,  growing 
panes,  varicose  vanes,  bunions,  corns,  ingrowing  to- 
nales,  scroffuler,  siattikeer,  lung  fevers,  scarlet 
feever,  meezles,  hooping  coff  mumps  and  croop. 
children  cry  for  it,  old  maids  sy  for  it,  you  must 
have  it.  waulk  up,  run  up,  gump  up,  tumble  up 
ennyway  to  get  up  only  fetch  your  money  up  and 
all  for  i  doller. 

jest  as  he  sed  that  Pewt  let  ding  with  a  chicking 
eg  as  hard  as  he  cood.  it  wood  have  took  old  mis 
ter  pedler  square  in  the  head  but  jest  then  he  leened 
down  to  take  a  doller  and  it  went  over  his  head  and 
took  old  Mizzery  Dirgin  who  was  standing  facing 
towerds  us  rite  square  in  the  mouth  and  spatered 
all  over  him.  i  bet  he  gumped  9  feet  in  the  air 
and  then  begun  to  hoop  and  gag  and  rushed  for  the 
horse  troth  and  put  his  head  in  and  soused  it  round 
and  the  peeple  all  begun  to  laff  and  holler  and  old 


236  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Mizzery  gumped  up  all  driping  and  arested  Mike 
Prescot  for  being  drunk  and  begun  to  drag  him  off 
and  Mike  held  back  and  fit  and  old  Swane  grabed 
him  to  help  old  Mizzery  and  we  let  ding  as  fast 
as  we  cood  and  old  Swane  got  one  rite  between  the 
sholders  and  one  rite  in  the  back  of  his  head  that 
popped  like  a  pistol  and  he  let  go  of  Mike  and 
rushed  for  the  troth  and  put  his  head  in  and  while 
the  old  pedler  was  laffing  his  head  off  he  got  2 
chicking  egs  i  in  his  shert  bosum  and  one  rite 
square  in  the  eye  and  i  never  heard  sutch  swaring 
and  hooping  and  gaging  in  my  life  and  sheriff 
Odlin  who  wyas  standing  on  the  curbstone  got  one 
in  his  stovepipe  hat  and  of  coarse  he  had  to  arest 
sumone  and  he  took  Bill  Hartnitt  and  waulked  him 
off  and  as  soon  as  the  old  pedler  got  enuf  of  the  eg 
out  of  his  ey  so  he  cood  see  and  breeth  he  grabed 
the  ranes  and  liked  his  horse  round  the  corner. 
peeple  were  rushing  round  and  triing  to  get  out  of 
the  way  and  sum  were  hollering  murder  what  a 
stink  and  sum  were  hollering  hell  what  a  stink  and 
sum  were  lafring  their  heads  off  and  bending  over 
and  slaping  their  gnees  and  leening  agenst  trees 
and  holding  their  sides  and  sum  were  swaring  and 
getting  the  polisemen  to  arest  inosent  peeple  whitch 
hadent  did  nothing  and  one  man  with  a  streek  of 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  237 

yellow  down  his  back  where  he  had  got  a  popper 
was  offering  500  dollers  for  the  man  whiten  wood 
tell  him  who  throwed  them  rotten  egs.  i  see  father 
there  talking  with  old  Swane  and  old  Mizzery  and 
shaking  his  head,  father  dident  get  hit  but  Pewts 
father  did.  he  got  a  popper  in  the  coat  tale  and  he 
was  mad.  he  wood  have  been  madder  if  he  had 
gnew  it  was  his  eg. 

of  coarse  we  hit  a  good  many  peeple  that  we 
dident  meen  to  hit.  they  shoodent  have  been  in 
the  way  and  they  coodent  blaim  ennybody  but  them- 
selfs.  but  i  supose  they  wood  about  kill  us  if  they 
gnew  who  done  it.  peeple  is  prety  unreesonable 
snmtimes.  but  we  drove  the  old  pedler  away  and 
saved  a  grate  del  of  money  for  the  peeple  and  we 
pluged  old  Swane  and  old  Mizzery  Dirgin  and 
evrybody  was  glad  of  that,  of  coarse  when  a  fel 
ler  gets  a  roten  eg  in  the  ey  or  in  the  middle  of  his 
vest  when  he  has  got  his  best  close  on  he  dont  feel 
xacly  plesant  towerds  ennybody.  after  tonite  i 
gess  evrybody  will  ware  their  old  close  when  they 
go  out  to  hear  a  pedler  pedle. 

well  while  the  peeple  was  hollering  and  swaring 
and  holding  their  nose  and  being  arested  for  being 
drunk  by  old  Swane  and  old  Mizzery  and  Sheriff 
Odlin  and  being  draged  into  the  lockup  me  and 


238  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

Beany  and  Pewt  shet  the  winders  of  the  office  and 
\ve  come  down  stairs  and  went  home,  when  we 
got  to  my  house  we  all  went  in.  mother  and  Aunt 
Sarah  and  Keene  and  Cele  was  setting  up.  well 
when  he  went  in  and  begun  to  talk  mother  and 
Aunt  Sarah  begun  to  maik  awful  faces  and  Keene 
and  Cele  sed  phew  what  a  awful  smell  and  mother 
sed  Keene  open  the  windows  quick  and  sumone  birn 
a  rag.  what  in  the  wirld  have  you  stepped  in  boys, 
go  out  and  scrape  your  feet  on  the  scraper  and  wipe 
them  on  the  mat.  you  had  augt  to  be  moar  cairful 
where  you  step  and  Beany  he  sed  it  aint  that  misses 
Shute  i  got  hit  with  a  roten  eg  when  sumone  roten 
eged  the  pedled  and  mother  sed  i  dont  want  to  be 
impolite  Elbrige,  Elbrige  is  Beany  you  know,  but  i 
think  you  had  better  stand  in  the  doorway  while 
you  xplain.  so  Beany  stood  there  and  we  were  tell 
ing  about  it  while  Keene  leened  out  of  the  window 
and  hollered  phew  and  mother  and  Aunt  Sarah  held 
their  nose  when  father  come  in  and  the  minit  he 
come  in  he  sed  Geerusalem  the  golden  naim  ever 
dear  to  me  will  that  smell  folow  me  all  the  days  of 
my  life  till  i  dwell  in  the  house  of  the  lord  forever, 
and  mother  sed  George  i  realy  wish  you  woodent 
talk  so  befoar  the  children  and  father  sed  all  rite 
Joey,  he  calls  mother  Joey  you  know,  i  wont,  but 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  239 

it  is  verry  triiing  to  a  man  of  my  partickuler  dis- 
posision  to  return  to  the  buzum  of  his  familiy  to 
find  the  intire  homested  smeling  like  a  combineasion 
of  a  glu  factory,  a  fertilizer  factory  and  a  ded  horse 
whitch  has  been  left  3  weaks  in  a  hot  July  sun. 
and  mother  sed  for  heavens  saik  George  dont  say 
enny  more,  it  is  bad  enuf  without  thinking  of 
sutch  dredful  things,  and  father  sed  i  wont  Joey 
only  you  shood  not  have  interrupted  me  and  timed 
me  from  my  religious  medditasions.  i  was  doing 
prety  well,  then  Aunt  Sarah  sed  if  you  aint  moar 
choise  in  your  langage  you  never  will  dwell  in  the 
house  of  the  Lord  but  sumwhere  elce,  and  father 
sed  tell  me  sumthing  new  and  dont  scair  me  to  deth 
Sarah,  but  how  in  the  wirld  did  that  smell  get 
here,  and  me  and  Beany  and  Pewt  all  hollered 
Beany  got  a  eg  in  the  side  and  father  sed  i  shood 
think  he  did  and  the  best  thing  Beany  can  do  is  to 
go  home  and  chainge  his  close,  it  is  neerly  10  oh 
clock  and  we  have  got  to  go  to  bed  sumtime  tonite. 
so  Pewet  and  Beany  \vent  home  and  father  set  down 
and  mother  shet  the  winders  and  father  told  us 
about  it  and  how  meny  got  hit  and  what  they  sed 
and  we  all  nearly  dide  laffing  as  we  always  do  when 
father  tells  stories,  and  father  sed  Gim  Ellison  got 
hit  in  the  middle  of  his  vest  and  went  home  holding 


240  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

his  nose  up  in  the  air  so  high  that  he  run  bang  into 
a  tree  and  broak  his  speckticles,  and  old  Bradbiry 
Purington,  Pewts  father  went  home  holding  his 
coat  tale  up  like  a  woman  holds  up  her  trane.  he 
sed  that  old  Mag  Mackflannery  got  hit  and  went 
rite  down  to  old  Bill  Morrils  house  and  maid  so 
mutch  fuss  that  Bill  promised  her  a  new  dress  if 
she  wood  shet  up  and  go  home,  he  sed  Bill  sed  Tie 
will  never  run  for  selickman  again,  it  keeps  him 
in  hot  water  all  the  time,  he  sed  Bill  sed  if  he 
hadent  agreed  to  by  her  a  new  dress  she  wood  have 
drove  him  into  a  loonitick  assilem. 

father  he  sed  it  was  wirth  25  dollers  of  enny 
mans  money  to  see  old  Swane  and  old  Dirgin  get 
it  and  they  hadent  enny  rite  to  arest  Mike  and  Bill 
and  Gimmy  Josy  whitch  wasent  doing  nothing  but 
standing  round,  and  wasent  drunk  enuf  to  be  arested, 
and  he  sed  he  and  Amos  Tuck  went  in  and  baled 
them  all  out  and  that  was  why  he  was  lait.  father 
sed  he  wished  moar  egs  had  hit  the  polisemen  and 
he  wished  he  gnew  the  fellers  whitch  throwed  the 
egs  he  wood  give  them  5  dollers. 

gosh  i  wanted  to  tell  him  but  my  othe  forbid  but 
i  wish  we  cood  get  that  5  dollers.  father  sed  if  the 
Terible  3  done  it  they  hadent  augt  to  be  blaimed 
for  ennything  they  had  did  to  old  Biley  and  the 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  241 

others,  then  he  told  me  and  Keene  and  Cele  to  go 
to  bed  and  we  done  it.  while  i  was  wrighting  i 
remembered  what  father  sed  about  baling  out  old 
Mike  and  Gimmy  Josy  and  Bill  Hartnitt  and  i  hol 
lered  down  stairs  and  sed  father  how  did  you  go 
to  wirk  to  bale  out  them  fellers,  and  father  sed  i 
used  a  stomack  pump  of  coarse,  how  did  you 
supose  i  done  it,  with  a  dipper,  now  you  go  to 
bed.  so  i  went  back  and  shet  my  door. 

i  tell  you  father  knows  how  to  do  things,  he 
pumped  all  the  rumm  out  of  them  fellers  and  when 
they  are  tride  in  coart  tomorrow  and  old  Swane  and 
old  Mizzery  sware  that  they  was  drunk  the  jug  will 
tell  them  they  is  dam  liers  and  a  disgraice  to  the 
perfession.  i  wish  i  cood  go  to  coart  and  hear  the 
jug  say  that  but  i  supose  i  have  got  to  go  to  school, 
tomorrow  i  will  wright  the  report  for  Pewt  to  copy 
becaus  i  can  spel  so  mutch  beter  than  Pewt. 
October  28,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  gosh  the  fun 
niest  thing  happened  to  Pewt  and  to  Beany,  when 
Pewt  got  home  his  father  was  there  and  auful  mad 
because  he  had  got  a  poper  on  the  coat  tale  becaus 
he  was  going  to  a  temprunce  meating  tonite  and 
was  going  to  set  on  the  platform  and  Pewts  mother 
sed  it  wood  be  a  weak  befoar  he  cood  ware  that 
coat  again  becaus  she  wood  have  to  boil  it  in  2 


242  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

waters  and  rince  it  in  and  3  and  then  dry  it  and  ion 
it.  so  Pewts  father  coodent  set  on  the  platform 
at  the  temprunce  meating  and  he  was  mad  enuf 
to  lick  his  grate  granfather. 

if  Pewt  had  gnew  enuf  to  keep  still  he  wood  have 
been  all  rite  but  he  wanted  to  be  funy  and  he  sed 
that  is  a  funy  way  to  boil  egs  and  old  man  Purinton 
grabed  him  and  lambasted  him  with  his  ratan  can 
till  you  cood  have  heard  Pewt  holler  down  town, 
it  was  tuf  on  Pewt  but  he  dident  get  a  lot  of  lick 
ings  he  ougt  to  have  got  and  i  gess  he  cant  complane. 

and  Beany  had  tuf  luck  two  for  when  he  went 
into  the  house  they  maid  him  go  out  and  take  off 
his  jaket  and  his  father  licked  him  for  spoiling  his 
close  and  maiking  sutch  a  smell  until  Beany  hollered 
as  loud  as  Pewt.  for  onct  in  my  life  i  had  sum 
good  luck  for  i  got  up  the  hoal  thing  and  they  got 
licked  for  it.  i  supose  it  aint  rite  for  i  of  the 
Terible  3  to  laff  when  the  other  2  gets  licked  but 
i  cant  help  it. 

tonite  we  dident  do  nothing  but  put  up  another 
sine  on  old  Ikes  house  it  sed 

bewair  Isak  the  hour  of  retrobusion  is  at  hand. 

the  Terible  3 

i  xpect  to  hear  sumthing  from  Ike  tomorrow. 
October  29,  186 —  today  neither  Pewt  nor  Beany 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  243 

cood  go  out  of  the  yard  xcept  to  go  to  school,  they 
boath  sed  they  wood  be  willing  to  stay  in  the  yard 
the  hoal  day  if  they  cood  stay  away  from  school 
but  they  thought  it  was  tuf  to  have  to  go  to  school 
and  run  the  risk  of  being  licked  and  then  stay  in 
the  yard  when  the  other  fellers  was  having  a  good 
time. 

but  i  done  the  best  i  cood  to  help  them  out. 
after  school  this  morning  i  got  a  croud  of  fellers 
to  go  up  to  Pewts.  they  was  Pop  Clark  and  Hunny 
Donovan  and  Ham  Welsh  and  Skinny  Bruce  and 
Jack  and  Gim  Melvin  and  we  staid  there  until  Pewts 
father  drove  us  out  and  after  school  this  afternoon 
i  got  the  saim  croud  to  go  over  to  Beanys  so  he 
woodent  be  loansum  and  we  staid  there  till  Beanys 
father  drove  us  out.  Beanys  father  told  my  father 
that  it  was  more  punishment  for  his  family  when 
he  kep  Beany  in  the  yard  than  it  was  to  Beany  be- 
caus  evry  time  he  kept  Beany  in  the  yard  all  his 
f  rends  come  in  and  rased  particklar  hell. 

tonite  old  Ike  sent  for  father  and  wanted  to  know 
if  he  wood  come  up  and  stay  with  him  until  nine 
oh  clock  when  he  was  going  to  have  a  poliseman 
stay  all  nite  to  perteck  him  from  the  Terrible  3. 
father  he  sent  him  word  that  he  wood  be  up  after 
supper,  he  had  to  go  down  town  a  few  minits  and 


244  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

he  sent  me  up  to  tell  him  and  to  say  that  he  had 
better  stay  in  and  keep  the  doors  locked,  he  told 
me  to  tell  him  he  wood  give  3  gnocks  but  not  to 
open  the  doer  for  enyone  elce. 

Aunt  Sarah  sed  George  do  you  really  think  they 
is  enny  dainger.  and  father  sed  not  a  bit.  sum- 
one  is  having  fun  with  Ike  and  Aunt  Sarah  sed 
why  do  you  want  to  scare  him  to  deth  and  father 
sed  sister  mine  our  gentle  cussin  Isak  has  had  far 
two  easy  a  life  and  it  is  a  good  thing  to  instil  into 
his  mind  the  idea  that  moths  and  rust  do  corrup 
and  theeves  braik  throng  and  steel,  then  aunt  Sarah 
tride  not  to  laff  and  sed  i  think  it  is  a  shaim  to 
wurry  so  good  a  man  as  he  is  and  father  sed 

sister  thou  wast  mild  and  luvly 
gentle  as  the  summer  breaz. 

but  it  is  hard  to  convinse  you  that  desperrit  cases 
need  desperrit  remmedies.  now  this  is  a  desperrit 
case,  verry  desperrit.  supose  the  Terible  3  shood 
kidnap  Ike  and  hold  him  for  ransum.  who  wood 
give  5  cents  for  Ike?  who  wood  give  ten,  have 
i  enny  offers,  maik  it  7^2  cents,  no  offers  maik 
it  six.  do  i  have  enny  offers,  no  by  saint  bride  of 
Bothwel  no  let  the  portculis  fall,  and  i  wood  have 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  245 

to  go  throug  life  uncheered  by  the  companonship 
of  Ike. 

then  aunt  Sarah  sed  George  do  be  sensible  for 
onct  in  your  life,  jest  onct.  are  you  going  to 
scare  that  poor  man  to  deth  or  not?  and  father 
he  sed  far  from  it  sweet  sister,  i  shall  be  kind 
ness  itself,  is  it  kindness  in  the  docter  when  he 
conceles  the  faital  naiture  of  a  diseeze  from  a  diing 
man  and  alows  him  to  go  whooping  into  the  vast 
beyond  without  a  chanct  to  repent,  is  that  kind- 
nes  sister?  ecco  ansers  not  by  a  dam  site  sister. 
it  aint  kindnes.  it  wood  have  been  kindnes  to  tell 
him  the  gig  was  up  and  give  him  a  chanct  to  maik 
his  will  and  pay  a  few  notes  and  by  sum  paper 
with  black  eges  and  40  or  50  yards  of  craip  for  a 
vale  for  his  wife. 

so  it  will  be  my  duty,  sister,  in  spite  of  your 
prairs  and  teers,  not  to  concele  from  Isak  the  seerius 
nature  of  the  thret  maid  by  the  Terible  3.  have  you 
ever  reelized  how  my  boyhood  was  blited  by  the 
thrashings  it  received  becaus  i  was  a  bit  rude  to  my 
gentle  cussen  Ike.  and  do  you  reelize  how  many 
hundred  times  he  was  held  up  to  me  as  a  moddle  and 
how  i  was  erged  sumtimes  prairfuly  by  mother  and 
moar  often  strapfuly  by  father  to  emulait  his  vertus. 
and  do  you  think,  sweet  but  earring  sister  that  i  will 


246  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

alow  sutch  a  opertunity  of  asureing  him  of  my  per- 
tecksion  and  simpathy  to  pass. 

o  the  demon  and  his  bride 
and  the  grate  grate  owl 
by  all  his  curage  tride 
in  the  popes  sanbowl 

i  gess  not,  Sarah  mine,  i  shall  go  up  and  convinse 
Isak  that  the  wicked  stand  in  slepery  plaices  and 
that  the  way  of  the  transgresor  is  \ard.  Isak  has 
called  upon  his  cussen  for  pertecksion.  wood  you 
have  me  fale  him,  speek  woman. 

then  aunt  Sarah  began  to  laff  and  sed  there  is  no 
use  in  talking  to  you  when  you  are  fealing  like  that 
and  i  shall  not  say  enny  moar  and  she  went  off. 
i  gnew  there  wood  be  sum  fun  for  they  always  is 
when  father  talks  like  that  and  so  i  asted  father  if 
i  cood  go  up  to  Ikes  with  him.  he  sed  i  cood  go 
but  i  must  let  him  do  the  talking  and  not  say  a  word 
unless  i  was  asted  to.  so  i  sed  i  wood  be  cairful 
and  we  went  up.  it  was  not  quite  dark  and  when 
we  got  up  there  father  gnocked  3  gnocks  and  we 
heard  sumone  say  who  is  there,  and  father  sed  it 
is  me  George  and  then  Ike  unlocked  3  or  4  locks 
and  opened  it  about  5  inchs  and  it  was  held  by  a 
chane.  then  he  peeped  out  and  sed  is  it  you  George. 


B&ITE  AND  FAIR  247 

who  have  you  got  with  you  and  father  sed  this  is 
my  boy  Harry,  then  he  sed  to  me  this  is  cussen 
Isak  and  i  sed  how  do  you  do  cussen  Isak  and  he 
sed  how  do  you  do  and  i  sed  i  spoke  to  you  one  day 
and  you  dident  know  me  and  so  i  told  father  if  he 
ever  got  a  chanct  to  interduce  me. 

then  Ike  sed  i  am  a  little  neer  sited  and  i  sed  i 
see  you  are  cussen  Isak,  and  then  father  nugged  me 
with  his  elbo  and  i  dident  say  enything  moar. 

then  father  sed  you  havent  heard  enything  moar  of 
the  kidnapers  and  Ike  he  give  a  sort  of  gump  and 
sed  do  you  think  cussen  George  that  they  is  kid 
napers  and  father  sed  i  have  thought  so  from  sum 
things  i  have  heard,  and  old  Ike  sed  what  have  you 
heard  and  father  sed  well  Isak  i  dont  want  to  friten 
you  but  you  had  augt  to  know  this,  jist  then  Ikes 
wife  Mary  come  in.  we  call  her  Mary  Isak  becaus 
they  is  so  mutch  alike  and  never  goes  enywhere 
and  jest  sets  and  rocks  in  rocking  chairs  and  looks 
at  each  other. 

when  she  come  in  father  got  up  and  shook  hands 
with  Mary  Isak  and  interduced  me  and  she  asted 
him  if  he  thougt  they  was  verry  daingerous  men 
and  father  laffed  and  sed  no  cussen  Mary  there 
isent  the  leest  dainger  in  the  wirld.  it  is  only  sum 
smart  fellers  that  wants  to  have  a  little  fun  with 


248  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

sum  of  our  best  cittisens  and  they  isent  the  leest 
need  of  wurrying.  so  you  go  to  bed  and  i  will  set 
up  and  talk  with  Isak  until  the  poliseman  comes  up. 

so  Mary  Isak  went  up  stairs  and  Isak  begun  to 
perk  up  quite  a  lots  until  father  sed  as  i  was  say 
ing  Isak  when  cussen  Mary  come  in,  i  have  read 
the  papers  cairfuly  and  there  has  been  quite  a  num 
ber  of  cases  cimmiler  to  this.  I  in  Milton  mass- 
chusetts  and  I  in  Lewiston  maine  and  2  in  new 
york  State,  in  eech  case  warnings  was  hung  up 
like  these  and  in  each  case  a  verry  ritch  and  prom- 
minent  cittisen  was  kidnaped  and  held  for  ransum. 
the  man  in  Milton  had  to  pay  35  Eundred  dollars 
and  the  man  in  Lewiston  paid  i  think  48  hundred 
dollars  they  wanted  5  thousand  dollars  but  all  he 
cood  rase  was  48  hundred  and  the  2  in  New  York 
had  to  pay  9  thousand  apeace.  but  you  know  prises 
is  higher  in  New  York,  probly  you  woodent  have 
to  pay  moar  than  5  thousand. 

well  all  this  time  old  Ike  had  been  setting  ferst 
in  one  chair  and  then  in  another  chair  and  puling  his 
wiskers  and  when  father  sed  this  he  gave  a  grone 
and  sed  aint  there  no  pertection  under  the  law  ?  and 
father  sed  the  matter  is  being  vestigated  and  per 
secution  will  folow  enny  fake  step  that  the  villins 
make,  the  trubble  is  they  are  verry  hard  to  ketch 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  249 

then  Ike  sed  isent  there  sum  way  out  of  it  and 
father  sed  i  have  been  thinking  Isak  why  dont  you 
and  J.  Albert  Clark  and  Biley  Tilton  and  the  other 
fellers  whitch  has  been  warned  make  up  a  puree 
like  you  and  sum  of  the  fellers  done  when  they  was 
afrade  of  being  draffed  in  the  civil  war  to  hire 
substitoots.  then  if  the  scoundrils  get  one  of  you 
the  others  will  help  pay  his  ransum.  well  Ike  he 
thought  that  mite  be  a  good  idea  and  he  sed  he  wood 
see  sum  of  them  tomorrow  if  the  Terible  3  dident 
get  him  be  f oar  morning,  then  father  sed  dont  wurry 
a  bit  Isak  while  i  am  here  they  will  have  to  get  you 
over  my  ded  body  and  Ike  sed  thank  you  George 
you  were  always  a  kind  f  rend  and  father  sed  yes  Isak 
we  was  frends  but  not  xactly  Damin  and  Pithius. 

well  bimeby  the  poliseman  come  up  and  it  was 
old  Filander  Kize  and  he  was  smoaking  a  old  black 
pipe  that  smelled  wirse  than  one  of  our  poppers 
that  we  pluged  at  the  pedler  and  old  Ike  sed  have 
you  got  to  smoak  that  mister  Kize  and  old  Filander 
sed  yes  it  is  the  only  thing  that  will  keep  me  awake 
and  so  Ike  sed  well  i  supose  i  shall  have  to  stand 
it.  so  me  and  father  come  away  after  shaking 
hands  with  eld  Ike  and  father  told  him  to  go  to  bed 
and  to  get  a  good  nites  rest  and  not  to  wurry  and 
then  we  come  away  and  we  cood  hear  him  locking 


250  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

all  the  locks  and  bolting  all  the  bolts  and  puting  up 
the  chane  so  the  Terible  3  coodent  kidnap  him. 

when  we  was  going  home  father  began  to  laff  and 
sed  i  supose  i  was  a  meen  cus  to  wurry  cussen  Isak 
like  that  but  all  my  life  he  has  been  held  up  to  me 
as  a  moddle  and  if  i  thougt  you  wood  tirn  out  like 
him  i  shood  feal  like  throwing  you  over  the  brige 
in  a  bag  with  rocks  in  it.  think  of  living  a  life 
without  fun.  gosh  he  mite  have  been  a  useful  citti- 
zen  if  he  hadent  been  so  cussed  good,  how  ever 
i  will  go  up  tomorow  and  chirk  him  up  a  little. 

when  we  got  home  mother  and  Sarah  was  setting 
up  and  darning  stockings  and  Sarah  sed  well  George 
did  you  wurry  the  poar  man  out  of  his  wits  and 
father  sed  piece  woman  i  treeted  him  with  the  utt- 
most  kindness  and  was  a  grate  cumfort  to  him. 
of  coarse  i  was  cairful  not  to  under  estimait  the 
dainger  for  feer  that  Ike  mite  be  bold  to  rashniss 
and  xpose  himself  needlessly  to  dainger.  it  wasent 
verry  hard  to  perswuade  him  to  stay  in  the  house 
for  a  weak  or  2.  indeed  i  think  i  wood  have  had 
to  fite  hard  to  get  him  out.  but  when  i  left  him  i 
asured  him  that  if  wirst  come  to  wirst  he  cood 
probly  be  able  to  pay  his  ransum  if  it  wasent  moar 
than  20  thousand  dollers.  i  thougt  he  was  going 
to  faint  ded  away  then  and  i  told  him  that  with 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  251 

me  and  Melander  Kize  and  old  Swane  and  Mizzery 
Dugin  and  old  Brown  willing  to  sackrifise  our  lifes 
for  him  he  needent  wurry. 

then  Aunt  Sarah  sed  and  she  coodent  talk  verry 
well  becaus  she  was  triing  to  bite  a  thred  off,  i 
think  i  shall  go  up  and  tell  cussen  Isak  that  you 
are  jest  stirring  him  up  and  father  sed  he  will  not 
beleeve  you  for  i  told  him  the  hoal  family  but  me 
had  timed  agenst  him  straingly  becaus  they  thougt 
he  has  did  sum  dredfill  thing  that  wont  see  the  lite 
of  day  and  that  Harry  and  I  are  the  only  ones 
that  stand  up  for  him  and  Aunt  Sarah  bit  off  the 
thred  with  a  snap  and  sed  George  Shute  if  i  cood 
beleeve  a  single  wird  you  say  i  shood  be  verry  in- 
aignent,  and  father  sed  it  is  harroing  to  be  so 
douted  and  missunderstood  by  them  whitch  is  deer 
to  you  and  he  pertended  to  burst  into  teers  and  sea 
he  wood  go  to  bed  and  weap  his  piller  sopping  wet 
and  he  made  up  a  auful  face  and  winked  at  mother 
and  went  up  stairs  and  Aunt  Sarah  sed  to  mother 
what  a  man  he  wood  have  been  on  the  staige.  he 
wood  have  beet  comical  Brown  and  Artimus  Ward 
and  Joshua  Billings  all  to  peaces,  and  mother  she  sed 
yes  he  wood  but  i  prefir  him  jest  as  he  is. 


S~\  CTOBER  29,  1 86 —  rany  again,  it  hasent  done 
enything  but  rane  for  3  weaks.  it  was  so  rany 
that  we  coodent  put  up  eny  sines  or  comit  eny 
crimes,  i  saw  old  Filander  coming  down  from  Ikes 
this  morning  and  when  i  went  to  school  i  saw  Mary 
Isak  with  all  the  winders  open  airing  out  the  house. 
October  30,  186 —  cold  and  windy,  all  the  horse 
chesnuts  in  frunt  of  Sheriff  Odlins  place  has  fell 
down  and  all  the  fellers  is  stringing  them  on  strings 
and  pluging  them  over  the  telligraf  wires,  of  coarse 
me  and  Beany  and  Pewt  does  it  to  pass  away  the 
time  and  devert  suspishons.  we  have  got  moar 
serius  things  to  think  about,  saw  old  Filander  come 
down  from  Ikes  again  today  and  saw  Mary  Isak 
airing  out  the  house  again,  tonite  father  went  up 
again  to  cum  fort  Ike.  father  says  that  he  dont 
think  Ike  cood  get  along  without  his  sunny  precence. 
evry  time  father  comes  home  from  Ikes  he  says 
Ike  sends  down  town  for  a  man  to  put  on  a  new 
chane  or  a  new  lock  on  the  door,  father  says  if  he 
goes  a  few  moar  times  he  will  get  him  to  put  ion  bars 
in  the  winders,  old  mother  Moulton  stays  there 
days,  father  says  he  hasent  had  so  mutch  fun  sence 
he  took  laffin  gas  and  cleened  out  docter  Johnsons 

252 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  253 

ofice  and  throwed  docter  Johnson  out  of  one  winder 
and  docter  Prey  out  of  the  other  and  Gim  Melcher 
down  stairs. 

October  31,  186 —  Hork  and  Spitt  both  dide  to 
day.  :  give  them  a  big  ded  rat  that  old  mis  Dire 
give  me.  they  toar  it  into  bits  and  et  it  fir  and 
all  and  when  i  come  home  from  school  they  was 
both  ded  and  all  curled  up.  i  asted  old  mis  Dire 
how  she  cougt  the  rat  and  she  sed  she  poizened  it 
with  rat  poisen  only  she  called  it  rat  poizen.  i 
told  her  it  killed  my  horks  and  she  sed  she  was  sorry 
but  she  forgot  to  tell  me.  i  thougt  at  ferst  that 
she  done  it  perpose  to  pay  me  for  sending  her  old 
cat  to  Haverhill  but  i  gess  she  dident.  we  had  a 
meating  of  the  Terible  3  today  and  if  she  had  done 
it  a  perpose  we  wood  have  atended  to  her  case  even 
if  she  was  a  woman,  while  the  Terible  3  dont  maik 
war  on  wimmen,  we  dont  perpose  to  have  wimmin 
maik  war  on  us. 

Filander  is  still  at  Ikes,  tonite  we  drawed  lots 
to  see  witch  shood  go  up  with  a  sine  to  Biley  Til- 
tons,  i  got  the  shortest  straw  and  had  to  go.  Pewt 
had  printed  a  sine  whitch  sed 

Bewaire  the   vengunce  of  the   Terible  3 
it  spairith  not  the  wicked  man. 
but  it  strikith  in  darkniss.     Bewair. 


254  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

when  i  got  up  there  old  Biley  was  setting  by  his 
door  with  a  gun  over  his  gnees.  i  sed  how  do  you 
do  mister  Tilton  and  he  sed  how  do  how  do.  i  per- 
tended  i  come  up  to  see  Luke  Mannix  but  he  wasent 
to  home  and  i  come  back,  i  dident  leeve  the  sine 
you  bet. 

November  i.  J.  Albert  Clark  has  got  a  bull  dog. 
he  bougt  it  of  old  Mike  Casidy.  he  keeps  it  to 
perteck  him  from  the  Terible  3.  father  thougt 
he  had  augt  to  have  moar  pertecksion  and  told  him 
so.  father  is  verry  kind  to  J.  Albeit  and  to  Ike. 

we  have  maid  father  a  onery  member  of  the  Te 
rible  3.  woodent  he  be  surprised  if  he  gnew  it.  of 
coarse  we  cant  tell  him  he  is  a  onery  member  but 
he  is.  i  asted  Pewt  and  Beany  if  they  dident  want 
their  fathers  to  be  maid  onery  members  and  they 
sed  no,  that  their  fathers  had  licked  them  for  noth 
ing  the  nite  we  roten  eged  the  pedler  and  they  wood 
voat  agenst  it.  so  that  is  what  they  get  for  not 
helping  the  Terible  3. 

well  tonite  when  J.  Albert  come  home  and  tride  to 
go  into  the  house  the  bull  dog  grabed  him  by  the 
hine  leg  and  nearly  toar  his  britches  off  and  he 
slamed  the  door  on  his  hed  before  he  wood  let  go 
and  J.  Albert  had  to  set  in  the  barn  while  he  sent 
down  to  old  Mikes  to  get  him  to  come  up  and  make 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  255 

the  bull  dog  let  him  in.  so  after  a  while  old  Mike 
come  up  and  maid  the  dog  let  him  in.  then  he  maid 
J.  Albert  feed  the  dog  and  pat  him  and  he  told  the 
dog  J.  Albert  was  his  frend  and  he  sed  the  dog 
gnew  moar  than  a  man  and  they  woodent  be  eny 
moar  trubble  with  him  after  this,  and  he  maid 
J.  Albert  pay  him  anuther  doller  for  coming  up 
and  maiking  the  dog  mind  J.  Albert,  it  was  lucky 
J.  Albert  had  on  his  second  best  close  and  it  wasent 
his  best  lavender  britches  that  the  dog  toar.  after 
supper  tonite  J.  Albert  took  the  bull  dog  out  for  a 
walk  hiched  to  him  with  a  chane  and  a  coller  round 
his  neck  and  ferst  the  dog  chased  a  cat  and  draged 
old  J.  Albert  about  10  rods  be  f oar  he  cood  stop  him 
and  the  woman  whitch  oaned  the  cat  come  out  and 
told  J.  Albert  he  wasent  eny  gentleman  for  keaping 
a  feerosins  dog  and  J.  Albert  was  bowing  and  taik- 
ing  off  his  hat  and  asting  her  parden  when  the  fero- 
sius  dog  started  after  another  cat  and  J.  Albert 
lost  his  hat  and  had  to  hiper  a  long  distence  hold 
ing  back  with  his  hine  legs  sticking  out  in  front 
and  triing  to  stop  him  and  hollering  whoa. 

well  when  J.  Albert  got  him  stoped  he  got  a 
stick  and  was  going  to  lick  him  but  the  dog  grouled 
and  J.  Albert  thougt  he  woodent  lick  him  after  all 
so  he  went  back  after  his  hat  puling  the  bull  dog 


256  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

along  and  stoping  evry  time  he  come  to  a  tree  or 
a  post,  then  he  got  his  hat  whitch  had  been  run 
over  by  a  dingle  cart  with  a  lode  of  hay.  well  J. 
Albert  got  his  hat  and  pushed  it  into  shaip  and 
brushed  it  and  put  it  on  and  started  off  again  with 
the  dog.  and  when  he  was  going  by  old  Si  Smith 
store  old  Sis  big  white  dog  come  out  and  piched 
into  J.  Albert  dog  and  you  had  augt  to  have  saw 
that  fite.  it  was  a  ripper,  they  stood  up  and  toar 
at  each  others  gozzles  and  rassled  and  rolled  over 
in  the  dirt  and  bit  and  shook  and  knawed  each 
other,  and  old  Si  come  out  and  lammed  them  with 
his  cain  and  swoar  at  J.  Albert  and  old  Shep  Hog- 
den  and  Gimmy  Bedell  pulled  their  tales  and  hine 
legs  and  throwed  water  on  them  and  hit  them  with 
brickbats  and  J.  Albert  pulled  at  the  chane  and 
hollered  and  Lamp  Flood  was  a  going  to  lick  J. 
Albert  who  hadent  done  nothing  to  him  when  father 
grabed  him  by  the  neck  and  neerly  yanked  his  head 
off  and  throwed  him  in  the  guter.  bimeby  a  feller 
from  Mager  Blakes  stable  told  Shep  to  pull  on  one 
dogs  hine  leg  and  Gimmy  to  pull  on  the  other  and 
when  they  had  the  dogs  rite  out  strate  the  feller  lit 
a  sulfer  match  rite  under  their  noses  and  they  let 
go  prety  quick  and  Shep  and  Gimmy  pulled  them 
apart,  the  sulfer  maid  them  choak  and  they  had 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  257 

to  let  go  to  breeth.  it  was  a  buly  fite  and  old  J. 
Albert  done  well. 

i  wish  you  cood  have  saw  old  Lamp  Flood  go 
fluking  into  the  guter. 

Novermber  2,  186 —  sunday  again,  it  comes  round 
prety  often  i  think.  Saturday  dont  seam  to  come 
round  as  often  as  sunday.  there  aint  most  ever 
enny  fun  on  sunday.  today  there  was  a  little,  this 
morning  old  J.  Albert  started  to  go  down  stairs 
and  the  bull  dog  woodent  let  him.  i  gess  in  the 
xcitement  of  the  fite  and  chaising  the  cats  he  had 
forgot  that  J.  Albert  .was  his  master.  J.  Albert 
gnocked  on  the  wall  and  wanted  father  to  take  the 
kee  and  open  the  door  and  get  the  bull  dog  out, 
and  father  sed  are  you  saif  J.  Albert  where  you  are 
and  J.  Albert  sed  yes  he  cant  get  me  up  here  but  £ 
dont  want  to  stay  here  the  rest  of  my  life,  and  father 
sed  if  you  are  saif  you  will  have  to  stay  there  till  £ 
can  send  down  for  old  Mike  to  come  up.  i  dont 
have  eny  grate  hankering  to  have  a  bull  dog  hanging 
to  me  for  the  rest  of  my  life  eether.  so  maik  your 
self  to  home  and  reed  a  few  chapters  of  the  bible  for 
this  is  sunday  and  i  gess  towerds  supper  time  old 
Mike  will  come  up.  then  J.  Albert  sed  cant  you  get 
a  gun  and  shoot  him  throng  the  winder  and  father 
sed  it  is  sunday  Albert  and  i  am  verry  perticler 


258  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

about  using  fire  arms  on  this  sacrid  day  but  if  you 
will  posess  your  sole  in  pashents  i  will  see  what  can 
be  did. 

So  J.  Albert  shet  the  window  and  father  told  me 
to  go  down  and  get  old  Mike  and  i  done  it  and 
Mike  come  up  with  me  and  J.  Albert  throwed  out 
the  kee  and  old  Mike  opened  the  door  and  the  bull 
dog  waged  his  tale  when  he  saw  old  Mike  and 
wigled  round  jist  like  a  puppy,  he  was  so  glad  to 
see  him,  and  J.  Albert  come  down  and  told  Mike 
he  had  ruther  be  kidnaped  than  et  by  a  bull  dog 
and  he  sed  Mike  had  got  to  taik  back  the  dog  and 
give  back  his  10  dollers  whitch  J.  Albert  had  gave 
him  and  Mike  sed  not  by  a  dom  site  a  bargin  was 
a  bargin  and  J.  Albert  sed  he  dident  bargin  for  a 
dog  to  eet  breckfast  dinner  and  supper  off  of  him 
and  old  Mike  sed  he  asted  for  a  dog  that  woodent 
let  enybody  into  the  house  and  he  got  one.  and 
J.  Albert  sed  he  xpected  to  be  able  to  get  into  his 
oan  house  and  old  Mike  sed  he  dident  say  enything 
about  that  when  they  traded  and  after  they  had 
talked  and  jawed  about  it  J.  Albert  sed  Mike  cood 
have  the  bull  dog  if  he  wood  taik  him  off  to  onct 
and  Mike  he  done  it  and  went  off  smoaking  his  old 
pipe  and  the  bull  dog  gumped  up  on  him  and  wigl- 
ing  his  tale. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  259 

enyway  aunt  Clark  J.  Alberts  mother  is  coming1 
home  tomorow  and  i  wood  like  to  see  enyone  kidnap 
J.  Albert  when  she  is  around.  Filander  is  still  at  Ikes. 
November  3,  186 —  cold  as  time  this  morning,  i 
saw  a  flock  of  robins  eeting  sum  red  berrys  on  a 
tree,  the  blackberds  has  all  gone  2  weaks  ago. 
Potter  Gorham  says  they  follow  the  cost  line  down 
south  stoping  evry  day  somewhere  to  eet.  the  rob 
ins  goes  last  and  sumtimes  stays  here  all  winter,  i 
have  never  saw  a  robin  in  winter  but  Potter  sed  he 
see  one  onct. 

Potter  knows  all  about  birds  and  animals  and 
insex  and  things,  he  is  going  to  be  a  natturalist 
sum  day.  i  wood  ruther  be  a  natturalist  than  eny- 
thing  in  this  wirld  xcept  a  band  player,  so  i  am 
going  to  be  a  band  player  and  play  the  e  flatulent 
cornet  becaus  that  is  the  highest  and  the  loudest 
and  the  eesiest  to  carry  round. 

the  trumboan  is  pretty  good  and  if  i  cant  play 
the  cornet  i  shood  like  to  play  the  trumboan.  if 
sum  feller  wood  maik  a  trumboan  that  wood  have 
the  2  parts  slip  into  eech  other  so  far  that  there 
woodent  be  enything  left  then  a  feller  cood  put 
in  into  his  vest  poket  when  he  wasent  playing  it 
and  nobudy  wood  know  he  had  it.  it  wood  be  grate 
fun  to  taik  your  trumboan  sliped  together  in  your 


260  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

vest  poket  to  chirch  and  when  the  old  minister  was 
preeching  auful  tiresum  and  old  mister  Blake  and 
old  Han.  Dow  and  old  Steve  Gail  and  all  the  other 
men  in  the  chirch  are  sleeping  and  in  joying  the 
sirmon  verry  mutch  indeed  thank  you  to  taik  the 
trumboan  out  of  your  vest  poket  and  put  it  to 
gether  and  blow  a  auful  toot  ratetatoot  as  loud  as 
you  can  and  see  all  the  old  pods  gump  up  and  sum 
of  them  hit  their  heads  on  the  phew  in  frunt  of 
them  where  they  has  been  leening  their  heads  in  an 
atitood  of  prair  and  the  old  minister  loose  his  plaice 
and  gump  ten  paiges  to  7thly  insted  of  4thly.  and 
when  old  C.  Lovell  2th  whitch  is  sumtimes  sexton 
and  sumtimes  suprintendent  of  the  Sunday  school 
comes  round  to  see  who  blowed  the  horn  and  to 
put  him  out  they  aint  no  horn  enywhere  and  sum 
folks  think  it  may  be  the  last  trump  of  Gabril.  if  i 
ever  get  time  i  am  going  to  try  to  maik  a  trumboan 
like  that  but  i  am  so  bizzy  with  the  afairs  of  the 
Terible  3  that  i  cant  spend  eny  time  in  sutch  things 
as  them. 

Tonite  we  put  the  sine  Pewt  rote  for  old  Biley 
Tilton  on  Ikes  house,  we  had  a  meating  of  the 
Terible  3  and  we  desided  that  we  woodent  do  eny 
moar  at  present  to  old  Biley  becaus  when  a  man 
sets  in  his  garden  with  a  shot  gun  on  his  gnees 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  261 

and  dont  ast  the  polise  to  help  him  they  aint  mutch 
use  to  do  enything  to  him.  bimeby  peraps  we  may 
have  a  chanct.  we  also  desided  not  to  do  eny  moar 
to  J.  Albert  becaus  he  done  so  well  in  the  dog  fite 
and  was  so  perlite  to  the  woman  when  she  sed  he 
was  no  gentlemen  when  it  wasent  his  fait  becaus 
lie  coodent  stop  the  dog  from  chaising  her  cat  the 
ferst  yank  but  done  the  best  he  cood.  so  we  aint 
ging  to  bother  him  eny  moar.  so  we  put  up  a  sine  on 
his  house  and  neerly  got  cougt  but  dident  quite,  it  sed 
J.  Albert  Clark,  the  Terible  3  has  desided  that 
they  has  maid  a  mistaik  in  your  case,  you  done 
splended  in  the  dog  fite  and  you  hung  on  to  the 
chane  and  dident  let  go  when  Lamp  Flood  was  go 
ing  to  lick  you  whitch  took  grate  curage.  The 
Terible  3  think  you  are  a  good  feller  and  are  your 
f rends  for  life.  The  Terible  3. 
November  4,  186 —  Today  Ike  got  old  Swane  to 
stay  there,  he  smoaks  a  wirse  smeling  pipe  than  old 
Filander.  Filander  stays  nites  and  old  Swane  day 
times.  Ike  sent  for  father  and  father  advised  him 
to  have  sumbody  round  all  the  time,  it  costs  a  lot 
of  money  but  father  says  nobudy  wood  know  the 
vallue  of  money  unless  they  spends  it.  Ike  thinks 
sumthing  is  going  to  hapen  prety  soon. 
November  5,  186 —  rany  today,  i  gess  it  was 


262  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

lucky  it  was  for  if  it  hadent  been  for  the  rane  Ikes 
house  wood  have  birne  down,  gosh  the  Terible  3 
is  fealing  prety  wurried.  last  nite  at  3  oh  clock 
the  bells  begun  to  ring  and  in  heard  peeple  holler 
ing  fire,  i  gumped  up  prety  lifely  and  i  cood  hear 
father  yelling  for  his  britches,  we  got  to  the  f runt 
door  together  and  we  cood  see  a  big  blaiz  up  towards 
Ikes,  gosh  i  was  scart.  when  father  sed  them 
devils  has  did  it  at  last  i  thougt  it  was  all  boys 
play  but  i  gess  it  was  real,  it  means  stait  prizon  for 
life  for  sombudy.  i  was  so  scart  that  i  cood  hardly 
maik  my  hine  legs  go  but  i  kep  up.  all  the  bells 
was  ringing  and  evrybudy  was  hollering  fire.  wrhen 
we  got  there  Pewts  father  and  Beanys  father  and 
old  Filander  and  old  Nat  Weaks  and  old  Bill  Grean- 
leef  and  old  printer  Smith  and  old  Parry  Moulton 
and  old  Gus  Brown  and  Pewt  and  Beany  and  evry- 
one  were  pumping  water  into  lether  buckets  and 
pales  and  hollering  where  in  hell  is  the  ingines  and 
this  is  a  hell  of  a  fire  dipartment  and  rushing  round 
and  getting  in  each  others  way  and  swaring  and 
luging  out  the  firniture  and  throwing  crockery 
through  the  windows,  old  Bill  Greanleef  lowered 
his  wife  out  of  her  chamber  by  tying  her  to  a  sheet 
and  then  clim  down  hisself  when  all  he  had  to  do 
was  to  go  down  stares  and  out  of  the  door,  and 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  263 

it  was  only  10  feet  high  and  they  cood  have  gumped 
if  necesary.  old  Mrs.  Sawyer  fainted  ded  away 
and  sumbudy  throwed  a  pale  of  water  on  her  and 
she  gumped  up  and  called  him  all  the  naims  she 
cood  think  of. 

jest  then  the  Torent  No  2  come  down  the  strete 
with  the  men  on  the  roap  running  on  the  cleen 
gump.  they  stoped  by  the  reservor  and  run  out  the 
hoze  and  let  down  the  pipe  and  then  found  that  they 
had  left  the  nozzle  at  the  ingine  house  upon  the 
plains  and  they  sent  a  feller  up  there  on  horseback 
and  all  they  cood  do  was  to  pump  water  into  pales 
whitch  helped  sum  but  not  mutch,  then  the  fellers 
formed  bucket  lines  and  kep  a  pumping  and  pour 
ing  and  wondering  where  the  Union  No  I  and 
Fountain  No  3  were. 

it  timed  out  after  the  fire  was  over  that  the  moon 
was  rising  in  Hamton  Falls  and  that  they  saw  the 
lite  and  went  down  there  as  fast  as  they  cood  hiper 
thinking  there  was  a  big  fire  and  when  they  got  way 
up  to  Isiar  Hanes  house  the  moon  was  up  so  that 
they  cood  see  what  it  was  and  they  was  so  tuckered 
out  runing  a  mile  and  a  haff  up  hill  that  they 
coodent  do  a  single  thing  but  set  down  and  sware 
and  call  each  other  dam  fools,  they  was  even  two 
tuckered  out  to  fite  and  most  always  firemen  is  ready 


264  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

to  fite  and  so  they  must  have  been  prety  well  used 
up. 

well  we  fellers  whitch  was  at  the  fire  wirking  our 
heads  off  and  triing  to  save  old  Bill  Greanleef  and 
his  wife  and  Ike  and  his  wife  and  old  Bill  Morill 
was  getting  prety  tuckered  with  pumping  and  hol 
lering  and  throwing  water  on  the  flaims  and  throw 
ing  firniture  throug  the  winders  and  runing  ladders 
agenst  peeples  heads  and  saving  hens  by  the  hine 
legs  squorking  and  flaping  feerful  and  wondering 
where  the  Union  No  2  and  the  Fountain  No  3  was 
and  what  had  become  of  the  feller  whitch  had  went 
for  the  nozzle  and  hadent  come  back  when  it  begun 
to  pour  rane  and  i  never  gnew  it  to  rane  faster  and 
in  a  few  minits  the  fire  was  out.     then  we  was 
'going  to  move  the  thing  back  but  we   found  that 
sum  of  the  firemen  had  choped  hoals  in  the  roof  of 
the  house,    the  fire  hadent  got  to  the  house  but  they 
thougt  they  wood  have  the  hoals  reddy  for  the  Union 
No  I  and  Fountain  No  3  and  the  feller  whitch  had 
went  for  the  nozzle  and  hadent  got  back  when  they 
got  there,    so  the  house  was  full  of  water  and  sum 
of  the  plastering  had   fell  down  on  the  heads  of 
the  fellers  whitch  were  throwing  things  throug  the 
winders  and  covered  them  with  plaster. 

well  after  the  fire  was  over  we  went  home,   father 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  265 

says  they  is  going  to  have  the  best  detecktives  in 
Boston  to  find  out  who  the  Terible  3  is.  evrybuddy 
says  they  done  it  to  get  even  with  Ike.  father  says 
they  is  jest  as  sure  to  go  stait  prizon  as  he  is  to  get 
his  breckfast  tomorow.  i  went  to  bed  but  dident 
sleap  a  wink,  i  coodent  eet  eny  breckfast  this  morn 
ing,  mother  says  i  must  be  sick,  gosh  it  is  wirse 
than  being  sick. 

this  morning  the  Terible  3  had  a  meating.  we  de- 
sided  to  give  up  the  asociasion  and  to  burn  the  rec 
ords,  it  is  a  auful  thing  to  have  stait  prizon  stair- 
ing  you  in  the  face  when  you  havent  done  nothing, 
we  havent  clone  nothing  rong  but  if  they  find  out 
who  the  Terible  3  is  we  will  have  to  go  to  stait 
prizon.  sumbuddy  set  fire  to  Ikes  house  sure,  they 
wasent  eny  stove  in  the  barn,  if  it  had  started  in 
the  house  it  mite  have  cougt  from  the  chimny. 
November  6,  186 —  things  is  getting  wirse  evry 
day.  i  have  lost  the  record  of  the  Terible  3.  Pewt 
sed  he  give  it  to  me  all  rite  but  when  i  went  to  my 
desk  it  was  gone,  i  know  it  was  there  2  days  ago. 
i  hunted  evrywhere  for  it.  i  asted  mother  and 
aunt  Sarah  and  all  of  them  if  eny  one  had  been  in 
my  desk  and  they  all  sed  no.  mother  asted  me  what 
i  had  lost  and  i  told  her  i  had  lost  a  story  i  had  rote 
and  she  sed  well  you  can  remember  it  cant  you  and 


266  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

i  sed  yes  but  i  dont  want  to  wright  it  again,  i  have 
hunted  evry where  and  so  has  Beany  and  Pewt.  if 
enyone  has  found  it  our  goos  is  cooked  and  we  go 
to  stait  prizen.  i  have  looked  forward  moar  than 
oncet  to  going  to  the  reform  school  or  to  jale  but 
i  never  gnew  what  it  was  to  xpect  to  go  to  stait 
prizon  for  sumthing  you  never  have  did.  i  cant 
eet  and  cant  sleap.  it  is  wirse  than  being  ded.  a 
grate  deel  wirse. 

November  7,  186 —  the  insurance  men  come  and 
xamined  the  fire  and  took  measurements,  they  de- 
sided  it  wasent  Ikes  fait  or  Bills  fait  and  so  they 
pade  them,  father  sed  Ike  and  Bill  maid  moar 
money  than  they  had  for  six  months,  but  he  sed 
that  the  insurance  companies  was  going  to  find  out 
who  done  it  and  it  looked  to  him  that  the  Terible  3 
would  be  looking  throug  bars  before  long,  i  cant 
hardly  breeth  when  i  think  of  it.  i  saw  Beany  and 
Pewt  today  and  they  are  so  scart  that  they  cant 
eet  or  sleap  just  like  me.  of  coarse  we  have  got 
to  laff  and  holler  at  fellers  and  play  football  but 
we  only  laff  to  concele  a  braking  hart,  i  wood  give 
a  milion  dollers  to  know  what  has  become  of  them 
records,  if  i  had  birnt  them  we  wood  have  had 
sum  chanct.  and  if  we  had  the  sence  to  put  sum 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  267 

other  fellers  naims  in  it  peraps  we  mite  escaip  but 
i  dont  see  enny  hoap. 

November  8,  186 —  brite  and  fair,  i  wish  i  felt 
as  good  as  the  wether,  it  seams  as  if  evrybody 
was  looking  at  me  and  saying  he  done  it.  he  is  i 
of  the  Terible  3.  evrytime  i  see  a  strainge  man  i 
think  he  is  a  detecktive  and  evrytime  i  see  old  Swane 
or  old  Mizzery  or  old  Filander  or  old  Brown  i  wun- 
der  if  they  is  going  to  grab  me  and  put  the  hand- 
cufs  on  my  rists  and  drag  me  to  the  lockup,  moth 
er  says  she  is  going  to  see  docter  Perry  about  me 
but  i  laff  and  say  i  am  all  rite,  peraps  she  wood  tirn 
from  me  with  lothing  like  Dolly  Bidwell  done  in 
East  Linn  when  she  plaid  it  in  the  town  hall  last 
winter,  if  she  gnew.  jest  think  less  than  a  year  ago 
i  was  going  to  shows  and  having  a  good  time  and 
now  i  am  wateing  to  be  sent  to  stait  prizen.  i  have 
often  wundered  how  fellers  felt  whitch  have  to  go 
to  stait  prizen  but  now  i  know. 
November  9,  186 —  Sunday  again,  it  mite  as  well 
be  Sunday  as  eny  other  day.  perhaps  they  woodent 
arest  a  feller  on  Sunday.  Beany  had  the  docter  to 
day,  i  asted  Lucy  Watson  what  was  the  matter 
with  him  and  she  sed  Docter  Perry  sed  he  was  in 
a  low  nervus  stait.  she  sed  Docter  Perry  sed  if 
Beany  had  eny  mind  he  shood  say  sumthing  was 


268  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

praying  on  it.  the  minister  preeched  on  the  wicked 
whitch  fleas  when  no  man  persuith.  that  wood  be 
all  rite  but  detecktives  is  pursuing  us.  i  wish  he 
hadent  sed  enything  about  it.  i  wish  i  cood  be  let 
alone  in  chirch. 

November  10,  186 —  Pewt  had  the  docter  today, 
he  had  docter  Swet.  docter  Swet  thinks  Pewt  is 
thretened  with  brane  feever.  father  says  that  cant 
be.  he  sed  he  shood  as  soon  xpect  me  to  have  brane 
feever  as  Pewt.  i  think  peraps  we  will  all  feal 
better  when  it  is  over,  what  i  am  afrade  of  is  that 
Pewt  and  Beany  may  go  crasy  and  say  i  done  it 
all.  what  if  they  shood.  i  wood  give  a  milion  dol- 
lers  if  i  gnew  where  them  records  have  went  to. 
November  u,  186 —  Beany  aint  eny  better,  i  went 
over  today  to  see  him  and  see  what  cood  be  did  and 
he  sed  he  dident  want  to  see  enybudy.  i  went  up  to 
see  Pewt  and  asted  old  man  Purinton  how  he  was 
and  he  sed  he  was  getting  no  better  verry  fast,  i 
wunder  if  he  has  heard  enything. 
November  12,  186 —  Pewt  aint  enny  better.  Beany 
aint  et  ennything  but  broth  for  2  days,  i  still  eet 
to  keep  up  my  strenth.  i  am  wurried  about  them. 
if  they  get  two  \veek  peraps  they  will  comfes  and 
say  i  done  it.  i  hoap  they  is  man  enuf  to  keep 
their  othes.  i  am  going  to  keep  mine. 


B.RITE  AND  FAIR  269 

i  forgot  to  say  wether  it  was  brite  and  fair  or 
rainy  or  anything  fer  a  weak,  i  dont  remember 
and  i  dont  cair  a  dam.  there  i  have  sed  it. 
November  13,  186 —  father  keeps  looking  at  me 
quear.  i  wunder  if  he  suspecks  enny thing,  if  i 
had  only  told  him  he  was  a  onery  member  peraps 
i  cood  tell  him  about  things  without  braking  my 
othe.  i  bet  he  wood  help  us.  we  have  got  to  have 
sum  help,  it  wont  do  to  let  Pewt  and  Beany  dy 
and  leeve  me  to  go  to  stait  prizon  alone,  if  i  of 
has  got  to  go  to  stait  prizon  the  hoal  3  of  us  has 
got  to  go.  Beany  and  Pewt  aint  going  to  sneek  out 
of  it  by  dying,  that  woodent  be  fair. 
November  14,  186 —  i  have  gave  up  hoap  and 
dont  cair  now.  i  am  only  wateing  till  a  poliseman 
grabs  me.  i  got  licked  in  school,  it  dident  even 
hirt  me.  it  maid  me  think  of  sumthing  elce  but 
stait  prizon  for  a  few  minits.  old  Francis  says  i 
am  getting  nummer  evry  day.  he  says  if  i  dont 
waik  up  he  will  have  to  waik  me. 

what  is  the  use  enyway.  last  Sunday  the  minister 
sed  evrybudy  cood  get  the  gratest  cum  fort  from 
the  bible  whatever  his  truble  was.  he  sed  open  the 
bible  and  reed  the  first  virse  you  see  and  it  will 
comfort  you.  so  today  i  saw  Celes  bible  open  where 
she  had  left  it.  she  is  reeding  Isiar.  i  dident  know 


270  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

eny  part  of  the  bible  was  rote  by  Isiar.  Isiar  Hanes 
was  probably  naimed  after  him,  well  i  thougt  i 
wood  do  as  the  minister  sed.  so  i  shet  up  the  bible 
and  then  opened  it  and  the  ferst  virse  i  saw  was 
this. 

by  these  3  was  the  third  part  of  men 
killed,   by  the  fire  and  by  the  smoak. 

it  was  in  chapter  9  virse  18  of  Revellasions.  you 
cood  have  gnocked  me  down  with  a  fether.  i  shet 
up  the  book  and  set  down,  then  i  got  out  the 
dicksionery  and  looked  up  Revellasions  and  it  sed 
revollasions — the  ack  of  disclosing  to  others 

that  whitch  was  ungnew  to  them, 
so  what  is  the  use.  i  wish  i  was  ded. 
November  15,  186 —  the  gratest  thing  has  hap 
pened,  i  feel  as  if  i  cood  fli  to  the  moon,  jest 
think  i  am  in  my  room  wateing  for  father  to  come 
and  lick  me  and  i  aint  wurrid  a  bit.  i  have  et  haff 
a  mince  pye  and  i  never  taisted  enything  so  good 
in  my  life  be f oar.  i  feel  so  good  that  i  wood  like 
to  holler,  jest  think  i  aint  got  to  go  to  stait  prizon 
nor  Beany  nor  Pewt.  this  morning  Pewt  and  Beany 
were  faleing  verry  fast  and  the  last  i  heard  of  them 
they  was  setting  up  in  their  shirt  tales  eeting  meet 
and  potatoes  and  pye  and  evrything. 


BRITE  AND  FAIR  271 

well  tonite  father  went  out  and  mother  asted 
him  where  he  was  going  and  he  sed  low  so  i  woodent 
hear  him  up  to  Brads,  i  heard  him  and  i  thougt 
sumthing  was  up.  so  after  he  had  went  out  i 
folowed  on  and  saw  him  go  into  the  paint  shop. 
Pewts  father  and  Beanys  father  and  General  Mastin 
were  there,  so  i  crep  up  where  there  was  a  broaken 
winder  and  lissened.  father  set  down  and  took  out 
of  his  poket,  what  do  you  think,  the  records  of 
the  Terible  3.  i  was  so  sirprized  that  i  neerly  hol 
lered  but  dident.  then  father  sed  well  gentlemen 
i  have  the  infirnalist  record  of  yuthfull  depravity  i 
ever  read  in  my  life,  and  then  he  read  it  and  evry 
time  he  stoped  to  breeth  old  General  Mastin  wood 
slap  his  gnee  and  holler  god  did  you  ever  hear  the 
like  of  that,  the  little  devils,  and  father  wood  holler 
and  laff  and  Pewts  father  and  Beanys  father  wood 
two.  then  father  wood  read  sum  moar  and  then 
he  sed  i  wish  i  had  been  a  member  and  i  almost  sed 
you  was  an  onery  member  but  i  gnew  enuf  not  to. 

bimeby  he  finished  and  sed  there  General  did  you 
ever  hear  enything  like  that  in  your  life  and  Gen 
eral  sed  he  never  did.  then  father  sed  he  suspecked 
us  from  the  ferst  and  peraps  he  was  as  mutch  to 
blaim  as  we  was  becaus  he  stirred  up  old  Ike  and 
J.  Albert  but  when  the  fire  come  he  was  wurrid  as 


272  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

the  devil  althoug  he  felt  sure  we  hadent  done  it 
he  was  afrade  sum  dam  fool  wood  try  to  lay  it 
onto  us.  and  the  very  day  of  the  fire  he  found  the 
records  where  i  had  droped  them,  he  told  Pewts 
father  and  Beanys  father  and  they  thougt  it 
woodent  hirt  us  to  wurry  and  they  told  the  2  docters 
and  the  docters  sed  they  was  all  rite  and  it  woodent 
hirt  them. 

then  father  sed  it  was  only  fair  that  he  and  Pewts 
father  and  Eeanys  father  shood  pay  for  eny  damige 
we  had  did.  and  Pewts  father  sed  as  long  as  i  got 
it  up  father  had  augt  to  pay.  and  father  sed  why 
do  you  say  that  and  Pewts  father  sed  becaus  he 
always  does  get  the  other  boys  into  truble  and  fa 
ther  kind  of  smiled  and  handed  the  records  to  him 
and  sed  whose  writing  is  that. 

and  Pewts  father  looked  at  it  and  sed  hum  haw 
and  that  was  all  he  cood  say.  Father  dident  know 
that  i  rote  them  becaus  i  cood  spel  so  mutch  better 
than  Pewt  and  Pewt  coppid  them. 

then  General  Mastin  sed  Ike  and  Bill  has  maid 
money  by  the  fire  and  these  little  devils  dident  have 
enything  to  do  with  that  and  that  it  cougt  from  hot 
ashes  enyway.  now  i  am  counsil  for  the  boys  and 
i  aint  obliged  to  tell  a  thing  about  them  or  who  they 
are.  a  lawyer  aint  obliged  to.  i  will  put  a  peace  in 


B.RITE  AND  FAIR  273 

the  paper  saying  enyone  whitch  has  sustaned  eny 
damige  from  the  so  called  Terible  3  can  by  proving 
there  damige  under  othe  to  me  will  be  pade.  and 
you  may  be  sure  that  they  aint  a  man  living  that 
will  be  willing  to  sine  the  kind  of  a  staitment  i  will 
draw  up  for  him,  and  General  laffed  and  they  all 
did  two. 

then  father  asted  General  what  his  bill  was  and 
General  sed  hell  the  only  thing  he  wished  was  that 
he  cood  have  been  a  member  of  the  Terible  3  and 
if  father  wood  give  him  that  record  to  keep  to  look 
at  when  things  was  going  rong  to  cheer  him  up  he 
wood  call  it  square,  so  father  give  them  to  him. 
then  i  started  to  creap  away  and  i  cougt  my  foot 
and  come  down  with  a  bang  and  in  a  moment  father 
come  out  on  the  cleen  gump  and  grabed  me.  then 
he  sed  well  sir  what  have  you  been  doing  lissening 
and  i  sed  yes  sir  and  he  sed  you  start  yourself  for 
home  and  after  Clarence  and  Elbrige,  they  is  Pewt 
and  Beany  you  know,  have  had  there  supper  i  will 
come  hoam  and  atend  to  your  case,  so  i  come  home 
and  i  am  wateing  for  him  to  come  and  lick  me  and 
i  dont  cair.  enybody  whitch  cant  stand  a  licking 
when  he  knows  he  has  escaiped  stait  prizon  aint 
mutch  of  a  feller,  gosh  aint  it  good  to  feel  good. 


274  BRITE  AND  FAIR 

November  16,  186 —    brite  and  fair,    father  dident 
lick  me.    it  is  fun  to  be  alive. 
November  17,  186 —    Beany  and  Pewt  has  got  well 
again  and  has  come  to  school  today,    we  have  been 
wundering  if  a  onery  member  had  eny  rite  to  give 
them  records  to  enybudy.     of  coarse  we  dont  cair 
but  we  have  been  wundering. 
November  18,  186 —    brite  and  fair. 


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